If your man thought he was getting some Valentine’s Day nookie, Entertainment Weekly has a look back at the golden age of comic book luuuuuuuurve® that will chill your fires. Oh, the pulp subtext: if you put out before marriage? You’re going to HELL.
Cue the Georgia Satellites’ “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” and have a look at the classic comic book covers that spell disaster for any nookie-minded pointy-boobed lady. Especially if you were “a ballerina without love,” or a woman who “pushed him away and …couldn’t recognize my own…false values of love!”
Graceful curtsy to Erin for the link.
These would make great valentine’s day cards!
Ah, thanks for the blast from the past. It also made me flashback to “Young Lust”, another classic from my misspent youth:
http://cgi.ebay.com/YOUNG-LUST-1-2nd-Ed-1970-Underground_W0QQitemZ330038949562QQihZ014QQcategoryZ12589QQcmdZViewItem
Awe. Some.
Apparently, the snapped neck females are a 50’s throwback—did you catch the chick on the second (or maybe third) cover? The back of her skull is touching between her shoulder blades…. :-0
She’s trying so hard to avoid touching his hound’s tooth jacket, it’s sort of touching…only not.
I see cupckae toppers in my future… 🙂
Is it me or is so much coiffed hair in one place desturbing?
“False values of love?” See, this is what happens when you let Ayn Rand write comics.
What exactly is a good time Charley and where can I get one?
Darlene! Wicked funny!
“Our frenzied love reached its climax the day of the hot-rod derby”
I couldn’t even begin to tell you why, but that teaser made coffee shoot out of my nose.
My favourite has to be the one with Johnny making out under water with what looks like Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. It’s like a scene from a B-movie where all the men are lured to the water’s edge by sexy women in leopard print, who then sprout fangs and pull the guy’s face off.
“Easy Loving,” “Racetrack Girl,” and “Good Time Girl” all sound like thinly veiled ‘50s era comics pron, don’t they?
And the guy on the High School Romance one looks to be at least 30. What is he, the teacher? Ew!
Those covers are so snark-worthy. Can we snark them? Please?
I love those old comics. I track down old copies whenever I can. There’s all sorts of weird stuff in there, even the ads—I have one that says you can send away for the Beatles’ birth certificates!
The article mentions one story called “Back Door Love.” Hmmmm…
“Why don’t you ever show me that kind of tenderness?”
“Because I don’t believe in displays of emotion!”
I lol’d.
OMG these are too funny!
“Joan and Peter were two people in love – and yet, their marriage was headed for disaster…because Peter was a…MOTHER’S BOY!”
LOL! The more things change…
Oh, wow. Thank you for this. I now have the perfect retort to almost any relationship complaint – “Because I don’t believe in displays of emotion” – and I have also learned the most important lesson of love. Do not bring your boyfriend anywhere near a body of water. Just don’t. He will suck face with another girl. (Or river nymph.) You will get a cramp, and he will not save you. “Oh, JOHN!”
“I was a ballerina without love!”
Uh, yeah, and I’m an administrator without ennui. Your point?
My first thought was, of course, Arrested Development.
My subsequent thought was that the closest I can recall reading about a mother’s boy in a romance somewhat recently was in Miranda Lee’s Just a Little Sex. Though it’s not a severe case and I actually appreciate how Miranda Lee often portrays more realistic mother-son relationships and how the mother-son paradigm influences the son’s relationships with other women. It’s interesting that the mother’s boy scenario doesn’t get much play these days (I’ve certainly known a few – they DO exist – and it seems like it’d be fun to explore that dynamic).
Anyway, I’m really curious to know the story titled “Monotonous” that’s touted on cover #14. It’s hardly a soft sell for monogamy if that’s what they were going for.
Um, yikes?
My favorite for snorting at is #25’s title: “Taming of a Tomboy”,…
… omfg, and just damn.
Um, yikes?
My favorite for snorting at is #25’s: “Taming of a Tomboy”.
Just damn.
All that makes me very-very glad I never-never read romance comics. Batman, yes; ‘romance’, no.
Oy. Sorry for the hiccup/sneeze while posting. Those old covers must’ve triggered an allergic reaction.
You guys inspired my cake toppers!
These cakes are dedicated to you guys!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mirimoonsong/2263086211/in/photostream/
Happy Valentines Day!
i thought that if you put out before marriage you died, then your story makes a very compelling moral to exploit and tell in every lurid detail so that others will learn your (dirty sex)lesson.
one of my favorite compilations is romance without tears. it is made of several love story comics from the 40’s. one of my favorites is when the girl falls ill and the doctor tells her she just needs love, then she goes to the next town over to walk the streets looking for a boyfriend.
Why are all the guys named Johnny? And what did she mean by “I should never have told Johnny about my friend Elizabeth?” Did he leave her for Elizabeth, or did she and Elizabeth have something going on?
member13—so not touching that one
closetcrafter: When you get that info about good time Charlies, will you post it? It would be a public service…;)
Suffice it to say, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten any.
Verification word: single86. Strangely apt. Single, yes, but nowhere near 86.
My daughter has three small posters of old True Confessions and True Story covers, framed and hanging in her room. My favorite:
He Took My Love – And Told
Although
Win A Man In Two Weeks
runs a close second.
Sheeut, girl, I landed mine in two DAYS.
“Mama’s Boy”…Peter’s the one in the dress, right?
I Flirted With Throuble: “there was no method to my madness that night” I believe it! My first clue is that tragedy of a sweater.