So thanks to many people on Twitter and in my email inbox who helped me with my lost cover image of blue flames from naked man ass. It’s honestly surprising that I would misplace such an epic piece of WTFery. But you know what’s even more surprising? How many flames emerge from various asses on book covers! There are a lot of combustible backsides in romance cover land, y’all. I’m not sure what that says about us, other than we like Hot Ass.
There’s regular flame:
And blue smoke:
Blue and green smoke in the front, but not the back:
And swirly gas that’s sort of greenish (I think when you can see your own farts, it’s time to see a doctor):
But alas, none of these were the blue flaming naked man ass that I was looking for. It was blue! It was flaming! And it was most definitely naked man ass. Then, thanks to @quellthesparkle and @lauren_fraser, I have FOUND the cover now permanently known in my brain as The Last Airbiscuit. You ready?
Feast your eyes on this!
There are blue flames shooting out of a naked man ass! I am so glad my memory didn’t do me wrong, though my eyeballs are really quite put out with me. So, what is there left to do but have a contest!
It’s time for Caption That Cover! In the comments, leave your best caption for the Blue Flames of Naked Man Ass (aka The Last Airbiscuit) and I’ll pick the winner. Winner will get $25 gift credit at the book store of her choice, and, of course, the people’s ovation and fame forever.
Comments will close in 24 hours. You’re welcome to pimp your favorite in the comments and yes, you can enter the contest more than once. What, with blue flaming ass gas, I would limit you to one entry per person? Puh-leez. Standard disclaimers apply: I am not being compensated for this giveaway. Rode hard, put away wet. If there was a problem, yo, I solved it – or Twitter did. Contest open to international entries. Void where prohibited by law. Void where inhibited by raw.
Have at it – and thank you to everyone who pitched in to help me find the flaming blue naked man ass. You have my eternal flaming gratitude.
cunnilingus. dur.
captcha34 because it’s likely that I’ll misspell something 34 out of 35 times.
“Fire in the hole!”
or
Wolf: “Get a load of this f*ckin guy!”
“He never expected to find that lighting his farts on fire would have such spectacular results”
Roses are red
My ass-flames are blue
I light my farts
To try to impress you.
It worked in high school
My date for the prom
I captured her heart
With my blue ass-bomb
I’ve burned all my clothes off
I’m risking my life
I’ll burn this forest down
If it will make you my wife.
LOL @ “Behold my butthurt”
and “Don’t it turn that brown eye blue”
Man (singing): I’m a rocket maaaaan, burning out my fuse out here alone!
Wolf: Alone? Dude. I’m right here.
Stephenie Meyer felt that sparkling vampires weren’t quite enough, so she decided that all werewolves fart methane.
“Little did the naked man know, but the wolf he considered his animal companion was really a female shapeshifter, and she was not impressed. Her brothers regularly cracked blue flame, and his was barely a 2.4 on the family scale.”
or
“The Burning Blue Gas That Shakes the Bare Ass”
(Didn’t want to, but I had to.)
As I mentioned previously, “Alpha dogs don’t sniff each other’s butts”.
“Oh,Wolfie,I should have listened to you about ordering that smurf salad….”
1. “When I bite into a york peppermint patty…”
2. Mentos: the fresh fart.
3. Wolf studied the delicious figure before her, perplexed by his desire to demonstrate the awkwardly impressive skill of blowing lake water out his ass. For the life of her though, she could not erase the image of how he got it in there in the first place.
The gasman doth cometh too much, methinks.
The Mating: Could his “nocturnal emissions” melt the ice around her heart?
FTW!
@Cheryl -lovely poem!
A Silent Wind Beneath:
In a land of immortal hungers and passions it lurks in the night, the Society of the Silent Wind. This group of assassins is silence but deadly. Creeping up on you until it blows your pants off and there is nothing left. At the moment that you think you are safe they come up as a deadly wind in the night.
*In rare instances, men reported burning of the loins. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to the Mating, to other factors such as naked man ass, or to a combination of these. If you experience sudden fire coming out of your ass and a sudden appearance of a random wolf, stop the Mating and call a doctor right away.
It took a lot to create the right kind of atmosphere, from hiring a wolf trainer to eating blue food coloring tablets for weeks. But when it all comes together, the results are explosive!
The Blue Brotherhood
A series of the Scent
Coming from behind is the enemy you do not expect. Creeping through the sheets and over the mountains come the sect of immortal hunters The Blue Brotherhood. Like a gentle caress their powers of persuasion and lingering scent can overpower even the greatest of us in time. Be prepared.
Gabriel knew things would never be the same now that the unmistakable signs of his royal heritage had *erupted* at last: the blue flames of epic propulsion gave him the speed of no ordinary man, the Shimmering Glacier Lake had finally thawed, and the wolf princess Grayta had arrived to claim him as Master and Mate.
Cheryl: That becomes even funnier when you imagine it to the tune of the Aqua song. 🙂
“Diarrhea can feel like a fire raging inside you. Our new Wolf Balm can help with this embarrassing condition.”
“Smurf cuisine may produce intestinal distress in humans.”
“Trust me, dragons are the next big thing in paranormal romance heroes. I’ve got this scene in mind for when the heroine sees his true nature, it’s kind of based on the sparkling scene in Twilight….”
Im not into these flamey butt ebook covers. Could one even get away with that in a book store? I really miss the classy ones with ghost arms and faces drawn too close to bare man titty.
haha my word was effects62, effect 62 must be blue butt gass.
“I call this look ‘Blue Steel.’”
He had a headache, so she gave him an assburn.
Hey folks, this is why Dragons should never use the “little blue pill.”
(He really does look like he’s contemplating his junk…)
An Elvis theme:
Blue Havarti (Who Cut the Cheese?)
Blue Christmass
Blue Suede Poos
Wolf: “Don’t look at me, man. I used Beano. And I’m upwind.”
Oh man, I’m never using jet fuel for lube again.
Congratulations. I just spit my lunch all over my monitor just seconds before the CEO walked in. And I haven’t even gotten to the comments yet.
I was inspired to add another entry by a line in a book I was reading last night…
” he was so aroused he was leaking” bahahahaha
– The Last Airbiscuit: Four women. One flaming blue ass.
– Abandoned by the family that would one day need him
Raised by a pack of wolves that would give him a reason to live
He was the only one who had the power to control the Flaming Blue Ass
Would it be enough to save the world?
– Nothing and no one anywhere was going to stand between them ever again, not even his flaming blue ass.
– How could Angelique know what blue danger lurked beneath his perfect skin or that she was about to unleash a fiery passion in his backside she might not be able to control?
Man: I’m practicing to learn how to blow lightning bolts out my ass like my hero William Wallace.—Wait, I think I have it on the wrong setting…
Provided 39: This blog has provided at least 39 minutes of absolute hilariousness!
Silent But Deadly
“What the hell’s going on down there?”
Wolf in the Fold
Dreaded warlord Invernus Azul had a reputation for being cold, aloof, a lone wolf. No one suspected the blazing inferno of passion that lurked just beneath the smurfass.
Cursed with extremely hot ass powers, Blue Flames of Naked Man Ass cuts himself off from the world because no one can handle his heat. After many years of isolation, Blue Flames begins to believe he will never escape his cerulean loneliness. Can Blue Flames’ mate find him before he succumbs to combustion? Does his mate exist? Why is a wolf standing there? Unable to find answers, Blue Flames can only stand in the waters and ponder the size of his penis. Little does he know that the only thing he needs to find love and happiness (and a good rimming) is a fire extinguisher.
“Hello ladies! This is the ass your ass could flame like…”
…and I totally missed out a Very Important Pronoun!
*laughs*
“Hello ladies! This is the ass your man’s ass could flame like…”
Although, I suppose that even in a veritable avalanche of smart bitches, it’s not impossible that some of their men might be asses…
Hello there. Does your man’s ass flame blue like mine? No! Do you wish it could? Yes! Try new Old Spice Methane!
Smells like Teen Spirit
Smoke on the water,fire coming out my #ss