Natalie over at RT send me a heads-up that RT is hosting their annual Best First Line contest – and the entries are almost as interesting as the comments.
So much of what the editors have to say are rules for writing fiction – rules with which I can’t always agree. I understand things like “show, don’t tell,” and how vagueness is boring. But the others? “Start at the beginning of a conversation but the middle of the action?” I can think of a few examples where that would be as boring and vague as starting a novel with “Hey, you.”
Which one do you like? And what do you think of the best of that list, and the worst?
I loved the detail in Pass the Kryptonite. I cracked up at the “ancient malibu barbie” part.
I was struck by how short most of them are. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been reading a lot of fantasy and fanfic lately, but these seem so *truncated*, somehow. None of these really stand out to me, either. Maybe it’s because they’re stripped of context, and alone they’re not very evocative of the rest of the book.
However, I am tempted to vote for “Crotchless panties?” from Kama Sutra Chronicles just to piss off judge Hilary Ross, who says “Ugh, sounds like this is going to be way beyond erotica!” What can I say? I’m petty like that. *g*
I loved:
I just had sex with Ward Cleaver.
and
I wrapped my fingers around her neck and squeezed until the eyes of my ancient Malibu Barbie bulged.
I was more than irritated by Hilary’s response to “Crotchless panties.” Lighten up already!
Thanks for mentioning the contest!!!
Just want to clarify that it will have 5 rounds. Round one is Best First Line. The next rounds are Best Hero & Heroine, Best Story Summary, Best Dialogue Scene and Best Romantic Scene.
Each round two contestants with the lowest number of votes will be eliminated and the one that is left standing gets her/his book published by Dorchester.
I loved the line in Pass the Kryptonite. I’ve wanted to squeeze the life out of Miss Perfect myself a time or two.
See, all I could think with the Barbie thing was, “Well, I couldn’t wrap my fingers around that tiny neck and I can’t imagine her eyes bulging,” so it was just ridiculous to me, rather than intriguing or funny.
I thought they all were pretty boring, tbh. I guess the naked man in the kitchen perked me up a bit.
I’m just excited there was a guy in the contest and that he had the nerve to include Barbie in his first sentence. I’d vote for him or the crotchless panties one. It’s difficult, though, because I actually think it’s the *second* line that clinches or nixes the deal for me. (Almost) anyone can write a snappy first line, but how you follow it up, IMO, tells a lot more about you as a writer.
Argh, that last one was me; after LLB made me change my street name on AAR, I get confused sometimes. 🙂
“Man, it’s really dark out here,” Barbie Bradley said, inching her way through Forest Lawn Cemetery’s almost totally invisible surroundings.
I like this one for sheer badness. But for a book I would actually read…
There’s a naked man in my kitchen.
I actually want to know why. And also? Yay! How do I get a naked man in my kitchen?
How do I get a naked man in my kitchen?
I feel like there must be a joke in there somewhere . . . Here goes:
Q: How do I get a naked man in my kitchen?
A: Tell him you want meat & 2 veg for dinner.
Sorry, it’s the best I can do on short notice.
The line about crotchless panties reminded me of Crusie’s Tell Me Lies, although in TML we don’t find out about the crotchlessness of the panties until slightly later than the first line.
I called the hubby to ask how I get a naked man in my kitchen tonight.
He says, promise him sex in the kitchen.
I agree with Sarah F. – the Malibu Barbie scenario just didn’t ring [wring?] true – their necks just aren’t connected to the heads that way. Tiny hard necks – maybe you could snap one, but you couldn’t inflate the doll’s head that way: and even if you could, how would that make the eyes pop out?
So in that I was totally diverted by the first line into pondering ways and means of torturing a Barbie doll, I’d vote that the worst.
The ‘boob job’ comment probably caught my interest most – I’d read at least the second sentence to see who made the suggestion and why.
Didn’t like any of them much. Must be in a bad, judgemental mood.
I didn’t like any of them either. I felt that they were a bit on the mundane side and for a first liner, none of them provoked any interest to want to read further. Although some of the titles didn’t seem too bad
Naked man, in the kitchen. Makes me wonder why. The Barbie line was close, but then it got me to thinking as it seems to have done to other: The barbies don’t have real necks, they’re hard plastic. You’d have to wrap your hands around the perfect little tip tilted chin and head to make the eyes bulge.
I thought the boob job one was the least bad (now THAT’S good English!)
The worst was the cemetery…I actually cringed.
How come there are only a handful of contestants?
On a totally unrelated subject, are The Unspeakable Ones (SB) going to attend RT in Houston?
I think my favourite is the naked man in the kitchen. Most of them just made me cringe from either trying too hard to be interesting (“Crotchless panties?”) or just being generally bad (Barbie in graveyard) … but none of them are that exciting, really.
I think the Ward Cleaver line would be my favorite if the title didn’t also incorporate Ward Cleaver.
And I had the same reaction as Sarah F. and Marianne to the Barbie line. I began to wonder if there were larger, Elmo-size Barbies with eyes that would actually bulge, and then the word “ancient” threw me off and started me thinking it was some kind of relic found on an archaeological dig. Maybe by future aliens. And if you were an alien with tiny fingers, maybe you could wrap them around Barbie’s neck.
Then it got worse. I thought, maybe the character is strangling an old woman who used to be a Barbie-Doll-type. It didn’t seem to go with the genre, but I found this possibility much more interesting. So it would make me read on.
It’s difficult to take lines out of context like this. Clearly the authors knew this was one of the categories and were trying for something unusual. I see the appeal for the spectators/readers of a first-line category, but I hope it doesn’t carry too much weight.
And it just occurred to me I’ve put way too much thought into this.
I had to laugh at the boob job one. My best friend actually said that to me a couple of months ago when we were discussing ways to catch this hottie’s eye who works with us. In jest, of course.
I liked the boob job one. I’ve asked that myself more than a few times. lol
I liked the boob job one, too. Great fun!
This one:
I wrapped my fingers around her neck and squeezed until the eyes of my ancient Malibu Barbie bulged.
I think I had a dream like that once. The voices say so, anyway.
I liked a couple of them but thought the boob job one was the best.
I would prefer tosee Malibu Barbie employed by naked man in kitchen to invade crotchless panties, but I am guessing that might be beyond erotica, too.
Well none of them are going down in history to join the Classic First Lines of fiction are they? Frankly I thought they were all pretty bad – some of them coarse and obviously meant to be titillating (and failing) and others staggeringly naif.
“invisible surroundings” in a cemetery? Did no-one bring a torch?
“Drunken oblivion couldn’t erase the day Kenya had traded one life for another, and traded badly.” was my favourite, although that’s the best of a bad lot. I wouldn’t be tempted to buy any of them.
Husband and wife are feuding. Wife wants to make up. Buys crotchless panties, puts them on, lies on the bed and waits for hubby to get home. When he does, she calls him into the bedroom…where she reclines, legs open, in all her crotchless splendor.
“Want some of this?” she croons, fingering the puss.
He grimaces. “Hell, no. Look what it did to your underwear.”
(TADABOOM)