Caption This Cover: Cow Edition

Joanne sent me this cover, and wanted to know exactly what was going on there. I had NO IDEA. 

It's rare that a cover BEGS for captioning, but that poor cow, it is imploring, isn't it? Time to Caption This Cover! 

Submit your caption suggestions in the comments, and like your favorites. The captioner with the most-est will win a $25 gift card to the bookstore of her choice, and the knowledge that imploring cows were given a voice. Or maybe his flat copper penny male nipples are talking? Who knows – it's your caption!

Standard disclaimers apply: I'm not being compensated for this giveaway. Must be over 18 and wearing a shirt to win. Your mileage may vary. Void where prohibited. At least it's not a duck. Replace lid before shaking. 

You've got 24 hours – so caption that cow cover!


General Bitching...

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  1. EliG says:

    Bossy knew once she entered the Dairy there would be no chance to experience what the sheep whispered about…

  2. Nita says:

    Bess knew Jake was a breast man, but she hoped it didn’t always take that many udders to turn him on…

  3. wingednike says:

    Being reincarnated as a cow was supposed to be a relaxing gig but it looks like Ginny had one more bull to ride…

  4. Anannya Baruah says:

    She felt like she had been milked dry, but she wanted her last fling before she uddered her final words..

  5. Nita says:

    Er, I meant “an entire udder.” Obviously a cow doesn’t have multiple udders.

  6. Ambi says:

    “Mary had reluctantly agreed to Farmer John’s outrageous ideas in sex toys; she hadn’t even minded the miniature rubber cow. In fact, once she saw just what he was capable of with that cow’s udders, she even became TIT-tilated by it!  But that was then; only for that one unforgettable stormy night they spent together in the hayloft.

    Now, Mary must return to her staid life as the small town’s dairy owner, churning out her sweet cream for all the townsfolk. If only Farmer John didn’t insist on carrying around that incriminating cow with him everywhere! And if only the imploring cow eyes didn’t burn into her breast, reminding her of… HER LAST FLING!”

  7. Inez Kelley says:

    Everyone said “Why buy the cow when the milk’s free?” but Buck knew that there was more to Elsie than just dairy. There was BEEF!! 

  8. Carol says:

    Gotta love a man who is not lactose intolerant! Even if he has to carry a plastic cow to prove it.

  9. Jeremy belatedly discovered that there was more to being a stud than he thought.

  10. In the battle of the mammaries, Jeremy was going to milk that sucker for all it was worth.

  11. nonesuch says:

    Struggling to rise above her unnatural obsession with half-naked men carrying piggy banks, Keira vowed to try something different…

  12. Ceci says:

    Seared by the fire of his passion, would he ever get enough of her tender loins?

  13. Mirandaflynn says:

    “And that,” shuddered the delicate and beuteous Sister Eleanor, “Was my last fling. When I saw him with the cow, I knew my life was on the wrong path.”

  14. Mirandaflynn says:

    Let the other guys laugh, Jake told himself. They were just jealous because they only had wingMEN.

  15. Tina Chaney says:

    Other djinn had caves, lamps, or even bottles to rest within between wish-granting gigs.  Omyad had a plastic cow.  Sometimes, a genie stranded on a sweet widow’s dairy farm in the middle of Wisconsin has to do what, and who, a genie has to do.

  16. Booklight says:

    Rafe was pretty sure “moo-ning” meant dropping your drawers, and he tucked his thumb in the waistband of his boxers to get ready. But he brought along a cow just in case.

  17. Amanda Brown says:

    Rosie has been with all kinds of men with fetishes..feet,toes, leather, finally she has met the man of her dreams…barnyard animals

  18. Alexandra says:

    Eric had had a different kind of milking in mind …

  19. Fullybooked42 says:

    Hey diddle diddle Bessie realizes her dream of jumping the moon.

  20. Zodiac_lung says:

    After you milk my man-udder, darling, you can milk my little friend here.

  21. Anony Miss says:

    She knew she shouldn’t have asked for a half-naked cowboy for her bacherlorette party. But Amelia Bedelia insisted.

  22. Deb G. says:

    Ben couldn’t decide which he liked more – milky teats or creamy thighs. Then he realized his perfect woman really did have both…and she’d never take offense at being called a cow.

  23. Michelle R. says:

    Something about Biff standing there in the doorway, sleepy-eyed and snuggling a childhood friend, mooooved her.

  24. Sabbyc72 says:

    His milkshake brought all the girls to the yard.

  25. Sarah W says:

    Werewolves are so last season.  And that’s no bull.

  26. BellaBetty says:

    I tried to tell you-It’s Fling a cow Patty, not a Cow.

  27. Christina says:

    Great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy cows come from him.

  28. PamG says:

    Ever since Ferdinand had gone to that great pasture in the sky, Elsie had been lonely.  Still, who would have thought she’d succumb to some headless man titty with droopy pants.  Nothing had ever mooved her more than the milk of human kine-ness.

  29. LJmysticowl says:

    They say milk helps strengthen bones, but it was the cow that had Frank’s bone growing strong.

  30. JT Whitehall says:

    Eat mor chikin.

  31. Christina Taylor says:

    She mooved him.

  32. Milk. It does a body good…

  33. JJ says:

    (from the cow’s perspective)…I get to milk those AND have a six pack when I’m done?!

  34. Jenny Lyn says:

    If you rub it, I will come. In herds.


  35. His milk was no dud…

  36. Rae Carson says:

    The other red meat.

  37. His momma always told him don’t buy the cow if the milk comes free!

  38. bookstorecat says:

    Ride ‘em, cowboy…

  39. All Bessie could think was “do sexual harrassment laws work in favor of stuffed cows?”

  40. Anannya Baruah says:

    Okay, so this one us glaringly obvious, but I just have to say it.

    “Got milk?”

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