The Bitchery is ever good about sending us the funny and the WTF links, which of course we pass along to you.
For your Valentine’s shopping needs (though not work safe, beware ye who click here), Tania forwarded me a link to Em & Lo’s “Sex Toy” promotion video. If only QVC had a naughty late-night toy hour. I’d totally tune in.
And in other, more disturbing news, Theresa notifies me that a theatre in Florida has had to rename their performance of The Vagina Monologues after a woman complained that she “was ‘offended’ when her niece asked her what a vagina was”. The performance will now be known there as “The Hoo-Haa Monologues.” This particular performance is being staged by a group of law school students raising money for charity, though the BBC article doesn’t mention what charity.
Sadly, the Bitchery surely could have helped this woman with many a suggestion for a different euphemism, or perhaps a heaping slice of “clue cake” might have been better for this person who fears the word “vagina.”
I’m awaiting a performance of “The Glistening Orifice Monologues” at my local theatre, to be sure.
I always thought the whole “what is a vagina” question fell under the body parts discussion, like “what is an arm, what is a nose?”
My mother was always a firm believer in teaching the correct names for body parts. She may not have been comfortable given lessons on advanced sex techniques, but I know all the correct names for my body parts (and thanks to the Smart Bitches even more slang terms than I knew before)
I shudder to think that there are adults out there who would feel offended about something like that.
Um, I’m just wondering how the answer changes if a kid asks “what’s a hoo-haa” instead of “what’s a vagina?”
Fortunatly the sign was changed back to the proper name two days after the brou-hoohaa. The director demanded the change saying that they only had the rights to the play as long as nothing, including the title, was censored.
*sigh* Honest, there are one or two people in Florida who aren’t crazy.
Some other suggestions:
Twat Tales
Coochie Conversation
Pussy Galore
Clam Conundrum
Tales of the Taco
How about:
If These Bearded Lips Could Talk
Wow. Way to miss the whole point of the Monologues, there.
I actually heard about this on ‘Countdown with Keith Olbermann’ and my first thought was – how abso-freakin-loutely stupid. How uptight to do have to be? And then I, too, wondered what was the difference between asking ‘what’s a hooha?’ and ‘what’s a vagina’?
I was also raised by a mother who believed in calling body parts what they are, and if my daughter saw that marquis and asked, I think I’d answer her before kvetching about something so absolutely moronic. I think some people really need to get over their hangups, not try to force the rest of us to conform to them.
If These Yielding Folds Could Talk?
Parting the Beef Curtain?
Just glad they got the title back.
(verification word: come42 heheheheh)
Mercy, mercy! The laffter! Coochie Conversation?
All right, here’s my addition: The Yakking YaYa
Well…guess who lives all of 3 miles down the road from that theatre? Your very own eye in the sky so to speak for the bitchery – Moi!
I must drive past tomorrow morning and see if they have it back to vagina again – the actors involved were protesting, wanting it back the way it should be.
I wonder if that woman would like the titles “Love Box Babble,” “The Taco Show” or “Clit Chit Chat” better?
Given that the whole point of The Vagina Monologues is to allow women to discuss sexual issues (including “What is a vagina?”) openly, the decision to change the name pretty much destroys the show.
I’m surprised the writer actually let them do it. When we performed at my college, the rights came with a huge list of rules, including certain scenes that absolutely must be performed. It’s kind of “If you want to perform it, do it my way, and tell dissenters to go fuck themselves.”
You have to understand Jacksonville. While you might think Florida coast and think pretty liberal – oh no way!
The first baptist church has run all the male strippers out of town – the closest advertised stripper is in orlando (we know this as we tried to get one for a party once). Yet nudie bars are found all over town.
We are in the heart of “HPV vaccinations should be outlawed for teens as it promotes promiscuity” territory here. And god forbid you don’t vote republican.
Yup, in this neck of the woods, vagina is a dirty word, and I will be the mother who will be the PTA pariah as I yell down with closed door purple prose sex ed classes!
ROFL issue92 how appropriate
Other titles Sarah and I just came up with while chatting just now:
Solipsistic Slits
The Erudite Orifice
Gabby Glistening Orifices
Pedantic Pussies
Navel-Gazing Nuunuu
Prattling Poontang
The Loquacious Hey Nanner Nanner
Conversationalistic Coochies
Yappy Yaws
Very Verbal Vaggy
The Loquacious Hey Nanner Nanner has got to be my favorite, hands down. PMSL!!!
Others from an IM with my friend…
The Sibilant Sheathe
The Tattling Twinkie (just needs the cream filling, you know)
The Nether Lips Giving Lip
The Coochie-Carpet Chronicles
The Blathering Bum
If the niece is old enough to read the word Vagina and ask what it is, she’s old enough to know that she has one and where it is. *shakes head sadly*
Can’t we just call it The Tunnel Of Love, and know that sometimes, when the mood is right, The Gondola of Desire slides in?
That article got me ranting…
http://polar-girl.livejournal.com/
and Darlene, you cracked me up!!
Just had to add:
The Wordy Poonani
Since I have no idea where the original article I read is from I can’t link you up to it but here’s an excerpt:
hoohaaA theatre in Florida had to change the title of a charity production of The Vagina Monologues on its marquee, after a woman complained that it was offensive.
The new name? They decided on ‘The Hoohaa Monologues’.
Then, they had to change it back after the play’s producers said that the lack of offense was offensive.
Atlantic Theatres in Atlantic Beach, Florida, received a complaint from a woman who’d seen the advertised title as she drove past with her niece. She said that it had made her niece ask her what a vagina was.
The theatre’s Bryce Pfanenstiel commented: ‘I’m on the phone and asked “What did you tell her?†She’s like, “I’m offended I had to answer the question.‒
So the theatre, anxious to avoid controversy, decided that the childish slang word ‘hoohaa’ was the most appropriate thing to replace ‘vagina’.
Oh my GOd… make it stop… these names are killing me! I can just see them up in lights-
The Wordy Poonani
tell me that wouldn’t just cause one major accident after another, with heads rolling all over the place after they’ve swivled off their necks!
I love it!
I’ve got an answer to the question “What’s the difference between a child asking ‘What’s a vagina?’ and a child asking ‘What’s a hooha?’”.
The answer is that it’s impossible to answer the question “What’s a hooha” with a straight face. If I have a choice between teaching a kid a legitimate, proper medical term, and teaching her a silly euphamism, I’ll take the medical term any day. She’ll learn the euphamisms on her own by the time she needs to know any.
I’d rather young girls know the adult words for adult parts – “vaginas” are “vaginas”. Reminds me of a joke someone told me about teaching kids adult words.
One day, a child and his granddad are taking a walk, and they pass a dog.
“Doggie!” cries the kid.
“No, that’s a DOG,” says the granddad, kindly. “Use grown-up words.” They continue on, and pass a cat.
“Kitty!” says the kid.
“No, that’s a CAT,” says the grandad, somewhat annoyed. “Use grown-up words.” They keep walking, and eventually see a horse.
“Horsie!” shrieks the child.
“NO!” says the grandad, sternly this time. “That is a HORSE. If you want to talk to grown-ups, you have to use grown-up words!”
By the time they get back to the house, it is dark, and the grandfather’s cooled off some. He tucks the little tyke into bed, and offers to read him a story.
“What kind of story would you like to hear?” the grandfather asks.
The kid, beaming, replies, “Winnie the SHIT!”
Hey, and here’s an alternative title for you:
Horton Hears a Hoohaa.
Except that it’s always bothered me that we talk about vaginas when we mostly mean vulvas. Lips, beard, etc., those are on the vulva. The vagina’s only the, ahem, Tunnel of Love, sorry, the orifice itself.
My daughters both learned “vulva” as a body part. My youngest mispronounces it and says “Velvet.”
Personally I prefer the Prattling Poontang.
Honestly, this is the kind of stuff that makes me embarrassed to admit I live in Jacksonville. *rolling eyes FOREVER*
Y’all are hysterical. This is just a point of information. All V-Day performances (during roughtly the month of February) are raising money for charity. I can’t remember the exact rules, but they do have to be related to women’s issues, and it’s encouraged if not required that they be local and more than likely domestic-violence focused. The reasons the article may not have had information on which charity are 1)it’s just what a V-Day Vagina Monologues performance does, and 2) probably small amounts of money are going to various local charities.
The neice (female person) asked her aunt (female person) what a vagina (fairly important part of the female anatomy) is, and the aunt was offended?
OK – admittedly I don’t know/haven’t seen how old the neice was, and admittedly – IMO – it’s the parents’ job to ensure the children know what’s what when it comes to body parts and what they do, but honestly, what the hell is wrong with the woman?! Has no one ever pointed out to her that denying a particular thing exists doesn’t make it go away?
Rhetorical question. I expect very little sense of a good proportion of the general populace these days…
I don’t know why this is so hard to figure out.