It’s as close as you’ll come to feeling joy and horror at the same time – more Smart Bitch good news, and that means MORE COVER SNARK.
Can you stand the joy?!
(Candy sez: Aw yeah. Watch out. I’m going to be the pimpest law student of all time.
Uh huh. BETTER RECOGNIZE, BITCHES.)
What are we celebrating now? Smart Bitch Candy got into her first-choice law school program – Hooray hooray! So, in honor of her admission, we present: Law and Romance, a Dastardly Combination.
Sarah: The law of attraction means she lets him look down her blouse after she agrees to be seen with him jogging in his Star Trek costume. That right there is a LOT of attraction.
Candy: Awww, come now, Sarah. Redshirts need love, too!
Sarah: A Civil War-era twist on the Romance Cover Law of Hero Trifecta! Mullet? Check! Incredibly uncomfortable-looking pants? Check check! But instead of an open-but-tucked-in shirt? An open military-esque jacket over what appears to be a chest with shave stubble! Oh, that’s worth fainting over, indeed!
Candy: Dude, that’s not chest hair stubble. That’s scabies. I highly recommend that this guy be a Fiancé by Sheep-Dip before he becomes a Husband by Law.
Sarah: I know this is a teeny tiny cover but I couldn’t find a bigger copy. So you’ll have to squint, but that will probably prevent portions of your corneas from burning at the horror.
I know this story: [wo]man Native-American-by-way-of-Victoria’s Secret known by her tribe as “She who clings to obviously gay man” vs. Laws Against Teh Gays. She’ll protect his gay self from The Law with her Golden Coochie of Healing and Wonderment!
Candy: Oh my God. How rad would it be if I could wear that exact shirt in court? IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY?
The only objections that court would see that day would be to the OVERWHELMING POWER OF MY SEXY.
Congrats, Candy! You’re going to do a wonderful job, and you will look absolutely fabulous wearing that shirt when you argue your first case.
Congrats! Go ahead and wear any shirt you want! No law against using the POWER OF YOUR SEXY!
Congratulations, Candy! And to think, I didn’t know how there could be any news today better than potential free books or chocolate. But the Smart Bitches topped that, twice.
Congrats, Candy! You learn the hell outta that law!
Hell yeah! Our legal system needs a good smart bitch to set shit STRAIGHT, y’all. Candy, you wear that pink ripped-to-shit faux-Indian thing, and you OWN it. OWN IT, I say!
HOORAY CANDY!!! Go into literary law and you will have 1,000,000 insta-clients, because we all know what a smart bitch you are!
You should have done a cover snark of Susan Kay LAW’s books.
Ah, yes, the first year they scare you to death, the second year they work you to death, the third year they bore you to death. Do let us know if a couple of decades has changed any of that.
Did anyone else think that the Husband by Law had been shopping in Sears and bought himself a pair of comfy Sansa-belt trousers? Then forgetting that he doesn’t need them he puts on his old boy scout belt which is sagging because it feels so useless.
Hahahah! Scabies! You should indeed wear a rhinestone shirt to school. I am sure you will be popular in an instant. Congrats!
Hey, congratulations, Candy!
Oh, those redshirts. Being able to run fast won’t keep you alive, poor thing. The gorn (or whatever) will get you no matter what.
Congratulations.
So you gonna tell us what law school was your first choice, or what?
Eew. Those are some damn fugly covers. Who knew Law could be so bad?
Yay Candy!
I dunno,I think you should save the shirt for yiur first Supreme Court appearance.
Congrats Candy!!!!!
What’s with that Civil War dud and the perfectly pitched tent in the background? Is that Gulliver wearing a pointy condom?
congrats to the law bitch and the mom bitch!
I am going to go bleach my eyeballs, though. Waaaaay too bad covers the last coupla days…
Now we’ll all know who to call for plagiarism cases. SB Candy to the rescue! Congrats!
Congratulations, Candy. That’s awesome!
So are the couple in Law of Attraction jogging on a dock? Wouldn’t that lead to the Law of Attraction being trumped by the Edict of Seasickness?
Hope you’ll be working for the ACLU, Candy (seriously).
Me? Well, right now I’d like to flex my pop-top-opening finger (not to mention several others) and have at that Husband-by-Law’s sixpack. Oh yes I would.
That’s wonderful news, Candy! Congratulations!
Now did anyone else think, at first glance, the Star Trek joggers looked like people who’d been hit by a shrink ray and were running away from the characters in the background?(and hello, does Red Shirt Guy have a death wish? Has he SEEN an episode of Star Trek?)
Congrats, Candy! That’s great news. I’m a lawyer and even happen to like being one. I am sorry to inform you, though, that the hot-lawyer men featured on these covers do NOT resemble the real McCoy. For one thing, the chest hair I’ve seen around the office tends toward salt n’ pepper, and the man-titty . . . . Well, let’s just say it’s not so firm in the real world. Be prepared.
“She’ll protect his gay self from The Law with her Golden Coochie of Healing and Wonderment!”
Speaking for all gay men…
Um nah, it’s ok really.
Would you rather do lunch instead theres this fabulous place near Bloomies I just heard about…
Hurrah! Congratulations Candy!
You bitches are too good to us. Your joyous news—law school! babies! (Wait! Where’s the Joy?!)—and we get the presents. We don’t deserve you.
How awesome Candy!!! Congrats on your acceptance. I don’t see anything wrong with overpowering them with your sexy! That shirt…er…dress…er…(did they even MAKE that material back then?) whatever it is would be fabulous in court. I know it’s a small picture, but is that Wonder Woman’s tiara on her head? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonder_Woman Hmm.
Dawn
OK – I admit to having to get a magnifying glass to look at the third cover and all I can say is..MY EYES..MY EYES…They’re burning from looking at the man-titty
Congrats, Candy!
Congratulations! Great news! 🙂
Congratulations Candy! Knock ‘em dead, Girl. Then you can defend yourself in your own murder trial! You Rock!
Oh and Teddy Pig, that was hilarious. If Candy is busy, I’ll be your hag.
Candy, you wear your flowing garment of SEXY POWER and habeas your corpus all over the bench, baby! Ah yes, the years in school will fly by, and soon you’ll be accumulating over a hundred billable hours a week while the senior partners play golf—oops, I mean, yay, Candy, lurrrrrve that legal lifestyle, little do the smug partners know, the smart bitch bides her time just like Gr’thnak (sp?), the seventies cover toddler…
and the world will never be the same.
Wow, good stuff abounds! So will you still be here in Portland, perhaps at a law school I won’t name that’s on the west side, for which I have a special affection?
Or does this involve moving? Which I personally don’t want to do again unless I can afford hiring movers who will pack, move and unpack my shit while I stand around in tight jeans and high heels, pointing with a lit cigarette while I repeatedly nag the muscle to be careful or else. (OK, so I don’t smoke and I’ve never worn tight jeans with high heels in my life…but I seriously hate moving and figure I’m better off being the bitch than going through all that hassle.)
fiveandfour: Ayup, that was my top choice. I wants to study environmental law, and what do you know, Portland is home to the best environmental law program in the country. WHODATHUNK?
‘Scuse me, I need to go rub myself against some hippies.
By the way, I absolutely agree with your assessment of moving. The last couple times I moved, I used movers. Didn’t do the tight jeans with high heels thing, though, but now I’m thinking I should.
For some reason, I now really want to read “A Husband By Law”.
I am going to blame the belt-loopless belt. I have no other explanation.
Congratulations! I’m about to graduate from law school myself, and it has been inappropriate amounts of fun. I’m sure you will love it.
Also, two weeks ago my husband told me I should start writing legal romances, be the John Grisham of romance…looks like someone beat me to it.
Is the title of the third book THE LAW AND KISS FUNNY?