There have been a number of prominent cover models who are so famous within or even outside of the romance reading community that they’re instantly recognizable. I can spot Ewa da Cruz from ten paces at this point, and Jed Hill‘s abdominals are also quite recognizable as well.
I recently came across some older category romances, and I’ve been playing, “Wait, that looks like…” for a few days now. Come tell me who you think these folks look like, please?
Seriously, you guys, it’s driving me crazy. Who is that guy? Is that Stone Phillips? No, Brian Williams? A perfect meld of Sean Connery and George Clooney? It’s making me a little nuts. I keep staring at the cover with this expression of “Uhhhhh” on my face, and it has NOTHING to do with the fact that he’s groping some woman in a shrubbery while she dries his shoulder with a towel.
Chest hair! Grey forelock! A variation on the shirt-unbuttoned-but-still-tucked-in: now available in DENIM! The midriff bearing Hawaiian shirt action is fascinating, as is the part where she’s thrust her hand into some spindly potted plant (“Does this need water?”).
But the real mystery, aside from WHY IS HE EATING HER FACE?! is… who does she look like? He looks like a guy in great gastrointestinal distress (I don’t think human flesh is good for that, but what do I know?) but she looks like… someone. Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge?
Every last thing about this cover is disconcerting. Where is her right breast hiding? Why are her pants pulled up to her ribcage? How is her hair so perfect in the jungle? Why does he look so bored?
And why does he look eerily like THE HOFF?! (You’re seeing it, too, right, the wisps of Hoffness on his face? I mean, it looks like it was Photoshopped on, but sometimes, so does The Hoff’s.)
Now, I don’t think the folks on this cover look like anyone in particular, but I had to share with you anyway:
Check that lavender crewneck. You know how all these ladies are buying grey ties for their husbands after reading that book? Yeah, to hell with that. Lavender crewneck sweaters are The Hotness now. Act now while supplies last!
I love the look on the face of the lady coming out of the rocks: ‘Excuse me, Charles, but I – AGAIN? You have to do this NOW? On the rocks? In your new sweater? I… I can’t even.’
1. Charleton Heston
2. A young Stephen King
3. Michael Landon w/ Hoff-like tendencies
4. Mitt Romney
1. Charleton Heston. No doubt there.
2. I can’t place this one, though that might be because I’m either still grossed out by the idea of a young Stephen King or keep getting distracted by his chest hair.
3. Warren Beaty
4. Steve Carrell and MOM JEANS!
especially with the streak of grey in his hair.
I’m seeing Simon Cowell in the third one (right of possession).
1. Pierce Brosnan
2. Peter Gallagher
3. Huff meets Ralph Nader
4. too disturbing to look at
3. Hoff, I mean, durrrr
that also looks like Warren Beatty to me as well.
I couldn’t agree more! I was thinking why is Adam Brody’s dad from The O.C. on that romance cover? (What’s more upsetting? That I remember Adam Brody’s name or that I watched The O.C. in my mid-30s?)
Cover 2 has to be Linda Gray, Sue Ellen from Dallas and #1 guy is Charlton Heston.
These are awesome. 🙂
For sure that looks like James Brolin. No one rocked a beard in the 1980s like Mr. Brolin.
Difficult yet oddly revered in some circles. But it did give me Madonna and the lace head band.
To me #1 looks like a bearded Pierce Brosnan still in his Robinson Crusoe role, and the girl in #2 looks like Meg Ryan in her “Working Girl” days.
In the last one Granddad looks like he’s sniffing the midriff of a dead lady.
Does anyone else think the woman in the first cover looks like Lisa Rinna?
I’m with the Pierce Brosnan group for the first cover.
My curiosity over the last cover has more to do with wondering if the woman is perhaps a member of Cirque du Soliel. She seems to be taking a flying leap followed by a back bend, and really, kudos to him for taking the hit and still having the wherewithall to smell her navel! It’s really quite acrobatic.
The second one looks kinda like Javier Bardem from No Country For Old Men.
Not only is the top guy definitely Pierce Brosnan (it’s the crinkles around the eyes), but the lady rocks a bit of a Stephanie Zimbalist vibe.
Yo, cover artist, come on over to my place; we’ll put on my old Remington Steele tapes…
The first one looks like George Lazenby the failed 007 from Her Majesty’s Secret Service circa 1969. https://www.google.com.au/sear…
The second cover, what’s wrong with her shirt? It looks torn or something…anybody notice that?
http://sveta-randomblog.blogsp…
Right of Possession is Fran Drescher and Charlie Sheen.
First one looks like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
Alas, sadly, the first picture will not load for me, and I really, really want to see Pierce Brosnan from his RS days. SOB!
To me, the second woman looks kinda like Deborah Norville. And there truly must be something wrong with me, because guy No. 3 brings Regis Philbin to mind.
The third guy looks like Pat Sajack, or however you spell his name, to me. The first one does kind of resemble Pierce Brosnan, but Brosnan is far better looking than that cover model. Mmmm….James Bond. And the second guy is definitely Peter Gallagher. Darn it. Now I want to watch While You Were Sleeping and Die Another Day.
That’s exactly what I saw—Warren Beatty circa 1990.
I think the first one is probably Charlton Heston, but I would rate Adam Baldwin a close second!
I thought Charlton Heston (circa Planet of the Apes) for the first one . . . and that last guy is the Aussie James Bond from On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Whatsitsname. George Lazenby.
#2 could be Ron Moss from Bold & The Beautiful. (if you squint)
OMG #3 is Regis Philbin!
Snap Keziah! Just posted below, then saw your comment.
I think the guy in #2 and #4 are the same guy.
Yeah i am in the Charlton Heston Planet of the Apes camp for Book 1… I could also see a dirty Brian Williams narrating the news from the Planet of the Apes in that cover too if I look hard and age his skin.
Close, but how about Robert Stack?
Actually, though the poses are horrifying, my take on the old covers is that at least the men look like men (as opposed to boy-toy models). Of course, the problem with poses has hardly gone away. Anyway, maybe it just shows my age that I prefer chest hair on men?
actually the “Right of Possession” guy looks a bit like Columbo (peter falk)
Omg too funny! My favorite (though they are all fabulous – including the links everyone has provided) has to be the last one. I just love the way she looks like a figure skater whose partner has gotten a little distracted during their routine. Also, why is he so passionately kissing her midriff?
Oh and p.s. I think he has more than a “ghost of a chance” 😛
Yep, me too. And the chick with the missing breast has a Jayne Russel thing going on, it seems like.
The chick in RIGHT OF POSSESSION is wearing shoulder pads… in the jungle. Only in the 80s.
yep. I agree. Pierce Bronson.
How about Michael Ontkean (Twin Peaks) for the third one? http://www.therookies.gr/ontke…
1. I dunno, but I’m totally with Sarah on this. Like it looks like somebody, but- arggh!
2. The blonde from the Facts of Life.
3. John Walsh.
4. Robert Forster. Before he lost the hair.
OK, I am going to totally date myself here, but to me Guy #1 looks like Miles Gloriosus (Leon Greene) in A Funny thing happened on the way to the Forum.