A little while ago, in an entry entitled The Glittery HooHa, Jennifer Crusie talked about a slutty hero who sleeps with at least twelve women before he gets to the heroine. The question that immediately popped up in my mind was: What exactly did she mean by that? Twelve women at once? Twelve women in a day? Twelve women over the course of the story before he gets to the heroine? Or just twelve women total over the course of his life?
Because if she meant the last, the hero doesn’t seem to strike me as especially promiscuous. Shit, I outstripped the dozen (hell, I outstripped the baker’s dozen) a little while ago. Though it’s entirely possible this means I’m a slutbag of the highest order.
This brought up all sorts of interesting questions for me: where are our slut lines drawn? Are they different depending on gender? Is it determined solely by number, or the way in which the character engages in the sexual encounters? Is sluttiness morally charged? Is the morality different depending on gender as well?
The number thing was especially slippery for me. I don’t, as far as I know, consciously subscribe to sexual double standards, so I don’t view a woman who’s slept with 10 people as being sluttier than a man who’s slept with as many, though the implications are different for a historical romance vs. a contemporary—it was somewhat easier for a high-born dude to reach that number than a gently-reared woman, for one, which means the woman had to have been exceptionally powerful, or exceptionally enterprising, or both.
The manner in which the sex is conducted also affects somebody’s slut rating. Were they emotionally attached to all their sexual partners? In the strange space of My Head, this makes them serially monogamous, not slutty. Sluttiness, to me, means taking on lovers solely for the sake of sexual pleasure.
Keep in mind, sluttiness is not really a morally charged issue for me. I’m all for fictional (and non-fictional) characters enjoying the fizznuckin’ for its own sake, and I certainly don’t think having many sexual partners is indicative of some kind of moral turpitude, though after a certain number, the phrase “germ farm” does tend to crop up—and again, this is especially true of historical romances.
So how many partners before somebody is considered a slut, assuming it’s over the lifetime of a character before they meet their True Lurve? I finally settled on an entirely arbitrary number: 30. If you’ve slept with more than 30 people, you’re slutty in my book. Condoms and confetti for everybuddy!
What’s your slut number?
Edited to Add:
Piezocuttlefish came up with a pretty awesome mathematical formula in the comments. Check it:
So, it’s possibly to have been a slut but to no longer be one, so one must include some sort of partners during a rolling time period. Also, people below a certain age are difficult to conceive as sluts, regardless of how accurate the internal designation may be. In my concept, if you’re eleven years old, no matter how many people you’re boinking, you may well be a slut-in-making, but you’re not there yet. Also, there’s a concept of age at play. If someone in high school boinks five people in a year, he may just be an average, exploring teenager. If a 50 year old boinks five people in a year, he’s got some serious play going on. Somehow, we have to take all these into account.
The rolling period is as follows:
high school or earlier: three months
college: five months
higher education or under 30: nine months
30 – 49: one year
50+: two yearsSQ == Slut Quotient
n == total number of sex partners
nr == number of sex partners in the effective rolling period.
ea == effective age, which I’m defining as years of age minus eleven, raised to the two-thirds power.SQ(n,ea,nr) = n / (5 * ea) + nr / 10
If your SQ is >=1, you’re probably going to be seen as a slut.
My SQ, by the way, is approximately 1.26. Vive la sluttihood!
Thirty seems a little low… I mean, for a seventeen year old character, it’s pretty high. But for like, a sixty year old character? That’s just one sex partner per year from age thirty.
I’d say slut number is flexible by age.
And I find it hilarious that my confirm word is filled86. I think if the hero has “filled86” and he’s less than a hundred years old, he’s a slut.
Eh, I don’t really have a slut number. It is a state of mind. My best friend proudly proclaims herself a slut. She travels a lot for her job and really enjoys herself when she is not in a relationship. She is a lesbian and her theory is, and this is a direct quote, “Why do I need to remember her name. It’s not like I’m gonna have to track her ass down for child support in 9 months.” Despite this I really don’t consider her a slut. She is very honestand direct with her one-night-stands. They know what they are getting into with her. No one gets hurt and she has more self-respect than anyone I know.
I, on the other hand, with my single digit list am probably one of the few grown women who looks back on her “responsible” early-adult decisions and says,“Damn. I should have fucked the HELL out of him!” Like they say, you only really regret the things you didn’t do.
12? 12?!
Dang, I’m a slut a couple times over and I haven’t even hit 30.
Rebyj: “I call women who’ve had a lot of partners “ lucky†lol”
I had a friend in HS who was pretty promiscuous – she once had three guys in one night, several hours apart. By 17 she was pregnant and wasn’t *quite* sure who the father was since there were a few candidates for the time period in question. Even then I didn’t think she was slutty – I sort of admired her and the way she was enjoying her sexual freedom (late 80s) Looking back? Kinda slutty.
I think the age / sexual behavior thing really does factor in.
I’m too math impaired to do the equation above but I’ve been married since I was 23 so I think my slut number is negligible.
I’m not convinced the word ‘slut’ ought to be reclaimed and given a non-pejorative definition.
Seems a useful word as it is.
If my teenage daughter comes down wearing something new, and asks ‘Does it look a bit slutty?’ we both understand what she’s asking. If it’s okay to be slutty, wouldn’t we need to draft another word in to fill that gap?
Add me as another one to the harmful/manipulative = slutty camp.
As for:
Gay men never said a number less than 50.
Lesbians never said a number over 10.
Single straights were the most vague, and said anywhere between 12 and 35.
Goddamn, I’m a very bad lesbian. I get the triple-score score! Of course, I’m polyamorous, so that doesn’t help (although I got to the high-twenties when I was supposedly “monogamous” – three year relationship, break up, screw everything in sight for a few months, another three year relationship…)
I can’t believe this – I’m 42 and my SN is only 2 !! (not for religious reasons or anything, either). What have I been doing? Am I the only one, or just the only dull, inexperienced, unadventurous etc one who happens to have posted? And is this related to why I find erotica boring, mostly? (even Anne Rice’s Beauty series, my goodness that was tedious…)
Why is is that THIS SONG suddenly jumps to mind?
(
in case my coding skills suck)
From the movie Stickmen: “A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you.”
I’m inclined toward stamping out the word slut.
It’s just a derogatory term for a woman with the same sexual track record as a man.
Damn, Kate D, you beat me to it.
3.
If sex for the sake of physical pleasure is slutty then I’m it. However, even including pretty much any kind of sex, I’m still only at 6 and I’m 38. So, my SQ is pretty dismal. I have been in a monogamous relationship for 16 years now so that cut into it a bit.
On the other hand, I do regret not jumping in the sack with a couple of people Way Back When.
BTW, I own the word cunt. I LOVE it when people call me that! It’s such a shocker to so many people, but it’s just a word.
Am I the only one who does a Beavis & Butthead laugh when Candy writes “gently reared”?
I did a review of my past a couple years ago and was surprised to find I’d hit the 40 mark without really trying.
I’m polyamorous, too, so that accounts for some of it. Also, I’m 42, so if you consider 26 years of sexual activity, the number doesn’t seem too astounding.
Being butch, I prefer the term stud over slut for myself. And since several of the women I *heart* are the ones who reclaim slut so boldly, I can’t think of it in negative terms.
When I think of manipulative sex user, I think “skank.”
I just don’t get the ‘or earlier’ bit… children should not be sexually active. Why even bother including that? If they are, they are victims, not sluts.
Figuring out my SQ led me to discover the Google Calculator. And also led me to discover I am effectively a nun (with a SQ of .38, when I round up), although I am perhaps excused by having been attached to the same boy since I was 14 and dallying very rarely outside the relationship.
I don’t use the term “slut” so much as “whorey whorey skank,” and usually when referring to myself, since despite my low SQ I am often accused of sluttyness due to attitude, lewd jokes, sexy new haircuts, and the perpetual “open relationship” status which is NOT as exciting as it sounds.
So Hurrah for Google Calculator, from this very satisfied whorey whorey skank.
IIRC, Crusie’s hero is a reincarnated god, who sleep with 12 women on his way to the heroine’s house (something less than 8 hours…)
Huh… my slut number would be 8 (7 men to 1 woman) which at 34 is a bit low, but I’ve been celibate for six years, so…
And my college crowd had a concept of “family” as anyone you had sex with, sex defined as intercourse, oral, or mutual mastubation. My “family” is somewhere in the 30s…
Loved the video link, thanks!
Ha! My word is “tell22”, I’m sure more people than that read this blog 🙂
To me, I wouldn’t label anyone a slut based on number of partners. A slut sleeps with your boyfriend, a slut sleeps around when committed to someone else. Sluts don’t care about connecting with their partners; sluts are selfish. Maybe its unfair of me to twist the word like that, but we no longer live in the 1950s, 1960s.
C’est la vie.
i tried this and it doesnt make sense i have played with the numbers and i put in 100 partners and it still didn’t say SQ was greater then 1. wtfuwt?