The Smart Bitch Alliteration Contest

Bitchery Reader Sarah sent me a link to a Reuters news article discussing the final event of the Belfast Literary Festival.

Seems the attendees are bringing an end to the fun with a reading of the most alliteratively awful passages from the works of “Amanda McKittrick Ros, accused by critics of penning some of the most atrocious books ever written.” The trick: they can’t laugh as they read.

This noble feat was first attempted by the Inkings, among them C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkein, who met to attempt to read Ros aloud without busting a gut passages such as, “The living sometimes learn the touchy tricks of the traitor, the tardy and the tempted; the dead have evaded the flighty earthy future and form to swell the retinue of retired rights, the righteous school of the invisible and the rebellious roar of the raging nothing.”

According to the article, “Ros herself would rage against critics, calling them ‘evil-minded snapshots of spleen’ and ‘auctioneering agents of Satan.’”

I think Candy and I have been called that upon occasion.

So, what does this mean for you? Why, it’s a chance to compete for a crowning, and a find certificate of currency for commerce at Amazon.com!

The Rules

Compose a scene of no more than 100 words that is as awful and alliterative as possible. It can be a fight scene, a love scene, a climax to a story, or an opening paragraph. Your choice. Just make it heavy on the alliteration.

Email your scene to Sarah and Candy by Sunday, 8 October, 2006.

Voting will begin when the entries are posted.

Winner shall receive a Smart Bitch Title® and a gift certificate to Amazon.com for $25.00US.

Any questions? Ask away! Best of luck to those Bitchery babes who can blast the language to bits!