There are a lot of romance bloggers and book bloggers and I’ve met many many people since Candy and I started Ye Olde Bitchery. Among the very best of the best is KristieJ. KristieJ is amazing: she’s funny and sharp and witty and such a fan of the genre. She’s easily one of my very favorite people to visit with when we’re at conferences.
But not this year. THIS YEAR it is ON. KristieJ has called into question my ability to identify a mullet. WHA-WHA-WHAAAT?! I live in New Jersey! I grew up in Pittsburgh! When I met him, HUBBY had a mullet, albeit a curly one. I read romance novels and have amassed quite a collection of be-mulleted man-titty cover art – HOW could I not be able to truly identify a mullet?!
KristieJ is not impressed. She is from Canada, land of hockey. Her sons were athletes, and she knows from mullet, she says. She has collected a…dare we say… millieux of mullets and the gauntlet has been thrown.
So we devised a contest, and YOU must pick the winner, and more importantly, the loser.
Below the fold here and over at KristieJ’s Ramblings on Romance are a selection of mullets. The very best mullet pics we could find from our respective countries. Your job: pick whose collection of mullets reigns supreme. The wager? Whoever loses has to wear this wig at both RT AND RWA 2010 in public for at least two hours, preferably in the bar.
Oh, yes. It is ON. Mullet identification is ON THE LINE, to say nothing of national pride. It’s bigger than US Olympic Hockey, it’s bigger than anything. It is US vs. CANADA, Sarah vs. KristieJ: THE MULLET SHOWDOWN. Remember: when you pick the winner, you pick the person who Does Not Have to Wear the Mullet.
One of us is going to be mullet-champion, and the other will be be-mullet-ed. Bring it on, y’all, and help us declare Whose Mullet Collection Reigns Supreme?
I must defend the American Mullet, a hairstyle of pride and honor and bombs bursting in air.
First, a little hometown pride: Pittsburgh Penguins Mario Lemieux, and Jaromir Jagr, sporting absolutely majestic hockey mullets. WHY the Stanley Cup doesn’t have one, I couldn’t possibly tell you. but this alone demonstrates my understanding of the mullet millieux.
Now, the mullet is the unofficial haircut of New Jersey and there are plenty of examples from the fine Jersey shore. It’s a pity I don’t have a few weeks of hot weather, a camera, and some time at the beach, because I could get some live action mullet shots that would put this contest to bed in a hurry. Pity we don’t have showdowns about back hair, because there’s plenty of that, too.
But let’s move on – to neighboring Pennsylvania. John Kruk, formerly of the Philadelphia Phillies, combines that fine mullet of wavy hair with a beard:
There are few things better than a baseball mullet, really… except when that mullet is worn by a man whose name is Randy Johnson. Behold: it has style, grace, and movement! A well conditioned mullet is a beautiful thing.
Lest you doubt the state of the Randy Johnson mullet, here’s another picture of it, sans ballcap:
In other parts of the world, there’s just hockey and baseball mullets. Here in the USA, we have… MacGyver Mullets, worn by television stars and romance novel cover models alike:
The US also boasts many, many celebrity mullets, like Kevin Federline, who combined cornrows and mullets and… I really don’t quite know what to say about that.
There’s the amazing hard-rocking badass mullet… when the man who wears it is so cool, the mullet is entirely excused:
But what puts the American Mullet over the top in terms of sheer beauty is that we, here in the US of Awesome, boast the King of All Mullets, Mr. Billy Ray Cyrus.
There’s the Frost and Tip Cyrus Mullet:
And, for bonus romance action, the shirt open, chest-hair-regrowing, three-foot-long mullet of amazingness. Cyrus style is truly a US Original.
I had to vote for Kristie’s collection – Wendel being the first pic cinched it right there. I mean, just the age of the photos proves that Canada pretty much invented the mullet!
There’s also Kim Mitchell who could be used as a Canadian rock star mullet representative.
Now I’m thinking of all the possible celebrity mullets you could show, this is not a good start to my day…
And here are few Sarah didn’t even include:
Mel Gibson
http://www.ladamania.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/gibson.jpg
Tobey Keith
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000001DXU.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
The Hoff
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__fOYh5zaBsQ/SD7WDukjuxI/AAAAAAAAASs/Ct4e_3ds0Tk/s400/david-hasselhoff.jpg
But I’m beginning to wonder *cough*, if Susanna isn’t right. Is winning a good thing?
It’s SB Sarah! Come on. You can’t *just* rely on ice skating. 🙂
USA! USA! USA!
I want eye bleach for that Toby Keith picture. The country music mullet is alive and well here. Mullets are not just for men either, I saw a whole mom-dad-son mullet trifecta at Wal-Mart the other day. It amazed and terrified me.
I almost had to give it to Canada for Bret Hart and Kiefer but Billy ray’s highlights out-cheesed them both.
I’m sorry but maybe the US has more famous Mullets but holy crap, here in Toronto, I see Mullets every time I leave the house. There are Mullets coming out of this pub called the Brigadoon (a Mullet name, if I ever heard one) my hubby’s best friend STILL has a Mullet (these guys are 47 years old). Mullets are like trees up here in Canada, eh?
BTW, I’m a little disappointed in the mullet wig up for wearing. That is not a deluxe mullet wig…this is a deluxe mullet wig. http://www.scavengeinc.com/deluxe-mega-mullet-wig-more-colors-available-p-2827.html
And what’s even scarier is I saw a dude with this exact hair cut in person strolling through our local Fred Meyer, a case of beer under each arm, wearing a sleeveless red plaid shirt over a wife beater tank top that barely covered his beer belly, and sporting a full beard to go with said mullet.
No one, and I repeat NO ONE matches the strength of the Billy Rae redneck mullet. MacGyver is the smart, sexy alternative. And Mel Gibson
I think US wins it on attitude alone.
Right—the trick about a mullet is that it has to be a deliberate haircut, not just a standard cut that’s grown out a bit too much. Even my short haircut can look a bit mullety if I haven’t had time to get to the salon, and it is NOT A MULLET! No no no. So I do agree—sometimes mullets on covers here are incorrectly identified.
And while I appreciate the businessman mullets being sported by Team Canada—as mullets tend to appear more frequently on, let’s just say NON business suited types here in the States—I do think the Team USA collection is superior.
That being said, I think they should take turns wearing the wig or both wear a wig. There’s no winner and loser in this competition, there’s only the glory of the mullet.
Sheesh! If Elvis Stojko was sporting a mullet, then SBSarah should have been able to claim Kirk Cameron on Growing Pains. Same hairstyle. And I question whether that truly was a mullet.
Curly, greasy mullet takes me back to those delightful high school years when I had a crush on a guy with a curly, greasy mullet. Back in those days we loved mullets! Wonder when they’re coming back in style…. I could use a good laugh.
The Mullett Wig is awesome!!! I don’t know if Kevin Federline should be classified as a mullett. Maybe if he left the ends of his braids out.
Besides the fact that I am an American…I have to go with the superior quality of mullets provided by Sarah. I find some of Kristi’s samples to be questionable in their true mulletness. Namely the much mentioned pink spandex example and the two ice skaters. Whereas Sarah only had one hard-rockin’ mullet that was questionable. Beyond the pictures, having grown up in the deep south where the mullet, not unlike the War of Northern Aggression, will live on forever.
Spam Wrod: fear49 – oh yeas on a scale of 1 to 10 my mullet fear is a 49!
The Mullet is alive and well in the ‘Burgh. I saw a guy the other day sporting one complete with the shaved designs on the sides ala “Jersey Shore”. I also saw a little boy in camo Tshirt and shorts with the front completely shave and the most fabulous “rat tail” mullet tied back. Haven’t seen that one since grade school.
Nobody beats Billy Ray for the ultimate in mullets!
Who could miss Dog The Bounty Hunter. After Billy Ray, he was the next one to come to mind
http://www.dogthebountyhunter.com/
Stand in any Wal-Mart in the south and probably within 15 minutes, you will have at least one walk in….
I’m afraid I had to vote for the US mullets—the CAN photos were really more what I’d call baby-mullets. For classic mullet, Billy Ray really reigns supreme.
Of course, for modern day sexay mullets, there’s no better representative that Dog the Bounty Hunter. I especially like the spiky mohawk-tude going on in front. Dog The Bounty Hunter sexay pose
MacGyver mullet – win!
Plus, the pink-spandex guy has just long hair, not a mullet.
So, my vote goes to the USA mullets… 😉
Mullets are hot sexy time. You really need to peep some of the hot south of the border Mexi-Mullets that are so very prevelant here in San Antonio. Fiesta is next week and I just KNOW the Conjunto Music and plastic longneck beers bring out all the hibernating Mullet-heads
We need some female mullets in here too people. Classic Wynona Judd and Rosey O’Donnel? My sisters!!!!
MacGyver!!! Loves me MacGyver. Totally voting for USA because of him.
Plus, other commentors are right, USA has way more “good”? mullets that Canada.
Your collection of mullets is definitely better, but I agree with her that sometimes you are too liberal with the term when critiquing covers.
I’ve got to go with the US collection being better. It was kind of a tie for me until Billy Ray. There’s just no competition there!
There is no beating the U.S.A. with the great American mulleted heros; Billy Ray and MacGyver!
U.S.A.!
U.S.A.!
U.S.A.!
Though did the Canadians forget about their true Mulleted hero; Rowsdower?!! I may be the only MST3k fan who remembers this though! 🙂
http://www.rowsdower.com/rowsdower.jpg
Oh my, K-fed vs. West Greasy mullet… being a southern MD girl (home of many, many mullets) I have to say that K-fed wins (and I don’t even want to know what he was thinking)… GO SARAH!
The American mullets win hands down, but I bet Chuck Norris’s mullet would kick all their asses.
Ahem. Let’s try that again:
The American mullets win hands down, but I bet Chuck Norris’s mullet would kick all their asses.
Hm. While, technically, the MacGyver mullet may be an extension of the hockey mullet (by virtue of RDA’s hockey propensity), the sheer pervasiveness of mulletness in the US (ice and non-ice sports, wrestling, Hollywood, music, etc.) as opposed to Canada (in which the mullet seems to be limited to ice sports and wrestlers) makes the US version a winner. Though, to be fair, I think Australia has a serious contender in the Rick Springfield 1980s mullet.
PS – spamword is distance33. As in, I prefer to be 33 miles from the nearest mullet.
No contest.
Billy Ray and MacGyver are the best that mullet-world has to offer. Sarah’s the queen. And as much as I’d LOVE to see her in that Secksy wig, I can’t vote against my conscience.
Oh and I grew up in the south, the capital of mullet-land. Where some WOMEN wear mullets still to this day. Mullet is an art form so we live with it and only snicker behind closed doors.
A valiant effort from KristieJ, but I don’t think there’s any question that Sarah (and, by extension, the US of Awesome) is the clear winner. I mean, the Canadian mullets were awful, but they have nothing on the tragedy that is the ever-popular (and varied) American mullet. Sarah should win on sheer variety alone, even if she didn’t pull out the big guns with the femullet. Plus, we do have the undisputed king on our side. On the Mario debate: Sorry Canada, but he belongs to Pittsburgh. He came to us willingly, he’s ours, and you can’t have him back!! As for the origin of the mullet, if Canada wants to claim it, have at it, but I see evidence (sadly) pretty much every day, that here in the US we’ve perfected the art.
Sarah hands down! What a variety! (I couldn’t help but think some of the Canadian hockey players hardly counted as mullets, though they do…)
I have to agree with K’s comment on that previous book cover has a long all over look, rather not cut for a while than a mullet…
The pink greasy guy looks like long hair all over to me too.
Hey, what about the shag? Isn’t that a female mullet? (The MacGyver look!) =)
Entire69: I’ll get on that!
I nearly went with Kristie because I think Canada beats the US for sheer number of mullets currently in use by its citizenry. But the mullet wouldn’t be what it is today without Billy Ray and thus my vote goes to Team USA!
Though admittedly, Sarah lost a few points for the absence of George Clooney and John Stamos in her lineup. They are superb examples of the US mullet…
as impressive as southern mullets are, you do not get uglier than a Quebecois mullet. there is a woman at the bus terminus who, from the front, has closely cropped curly greying hair. then she turns around and she’s a got a foot long tail of bright yellow curly hair growing from the nape of her neck. I stare every time, I want to take pictures of her. I mean, Americans had mullets in the 80s but Canadians? we STILL have mullets!
Oh dear, sweet, naive Jane. I see mullets every day & twice on Sunday (which is idiom for ‘can’t escape the blasted things, they’re everywhere’). I’m half-expecting to see a dog with a mullet any day now.
antispam word: nearly96, I wish that there were only nearly 96 of the things, w/in a 15 minute radius.
You’re missing two classic Canadian mullets:
Geddy Lee of Rush
Lawrence Gowan
Both from the fabulous Rate My Mullet website!
May I present the arch-bogan Poiter. (Otherwise known as Eric Bana before he was famous.)
Well, my lady boner just wilted.
No question: Smart Bitches FTW! You had me at the cringing and the MacGyver.
Billy Ray has the mullet that will not quit, and MacGyver…oh my. RDA + mullet + can defuse a bomb with chewing gum, a shoestring, and a piece of duct tape?
The US is the clear winner.
Dang!! The problem with a job that is busy is….it keeps me busy and thus no time to wade in and battle for the Canadian Mullet. To Theresa who brought up Mel Gibson – he can’t count. His was an Aussie version – he’s not American but Australian – where I long to go – not to see Mel though.
And I see Eric Bana was mentioned – he’s also another Aussie.
And Tracy – I did find other pics of Elvis with mullet – but I was going for the whole package *g* – including the shiny skating duds.
Oh, hon. You started your challenge with a point to the enemy. Mario Lemeiux is Canadian, dear, and Jaromir Jagr cannot count for a US mullet because he is, in fact, from Czechoslovakia. So I had to vote against you mainly because of that.
But I’m sure you’ll rock that mullet!
No one beats Billy Ray Cyrus in the mullet challenge!
Like I mentioned over at KristieJ’s – this is impossible! Canada gave us The Great One and Barry Melrose (whose mullet and wardrobe are illegal in at least 23 U.S. states) – but dang we Americans have Billy Ray Cyrus and you just had to throw in a picture of Krukie didn’t you? Impossible!
Either way, this contest is full of awesome. And I’m not just saying that because I’ll be at RWA and will be able to point and laugh at the loser 🙂