In case you were ever curious what would happen if you put Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass in a blender with really zesty, awful fanfic, an overblown love of faeries and elves, and an entire four-volume set of Ye Olde Guide to Simile and Metaphore and pressed the button marked “I Can Has Literary Masterpiece Plz?”
This is what would happen. And thank ye heavens, there is an audio version. One can only hope for velvet paintings in the near future.
[Thanks to Manna for the link.]
AgTigress, the name is more common here in Australia than it is in America, but is usually (not always) the mis-spelled version. I don’t know how the mis-spelling arose, but it did, and a lot of us have the -wyn ending instead of -wen.
I know technically my name is ‘wrong’, but hey, spelling is fluid over time, and I kind of like my ‘y’. It also balances the ‘y’ in Parry and makes the signature look better 🙂
Someone actually drew a picture of Bronwyn based on those descriptions, around halfway through the seventh page. I’d label as NWS, to be safe. 😉
But… the prose in that excerpt is among the purpliest of the purple. And I’m perfectly terrified.
I think it is pretty common in the USA, too. Obviously I accept that spellings of personal names do change, but I can tell you that it really grates on a Welsh-speaker! Having said that, there are some pretty idiotic new names even in Welsh, so maybe I am just old-fashioned…
I think the spelling probably arose simply because people liked the look of it (‘y’ is very popular in names, and is often gratuitously used instead of i – ‘Carolyn’ rather than ‘Caroline’, for instance), and possibly they were even aware of the Welsh masculine name ‘Gwyn’, while having no idea that gender affects form in Welsh nouns and adjectives.
🙂
“And then he rapes her.”
That…shouldn’t be nearly as funny as it is.
Eek. There’s bad, and then there’s bad.
Suze – this is fabulous.
Oh, I read further on and have found my new favorite character name. A character who towers above mortals
I was grading 8th Grade essays when I took a break to browse the webs (in hopes my eyes would stop bleeding and to save my remaining hair from pulling) and then I see THIS.
CURSE YOU! *raises fist*
I love you smart bitches so but oh my sweet patootey that HURT to read! I think I’ll go back to the 8th graders. They make slightly more sense.
My word: high31 – HA! You have to be high to enjoy that!
HER THIGHS WERE GEESE?!?
Maybe they honked when she walked?
Well, the Ron Miller ouevre is available at Lulu.com. Most notably the Encyclopedia Bronwynia, which my DH suggests must be for those who found these 2 pages inadequately descriptive.
Here’s the link: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback_book/the_encyclopaedia_bronwyniana/341300
I believe those two pages were once a winner in the NaFiLaMo (National Figurative Language Month) contest.
One of the lady judges later commented, “I myself have thighs like schooners, under full, billowing sail. And I’m proud to say they have carried me into many a musky harbor and up to many a sturdy—oh, so very straight and long and solid—wood dock that did not quail at my approach. Bravo, sir, for capturing the essence of womanhood!”
All that purple prose… shudder.
Reminds me of a quilt I started making several years ago. Every fabric in it had three characteristics:
1) it was purple
2) it was fugly, and
3) it was so obscenely fugly, I felt sorry for it.
I called it my purple pity quilt. LOL
It was so hideous, it was actually interesting from certain perspectives. It was also painful to look at. So much so, I threw it in the back of the closet with the rest of the UFOs. I couldn’t stare at it long enough to finish without feeling queasy.
Diane :o)
“-wine bottles covered with dew and otters-”
And that is where I just completely lost it. God, I thought I was going to give myself a nosebleed trying to hold the laughter in.
… all the horrors perpetuated against the English language, and I still can’t get over the name ‘Spikenard.’
Here hair was “the color of a leopard’s tongue”.
What, pink?
Okay. There just are no words for that. (There are no words for a guy named ‘Spikenard’, either.)
Oh. My. God.
It’s like he swallowed the Song of Songs whole, and then vomited out…this.
@snarkhunter
It’s more like he gave the Song of Songs speed and then deprived it of sleep for a few weeks…
Oh, thank you. I thought it was just me, seeing something vaguely familiar and yet horribly mutilated.
All I can think of is the P.G. Wodehouse bit about how you have to beware of Gwendolyns, esp when they spell their name with a “y”, LOL! The “y” lets you know they’re crazy.
Don’tcha just hate it when your wine bottle is covered with otters, you’re eyes are the sound of rain (???), and then this happens:
“The bristly mound of her pubes buzzed and hummed like a shaken hornet’s nest.”
I know I hate it when my pubes buzz and hum. Damned annoying.