You did it! We figured this one out! It is a truth universally acknowledged (by me for certain) that the Bitchery pretty much knows everything, and really, it's true. Scroll down to see the solution for this HaBO - and many thanks!
When Bitchery reader Ricki sent me this request for help, I emailed her back and asked if she was sure it was a book, and not, perhaps, a funky dream she’d had one evening. She assures me it’s a book – so maybe you’ve heard of it.
I read a book when I was a teenager that I borrowed from a friend. The details that stick out at me are the sex scenes, which were pretty creative as far as I was concerned then. The plot I remember very sketchily. I remember that the hero and heroine met on the estate on which she grew up. She was a poor relation/orphaned niece, and he was a servant or something like that. She was orphaned when her mother was hanged for something. I don’t remember if any details were given about her father. They had a romance when they were teenagers, and then he left. He may have been kicked off the estate; it may have been because they consummated that romance. Fast forward some number of years, and he’s the captain of a ship. It may be a pirate ship, or it may just be that he’s very successful at thwarting pirates, and therefore just as scary as them, or maybe he’s pretending to be a pirate for some other purpose . . . I don’t remember. I think he’s not actually a pirate, but piracy comes up a lot.
Anyway, she ends up getting kidnapped by some of his crew members for some reason, and they bring her to his room and restrain her, at least in part by putting something around her neck, which freaks her out, because of her mother. (I realize anyone would freak out about being restrained by kidnappers, and having something around one’s neck would certainly not help that situation for anyone, but the way it’s written, she has a very special and unusual fear of things being put around her neck, because of her mother.) I don’t think she knows whose ship she’s on. He comes in and is very angry that his men put something around her neck, and she’s very touched that he remembers that she freaks out about things around her neck, and possibly this is how she realizes that he’s the old stableboy or whatever he was. This is all in the first third or so.
What I remember after that is the sex parts. They get stranded on a deserted island and have lots of sex, including a time where he uses wet sand to restrain her wrists and ankles (but not her neck), and a time where she tries to give him a blow job underwater. And also she makes a sand model of his penis. Later on in the book, after they are not on the deserted island anymore, they are in a cave, where there are empty wine bottles, and he uses one of them on her as a dildo. That is what I remember. Also, at least one of them, if not both, have very dark hair. Does anyone have any clue what this could be?
Wine bottles?! In the hoohah!?! This book sounds like The Windflower crossed with Blue Lagoon and Madonna’s Sex. So please, if anyone knows what this book is, let me know, because I’m so very, very curious.
My husband is a physician and worked briefly in an inner city ER while doing the extended study for endocrinology.
He swears they should do a book of things people have “accidentally fallen upon” resulting in body cavity relocation.
Umm how come you lubed it before falling on it, Nigel?
For the divorce party you must also have a dart game, where a picture of the husband-to-be is the target. After he’s all holey you can burn it and cheer the ashes on. 🙂
Okay the smell test post was getting me enough looks at the coffee shop. But then I started reading this thread, laughing and generally not doing work. When I realized I’d been so distracted, I was going to be late picking up my daughter from pre-school!
I can’t decide which was worse, the almost mile run in flip-flops and wearing backpack, or the humiliation of explaining I was late to pick up my four year old cause I was giggling about wine bottles and large sand penises. Or is that Penie?!
Oh, the humanity.
Gotta say, the first thing that came to my mind when reading this? The Princess Bride. So wrong but the whole childhood friends followed by separation and then piracy? It’s true. So now my friend (who sent me this link in the first place) and I are now discussing how it would work. Bad, BAD mental images.
Thought I should share either way, though. 😛