There have been a number of prominent cover models who are so famous within or even outside of the romance reading community that they’re instantly recognizable. I can spot Ewa da Cruz from ten paces at this point, and Jed Hill‘s abdominals are also quite recognizable as well.
I recently came across some older category romances, and I’ve been playing, “Wait, that looks like…” for a few days now. Come tell me who you think these folks look like, please?
Seriously, you guys, it’s driving me crazy. Who is that guy? Is that Stone Phillips? No, Brian Williams? A perfect meld of Sean Connery and George Clooney? It’s making me a little nuts. I keep staring at the cover with this expression of “Uhhhhh” on my face, and it has NOTHING to do with the fact that he’s groping some woman in a shrubbery while she dries his shoulder with a towel.
Chest hair! Grey forelock! A variation on the shirt-unbuttoned-but-still-tucked-in: now available in DENIM! The midriff bearing Hawaiian shirt action is fascinating, as is the part where she’s thrust her hand into some spindly potted plant (“Does this need water?”).
But the real mystery, aside from WHY IS HE EATING HER FACE?! is… who does she look like? He looks like a guy in great gastrointestinal distress (I don’t think human flesh is good for that, but what do I know?) but she looks like… someone. Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge?
Every last thing about this cover is disconcerting. Where is her right breast hiding? Why are her pants pulled up to her ribcage? How is her hair so perfect in the jungle? Why does he look so bored?
And why does he look eerily like THE HOFF?! (You’re seeing it, too, right, the wisps of Hoffness on his face? I mean, it looks like it was Photoshopped on, but sometimes, so does The Hoff’s.)
Now, I don’t think the folks on this cover look like anyone in particular, but I had to share with you anyway:
Check that lavender crewneck. You know how all these ladies are buying grey ties for their husbands after reading that book? Yeah, to hell with that. Lavender crewneck sweaters are The Hotness now. Act now while supplies last!
I love the look on the face of the lady coming out of the rocks: ‘Excuse me, Charles, but I – AGAIN? You have to do this NOW? On the rocks? In your new sweater? I… I can’t even.’
Am I the only one who sees #3 as John Shea? I mean, John Shea is slightly better-looking, but… Well, so is the Hoff. And I can’t believe I just said that.
The guy in the third one: “Damn. Why isn’t the Imodium working?”
Also, I want my own personal microclimate. Anybody got a link for that?
Cover #1: The 1970s Brawny Paper Towel Guy with a young Denise Richards (circa Starship Troopers).
Can’t believe I’m the only one to see young Burt Reynolds in the first cover. I mean young, pre-mustache Burt.
ITA with the Regis Id- as soon as I read your comment it clicked!
I love that last cover so much. SO MUCH. I’m going to have to write a make-out scene now where the heroine is rubbing hard against the hero’s sweater-clad chest. “The orgasm built as a deep ache between her legs. So close. So *close*. She pressed the seam of her high-rise jeans harder against him, seeking oblivion in the nap of his sweater.”
1st guy looks like Charlton Heston to me
2nd guy…Pierce Brosnan
3rd guy…Alan Thicke
Nothing says, “Take me, you big brute,” like a crewneck sweater, does it? My eyes. MY EYES!
The ghost who appears disgusted by the crewneck sweater-sex looks like Patti Lupone to me.
The woman in #2 looks like Melanie Griffith, or maybe Meg Ryan back in her soap opera days (I think she was in As the World Turns but I don’t care enough to look it up).
Imagine when he wears an old sweater with fuzzy sweater pills all over it.
That would be the peach one, right? Real men wear peach.
Just wanted to say I thought this blog was hilarious. So glad somebody else wonders what the artist is thinking when they draw (?) these covers. And yes, the third one is totally Hasselhoff!
I didn’t think the third was Hoff. I thought the third was the America’s Most Wanted guy—John Walsh. Not now when he’s all gray and statesman-y, but back in the 90s when he was all hip. Or something.
And put me in the Pierce Brosnan camp for the first one.
1. Bill Travers
2. Jim Bracchitta who played Frank Zuko, Ray Vecchio’s nemesis in Due South
3. Dunno but his plastic surgery is showing. Plus, euwww, wrinkly
4. Every male lead in every soap opera ever made. Plus, cunnilingus – you’re doing it wrong
OK, first guy – totally Charleton Heston. Second guy eating her face looks like George Stephanopolis!
The first guy reminds me of Charlton Heston, too.
The second one, the girl looks like a very young Sharon Stone.
Did anyone notice that #2 & #4 look like the same guy? Same open-about-to-consume-flesh mouth expression, same nose & hair?
#1 … Definitely looks like Charleton Heston .. and um, a pale Halley Barry
#2 … I agree with Peter Gallagher .. though I do see Steven King too … or how about Robert Mitchum?
#3 … this hero looks like Charles Bronson which suits the publication date
#4 … ROFL. …. yep, looks like Mitt
Girl in cover three looks a bit like Ashley Judd to me
The Bargain With The Devil Hawaii guy looks totally like German football coach Jogi Loew!
http://www.google.de/search?nu…
The first cover is totally Pierce Bronson…
I don’t remember Tears of the Renegade being about a Tarzan character. WTF is that about? Also, the guy on Bargain With The Devil looks like Javier Bardem.
First cover – Rock Hudson?
#2 is totally Eric Estrada, post CHiPs. And isn’t #4 a young Robert Forster?
That second one is totally Kathleen Turner!
The first guy is totally Will Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation.