I received an email from Lily, who is looking for some romances for a friend of hers who is going through what sounds like a very crappy divorce (not that there are all that many fun and exciting divorces, obviously).
I am looking for some books to recommend to a friend in the midst of a bad divorce. I know romance can often be a sort of…template? Guide? to examining situations and circumstances. The comment she made that I’m looking to resonate with was essentially, “He has hurt me on such a deep level that I literally don’t know if I can ever let someone else in completely.” I would like to give her a book or two that actually deals with that.
I know a LOT (and by lot I mean metric fuckton) of contemporary romances have a hero/ine/both who “got hurt” that one time and has sworn off love. But I can’t recall a single book that actually really examines that deeply, vs just using it as backstory/plot point to have some kind of impediment to the HEA. I can’t recall any that deal not with fidelity trust issues or “I’ve been wanted for my money/looks too much” trust issues or “s/he broke up with me and I will never do the feels again” issues but more the trust you have to give someone not to use your love for them against you. The shit she’s told me about makes all the scenarios I’ve read seem even more flimsy than they did before.
Admittedly I do not read all that much contemporary romance, so maybe the ones I’ve read were exceptions rather than the rule. Even if not I am hoping you’ve either read or heard about a few books that deal with this particular kind of hurt.
Sarah: I want to make sure I understand the query: you’re looking for romances, contemporary if possible, where the hero/heroine but preferably the heroine have major trust issues concerning fidelity to overcome in order to achieve their HEA. Is that right?
Lily: Definitely looking for contemp with major trust issues, though the reason for them doesn’t have to be infidelity. The main thing is having it treated as genuine deep emotional scarring that can’t be overcome by a couple nights of sex and a few words. (historicals would not be turned away if that’s what comes to you as treating this kind of subject seriously.)
Sarah: I can think of a few, but I know y’all probably have many to recommend.
First, Carrie rightfully suggested Fast Women and Faking It by Jennifer Crusie ( A | BN | K | G | AB ). I’d recommend Crazy People ( A | AB ), a collection of short stories and sketches that are connected to her novel Crazy for You.
But in terms of deep pain from the actions of others, Deeper by Robin York ( A | K | G | AB ) might fit, as it deals with the aftermath of revenge porn. And though historicals aren’t what was asked for, Seven Nights to Forever by Evangeline Collins (SB Grade: B-) deals with a hero who is abused by his spouse and is learning to be intimate with the heroine, who is a courtesan.
I know you must have some ideas, too. What do you suggest? We’re looking for books where the heroine or hero are dealing with big trust issues after a huge emotional hurt that undermines their ability to confide in people.
What do you recommend?
Blue-Eyed Devil by Lisa Kleypas – heroine is in an abusive marriage and learns to trust again with help of therapy. Trigger warning: rape & domestic violence
“Shelter Mountain” by Robin Carr.
I think it’s fits the request perfectly.
How about “Not Quite A Husband” by Sherry Thomas? Heroine has *deep* trust issues caused by hero’s behavior at very beginning of their marriage. Their pain (he suffers, too!) is so palpable and the way Thomas brings them back together is beautifully done. Possibly not ideal for your friend given that the couple are married, but it was the book I thought of right away when thinking of the issue of trust.
“The Liar” by Nora Roberts (angelic choir goes ::aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!:)
Give my best to your friend, please.
I think that Catherine Anderson’s latest, “Silver Thaw”, would fit into this category, with the slight caveat that the hero and his entire super-supportive small town are occasionally kind of too good to be true. But I thought the heroine’s very slow and cautious acceptance of the help being offered (and her lingering mistrust of it, due to years of abuse and gaslighting) was well-done.
Shadowdance by Kristen Callihan, although he rather than she is the one with trust issues. But, oh, when he gives it, such a gift.
Also, learning to trust someone seems to run through Molly O’Keefe’s books as well. Currently reading Can’t Buy Me Love wherein he thinks she’s a gold digger, and she has a shady past. I am salivating for the next one, Can’t Hurry Love, wherein both characters have been betrayed. She by her lying thieving husband. He by her lying cheating father.
It might not be quite what you’re looking for since it was the hero who hurt the heroine and who is trying to atone for his past actions (and it’s historical), but there’s also Courtney Milan’s novella Unlocked– the hero bullied the heroine throughout her first Season and made her life a living hell as a way of covering up his own insecurities and feelings for her.
What do you ladies think about SEP’s It Had to Be You? I read it a loooong time ago, but at that time I was really impressed with the heroine’s journey to recovery and trust (not from divorce, however).
I feel sure Suzanne Brockmann does this beautifully (I feel sure Suzanne Brockmann does everything beautifully, it’s true) but I can’t recall which ones.
I have other vagueness to offer in the historical category: Eloisa James is good at this sort of thing, although I can only think of instances where the broken up couple work through their issues and get back together. And my favorite Julia Quinn book is the one where the heroine is dealing with the death of her husband – not the same as a divorce of course, but maybe good? I think it’s To Sir Phillip, With Love. I remember it as the one with the stupidest title, but going back that’s a more tightly run race than I thought.
As another recent divorcée, can I latch on this topic, to ask for some recommendations for a similar situation?
Although the backstory, instead of lying/cheating should be about emotional abuse/manipulation/controlling-ness.
Thank you!
@kkw: The Quinn you’re thinking of is “When He Was Wicked”- it’s Francesca’s book.
Cecilia Grant – two of the Blackshear family chronicles would be appropriate, I think. The first one where the heroine hires the hero to get her pregnant for an inheritance (it’s more altruistic than that – the heir raped a servant, so she wants to protect the staff by having a baby to inherit) – and the one with the heroine who teaches the hero to count cards so he can provide for the family of a dead soldier he commanded. I think those are two heroines who have had very difficult paths, and take a lengthy and challenging journey to happiness – it’s definitely not insta-happiness or insta-healing with either one.
Can someone else add the titles? I have children who unfortunately need to go to school …
Not to be too self-serving, but my book Tib’s Temptation deals with trust issues for the heroine. She is abandoned by her father and betrayed by her partner. In order to survive, she’s turned tricks. She can’t understand how any man, much less a good man, could love her.
I’d suggest a different Jennifer Crusie: ‘Tell Me Lies’. (Spoiler: the cheating deceiving ex winds up dead, which she might find satisfying.)
http://www.jennycrusie.com/books/fiction/tell-me-lies/
Love love love this post. That is actually the reason why I started reading romance – to totally escape the sh*tshow that was my divorce and my ex “meeting” someone 2 weeks after he left…sorry a bit TMI but I can totally relate.
The first books that I ever read as a romance reader while not necessasarily about trust issues we given to me by a friend and I haven’t looked back:
1. 9 Rules to Break while Romancing a Rake (Sarah MacLean)
2. Dark Lover (JR Ward)
3. Bet Me (Jennifer Crusie)
4. The Ice Queen/Mirror of my Soul (Joey W Hill) ****huge trigger warning for abuse recovery here but so good and so extreme***
5. The aforementionned Lisa Kleypas & Evangeline Collins
6. Within Reach (Sarah Mayberry)
Good luck to your friend, she will see the light at the end of the tunnel and even though now is really tough, she is lucky to have such a good friend. My best to her from someone who’s been there.
This is kind of a sideways suggestion, in that it’s more fantasy-with-romance than straight romance and the trust issues are framed somewhat indirectly, but….
Spells at the Crossroads by Barbara Ashford features both a heroine with family-abandonment issues and a male lead with major trust/commitment issues. She’s a laid-off “Helping Professional” who (sorta kinda) accidentally finds herself working in summer musical theater in Vermont; he’s the theater’s artistic director, who happens to be (a) Faerie-born and (b) under a curse. The two books (this is an omnibus edition) represent Maggie’s and Rowan’s collective struggles with their respective emotional issues — ability to trust very much among them — as they become involved with one another. Both characters definitely start from a place of “I’m doomed to be alone forever” and work forward from there as the story progresses.
Besides this focus, the combined books are also very funny and extremely authentic in the portrayal of behind-the-scenes small-scale theatrical operations (Ashford used to be a theater professional and writer of musicals herself). I’d recommend the omnibus on a general level (and have, in various contexts, on previous occasions); it happens in this case that I just finished rereading the first half, and I think it might very well fit the parameters required in the present context.
That said, two trigger-issue notes: the curse on Rowan (the male lead) originates in the aftermath of an acknowledged rape/seduction occurring in the book’s distant past, and a major aspect of Rowan’s Faerie power involves the ability to amplify and manipulate emotional energy. IMO, Ashford handles both these issues very solidly, but in today’s reading environment I’d be remiss not to point them out.
The latest from Julie James, Suddenly One Summer, deals with trust issues. Both the hero and the heroine have issues with their parents they have to face to get to their HEA. I particularly loved reading about the heroine’s therapy sessions as she strove to deal with her panic disorder. SOS looks at trust issues from a slightly different angle that could be a nice change. Also the heroine is a divorce lawyer who is pretty badass.
I just read a Grace Burrowes trilogy that might fit the bill: The Captive (TW spousal abuse, torture), The Traitor, The Laird (MASSIVE TW for child sexual abuse, but it was really good).
@Anna Richland–yes! Those two Cecilia Grant books are wonderful, slow-building romances that explore trust in different ways. The titles are A LADY AWAKENED and A GENTLEMAN UNDONE.
Lily, very best wishes to your friend.
I recommend Mary Kay Andrews’ books…especially her “Savannah” titles, and also “Ladies’ Night”. They feature awful divorces, finding your strength, overcoming adversity, and a LOT of humor and great friendships! Molly Harper also wrote a hilarious contemporary called “And One Last Thing”. Also, Jennifer Cruisie…for the humor, the friendships, and the characters.
I reccomend “My Sweet Folly” by Laura Kinsale. The hero had been betrayed in different ways by his wife and father. In his emotional isolation, he begins a relationship under false circumstances. In addition, he subsequently comes to doubt his own sanity. Laura Kinsale always presents complicated characters, and these two have to slowly work through thier mistrust (she of him, he of himself virtually everyone he ever met.) Although most of the abuse happens to the hero, the heroine has a lot to work through, too. This is a historical, BTW.
Kathryn Shay does variations on the theme of betrayal and reconciliation.
Another vote for the Mary Kay Andrews “Savannah” books for the humor and friendships. Also for the Grace Burrowes’ Captive/Traitor/Laird trilogy for lots of emotion in another time and place.
I’ll add Wind Chime Cafe by Sophie Moss to the list. The heroine has trust issues, the hero is a SEAL with survivor guilt, and a little girl is dealing with PTSD. The story touches on many current issues including returning veterans, PTSD, school shootings, and the pollution and over-development around the Chesapeake Bay. This book has become a comfort read for me and I read it again recently while recovering from surgery.
Reading, especially romance, has brought me comfort through some rough times. I hope it does the same for Lily’s friend.
Samantha Young’s On Dublin Street series is filled with people with various trust issues and really fantastic to read.
Well I think any thing at all by Kristen Ashley.!, Gosh most of the Rock Chick novels, Sweet Dreams of the Colorado Mountain Series, Soaring is the absolute answer to your friend getting her mojo back
My vote would go to “His at Night” by Sherry Thomas (who Jen recommended above). In this one, Lord Vere (hero) has to deal with and overcome his belief that Elissande (heroine) tricked and forced him to marry her. The difference from other romance novels is that this is *not* a Big Mis: Elissande *was* looking to get a man in a compromising position so he’d marry her (albeit for the best of reasons: to rescue her aunt and herself from her vicious, abusive, asshat uncle); and — worse for Vere — she had her sights on Vere’s brother before accidentally snaring him. (She also has to deal with his deception, but for her it’s more waiting for him to admit the truth than forgiving a wrong done to her.)
Someone else mentioned JR Ward, and it reminded me that the third book in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series deals with this topic. It is the hero with the trust issues as he is a survivor of pretty horrific abuse (ALL the trigger warnings) and your friend may or may not be down with the vampires and all, but I remember thinking that this dude was in real pain, and it wasn’t just glossed over like “yay, they had sex and now everything is great.” Wishing her the best.
I have nothing to add to the list that hasn’t already been mentioned except to say, all hail the Bitchery! I love love LOVE that when someone is down and asks for help, this is the helpful and supportive response she gets from the INTERNETS of all places! Only romance readers, my friends! Stay awesome ladies, and I hope that your friend finds some comfort between the covers.
It has been a while since I did a re-read, but I think NR’s Dance Upon the Air (First in the Three Sisters’ Island Trilogy) dealt with this really well. The heroine, Nell, moves to the island after escaping (literally) her abusive marriage and she has to learn to trust herself as well as others.
Someone above mentioned The Liar, but I have to disagree. Yes, Shelby’s husband was an abusive jerk, but I don’t think she dealt with her trust issues at all. I think that the biggest obstacle for her was trying to figure out if she should grieve for the marriage she thought she had with someone who didn’t exist.
I really liked Karen Rose’s Don’t Tell, which is about a woman who is running from an abusive ex and Rose does a good job of weaving the heroine’s issues into the romance with the hero. Her books fall into the romantic suspense/thriller category, so there is a lot of violence in them. If that’s something her friend isn’t into, this wouldn’t be the book for her.
Impulse by Candace Camp was the book that first came to mind when I read the request, but I had to do some searching to find the title. I read it a long time ago, although not in 1997 when it was first published. I distinctly remember the heroine not trusting any men after the abuses she suffered from her husband (she’s divorced in the 19th Century!) and the hero has trust issues as well because he was betrayed by the heroine years earlier.
Camp’s No Other Love deals with a hero who has trouble trusting women in general and the heroine specifically because of something that happened in their past. This is one of my favorite books and is the last in a trilogy from the early 2000’s about siblings that were split up after the French Revolution and presumed dead by their aristocratic, British family.
I know I’m sorta late to the party, but I just listened to an audio book on a road trip with my mom: ‘The Aloha Quilt’ by Jennifer Chiaverini
There is very little romance (light kissing) (I said road trip with my mom…), but it’s about a woman going through a difficult divorce. It’s also about quilting, so yay! The book was refreshing and detailed on the quilting, so I’m not sure if that will transfer well here, but I enjoyed it so much, that I will be looking up more of her books.
Here is a link to her website: http://elmcreek.net/books/the-aloha-quilt
Best wishes.