BITCH-CON 5: TONY CATANZARO ALERT!

Update!

Tony’s wife (or somebody alleging to be Tony’s wife) has responded with another comment defending Tony’s words. Clicky-click here to read her pearls of wisdom. This is really reassuring to all the people reading this thread, I’m sure. Only the catty bitches need fear becoming All That Junk, All that Junk Inside that Trunk (of Tony’s). You non-catty bitches have nothing to worry about! That is, until you SET TONY OFF.

* * * * * * * * *

Ladies, please, take a moment to read the comment below that’s allegedly from Tony Catanzaro, cover model and abmaster, and subject of a thread discussing his recent appearance on The Big Idea.

Posted by: Tony Catanzaro
Email:
URL:
Location:

This is Tony Catanzaro!

To you “ladies” and I use the term loosely, who have nothing better to do than to trash people they dont even know, probably all look like fat disgusting hairy looking men! You are desperate and pathetic bitches that NEVER get laid and need to hide behind their computer to trash others because they cannot hack it in the real world!

People that have nothing better to do with their lives than to live on the computer and talk shit about people who actually have a life are the biggest, pathetic, degenerate losers on the face of this earth!

Its a real shame when people are so miserable in their own lives, that they have no heart nor compassion for others. Beauty begins on the inside, and you bitches dont know the first thing about what life is all about!

I would love nothing more than to throw you bitches in the trunk of my caddy and dump you in the weeds somewhere off the Belt Pkwy! But instead, I will pray for you.

When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, you see a pile of shit which is yourself!

I can already smell your skin burning from the hell that awaits you!

The IP address logged for this comment originated in Kentucky, and was the same as that logged for comments allegedly written by “Tina” who identified herself as his wife.

Given the dulcet and peaceful tone of this comment, I’d advise members of the bitchery to make sure the batteries in the stun gun are brand spankin’ new, and to have a Swiffer in reach to distract him should he come looking for any of us after he prays over our hairy-looking selves.

Candy and I are very dismayed that our secret is out: our hairy balls should have been more securely tucked in, but they are so massive, and so hairy. And, as Candy says, “Man, my favorite part is definitely how he disguises his so-barely-veiled-it’s-not-even-dressed-in-a-peekaboo-negligee threat with Instead, I’ll pray for you, YOU DISGUSTING HAIRY DEEP FRIED MEN. Also, dig how we’re “hairy looking,” and not actually hairy. I don’t know about you, Sarah, but I spend hours and hours every morning meticulously drawing extra hair onto my armpits, legs, chest, ass and back.”

Yes, it’s true. I have to go to the store and buy a new fine-point Sharpie marker. My drawn-on moustache is really starting to fade.

So, as a public service announcement, should you see a Caddy in Brooklyn with a really pissed of pair of Smart Bitches in the trunk, call the police. Or the paparazzi. Candy also suggests that somebody should find the poor guy more work so he has something better to do than demonstrating his lack of a forebrain to the public-at-large yet again.

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Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Nora Roberts says:
    1+

    Wow. WTF?

    Did somebody push the Let The Loonies On-Line button today?

  2. 2
    Kalen Hughes says:
    1+

    Apparently grammar is not his forte.

    I’ll certainly be making sure that my editor at Kensington, one of the publishers who uses him, sees this message so that she knows EXACTLY how he feels about the romance community. I’ll also be requesting that his image NEVER grace one of my covers (and I won’t be surprised if many other Kensington authors make the same request).

  3. 3
    CM says:
    1+

    The best part is that Tony is identified as “a heck of a nice guy” by others in the comments trail.

  4. 4
    Najida says:
    1+

    On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog.

  5. 5
    Rinda says:
    1+

    Whoa.

    Between this and all that’s happening on a few other blogs, I’d say someone took a shit in some cosmic Wheaties.

    Just saying…

  6. 6
    Teddy Pig says:
    1+

    Hi Tony Catanzaro!

    Wow name calling my bitches… I don’t know honey if you can take what you dish out.

    Let me read your beads right here sweet cheeks.

    I am a fag and I want you to know I personally think you are the biggest fag I have ever seen.

    Takes one to know one I’m sure.

    I think it’s sad you married that poor girl for a beard.

    Charming to meet you miss thang!

    *flipping you the bird baby*

  7. 7
    kate r says:
    1+

    O Bitches,
    Much as I love your admirers, it’s your detractors that keep me coming back for more.

    And Tony? you might think about laying off the hormones or caffeine or Bible or whatever it is that’s got your nuts in a knot. In the meantime, keep up that good praying work, dude.

    Remember what the Quivering Brethren say: There’s no butter in hell.

  8. 8
    kate r says:
    1+

    PS Good thing he’s praying for you bitches. Otherwise he might come across as a tad…hostile.

  9. 9
    Kerry Allen says:
    1+

    He was obviously hitting the crack pipe with Falk.

    But that’s just my judgmental, fat, hairy, unlaid, going-to-hell ass talking. (It’s like he’s psychic.)

    Does he want to be taken seriously? Okay. In light of recent events, you bitches could probably have him interrogated by the police for threatening you.

  10. 10
    Kaite says:
    1+

    If this really was written by him, then it is confirmed that he is an idiot asshole.

    If it was not, then he’s got a rabid fan in Kentucky that is an asshole.

    Oh, me, oh my. How ever can we tell?

    Although as an ugly chick (going on feedback here; I really don’t know the difference because I’m not quite so *shallow* as to keep track) I’m a little pissed off that the writer is equating “rude commentary” with “ugly woman.” In my experience,  pretty yet insecure women tend to be cattier, probably because they want cookies and deny themselves. If everyone just had a damn cookie when the urge hit, the world would be a better place.

    I also don’t know that anyone here was catty, per se. That video did not give a good impression at all. Unless he was trying to play the stereotypical, pretty yet dumb guy. :-

  11. 11
    Emily says:
    1+

    Whoa.

    Between this and all that’s happening on a few other blogs, I’d say someone took a shit in some cosmic Wheaties.

    Just saying…

    I’ve noticed that, too. I swear there’s a planet in retrograde. Tsk. Brats with internet access.

  12. 12
    1+

    Is it bad that I have a vision of Fergie from the Black-Eyed-Peas starting some drama with a cover model? You know, the junk in the trunk video?

    I am officially amused.

    I should think this would be a comment on the huge popularity of Smart Bitches that someone would take this much umbrage at an expressed opinion with the video to back it up…

  13. 13
    Mel-O-Drama says:
    1+

    Sadly, until his comment, I was in the “give the guy a break” camp. Sure he came across as a dim bulb in the interview, because honestly, I don’t expect my eye-candy to have brains. And when other comments ran the “he’s such a nice guy” route, I smiled and moved on.

    Until his comment.

    Nice people don’t say I’ll pray for you in one sentence and condemn you to flesh burning hell in the next one.

    Dude, lighten up. Seriously. Nothing in those comments or in the smart bitches post warranted that kind of response. I guess it goes to show that even the ab-ilicous beautiful people can be very insecure.

  14. 14
    Teddy Pig says:
    1+

    Oh sorry I probably should not have come here after reading Laura Baumbach’s blog.

    It is not the internet that people are acting crazy.

    Seem’s RT treated Laura pretty bad in person.

    http://sensualwriter.blogspot.com/2007/05/rthyatt-author-targeted.html

  15. 15
    Qadesh says:
    1+

    Hmmm, Tony, you might have some great abs, but you’ve just shown that you also have some incredibly thin skin. 

    Let’s see, you go on a nationally televised talk show and act like a dipwad and are then astonished to find out that people on the internet are talking about you?  You really are a bit slow on the uptake aren’t you!  And if that isn’t good enough, you respond to the comments with a post that borders on being a terroristic threat.  Way to let a situation blow-over. 

    Did you even read some of the other discussions around here?  Did you not even take the time to figure out that the bitchery counts as members, some of the most widely read authors in Romance fiction?  Some of whom, are very, very influential!  What are the odds that those same very influential authors, pass along your little tirade to the very people who hire you to be on the covers of all those books?  I think even you can see where I’m going with this one.  Yep, that’s what I call a smart business move.

  16. 16
    Candy says:
    1+

    Is it bad that I have a vision of Fergie from the Black-Eyed-Peas starting some drama with a cover model? You know, the junk in the trunk video?

    “Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?”

    The answer, if you’re Tony Catanzaro is: toss it on the Belt Parkway!

    Christ. That song’s going to be stuck inside my head allllll day now.

    “Whatcha gonna do with all that breast, all that breast inside your shirt?”

    Shave it. Because apparently, it’s hairy.

    My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps…except they’re MANLY lumps, too, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

    I don’t need to be posting the Alanis Morisette parody video, do I? Because everyone on the Interwebs has seen it already, right? Because that shit was awesome.

    Lili, I hate you. Haaaaaaaaate.

  17. 17
    Tilly Greene says:
    1+

    Wow, I’m thinking someone is having a realy bad day.  Maybe his doctor could recommend some fiber in his diet.

  18. 18
    Catherine J. says:
    1+

    Because yes, Tony, that’s a great way to convince people that you’re not shallow or dumb: go on a flaming tirade on a website where a lot of your potential employers could find it. *slow clap* Well done.

    I’ve seen this a lot in fanfiction communities, too: posting criticism or unfavorable commentary = U R JST UGLY AN JELOUS OF MY TALINT U DUMB JREKS

    Also, I believe the existence of the Baby Bitchlette, the Very Tall Husband, and other sundry characters disproves some of his . . . erm . . . less polite commentary.

  19. 19
    1+

    Yeah. First I hassle you with Hoff and shar-peis, then I stick the Manufactured Peas inside your head…

    I’m a bad person. I’m going to Hell.

    But we knew that already.

  20. 20
    Tilly Greene says:
    1+

    Wow, I’m thinking someone isn’t having a good day…maybe his doctor could recommend ways for him to get more fiber in his diet.

  21. 21
    skapusniak says:
    1+

    I want to say that I sooooooo wish I could to attend BITCH-CON 5 with y’all this year.  Unfortunately what with it being held on the left hand continent and all as usual I’m not going to be able to make it.  Rats.

    I hear BITCH-CONS 1,2,3 & 4 were a blast!

    However, if Glasgow’s bid for BITCH-CON 6 comes out top on the final ballot for 2008’s venue, I am so there for that one.

    😉

  22. 22
    Stephanie says:
    1+

    Anybody else surprised by the use of the word ‘degenerate’? Maybe he remembers it from his school days.

    Also, just ‘cause your name is Tony does NOT mean you’re a ‘made man.’ Belt Parkway indeed!

  23. 23
    Xandra says:
    1+

    If everyone just had a damn cookie when the urge hit, the world would be a better place.

    Kaite w1ns!  At life!

    Is this guy for real?  I mean, it reads like Robert Hamburger’s best

  24. 24
    Aroihkin says:
    1+

    Wow, way to flounce, Tony. XD

    I… have a difficult time taking anyone seriously who uses that many exclamation marks, I admit. Just a thing with me, I can barely register the actual threats, too busy headtilting at the format used.

    The rest of it is comedy gold, though. If Tony (or whoever wrote it) is reading this… you were going for funny, right?

    ;3

  25. 25
    Marta Acosta says:
    1+

    Yes, the path to hell is evidently to make fun of an ab model.  I’m surprised it isn’t included in the Ten Commandments:  Thou shalt not mock the abdominally endowed.

    Astonishing that Jesus managed to ignore it when he was giving his Sermons on the Mount:  And, lo, a stunning young man came and he haddeth not a six-pack, but a twelve-pack, and the Lord saideth, “Those that scorn you, let them burn forever in the fires of eternal damnation, for they that do the crunches serve my Father.”

  26. 26
    Darlene says:
    1+

    My first thought when I saw his letter was, “Wow, it has to be a hoax!” because no one would sabotage his own career by writing a screed like that.  Would he? 

    I mean, I don’t get it.  The guy stands to lose everything and gain nothing if publishers hear about this.  It just makes no sense to me. But then, much I see these days makes no sense to me.

  27. 27
    KristenMary says:
    1+

    Wow. I’m all for a strongly worded letter to make your point but when one resorts to name calling and over use of exclamation points, not to mention poor grammar, then it just really loses its intended effect.

    I’m just sayin’…

  28. 28
    1+

    I would love nothing more than to throw you bitches in the trunk of my caddy and dump you in the weeds somewhere off the Belt Pkwy! But instead, I will pray for you.

    Wow, a serial killer with religion; now there’s something that’s worth an advance from Harlequin.

  29. 29
    Anonymosity says:
    1+

    “Degenerate”?

    Nice use of the Microsoft Word thesaurus, Tony. You really convinced me of your shining intellect and rapier wit. Before, I ventured a guess that you were an ab model who wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. Now I’m convinced.

    My favorite part of your note is how you emphasize that beauty comes from within and, in the same breath, describe any women who mocked you as “fat disgusting hairy looking men”. So all the ugly people are the mean ones, right Tony? That’s how it works? A fine concept, except for the fact that it directly contradicts your trite preachings on how “beauty begins on the inside”.

    Aside from your flagrant disregard for basic grammar, you also seem to lack understanding of how our legal system works. See, when you say you want to “throw you bitches in the trunk of my caddy and dump you in the weeds somewhere off the Belt Pkwy”, it looks kind of bad. In fact, it’s interpreted as what we refer to as a ‘terroristic threat’. Candy and Sarah don’t seem like the types of ladies who would sue you for such behavior, but then again, your letter isn’t just addressed to them. It looks to me as if it’s addressed to EVERY woman who commented on your video.

    Let’s just hope that none of them are as vindictive as you are, shall we?

    Maybe they’ll opt to pray for YOU, as that seems to be the popular way to cop out of a threat/insult nowadays. I may not be able to actually smell your corpse being devoured in hellfire, but from this distance, the pungent odor of tanning oil and cheap cologne smells more of vanity and hypocrisy than hell.

    Oh, and Tony, perhaps if you lightened up on the steroids your temper would calm down a bit. The next time you feel the urge to shoot up, just pop in a helpful School House Rock video so that the next time you try to send someone self-righteous hatemail, you don’t come across as such a dumbass.

  30. 30
    1+

    OMG! I thought he was a nice guy! I really did! I though his wife was nice!

    Dumb I can forgive, maybe even embrace. But mean? I don’t think so.

    Maybe it wasn’t him.

    I hope it wasn’t him.

    Do you suppose I can do some voodoo over his picture on the cover of my book, or am I comically cursed with my connection to him?

    Maybe we should pray for him! I see tomorrow is the national day of prayer.

  31. 31
    dl says:
    1+

    Looser.

  32. 32
    LK says:
    1+

    You know, looking at his photos for sale on his website, I was particularly struck by #‘s 21 and 28, as they compare to # 27. http://www.anthonycatanzaro.com/photos.html

    That old Sesame Street refrain keeps playing through my head…“Two of these things belong together, two of these things are kind of the same…”

    Of course, I guess it could be that old George Costanza problem of “shrinkage.”

  33. 33
    fiveandfour says:
    1+

    Does this mean we can get a Bitch-signal to advertise the current threat level?  Orange seems to be the new Black when it comes to the Dept. of Homeland Security, but Orange isn’t really my color so I’d like to suggest an alternate palate is used for Bitchland Security.  (Oooh, can we get a Bitchland Security logo/emblem, too?)

    I’ll feel really bad for Tony if it turns out he didn’t actually stir this crap-pot.  Regardless of the sender, given the obsession with hair, methinks someone lost an argument with his/her waxer in the recent past which could certainly make anyone grouchy, so I’ll do my best at empathy and forgiveness while I’m on my trip to hell.

  34. 34
    1+

    Hmmm…First let me preface this by saying that I really am a fat, hairy woman (hairy in that I’m not prone to shaving…my more dark haired sisters tell me that I’ve lucked out with the fair Scandinavian hair and am thus able to get away with it) and, still, I find I’m getting laid on a pretty regular basis (by aforementioned geek *sigh*).

    I had completely ignored that posting, mostly because I really am not into weight lifters giving me exercise advise as my level of exercise need is so far different from theirs.

    Looking back now, I’m a bit surprised at how harsh some of the criticism was.  Being someone sensitive to how I am judged based on my looks (fat people are often thought of as lazy, not too smart, smelly, etc), I can understand that it might sting to be assumed to be rather dim just because you are attractive.

    Still, the response (if it is legitimate) is rather excessive and angry…and very ill conceived.  Someone needs a PR person, or lessons in diplomacy and how to respond in such a situation that might actually endear you to your critics (there are ways, believe me fat girls learn them early).

  35. 35
    Mama Nice says:
    1+

    Tony – my hoochie came from God – eat it baby.

  36. 36
    kardis says:
    1+

    I learned something important from this post. And that something is that I am not the only bitch whose morning ritual consists of hours in front of a mirror with a sharpie drawing on extra hair. Getting each individual nose hair just right is extremely time-consuming yet satisfactory!
    I too had initially skipped over that post, so I guess maybe I’m safe from the caddy. Wow. Interesting day on the intertubes today!

  37. 37
    Charlene says:
    1+

    What is going on in Romancelandia today? Jeez, you walk away from the computer for one little day and all hell breaks loose.

  38. 38
    DS says:
    1+

    Wow.  It must be global warming or the alignment of the planets or something.  This isn’t just happening on line but I have to admit it’s easier to laugh at online wank than the real life stuff.

  39. 39
    DS says:
    1+

    One other thing, Tony.  On the internet everything lives forever.  Remember that.

  40. 40
    MamaNice says:
    1+

    “If this really was written by him, then it is confirmed that he is an idiot asshole.

    If it was not, then he’s got a rabid fan in Kentucky that is an asshole.”

    Oh, Kaite – your words – they are so true.
    I want to clarify that my hoochie comment was not an invitation – despite Mr. T’s accusations, I get “laid” (I really detest that particular euphemism)regularly, thank-you.

    I wonder if the Kentucky-kook realizes that his pity party has not helped his Abonis’(tee-hee, Adonis…ABonis,hey it was funny when it popped into my mind, ok)image much?

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