Caption This Cover: Cow Edition

Joanne sent me this cover, and wanted to know exactly what was going on there. I had NO IDEA. 

It's rare that a cover BEGS for captioning, but that poor cow, it is imploring, isn't it? Time to Caption This Cover! 

Submit your caption suggestions in the comments, and like your favorites. The captioner with the most-est will win a $25 gift card to the bookstore of her choice, and the knowledge that imploring cows were given a voice. Or maybe his flat copper penny male nipples are talking? Who knows – it's your caption!

Standard disclaimers apply: I'm not being compensated for this giveaway. Must be over 18 and wearing a shirt to win. Your mileage may vary. Void where prohibited. At least it's not a duck. Replace lid before shaking. 

You've got 24 hours – so caption that cow cover!

Categorized:

General Bitching...

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  1. Fran says:

    “ Tell us how last night went.”

    “It was positively moooving.  Udderly delightful.”  Cowleen’s memory flashed to her recent exploration of new pastures.  Thinking about a hard, silky horn and milky-white, sinuous calves, she replied to her friend Bullinda, “He was very amoorous.  He steered me right over the moon.”

  2. ksattler says:

    Showing the cow’s thoughts in a speech bubble, “maybe now people will stop tweaking MY nipples.

  3. meganhwa says:

    Meet Dave – he’s a cowboy

    Meet Daisy – she’s a cowboy’s equivalent to Paris Hilton’s rat-dog

    No fashionable cowboy should ever leave the ranch without their designer miniature cow under arm

  4. Milly says:

    Little Maddie Moo always remembered her mom’s famous last words, “Why buy the cow, when you can have the milk for free?”  She wondered if that applied to the bull also…

  5. janira Gonzalez says:

    She wanted to milk it to the last drop…

  6. Gillian says:

    He likes them Bossy.

  7. Tina Chaney says:

    snarkhunter wrote:
    Incidentally, I own that cow. My undergraduate institution’s initials are “C.o.W.,” and Admissions had these little rubber cows. It’s the one the guy is holding, only mine is about 5” long.)

    Well, his would have to be more than 5” long or he couldn’t be on the cover, right?

  8. thinofsubstance says:

    It may be her last fling—but she’s going to milk it until the cows come home!

    (Quite a few mixed and mangled metaphors in that one!)

  9. Evelyn Ryan says:

    This is udderly ridiculous.

  10. Kaetrin says:

    Her Last Fling:  HIS milk don’t come for free.

  11. Jezmorrow says:

    I’m right there with you, Bnbsrose! (Call the paramedics.)

  12. Wifeshee says:

    Side O’Beef mmm….mmm…

  13. OhSayNow says:

    His nipples called to mind the flat, dull eyes of a cow.

  14. Kirsh says:

    When he said he’d make me cream, I thought he was just talking dirty…

  15. PamG says:

    OMG!  Is that 50 Shades of Moo?

  16. Fill my cow bank (piggy banks are so last season) and I’ll show you mine.

  17. Robin L Rotham says:

    “On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cow till you come home…”

  18. ashley a says:

    Laura had been enjoying the Little house on the prairie roll playing up until recently, when she began to notice that the cow was getting “milked” more often than she was….

  19. Amelia Lewis says:

    Bronies? *So* last season. We are … the kine-dred.

  20. cleo says:

    Me too.  I went to a school with the same initials, that is – I don’t own that cow. I did have a lovely pair of fuzzy cow slippers though – the main draw-back to going to a school named COW was that all my relatives gave me cow-themed presents.

  21. Kate Traylor says:

    I would absolutely read this story. Please write it!

  22. TodaDevi says:

    Her last fling…and her last chance to win the best teats contest against her two strongest competitors.

  23. Gothamgal says:

    Moo: A tail of Pure Passion

  24. Robin L Rotham says:

    Nebraska: Where men are men and miniature cows are scared.

  25. ROFL Actually the song I’m A Cow has been around since about 2001. But it just goes SO WELL with that one caption.

  26. Astratton78 says:

    2 all beef patties and special sauce

  27. Amanda Silva says:

    Rolf was tired of thinking the grass was always greener.

  28. Aurora85 says:

    She thought she was well used to his eccentric habits of collecting various piggy banks shaped like animals and every hour him singing “Old McDonald had a farm” while baring his copper coined nipples that reminded her of pepperonis from a pizza. However, one day, he had a surprise for her as he walked into a room holding on to a cow shaped piggy bank where you had to pull udders to get the coins, while touching himself between the legs.

    http://sveta-randomblog.blogsp…

  29. Marc says:

    Ferdinand wasn’t sure what was happening but he was going to make sure that the dude knew he didn’t swing that way.  No way was he grabbing this bull by the horns.

  30. JaniceG says:

    No one had ever understood… He’d tried more socially acceptable playthings but he always came back to Bessie – that unruly lock of hair, her cute little horns, her adorable pink lips, they got him every time. But now his parents were forcing him to marry Old Man Mallory’s daughter so this was their last time together.

  31. Copa says:

    He had to have her, completely, legally….
    Her family demanded cattle as her bride price….

    He swore he’d bring them a cash cow if that’s what it took to win her hand.

  32. Copa says:

    I am so sorry everyone, I could not physically stop myself from making the cash cow joke about the piggy bank. I myself groaned at how terrible it was.

  33. Barbara says:

    I’ve got nothing…I am just stunned at the WTFery of that cover. I mean, really? REALLY?!?!

  34. nonesuch says:

    Get ready for HER LAST FLING…the hottest, dirtiest, most deviant threesome this side of the ranch. This will surely be her last, for where else would she find the perfect combination of sizzling smexxiness and cute?

  35. KFoster says:

    Say hello to my little friend!

  36. People were worried that Tomas seemed to be convinced he was engaged to be married to the plastic cow toy, but THEY didn’t know the cow was a duchess!

    Or

    Celia wished the stripper she chose for her post bachelorette party fling didn’t do his act with a plastic cow. She just knew he’d be sending her Farmville requests!

    steph from fangswandsandfairydust.com 
    steph @ fangswandsandfairydust.com

  37. Nancyloughrin says:

    Sorry but it took a while to see the cow, was a little distracted… all I can think of is “Lucky Cow”.

  38. Beccah W. says:

    He took one look into her deep brown eyes and John was lost in his one desire – to make her moo. She flirtatiously chewed her cud as she watched him, her udders longing to be milked by his big, strong hands.

  39. Trudigen says:

    Mmmm, I would love to suck on his udders!

  40. Lauren says:

    Jake was going to butcher poor Wilbur, but Charlotte’s love taught him that some pigs are destined for greater things.

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