There are levels of trouble in cover art land. There's “a little trouble,” like when the eyes of a cover model's face are Photoshopped a little crooked. There's “a lot more trouble” like a cover with nipples so erect that you could hang ornaments and some garlands off them. And then there's “WTFTROUBLE,” which is where we are today. Brace yourself as we take a look at some covers of “Beautiful Trouble Publishing” which specializes in erotic stories, some short, some romance, some bedecked with Poser. But each one teaches something important, I think. And not just the ages-old lesson, 'Always have the eyewash station handy.'
Now, much of this website is NSFW, but this is extra more NSFW, so be ye warned.
Here is some trouble sent to my inbox by Nicole:
First, there's the cover. He's gonna prick you.
But then, there's the price: $2.25 – and the size, 129k. 129k is SMALL. How small? Check the reviews: four 1-star reviews all complaining about the waste of money since the story takes “5 minutes to read” and that it “was way too short there was no story no plot build up.” One reviewer says the story is about 10 pages long.
So now we've learned: avoid expensive, too-small pricks.
Then there's this one:
What the hell is going on there? Where are her legs? What happened to the rest of her body?
AND WHY IS HIS ASS ALL WRINKLY WHILE HIS BUTTCRACK IS CROOKED?
Well, that might be the most realistic part of the cover, really, all those ass crevices. But you'd think if the woman was going to be sawed in half with Photoshop, they'd have at least given the poor guy a bit of a butt lift.
And yet there is a lesson here as well: Some guys have all the luck, some guys have all the pain, while other guys have women growing out of their thighs.
“Just one… more…finger…so…hungry…. almost…there…..”
This one's obvious: spay and neuter your pets, and for God's sake, feed them regularly!
I can't fault the cover for portraying the woman with thighs like Volkswagen Beetles (TM Chris' Invisible Super Blog) because she is, according to the description, a bodybuilder. But I can call shenanigans on the title, If You Must Wake the Tiger, Use a Long Lick, and on the abuse of Scriptina, which should be outlawed from all covers henceforth and forever.
That said, this cover goes really well with If It's Tuesday, There Must be Dildos, which reigns supreme as the best title ever. Perhaps this is the new wave of advice and fortune cookie fortunes: obscure romance titles. Now we know what to do with Tuesday, and with Tigers!
The more You Know!
I see this every so often on this site. Cover bashing and publisher because Smart Bitches have so much more artistic and literary talent. Then the whole gang jumps in. It’s quite amusing to see all the followers jump in the water after the ball like the golden retriever jumping off the pier. For such “smart bitches,” it seems the followers of this blog really ARE followers. It’s great! I often wonder if all the followers are author wannabes or just standing there with drool oozing out of the corner of their mouth desperately wanting to belong to… something. It’s quite sad really. I’m sure there is a whole psychological disorder that is appropriate for this.. gang mentality maybe?
Wow! It’s really sad to see that people still judge books by their covers. It must be easy to sit back and criticize other people’s work, while you, the perfect human being that you are…oh wait, see that’s it. No one is perfect and sitting back and pointing out any perceived imperfections you come across is actually pointless. How about discussing the content of these books rather than the appearance of the cover art. Maybe some of those who commented so negatively would do well to actually read the words of these stories rather than bash a picture. Hmm…maybe that would take too much effort.
Who sent out the Bat Signal?
There is no targeting involved. If you spent any time looking through old posts to get the lay of the land here, you’d see that cover art mockery is a time-honored tradition with a wide variety of publishers taking some lumps. Three-armed heroine, anyone?
Under the old-but-true cliche of all publicity is good publicity, I suspect this little e-pub will actually gain from this blog post. Because the Bitchery is a large and varied group, and many of us will have never heard of this publisher. And now we have, and being the voracious readers that we are, many will take a peek of what’s to offer and find something interesting.
Oh, and FYI, search on “Pregnesia” if you want need an example of an author handling criticism with style. Just sayin’.
WTF happened? One minute we were all enjoying some fun cover snark and the next somebody apparently called out the attack poodle(s).
This post may have been directed towards one publisher, but that doesn’t mean the readers (and authors) of this blog aren’t aware of other crazy covers. We revel in the crazy sauce of covers. Sometimes we even debate over headless or not covers. And don’t even get started on “zee bucket”. See that little tag at the end, “Covers gone wild (Non Snoop Dog Edition)”? That’s not exactly a new invention.
Budget or no, somebody somewhere looked at these covers, and said, that’s great! Or more likely, well it’ll do.
If you knew anything about this blog, it is all about supporting romance writers and readers. That also includes knowing when to laugh at ourselves. (Sometimes referred to as levity)
And the learning continues!
If one is offended by the discussion of poor cover art depicting, among other things, men who grow women out of their thighs, do the following:
1. Throw another publisher under the bus. Whee! No wonder that first cover was holding a red rose.
2. Point out that epubs don’t have enough money to make great covers, despite the many epublishers that DO make great cover art.
3. Decide we’re all have Some Other Motivation for disliking cover art that depicts strange shoulder growths, prickly man pubes, and men who grow women out of their thighs.
4. Whine.
5. Define criticism as something other than pointing out that there is a WOMAN emerging from the MAN’S THIGH and that she appears to have no visible legs.
6. Repeat step 4.
Did I miss anything?
Come on, people. Sometimes, when a woman who appears to have been erased below the ribcage is growing out of some dude’s thigh, it’s ok to say, “WTF.” In fact, that is exactly what you should say.
I read this site often. I usually don;t bother to read the snark, I read for honest assessment of reading material. Because I have no patience with simple minds I do not read bitchiness for the sake of bitchiness. I do appreciate honest opinions on books before I buy them. In this case, I *DO* know the cover artist and I know what she has gone through to try to get better with time. I know how she felt when she saw this. She didn’t comment. She couldn’t. But I saw the pain it caused her. So I don’t care what you do or say to others. I know this has seriously hurt a friend who’s only crime is not being up to your so-called standards. That sucks. I know all too well how “critics” can sap your joy and drive for something you love to do. Knowing her as I do, I chose to defend her. If you wouldn’t do the same for a friend…Well….
Oh god yes. You could in fact judge what season of MacGyver you were in by the length of his mullet. 😉
“the hours it took her to render to get a particular pose”
So according to you, we should give her an ‘A’ for effort even though they suck?
Let me break it to you gently – all that is difficult, is not valuable. If the end result looks like a duck’s arse, then, well, it’ll get asked to quack.
“judging books by their covers is a poor manner in which to judge anything”
Wrong. Books are a product, and the packaging is an indication of the care taken in producing the product.
Yes, *occasionally* lousy covers belie a great book, and great covers won’t make up for a lousy book.
BUT…if someone thinks that cover no.4 is wonderful, and that someone is a writer or an editor or a publisher, I’m going to be safe in saying their taste is so far different from mine that I’m not risking money on it. If I’m wrong, my loss. If I’m right, then I’ve saved myself some grief.
People generally can’t help their faces. Books are different.
You know my main point was to defend a cover artist, but you are something special. What are you learning exactly? Because the comments here went deeper than discussing the cover art. It got snarky, nasty and mean. I have certainly learned something. You can dish it out but heaven forbid anyone disagree. Because your opinions here are above board, honest, without motive. The original post was biting, but it was a post. It was an opinion. It just got worse with these comments. I didn’t want my friend to stop doing covers, stop growing as a cover artist all because a bunch of bitches needed some fresh meat. What your simple brain fails to comprehend is gang bang bitchiness can ruin a career, tear down a person so completely they may not get another gig, or may lose their passion. And this does not have a thing to do with Red Rose, so slow your roll their oh wise one of- well of bullshit. Whining? Why the hell should I whine I am expressing an opinion, just like you. Why is it you cannot seem to take it?
Dear crazy cover art defenders
I didn’t even look at who the publisher was, not did I care, until you all started piling on with the ad hominems. Then I had to find out who the hell you were.
Now I know that Beautiful Trouble Publishing has some seriously oversensitive cover artists and/or authors and/or fans.
And thanks to that, I will be avoiding Beautiful Trouble Publishing books forever because hypersensitive attack fans turn me off books a lot faster than nutty cover art.
Well done
Yours, AS
Covers are supposed to make people want to read the book, right? So how is it unfair to point out when some covers do the opposite?
Always interesting when folks with NO IDEA come cruising over here and are so shocked and offended by the snark. Of course Sarah is picking on the publisher for some personal reason—because this site NEVER pokes snarky fun at other cover art.
Also just wondering, SB Sarah, whether you’re considering a sock puppet policy? 😉
“What your simple brain fails to comprehend is gang bang bitchiness can ruin a career, tear down a person so completely they may not get another gig, or may lose their passion.”
So…mocking lousy covers is equivalent to rape now?
“Why is it you cannot seem to take it?”
Wait, did I miss that we were participating in The Unconscious Irony Olympics 2012?
Mate, you…I mean, your ‘friend’ may be the kindest, nicest person in the world. But your…I mean, their art stinks. Grow a vagina and learn to take criticism. Oh, and you…I mean, your friend might consider art classes.
Not going to lie…I don’t buy BTP books because they generally suck. It has nothing to do with the covers, which are hilariously bad by the way. I refused to pay $6.00 for a book that takes me one hour to read. And for people saying covers don’t matter, you’re wrong. When you take no pride in the packaging, why would I think you would be any different in the writing. I’ve read about 6 books from BTP and have vowed to never spend one red cent there again. And you have definitely opened a can of worms because their authors encourage readers to gang up on people who don’t leave positive reviews of their work. I’ve even seen with my own eyes some BTP authors solicit good reviews. They’re nutty…
The sock puppets, they are strong with this one.
Okay like you would read the books anyone. And seriously, who died and made you the arbiter of cover art. You are an over opinionated wench with a penchant for the cruel. Whatever I don’t care. Don’t care abotu this site either seeing as how this is the last time obviously I will grace it. But as I stated several times, this is abotu defending a friend who is a hell of a lot better than a lot of bs that is out there. It’s my right you know, as an American. (That was snark, and at no one else’s expense. Imagine.) In my opinion, the lot of you are lacking in something elemental that makes humans a but moral and not complete cannibals. So AS, enjoy your boycott, which is attacking a company for something someone who doesn’t work at the company said which was mean to or about you or your gang of bitches who were busy making fun of the companies cover art – the logic is flawless! But yeah, I am sure they will miss the money you were never going to spend there in the first place.
I’m an author who has proudly published work with Beautiful Trouble Publishing. I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to those who honestly felt like they were giving constructive criticism. I’d also like to thank those who felt moved to defend BTP, its authors, editors and cover artists. I can tell you with no reservations that we are a hard working group. Each of us is committed to improving with every release. We’re also a tight-knit group that loves and supports each other through personal and professional highs and lows.
With that said, I’d like to leave everyone who I didn’t thank with a little wisdom. Karma is a much bigger bitch than the smartest bitch you’ve got. Since many of you seem to be somehow involved with publishing I wish you lots and LOTS of karma. Good old fashioned what goes around, comes around karma.
Elle D. Hayes, Author
Wynter’s Blossom
Negotiating Love
They specialize in interracial which I applaud them for because the big publishers don’t touch the genre much at all. I just wish they were better at it.
You know not all gang bangs are rape. I can see how someone uptight might think so. And honey, I promise you, my friend is the kindest person I know. Sorry but I will freely admit I cannot do CGI or whatever covers to save my life. Wouldn’t even try. And no, no matter how much you wish it were me, it just wasn’t. I wouldn’t have commented if it were. So I don;t need ot take a thing but thank you for the suggestion. I am just not artistically inclined. Are you sweety? Would love to offer critics of your work. Let me know where I can buy some and I’ll do that. Cannot wait.
wow! I open my e-mail and find google alerts with my name all over them and find I’ve started a revolution! LOL Bad Cover Art R Us. *DIES LAUGHING* Yeah, I did the poser covers (and the dude with the rose dick… though, in my defense on that one, it was exactly the way the image appeared when I purchased it with very minor enhancement. And I’m very partial to him cause that’s my preference. :P) I WOULD like to say that the “poser” covers were done over a year ago and I’ve grown as well as learned to use the program a little better.
If you would allow me, Beautiful Trouble Publishing has several of my “poser” covers that I’m quite proud of.
I’ve got covers at Changeling Press as well, my most favorite being the Badland Warrior’s books and Uko’s Choice. I also write for both presses (yeah, that’s my name all bold and proud next to the guy with the wrinkled butt) (okokok, i kinda liked his butt too but then I’m a perv.)
thanks for the publicity. BTP is a great place to work and I’m so very glad to be a part of them. 🙂
Also, thanks to all my girls for the defense. You can’t blame them. They’re protective and caring and the most wonderful women in the world and iIlove them ALL!!! *hugs* I’m SO blessed to have such great ladies in my corner ready to do battle. I make no apology for any of them because they did exactly what I would have done. We just love and support each other like a family.
“You are an over opinionated wench”
Who the hell are you, Long Dong Silver?
“with a penchant for the cruel.”
Ooh, penchant. I do love a man who talks dirty and foreign at me
” But as I stated several times, this is abotu defending a friend who is a hell of a lot better than a lot of bs that is out there. It’s my right you know, as an American.”
Yes, I learned about it at Uni here in Drop Bear Land. The right to Sockpuppet is Amendment 42?
“(That was snark, and at no one else’s expense. Imagine.)”
…there’s no heaven. Imagine if you can…a world with no sockpuppets….
Sorry, I drifted off there. You’re kinda boring, I have to say. Anyway, nice chatting with you, Dong. Have a nice war.
Arrivederci (that’s foreign for, I’ll talk to you again when hell freezes over, or you start making sense. Same thing.)
Ciao bello! (that’s foreign for ‘see ya later gasbag!’)
Dude I totally told you not to do this. Fuck these bitches. Oh I mean, leave them to their very informed opinions. Though honestly, that ASS person thought I was you so thanks for that.
So no work to buy eh? Thought not.
HAHAHA!!! because you’re such a sweet and wonderful sub… err… friend. *blows kiss*
what the hell are you talking about now, you stupid person? Buy what? I’d buy you a clue but you’d have no idea what to do with it.
“I make no apology for any of them because they did exactly what I would have done.”
Thank god. I thought I might be a tad unfair to blame you for their atrocious behaviour, but looks like it was the right thing to do.
Those other covers suck arse too, just so you know. The blow up doll look is so 1990.
Knew I could get you to lose your cool. Have a nice night ASS
So, by “last time I grace it,” you really mean that you’re going to continually check back to see if someone has responded to your latest rantings as an obnoxious American and then write another witty retort that dazzles us all?
I wait with breath that is baited.
art is all subjective so that’s ok. *shrugs* I find it doubtful I’d enjoy your art either since we differ in opinions, but that’s the beauty of America. thanks for looking at the covers though. that’s all i expected of anyone. 🙂
You know that photo that’s making the rounds on Facebook, of the rather large women wearing flesh-colored leggings? I think they stole that for the bottom half of cover #2.
wow i really tried not to say anything but as an african american woman i am gonna need that chic calling people attack poodles to watch her tongue before she gets bit.
snark is all good and fun in the eyes of those doing the snarking, you can hide behind being a group of like minded “bitches” online but you forget that you’re actually acting like a bunch of stuck up high school bitches.
Secondly I SENT OUT THE BAT SIGNAL…just as you have the right to sit around and “snark” I as an author have a right to defend the house I work for, write for and the authors /artist that i would give my very life for. Thats what happens when you forget to keep your prejudice and venom out of the public. You put it out in the public so you should have expected a public response.
But thats what “bitches” like y’all do right…you talk shit about other people and expect that because you’re entitled to you’re opinion and your free speech, that the victims shouldn’t fight back.
you’re probably the same kind of people that sit around wonder what in the hell happened to cause the youth in the world to be so crappy…clue bat = they learn it at home.
you set an example here.
I begged and pleaded with my fellow authors and co -workers not to come to this forum and step in shit. because thats exactly what this is…shit.
What burns more is that SBTB has been a place that i recommended for their smarts and wit but recently i’ve watched as this place turned into nothing but a cesspool of vitriol and venom.
For my sisters/coworkers/friends.
Leave the bitches to their snark. Obviously, they deserve it do they not. Weren’t we just sitting around together less than two weeks ago talking about how good it was to be numbered amongst and surrounded by a group of people who had better things to do than tear one another down.
Haters hate…its their sole reason for existing.
Drea Riley
I might have to bookmark the comment thread here for talks on How to Be Unprofessional on the Internet.
I don’t know why they had to steal anything. After all, they’re showing enough arse for a thousand crappy covers.
“Secondly I SENT OUT THE BAT SIGNAL…”
WELL DONE NOW WE’RE COVERED IN BATSHIT!
I think you and your pweshus pweshus friends missed that the only people insulting any *one* as to any *art* were your lovely flying monkey bats.
You know what? Keep going. At least those covers are truth in advertising. Pyscho art for psycho authors. Perfect.
And there you have it. Ms. Karland responds with humor and grace.
The posse needs to realize they really did her no favors with their rabid attack. Defending a personal friend is admirable, but what did you really think you’d accomplish with the name calling? That everyone would apologize and buy the book to make amends? Have you met the internets??
BTW, I kinda liked the rose dick guy. I like a man who knows how to mix horticulture with manscaping. 😉 But iron out the wrinkles in that other dude’s ass, please!
Wow. All the impassioned pleas and humorless hectoring, followed by the thank-you speeches and congratulatory pats-on-the-back for said pleas and hectoring. Just wow.
I have to say, though, that it must be exhausting to flock from site to site, slaying those who would dare to write a less-than glowing critique about an aspect of your publishers’ artistic treasures. Do you have to carbo-load for that, just to keep up? Because all that furious typing of rebuttals and rebukes must take a lot out of a person. And do you take turns monitoring Google, just in case someone, somewhere, out here in the vast expanse of internet, posts something that isn’t a glowing fan-girl squee necessitating an immediate pile-on of manufactured outrage or do you have an app for that?
Waiting in breathless anticipation to see if I get to be the next windmill you tilt at…
This is just sad. People work hard to give their best and then just because others find it “not to their liking” they tear it down.
I went to this site and checked out their covers. Many are good! Why did you just pick a few and make fun of them? Is there an underlying cause? Or does this blog just like to hurt people? I really don’t get this blatant attack on a publisher and their cover artist/artists.
Indie publishers give authors a chance that the BIG houses don’t. They should get credit for that, not bashed for covers you decide is crap.
Inside those covers there is excellent editing. Isn’t that what is important?
Do you write books? Maybe you do, I don’t know, but in my opinion, a writer/artist/publisher/blogger shouldn’t tear down anyone’s craft.
I was taught as a young child that words are like bullets—they can wound and you can never take them back. Why purposely hurt someone like this?
Like I said, this post just sad. Pity.
Seriously! lol…it’s somewhat entertaining though.
HAHAHA!!! well, that was my book, but i dind’t do the cover, though i really liked it cause… well… like i said. I’m a perv. *shrugs* I never made it past his ass.
as to the other, I really DO love these ladies. I won’t criticize them for defending me or the other artists at BTP. To us, well, we really ARE a family. BTP is a very small house, but we have lots of attitude (duh!) I would do my best to defend them with as much passion as they did me. Does that make me a bad person? *shrugs* if it does, I’ll just drive the bus to hell and accept my fate with a captain and cola and vodka chaser. 😛
I still thank everyone for the publicity. it may not have been what I’d normally go for, but hey! after being in this business for more than 7 years, I’ve come to realize that there is no such thing as bad publicity. I haven’t read all the posts because my eyes start to cross after a while and then my glasses just don’t do their job and it totally screws with my depth perception… which makes for even WORSE covers. So please excuse me if I missed a personal comment directed toward me specifically. I try to respond if I can, but I do sometimes miss things.
Teeka
And I think I have to take back what I said at the beginning of the thread. The bad impression being generated with the shotgun attack on the board may overpower the curiosity to check out the e-pub. Too bad, really. Opportunity lost.