Alert Bitchery reader Sara sent me the following link that is so unquestionably bizarre, I choked on my beverage and hit poor Hubby until he looked over my shoulder and read it, too. He then choked on his beverage.
Behold: Andrew Christian swim trunks with “Show It Technology.” In case you can’t see this incredible sales copy, I’ll excerpt the best part:
Andrew Christian’s new “Show It” technology gently elevates your boys and moves them forward for the biggest and best possible show. In ordinary swimwear, your genitals are pulled back and fall between your legs. “Show It” technology uses an elastic strap that can be snap-adjusted to lift your privates up and forward.
But really, the logo is priceless and worth a visit to the site. It’s marginally work-safe, unless someone looks at that logo too closely. And really, what’s more important to your workday than knowing that Andrew Christian has literally harnessed an army of manjunk so that we can all see it better?
Question: Do Linda Howard’s heroes know about this?
Elastic strap *SNORT*
Now boys and girls can you say cock ring?
Sure you can.
Dear lord. What if the bits get tangled up in the elastic band thingie? Testicular torsion much?
And I thought “balcony” bras were bad. When are they going to get padding as well?
Actually, I’ve seen similar-looking devices to that on other sites, but not exactly underwear-related ones. (Not exactly SFW!)
I can imagine … actually, no, I can’t … the amount of pain the wearer would be in if given a wedgy.
That’s not exactly news though, is it? I think AussieBum came out with the Wonderjock last year?
“Our classic nylon cozzie featuring the original aussieBum WONDERJOCK pouch technology. Enhance your natural assets, flaunt your stuff, feel proud and have fun on the beach this summer.”
Okay, I’ll try, and probably will fail at, HTML…
To Aussiebum’s Wonderjock underwear!
Not entirely work safe. I kept glancing over my shoulder the whole time I was on that page…
See, I fail! Sarah, Candy, if you could please fix the link?
You all know that Speedos come from Australia where they are called budgie smugglers? The old man reckons the IT swimmers are just not budgie smugglers.
Nanna – all fixed. No worries.
If women can wear corsets and have it be empowering, men can wear these.
Show It Trunks, Miracle Bras.
We should all be proud of our lumps.
But perhaps this ad wasn’t the best way to start the day for me—esp if I end up going by the pool later.
Not to mention the potential for instant castration.
Swimming camel noses….. what will they think of next!
They’re for swimming, right? Wouldn’t the, er, profile affect one’s performance through the water? Kinda like roof racks on a car…doesn’t look too significant until you crunch the friction coefficient figures.
DH points out (no pun intended) that this is a move back to medieval times, when codpieces were designed so you couldn’t miss da boys.
Speedos, wendy? Aka DTs (dick-togs). I especially like them matched with a beer gut. Yum!
And if he gets a woody? What then??
Hubby does marketing research at a major underwear company. I passed on the link to his work e-mail account. Victoria’s Secret, Frederick’s, Abercrombie…he’s on their sites constantly, all in the name of research, baby!
I knew it! I knew it! This is the first step back to codpieces. What else is fourteen years of “prison shuffle” fashion—the pants hanging down around the knees so the boxers are exposed and the guy has to kind of lurch and waddle—leading to?
My response to the website was to say out loud “What?” about 3 times as I looked it over. Show it technology? What?
My mind is going all sorts of places it shouldn’t with this site. I’m also thinking what happens if that elastic isn’t set quite right…
Thank you for the link to aussiebums. That was a nice way to greet the morning!
aussiebums – Enjoy the ride…
Oh my!
Thanks, Bitches. I can always count on you for informative, thought-provoking posts on the REAL issues of the day. (Maybe I ought to start eating that cheese that makes you go blind?)
Beyond that, all I can say is … Mr. Wonderjock is neverneverNEVER gonna get anywhere near my Magic Hoo-Hoo. *shudder*
Hey!
I happen to like Linda Howards heros! All of them (even better than that wuss Devon in Windflower…geez, what a disappointment).
What is this terror of a penis of a decent size that actually works? Damn, I feel archaic.
Next you’re going to tell me buttsecks is superior to vaginal because your hoohoo doesn’t get messed up 😉
Not sure if Linda Howard’s heroes know about it, but Virginia Henley’s heroes have been aware of this technology for ages.
Nice to know that somewhere out there, male body parts are valued…. I lub’em myself!
I’m not sure how this is ‘new’ technology. Maybe a new application of it? Certain men’s underwear lines have been engineered to show ‘enhanced silhouette’ for years. Some even combine the frontal attack with an enhanced rear view. Now that’s what I’m talkin bout.
The next technological breakthrough will be the “count em” strap.
A small elastic strap which attaches to the “show it” strap and goes between the balls to lift and separate allowing you to not only measure but to actually count the family jewels at a distance.
You have been warned.
As a Floridian, I’m already exposed to a large number of Europeans at the beach who think everyone looks good in a Speedo or a banana sling.
They’re wrong.
I can see this compounding the problem, but the concept is…interesting.
Oh, great, a swim suit with it’s own erector set.
Still, it’s cheaper than a Ferrari.
Did anyone else click out the other styles on that International Jock site? Like the thongs? That BallBra had us ladies here at work hooting with laughter. (I don’t know how to do the html thingy or I’d give you a direct link) And the CockSox was pretty amusing too.
And what’s with the guy on the Aussie Bum site? He’s TOTALLY checking himself out in almost every picture. Creepy.
My word? efforts87…lol
I knew it! I knew it! This is the first step back to codpieces.
For some reason, I think that this would be hysterical. And distracting, but not in a good way.
Wait, wait. Did you see the line of Nasty Pig wear?
TP, is that a relative of yours?
I’d think that it would be like having your head in a noose at a hanging and being afraid for when the chair is going to get kicked out from under you.
short69—it’s a short way to literal blue balls in this suit.
Sarah: How far did you look on this site? Obviously I am more bored than you. Wendy: the budgy smuggler is offered here too.
http://www.internationaljock.com/budgy-smuggler-swim-briefs-day-glo-pink,8640.html
Okay, I might have this html thing figured out now (Thanks Sarah!!) Here is the
BallBra and the CockSox
::crossing my fingers that it works::
uh, yeah….so it didn’t work. Sarah? ::hanging head in shame::
http://www.nastypig.com/
Nothing comes between me and my Nasty Pig Jeans.
Because nothing can Jane.
I love Nasty Pig clothing and look and their models! They have tattoos and body hair and things.
Oh and for those into the cod piece…
Check out the cod piece pants…
http://www.nastypig.com/playgear_item.php?id=85&cat=1
Damn, Teddy, those are some convenient looking pants. Although, isn’t the rubber a little difficult to put on and take off.
“I love Nasty Pig clothing and look and their models! They have tattoos and body hair and things.”
Teddy, I checked out those models, watching the different pictures pop up on the main page. What’s with the guy straddling the gas can? Looks like he’s watched Zoolander one too many times….
isn’t the rubber a little difficult to put on and take off.
To don your new latex skirt/trousers/shirt you will need a large bottle of talcum powder or powdered cornstarch.
To shine it up Armor-all it while wearing.
Perhaps not all guys look good in a speedo or show-its or whatchamacallits, but I have to say that guy on the Aussie bum site- YOWZA!
Bwahahaha – the song “My Humps” by B.E.P keeps running through my head! Only it’s ‘Watcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunks?’
Bwahahahahaha thanks Bitches I really needed that laugh today!!!!!