This week’s cover snark brought to you by Insanely Rich Dead White Broads Who Liked Feather Boas a WHOLE LOT. That’s right, bitches! Barbara Cartland time! Thanks to the fabulous and immaculately-groomed Lady Rhian for providing us with these covers.
Candy: Wow, Cartland wrote sexploitation novels about pimps and hookers. Who knew?
Also, what would the Regency equivalent of “Bitch, where my money?” be? “Harlot, render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s”? Post your guesses in the comments.
(Side note: Connie Brockway wrote a review of this book for AAR a while back.)
Sarah: I’d suggest, “Lud, wench. Hand me my blunt from the depths of your chemise.”
And really, is it my fault that I’m picturing a re-release of this title with the cover from Eyes of the Leopard: Vengeance? Loathsome, indeed. Except completely AWESOME.
Candy: Very Naughty Angels…wear lederhosen. Because apparently, they’re Satanic. Note to Lucifer: demons who look like they’re named Engelbert or Hans aren’t particularly terrifying.
Also, dude, is that chick a centaur in disguise? Seriously, look at that red skirt. Either that, or her ass is so big that its gravity is warping space-time and bending light in really wacky ways. Which: respek. My ass is big, but it’s not nearly big enough to create a gravity lensing effect.
Sarah: High on a hill Mr. Leiderhosen
Lay ee ode lay ee ode lay hee hoo
Put a red dress on a goat he’d chosen
Lay ee ode lay ee ode-oo
A Barbie on top made her look amazing
Lay ee ode lay ee ode lay hee hoo
But that big red ass is what he’s chasing
Lay ee ode lay ee ode-oo
Candy: I will quash all temptation to make jokes about RITA committees and this book’s title.
QUASH THEM, YOU HEAR ME?
I will, instead, make a tasteless joke about how “love” for this dude seems to involve forcing chicks with puffy hair into giving him humjobs. I suppose it makes for a spiffier title, since “Vote for Coerced Cocksucking” doesn’t have quite the same romantic ring.
Sarah: I vote for feeding the pastel wench, for the Love of God, because Mr. “I’m on my Lunch Break wearing These Pants?!” Cover Model is having to hold her up – badly – while she wastes away. Either that, or he’s going to use her as a Swiffer once she loses consciousness. That place is a mess.
That damn yodel had me singing the words to Gwen Stefani’s “Wind It Up”. rofl
“This is clearly a story of a man trying to win his woman back from a terrible addiction.”
Oddly enough, I just finished reading a historical where the hero was fighting an opium addiction. I think this is the first romance I’ve ever read, historical or otherwise, that deals with addiction. It was Jo Beverley’s To Rescue A Rogue.