And behold, there were so many votes – seriously, a shitfuck ton of votes – that it’s taken me this long to tabulate them. But a (few) day(s) late does not make the victory any less sweet.
Hooray for Kerry, whose entry appeared frequently exit poll in the comments and kicked all kinds of ass in the official voting. And verily the electoral college said she hath been crowned the winner for her cover:
Congratulations! A gift certificate to Amazon shall be on its way to you, and, if you like, an iridescent nightlight shaped like Jesus. But more importantly, kneel and arise with your Smart Bitch Title®:
Congratulations, Duchess!
Fallwell Bohner = the American vaulters’ gold-medal routine at the Trojan Games
I’m titled! You like me! You really like me!
I’ve known for some time that I’m going to Hell. Do I really need a luminous Jesus to light my way? I could put him over the toilet, I suppose, but that would ruin the subtle humor of the Pooh night light already in that place of honor…
Whoa! That’s some title! Wear it with pride! Of course, when I say “pride”, I mean biblically sanctioned het and married kind of pride, not one of those “you’re going to burn in hell forever, perv, and your little fluffy doggie too!” kinds of Pride.
Darlene, Duchess Twitterpants
Excuse me,but(t)——-where can i get that book? i know so many women in my smalltown who desperately need a kick in the Jesus…but who am i to say? i was not brought up in a religious household and came to religion as Philosophy (the only way to go) i guess this was all in good fun but hey! we women need an antidote to the HolyRoller mentality that prevails is most of this land of ours…right???