Nice? I’ll say it’s Nice. It Kicks Ass, is what it does.

Sarah: If you get the Publisher’s Marketplace’s ‘Today’s Deals’ email, you learned that Candy and I have a book deal. Or, as we put it, an omgwtfbbqholyshit book deal. To quote the announcement, it was a “nice” deal.

Sounds like my mother in law might have been involved – “Oh, Sarah! That’s so nice!”

Seriously. My blood pressure is already low and I had to put my head between my knees while we were talking to our agent about it. Hell, I have to put my head between my knees when I type words like “our agent.”

So many of you have written about the moment when you got The Call, and yeah. Head spinning? Check. Mouth hanging open? Check. More head spinning? Check. Candy totally did the pee-pee dance for at least an hour. (I do the pee-pee dance pretty much all day so no one noticed the change in my choreography.)

To quote the announcement, we’ll be writing a guide to romance novels, “a funny, somewhat bitchy and adoring look at the world of romance novels, from the authors to the covers to the conferences to the audience around.”

I’ve been rather shy about discussing it as it is in development, but there it is. We’re putting the word “Book” and the word “Deal” in the same sentence, and trying really hard not to pass out.

Candy: Sarah’s covered most of it, but I have this to add: HOLY FUCKING SHITDAMNNING CRAPMONKEYS IN A FUCKBARREL.

Back when Sarah and I asked for questions that we could answer in our About Us sections, one of the questions was “Are you guys going to write a book? Like, SMART BITCHES GUIDE TO ROMANCE NOVELS, vol. 1?”

Back then, we snorted, gave silly answers and moved on.

We really, really didn’t expect anyone to approach us and essentially say “DUDES. WRITE A SMART BITCH BOOK ABOUT ROMANCE NOVELS.”

So yeah, that weird sound you hear? That’d be my brain boggling.

We’re going to write a book. What’s more, we’re going to write a book that in all likelihood will contain the words “shit,” “fuck,” “cunt,” “cock,” “cocksucker,” “motherfucker” and “tits.” Also, “twat.” Not to mention “crapweasels” and “cuntmonkeys.”

This is going to rock.

Sarah: Oooh. Crapweasels. That’s also nice.



Comments are Closed

  1. Jaynie R says:

    weeeeee didlys.  That is so awesome guys.  Big congrats, and I’ll be first in line to buy it.

  2. All I can say is it’s about freakin’ time.  Saw this on PM at 5:30 am and hooted out lout! Can’t wait to read it!  Congratulations!


  3. Alessia Brio says:

    Congratulations, ladies!

  4. MamaNice says:

    Time to break out the booze (or fancy grape juice for Sarah) and cel-e-brate!!! Congrats bitches!

  5. Rachel says:

    So, would that be a blook?


  6. Nanna says:


    I will make it my life’s purpose to get it translated to Dutch and wave your smart bitchiness in the faces of the snooty Dutch reviewers (who will only review something when it’s written or translated in Dutch, go figure)!

  7. I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!! I have been wondering for a while when this would happen. Both of you are such great writers and so knowledgeable about the genre that it seemed inevitable. Victoria Dahl and I had talked about writing a book like this, but the idea fizzled when we discovered your site. You were already doing what we’d talked about doing, but better.  All the Bitches will be buying 10 copies each like you’re a Clay Aiken album. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR KICK-ASS DEAL!

  8. CONGRATS!  I can’t WAAAAIT to see what you ladies write!!!

  9. Mrs Giggles says:

    Congratulations, ladies! I can’t wait to get my hands on it.

  10. Sarah Frantz says:

    OMG, that’s wonderful!  Congratulations! I can’t wait to analyze it!  😉

    And Rachel, the “blook” thing was the first thing I thought about, too!  The lady doth protest too much, methinks!  😉

  11. Carrie Lofty says:

    We were supposed to buy Clay Aiken albums? I was SO not informed.

    Congrats, ladies. You make the romance world a better place.

    …do consider including a list of all Bitchery peers so that I can see something of mine in print. *sobs*

  12. Tracey says:

    Congratulations! Definitely looking forward to it!

  13. snarkhunter says:


    That’s awesome! Congratulations!

  14. janice says:

    WOW! How cool! Congratulations!

  15. Kerry X says:

    Awesome! Congratulations! I am so happy for you.

  16. Holy Crapweasels, Ladies!


  17. I am speechless with delight!  You ladies are beyond the bomb, you are going to be the definitive source for saving us from crapweasel writing!

  18. We were supposed to buy Clay Aiken albums? I was SO not informed.

    Good heavens no! That would be so uncool! Remember how the Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken were buying 10 copies each of his first album when it came out several years ago? It was a JOKE, see. ROFL! *stealthily sliding Clay Aiken album under rug with toe*

  19. MeggieMacGroovie says:

    Hell yeah! Congrats the both of you! I will make sure to order it in and force my customers to buy it!

  20. SandyO says:

    YAY BITCHES!!!!! Congratulations.  It’s going to be awesome!

  21. WoooHOOO!!  Huge congrats to both of you—can’t wait to read it!

  22. Lauren says:


    There’ll be a section devoted to ManTitty correct? I mean it’s only right.

    I look forward to this book coming out immensely!

  23. Julie Leto says:

    Mega-congrats!  I can’t wait to read it!  My word notification is have67.  Yes, I must have this!

  24. Teddy Pig says:

    Here’s to crapweasels, may they bring you luck!

  25. Walt says:

    You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again! 

    Oh, wait.  Where do you live again?  Because, you know, you’ll never eat lunch there again.  Or something.


  26. Scotsie says:

    Holy crap, congrats!!  A Smart Bitch opus of snarkage – with a dash of love.  Can’t wait to read it.

  27. Stephanie says:

    Congratulations bitches! I’m so excited for you and for the chance to spread the word of bitchery throughout the land. Huzzah! Mazel tov!

  28. SB Sarah says:

    Aw, thank you, y’all. We’re just as excited!

  29. Carrie Lofty says:

    *studiously ignoring Clay Aiken MP3s*

  30. Candy says:

    Clay Aiken? CLAY AIKEN? This wounds me.

    I was hoping for at least Kelly Clarkson levels of fame. Shit, I’ll even flash my muffin top if it’ll help sales.

    Thanks for all the good wishes, m’dears.

  31. Jules Jones says:

    Congratulations. 🙂

    And I’ll bet this solves one or two Christmas present problems. Now, who can I give a copy to?

  32. Larissa Ione says:

    Oh, wow—congratulations!!!! I can’t wait to get hold of this one! 🙂

  33. Gwen G says:

    Ooh! You’ve made my day! Congrats, ladies. I hope you keep the “Smart Bitches” title. I love it!

  34. Kery Allen says:

    Aw, damn. The “how not to write crap” will be official, sitting on the shelf next to Strunk and White, Webster, Roget, and 75,000 Baby Names, mocking me, giving no peace to my comma splices, sentence fragments, and use of italics and (gasp) the occasional ellipsis?

    Damn you, Bitches. Damn you.

    I will nonetheless purchase multiple copies the moment it is available.

  35. MaryKate says:

    Incredible news, ladies!

    Once the book is out, there’ll be a bitchery signing, correct?? Cause man I’d love to go to that Q&A session!

  36. Mel-O-Drama says:

    This is Fan-Freakin-TASTIC! congrats, bitches!

  37. Jane says:

    Congratulations.  I saw the announcement in PM last night.  It will be a fun read.

  38. bookworm says:

    Tequila shots in your honour, Smart Bitches. There’s a spot on my bookshelf waiting patiently to be filled by a book like this. Hope it’s a big, fat one. Good luck.

  39. rebyj says:

    you gotta fit in “bitchyfucky(whatever) that you got nora roberts to post a few weeks ago. my memory sucks but i remember laughing my ass off. bitchywadfuckypants? bitchyfuckypants?

    congrats! i’ll start saving up ! ( but of course i want to win an autographed copy when the time comes)

  40. Well, congratulations!  Try not to hit anything if you do decide to pass out. *grin*

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