Erotic Romance Covers: Bringing Bonerdeath to the Masses

Boy, the things you find when you search for “erotic romance” on Amazon.com or Google. Have fun, kids. One of the images is sort of Not Work Safe.

Candy: I think when the woman was telling the dude to remember to get more cheese, she didn’t actually want fumunda. No wonder she looks incredulous.

Ah well. I suppose the guy deserves props for culturing his own. Eat local and eat organic, folks. It’s better for you, and far more sustainable.

Sarah: He’s fallen. And he can’t get up. That right there is some cruel magic. Señora Cheekbones will be making use of that candle in a new and illuminating way very very soon.

Candy: The thing is, I’m pretty sure we’ve snarked this before, but I can’t find it. CURSES. But the title is so good and the cover so…well, not-good, that I figured it’s totally worth it to subject you to this twice.

Anyway, it’s nice that Mattel has finally gone into the sex doll industry, but really, did they have to maker her so candyraver bondage?

Sarah: You know, I was totally buying this cover (not literally) from the Jesus in the back to the Spike-a-like in the front to Mistress Grab-My-Boobs in the middle. But what sent it right over the edge into Absolutely Impossible?

A side ponytail, circa 1981. NO ONE wears a side ponytail. Do you know what kind of a headache you get from those things?

Candy: HOLY LINDA BLAIR CREEPINESS, BATMAN. Something is missing in action, all right—her soul. And possibly your brains, if you’re careless and get yourself within chomping distance of her.

Sarah: Do you think she uses that scarf to measure how much of his ass is peeping north from the back of his pants? Because them are some low, low riders, and her face is not the only full moon, I’m betting. (Psst – ma’am, talk to your doctor about a lower prednisone dose, trust me.)