Three, from what I hear, is a tough age. The primitive toddler has yielded to a more independent being who wants, guess what, more independence. It’s going to be a great year with our hot pink three year old, I think. I’m all about feisty independence, so three kicks ass.
Special note to Candy: You rule – thanks for three years of Hofftastic Awesomesauce.
Special note to our readers: Thank you! Thank you, thank you!
Now – You wanna win some shit? It’s haiku time! Write us up some haiku madness (5-7-5 please) of up to four stanzas that best captures our past three years, or the general hot pink madness that is Smart Bitches. Voting will go on in the comment thread, fark-style, and top three winners of votage will get prizes, including a Smart Bitch Title® for the First Place winner.
And now: my haiku offering. I’m not stopping at 4 stanzas, so be warned.
Smart Bitches is THREE?!
Man-titty could knock me down-
time sure fucking flies.
Mad props to Candy!
And Hubby who asks each night:
“Why are you still up?”
But I must say thanks
to you, you, you, you, and you.
And Catherine Coulter
If I hadn’t liked
‘Midsummer Magic’ so much
I wouldn’t be here.
Let’s hear it for cream!
It eases the rough passage
of our first three years.
Merry Bitchmas, chicks.
Seen a million kerfuffles…
And you rocked them all.
(Who better to reference than Bon Jovi on such a high occasion?)
Congratulations on the anniversary!!! Yay! :confetti:
I’m going to give this a whirl because I want to say Happy B-Day to the SB’s:
Smart Bitches turn three
Snark, Fark, and Rock they do well
Thanks be to the Hoff
The Bitchez are Three
Cover snark, ferreted feet
Man Titty Galore!
Bring out the cupcakes
Iced in hot pink awesomeness.
This really is sweet.
We luvs us some Bitch.
Snark covers make us giggle
‘til we pee our pants.
And there is rockin’
literary critique of
the romance genre.
As Smart Bitch turns three,
we want more Hoff man-titty
to shake up the world!
Birthday gifts we await to see
delivery from three
napoli, hoff, and cassie
Dang, I just received two prizes I was gonna have you give out for the blog. Should have sent them to you sooner. They are official bright pink Sanrio product.
Pinktastic website
preaching snarkiness to all
surprise buttsecks! owl.
Old fashioned glasses
Pink borders, witty words
Inspire laughs and thought
Soul searching, clever prose,
I search for my opinion
Amid the many voices
We come here daily,
Catty, celebration of
Romance, no holes barred
Candy and Sarah,
Thanks for all the bitchin’ fun
I bow to you both
Happy birthday,
Bailey
Snark the windblown clinch
Yea, all praise be to The Hoff
Fun yet creepy vids
Quotes should be on shirts
Controversial, those mean girls
Hot pink those Bitches
Pink outrage and snark
The Bitches bite romance books
Fans cry what-what-what?
Toppling love icons?
Bitches, you have gone too far!
Thanks for three great years!
Happy Birthday to Smart Bitches
It has been great fun so far
here’s to much more.
I have learned phrases
like what-what in the butt-butt
and what up yo.
Contest and snark galore
and who could ask for more
well, me of course!
Memorieeees, oh sweat-soaked
and man-titty filled memories
of the days gone by…
Of salmon sexin’
making sweet, savage madlibs
and slick spam haikus.
Short skirts and swan hats—
You bitches have gone too far!
But wait, there’s Cassie!
Three more years, or else
I’ma throw you in mah trunk.
With loff, Fabio.
Holy shit, E. D’Trix. I think I broke something laughing.
Sorry. Laahfing.
Yep, I just read that and thought:
WIN!
snark-scalpeled surgeons
dissecting tales of romance
smart bitches, indeed
Happy third, ladies!
Smart is as smart looks—
A spill of Pepto-Bismol,
Words, and nipple hair.
Edification
Flies on the wings of mullets
Older than three years.
Gratitude’s gift box—
The sound of one voice laughing,
A tinkle of pee.
E. D’Trix FTW, but I loved Patrick’s too!
E. D’Trix’s last stanza is especially bootiful!
OMGWT
FBBQ, Bitches three?
Congratulations!
Gliding off of
Mayonnaised Man-titty
straight into Lurrvve
What-what-in-the-butt
Hofften gives me the pangs of
Fabio-myalgia
A sweet sound rises
Steaming coffee snorts
Comments during lunch break
Wonder undresses
A hole throbs or passion probes
Hard soft shudders wiggle
Incompetence plagarizes
Midnight ferret feet scamper
LOL cats move cities
Wet nipples bounce
Shafts convulse and heat wiggles
Man-titty kiss fevers
This rich space pleases
Unfolding friendship sings
The time away from us
Three years old
heaving man-titty buttsecks
Smart Bitches rock on
Once upon a time,
I was a romance writer—
But no finished book.
Bitches revived me.
They made me laugh, made me proud,
And taught me to snark.
I found my rhythm,
Finished my book and sold it.
Bitches lit my fire!
Mantitty comes, goes—
And LOLcats, Hoff, kerfuffles.
But SBs always…
Congrats! Here’s to many more, ladies.
*girlcrushkisses*
The Baroness Huntinne-Muffine
Happy third bitches!
Why were you so mean
To poor Cassie Edwards?
Nasty-ass Bitches!
😉
Two catty bitches
Three years spent rending romance
Say Hello, Kitty
*standing ovation for E.D’Trix and Patrick*
Smart Bitches are three
All haiku should be read in
Eric Cartman’s Voice
Three years of wonder
cover models did attack
and Hoff wrote a book
Hark! the mantitty!
Abudant John DeSalvo
the new Fabio?
Speaking of the Fab
oh how the mighty do fall
who knew?! The Ego!
And Cassie Edwards!
outed for plaguerizing
It made Fandom Wank!
Who are those ladies
In the glasses at the top
Is that Mexico?
Don’t believe the hype,
Ferret love scenes are normal,
They live in us all!
Smart bitches plus gin,
Snarkiness and evil glee,
Mantitty COCKtail!
Forget the manteat,
I’ve a date with destiny-
Smart bitches only!
E.D’Trix for the win!
I vote E.D’Trix!
Smart Bitches remains
Passionate snarkiness and
Hot pink…forever
Drowning in seas of
romance clichés, you Bitches
are lifesavers – Thanks
Buttsecks, Cover Snark,
Reviews and Hasselhoff- I
need you in my life.
Three snarktastic years
My sisters in trashy reads
I do salute you
What-what-in-the-butt
Cover snark and magic hoo-ha_s
Something new each day!
Happy Birthday, Bitches!
1
pepto pink bitches
cat-eye specs sprinkling snark – ping!
born to gird their loins
2
penetrate romance
from behind the scenes, a pair
of LOL-less Hoff-mores
3
menage a trois of
titty covers divert while
ferrets plagiarized?
4
an orgy of loff
a Fabio-lous erection
it’s SBTB!
OMGHBD_3, Bitches!
E.D’Trix = WIN. Damn!
Reading the Bitches—whoops!
So is my teenager!
Man-titty bonds us.
Hey all,
Well, I coulnd’t resist leaving my own Hiaku Quartet, so here goes:
Three is a magic
Number that brings to mind a
Group of sexy gals
Smart Bitches Who Love
Trashy Books, a fantastic
Combo of hot stuff:
Heros, Heroines,
Secrets, Plights, Danger, heaving
Bosoms and big hair.
What more do you need?
Books that move the heart and the
People who love them.
That was the most fun I’ve had so far all day! Woohoo! I hope you all enjoy it!
Cheers,
Jamieson