Author Jennifer Haymore has posted on her blog that she’s been diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and is beginning treatment, which is a long, arduous and utterly not fun road. I wish her every happy ending to this story, and a collection of absolutely fabulous hats during her treatment.
To send positive thoughts her way, I’m going to give away five copies of her latest book to five random commenters. I think just about everyone knows someone who has battled cancer or an illness that requires treatment almost as bad as the illness itself. So what’s your best advice or best wish for Jennifer? Any tips on surviving the survival part? Popsicles and romance novels? Super soft slippers and macrobiotic meals? Bring it on. I’ll select five winners and send the books.
[Disclaimer: I’m not being compensated nor is anyone else funding the giveaway. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Your mileage may vary. Many bags look alike. Cancer blows.]
I hope you kick cancer’s ass, ma’am.
ETA: Lisa Heermann has sent over her pathfinder entitled Cancer Resources for the Innocent Bystander, which she mentioned in the comments below. It’s a guide for anyone who faces cancer as the non-patient.
She also included a .BMP file for an easy-to-make cancer cap for patients, which she says are comfy enough to sleep in.
Right click and do the download thing, please! And big huge thanks to Lisa.
ETAII: The Mama Writers have a post up about breast cancer awareness, including breast self-exam instructions. If you’re not grabbing your own boobies, you should be.
Which inspired me to create this: Grabbin’ My Boobs. Savin’ My Life. You can customize the size, style, and color of the shirt, but all proceeds from the sale will be donated to the Young Survivor Coalition.
Another military spouse in our reading group just celebrated her first anniversary of beating cancer. She credits
http://www.throwoutfiftythings.com/
with helping her to address the emotional issues.
We’ll keep Jennifer in our thoughts and prayers.
Best of luck and all good wishes to all of you who are dealing with this. I’m going to be taking my best friend to her chemo treatment tomorrow, actually, so this has been on my mind.
Sleep as much as you need to, eat as much as you can, don’t be too proud or too considerate to ask people for the help you need, and more than anything else, ask every question you have, even if you have to ask them multiple times, until you are confident that you thoroughly understand the answers. If you don’t have the energy to have the conversations with your doctors/nurses, then give a list of them to someone who will come with you and be persistent on your behalf. (Sorry for the emphasis; it’s just that I’m extraordinarily frustrated at the moment because of my friend’s lack of complete knowledge about her treatment.)
Jennifer Haymore’s courage in sharing the news of her illness and her commitment to getting well are awe inspiring. If her fiction is half as compelling as her blog entry, she’s a brilliant writer and I’m buying her books as soon as I hit ‘submit’.
The outpouring of love, good wishes and sound advice from everyone here is profoundly moving.
My captcha is ‘live15’. Oh yes!
Queasy Pops helped my friend through morning sickness and my cousin through chemo. Here’s the link
http://www.threelollies.com/
My prayers and positive thoughts to you and your family, Jennifer, as you all take on this fight.
Good luck and fight hard, Jennifer. Get mad at the cancer and take care of yourself. Please join a breast cancer support group. You’ll get lots and lots of advice and support from one. Also, remember—BALD IS GOOD! Protect your head with kerchiefs and hats to keep off the sun but don’t be afraid of showing your scalp!
I don’t know what will end up working best for you, but I think I would do whatever feels good – whether it means working less or more, being surrounded by people or having some more solitude, sleeping more, taking more risks, I would just enjoy myself. Therapy is rough, but I think doing whatever you can to make yourself comfortable helps. I hope the prognosis turns out good and that you have all the support and love you could want to see you through.
Much love to Jennifer!
I have no advice to add so I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers are with Jennifer and her family.
The Best of Wishes to Jennifer and to her family. I agree with everyone who says to do what feels good to you and don’t feel bad when you have to say “no” to someone else’s needs. Laugh when you can and cry if you need to!
My mom was diagnosed with stage 5 invasive cancer in 2007 at the age of 80. She had her chemo first to shrink the tumor, then 2 surgeries, and then radiation. The chemo was the worst as it tired her out so much and destroyed her appetite.
It may be a cliche, but I think laughter is truly the best medicine. After her radiation, Mom joked that she could give chocolate milk from one side (the radiation tanned her skin) and white milk from the other. She saw her cancer surgeon for a follow-up last week and he said she’s doing great. The only thing she’s still upset about is that her hair came back much finer and she can’t get a permanent anymore (it washes out too soon to justify the expense)!
Anyone else hear this kind of news and feel like they want to do something to help someone out there but don’t know quite what to do? How about knitting a knocker?
http://theknittingexperience.com/knitted_knockers_program/
http://theknittingexperience.com/knitted_knockers_program/how_we_got_involved_2.html
http://knitty.com/ISSUEfall05/PATTbits.html
Anyway, I’m going to practice my knitting a bit and then I plan to knock myself out knitting a knocker!
(BTW, I believe I first heard about knitting knockers from SB Sarah on Twitter!)
I’ve got a SIL and a Great Aunt who both went through treatments for Breast Cancer. Here’s to hoping that you pull through with as much humor and strenght as they did. Take care.
I’ve been told that Chemo mmakes you very sleepy. When we were up in Mass. visiting in-laws, my SIL was always so tired when she would get finished. We used to hook her up with a comfy pillow and blanket whe she’d come over. And the kids (preschoolers) always made her feel so much better no matter how bad she felt. She said they’re theperfect amount of aware and oblivious of how she feels that it makes their concern so genuine and makes her want to be stroger.
Jennifer, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Step on cancer’s neck with your stiletto heels.
I know Jennifer has Hawaii ties and I think a Hawaii trip after the treatment and when life returns to normal would be nice! Sending light from the islands to Jennifer!
I remember reading about a woman who never ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, because they were fattening—but when she found out she had cancer, she decided she’d eat her favorite foods whenever she liked, because life is too short to worry about being super-skinny. So eat lots of PB and J!
Best wishes through this hard time.
A girlfriend of mine was diagnosed at 26 with breast cancer. She’s single, and had lots of care, but was lonely at home. She adopted a 2YO beagle from the local animal shelter. Beagle’s name? “Chemo”.
She’s doing great now, and looks fantastic. But it was a tough recovery. I’m sending nothing but good and positive vibes to Jennifer in her battle with this hideous disease.
Keep a sense of humor, I think that’s key. I had two aunts (sisters) dealing with breast cancer at the same exact time, and their quirky senses of humor kept them going. My oldest aunt signed them up for all types of things (free wigs and make up, makeovers and bras and such) which entertained them both to no end. Sadly, we lost one of them just over a year ago (she had more problems than just the breast cancer), but the other is still going strong.
Go hat & scarf shopping. Go wild with it. Get outrageous designs, something fun and freaky. Anything to make yourself smile and feel better. And above all else, do what’s best for you. Don’t push yourself too hard. Keep your spirits up. Watch movies to make you laugh, and listen to music that makes your heart sing.
Best wishes with everything you face, Jennifer.
Jennifer,
When I read on your blog that you plan to keep writing, I cheered for you. I’m so glad you’ve made that decision. That attitude that will see you through this.
To you other well-wishers, I add my heartfelt thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Best,
Deb
P.S. Thanks to Sarah & Lisa
Coming out of perpetual lurk-mode to send positive thoughts Jennifer’s way. After being one of many “shoulders” to a good friend who went through this, the best advice I can give is to surround yourself with girlfriends who are okay with listening to you talk about the bad stuff, and who know what to do to get your mind off of it when you just can’t deal. True friends will know. Oh, and alcohol-free mojitos and cupcakes are a must at your “kick cancer’s ass” parties. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you fight this battle.
Positive vibes, best wishes, prayers and big virtual hugs for you Jennifer!
Cancer sucks, chemo sucks too. However I got through it, came out the other end and am still dealing with some aftereffects but no cancer any more (at the moment anyway)
Treat yourself well, treasure each moment you have with friends and family, allow people to do things for you, also make a list of chores that you need done, so you have an answer when someone asks “is there something I can do for you”. Chemo sapped my energy and left me barely able to do anything much. Eat the best you can afford, it’s often easier on you
I’m out the other end and it wasn’t good at the time but it taught me a lot of things, afterwards you may find that normal is in a different place and that the learning curve is a bit steep. You also should try to avoid the same food all the time to cope with aftereffects as you will never want to eat them again.
I didn’t have breast cancer, I had Hodgkins Lymphoma and I would urge people to, not only squeeze boobies but also to know what is normal for you and if it changes ensure that you bring it up with a doctor and if that doctor dismisses you find another one.
Coming back to recommend Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Cancer. It is at times funny, uplifting, sad, and will make you want to fight. Sheryl Crow’s forward is honest and simply amazing.
P.S., Sarah, you can take my name out of the running for the free book.
Jennifer, it sounds like you have gone through a lot of struggle and success already. Your attitude is amazing. I hope your treatment goes as gently as possible, but you’ll be perfectly within your rights to be a true Smart Bitch when you have down days. I’ve got no real advice except to let your feelings loose, whether it’s tears or anger or laughter. It’s important for all of us to appreciate every minute we have, even when those minutes are kind of crappy. You’ll be in my thoughts.
Prayers and good wishes coming your way. Try to stay positive, keep your family close and read all those books you never had time for ;~)
Been there done that and it sucked the big one. Everyone is so different- you have to find what works for you. If you go thru chemo dont eat your favorite foods- you will forever associate that food with the evil that is chemo. Hard candies-lemon drops can help. Be careful with mouth sores- there is a special mouthwash that can help. Get the udder cream lotion for hands and feet. Find a therapist that deals with cancer patients and dont wait until you are in a hole to see her. Let people help you – if they offer but dont know what to do tell them to vacuum or do the dishes dont be shy they really do want to feel helpful. Once everything is over you are a slightly different person-dont expect to bounce back to the same chick you were before. If you are married get the book -the breast cancer husband- guys are stumped by feeling useless – they have al sorts of reactions from depression to anger super normal. Mine cried every night while I was supposed to be sleeping. Again let people help you!! If you have a best buddy put her in charge of making a list of people who will make meals- who will clean the house and when. etc. Allow yourself to mourn- get lots of funny stupid movies.
All my best!!
Hi Sarah:
I should have added (but forgot) to take me out of the drawing. I agree a good way to offer support is buy Jennifer’s books.
Lisa J
Jennifer, you are more loved, more cared about, by complete and utter strangers (ie. Smart Bitches) than you know. My mother battled breast cancer, and was unable to take chemo because of an earlier bout with Hepatitis C from a prescription drug that decimated her liver. She fought it like no one I’ve ever seen before. And she taught me one important thing – You can do this. You will do this. And in the end, nobody will know exactly what it was like to go through it because your journey, and it is a journey, will be different for you than anyone else.
Write it all down. Do what you need to when you need to and don’t worry about hurting anyone else’s feelings or asking for too much. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to totally emerse yourself it what works for you, from foot rubs to shopping sprees. Above all live with everything you’ve got in you day to day. All my prayers for health, wellness and happiness are with you.
Good thoughts, good vibes to Jennifer and her family.
Jen is in my RWA chapter and a nicer, sunnier lady you could never meet.
Big prayers for you Jen! I know you’re gonna beat this damn thing.
PS Don’t enter me, either. I’ll buy the book 🙂
Jennifer, I’m sending positive thoughts to you and your family.
2-time caregiver here:
Be sure to tell your doctor about any nausea or other discomfort from chemo (or anything). People think it’s an invariable side effect, but the medical professsion has come a long way in pain management, and there are many, many effective drugs out there. Something can probably be done to ease the symptoms.
During chemo, be careful to monitor yourself (or have a friend do it) for allergic reactions to the chemo drugs. Both Mom and mr.miranda had them. If you feel hot or flushed or itchy in chemo, flag down the closest nurse or aide, asap.
Peace and strength to you.
I wish her the speediest recovery with lots of pampering to get her through the rough days ahead! My best friends mother is a cancer survivor and here are some of the many things that helped her…..
-mushroom extract tablets to help with nausea. They helped enough that she was able to keep her weight loss from becoming too dangerous.
-take someone with you to every doctor’s visit so they can hear things you might miss. Have any questions written down ahead of time too.
-Boost (the liquid food replacement shake) tastes great with ice cream and seems to go down easily.
-set up appointments for massage to help with the stiff muscles and joints that will occur.
-and the biggest thing is to never be ashamed to ask for help or tell people to go away when you want quiet time. Everyone will be unsure of what to do so just tell them what you want from them right away.
I do not have any advice to give, or wise experience to share. But I do have vibes. They are positive, and they are headed your way.
Sending positive thoughts of love, hope and KICK ASS!!
My recommendation, based on too much time seeing people I love deal with this madness, is that one should do whatever the hell one feels like doing. Sleep, eat (when and whatever), read, visit, call a friend, don’t call a friend…whatever. To the degree that it’s possible, try to focus on oneself. It’s o.k. to drop out of obligation for a while. People understand and those that step in to pick up what is dropped may need your step in down the road so guilt can be dispensed with at the get-go.
There. That’s as wise as I get these days.
Sending positive energy Jennifer’s way.
And posting really to say I put off getting my first mammogram for over a year because of all the horror stories I heard. It was no big deal. Talk to your doctor, get checked out.
Best of luck to you, Jennifer.
I’ve been there myself, though it wasn’t breast cancer but uterine, and I’ve so far managed to avoid chemo. Ladies, if your periods go nuts, see an OBGYN! I’m tremendously glad I did, as they seem to have caught it very early.
I love the knitted knockers. My knitting group does cancer hats sometimes, we should consider the knockers, too.
My grandmothers died on cancer, but after long and happy lives. I hope you get the chance to have that as well.
The best cancer hat ever has already been posted, so I’ll just say good luck and eat as many popsicles as you want.
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy about five years ago. She found a lot of support and made some great new friends by joining a dragon boat club for breast cancer survivors.
Best wishes for Jennifer Haymore. *sends positive vibes*
My sincerest hopes and best wishes for a full recovery.
I’m so very sorry to hear this – best wishes, Jen, for a fast, complete, recovery and a long (say, 80 years or so) remission.
I came across this site recently: http://www.cleaningforareason.org/maidservice.php
It provides a free cleaning service for people with cancer (their motto is “We focus on your home so you can focus on your health”). They appear to operate in the USA or Canada only, so I hope that’s relevant to you. Boringly practical, I know, but it’s probably slightly more pleasant to be sick in a clean house than in a dirty one.
Get well soon – I shall now go and nag the breast cancer researchers in my lab to find a cure forthwith…
love
Catherine