Not that I’m placing us in such venerable company as Kos or CuteOverload, but after reading this hysterical article that highlights the author’s idea of the ultimate blog entry for several major sites, I have to wonder: what would the ultimate SBTB entry be?
Candy Travels Back in Time, Finds Corsets Comfortable, as Prince Androgynous Admires her Cleavage
Our Sweet Savage Interview with Cassie Edwards
Sarah Finds Hero-to-Life Technology Working “Very Well Indeed!” in Experiments with Simon Bassett from The Duke and I
Candy Relocates to Laura Kinsale’s Basement, Begins Filching Manuscript Pieces from Wastebasket
Queen Elizabeth II Name Candy and Sarah as Newest Members of OBE; Smart Bitches Immediately Crack up at Use of “Dame”
What’s your idea for our ultimate entry ever?
Fabio & DeSalvo Stare Vacantly as Napoli Loses Right Nut in Beth/Foley Smackdown; Poser Art to Follow!
(Finished my novel on Sunday. Taking a week off before starting revisions. SOOOO bored.)
I have to go with lovelysalome on this one. That does seem to be the ultimate SBTB blog entry.
Thx – I’m flattered 😉
I can’t get past the idea of a Cassie Edwards interview. My mind reels at the all the possible questions…
I second. There’s no topping lovelysalome’s entry.
Hahaha—lovelysalome basically hit that one out of the ballpark.
Here are a couple more that came to mind:
Candy writes 2,500 words complaining about the lack of authentic bisexual geek hipster boys in Romancelandia when she could’ve used just 250, accidentally implies that anyone who doesn’t like indie music is an Avril Lavigne-loving moron, 500 comments ensue wherein 70% consist of people arguing heatedly about slave reparations, and the rest are a series of speculations about the not-so-latent homoeroticism in 80s cartoon shows.
Somebody leaks the news to Sarah that Patricia Gaffney and Barbara Samuel have returned to writing historical romance, and are actually collaborating on a new novel. Unfortunately, Sarah isn’t allowed to mention names and so mentions this anonymously in an effort to get confirmation from the Bitchery, but the comments reveal instead that Judith Ivory has switched to writing chick lit.
How do you felch manuscripts?
Oh—filch. My bad.
Actually, that’s a pretty good question. I think authors are probably pretty regularly done up the ass by their manuscripts (I know my WIP is doing a damn good job of it)—but does anything come out of it worth putting back in?
Felching might just be another way of revising.
Bad, Doug, very bad.
Though Meljean may be onto something there.
Can’t. Stop. Laughing.
(Though I do feel the need to clarify that it’s not Foley I wanna get in the ring with, but rather her #1 Squealing Fangirl, whoever that might be. Because that person is truly a Nemesis Of Quality.)
But anyway, hahahahhahaaaHAHAHAHAAAAA poser art to follow HAHAHAAAAA
aw come on—lovelysalome has definitely hit it out of the park, but I ask you, where’s the snark? Napoli is a good start. Maybe the Fabio DeSalvo Poser cover is banned in all states that end in A—so Candy can rip on that one.
BTW, I want to read your book, l.s.
So poser art not banned in… Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming? That’s 29 (far too many) remaining danger zones!
(Sorry, I had to learn all of the states in alpha order when I was in fifth grade for a musical.)
Kate… I’ll be in touch by the end of the month. I want the thing intelligible before I inflict it on anyone! 🙂
Semi-intelligible rant about gayness followed by going straight to hell goodness; I’ll see your homos and raise you racism, wherein people interrupt the discussion to talk about pirates, cross-dressing, and Fabio’s camel toe
Damn, we had that thread already. That was a good one…
…and the rest are a series of speculations about the not-so-latent homoeroticism in 80s cartoon shows.
Are you a Thundercats Ho?
I vote for lovelysalome’s idea.
Though I do feel the need to clarify that it’s not Foley I wanna get in the ring with, but rather her #1 Squealing Fangirl, whoever that might be. Because that person is truly a Nemesis Of Quality.)
But Beth my dear friend, I love Foley, you know that. Wanna rumble? 🙂
but corsets are comfortable…as long as you skip the bloody edwardian s-curve. I have the full range, from Tudor pairs-of-bodies through late Victorian, and I enjoy wearing them…
ulitmate SB Post:
Sarah and Candy to Take the Show on the Road! See Them Snark Live!
Not for a clausterphobic asthmatic. The thought of tying myself into clothing which constrains the range of motion in my abdomen and rib cage is terrifying. Hell, just the thought of tying myself into clothing….*passes out from sheer horror, inhaler clutched in hand* I’m ever so glad that even the concept of a girdle had gone out before I started dressing for work! :bug:
I like the Lovelysalome idea. When’s the fight? I want a good seat. And I can’t wait to see the write up!
the clausterphobia might be an issue…the asthma isn’t so much. Or, rather, of my group of friends who regularly get ourselves into Elizabethan or Victorian, about half of us have asthma. My inhaler hasn’t ever been used because of a corset. (because of mold, smoke, cold, etc…but not from the corset itself)
‘the rest are a series of speculations about the not-so-latent homoeroticism in 80s cartoon shows.’
The Smurfs. A thousand guys, one girl. Hello.
Felching a manuscript—that’s one I haven’t been accused of. Yet. But by Meljean’s definition, I’ve done it. I get to drink a shot!
‘but corsets are comfortable…as long as you skip the bloody edwardian s-curve.’
I love them. Every time I get in one, it’s like going to the chiropractor.
Reno, NV – The 2005 RWA national conference fiasco was eclipsed Friday night when The Biggest Little City in the World played host to yet another debacle between fans of genre romances. The event ended in tragedy for politician Bill Napoli (R-SD).
Beth, an ardent romance blogger and generally smart bitch, challenged author Gaelen Foley’s #1 Fan – known only as “the Nemesis of Quality” – to a smackdown. Foley herself was not targeted, as was previously alleged, and neither was this man.
Of the rumble that had been building for months, Beth explained, “See, I – naïve and silly reader that I am – have been demanding quality of my romance novels.”
Held in the Golden Phoenix because of the casino’s overwrought moniker, the smackdown featured a host of celebrity onlookers. The attendance of Bill Napoli, famous for his asshat statements about the definition of sex versus rape, met with disastrous consequences.
While Beth held the “squealing fangirl” in a vicious headlock, Napoli leaned closer to the ring “to better witness the moral corruption,” he later stated. On this night, Beth’s rapier wit was literally a rapier – the point of which stabbed one of Napoli’s testicles.
“Good shot!” Bitchery member Kaite shouted before collapsing into an asthmatic fit. Friends say her foray into the world of corsets – not necessarily her enthusiasm for Napoli’s sweet savage pain – was to blame for the incident. Kaite’s spell truncated another brewing brawl between her and Sisuile over the supposed comfort of antique undergarments.
Like Victoria, another famous queen, Napoli insists that lesbians are an impossible fiction. Publicists stated that his presence at the Golden Phoenix was to “better acquaint himself with an underground world in which women wantonly fondle each others’ bosoms at national conferences.” At a press conference from his hospital suite, Napoli himself stated: “It sounded outrageous – impossible, even. But I felt an obligation to the public to get my facts straight. For once.”
When reached for comment, Tonda countered that such public fondlings do indeed take place. “Oh, and by the way: they’re real, and they’re spectacular,” she said.
Reports that Napoli was heard muttering something about “felching” and “should have mud wrestled” have been dismissed by his publicist as mere “erotica claptrap” spread by people “going straight to hell.” When questioned about the issue of slavery reparations, the politician insisted that the press stay “on topic.”
Napoli was hardly the only celebrity attendee. Robyn enthusiastically described the haute-couture feline spandex worn by Lion-O and his friend Tygra for their first public function as a couple. Mistress Stef reportedly witnessed Handy and Brainy Smurf skirting the edges of the arena, possibly to avoid press reports of Handy’s very public break-up with Smurfette.
SB Sarah, an OBE just back from a scientific convention and looking radiantly sated, smiled on the arm of a man she identified only as “Simon.” SB Candy, also an OBE, was spotted in the Foley fan section, drawing looks of scorn from Beth’s camp. When questioned about her apparent shift in loyalties, Candy sited the preponderance of androgynous pirates and geek hipster boys on that side of the arena. Very Tall Husband could not be reached for a response. What happened in Reno stays in Reno?
Lovelysalome said of the event: “I just dig Beth. And Paperback Swap. I dig them both. I think I’ll delivery her book personally! Coz I don’t like Foley. I mean, really, Mozart? Marathons?” The Bitchery nuisance then sighed and muttered, “I really need to start a new project.”
Fabio and DeSalvo, arriving from a photo shoot for Kate Rothwell’s newest novel about a cowboy and a sheikh, seemed confused by the event. Both, however, appeared resplendent in billowing, unbuttoned shirts tucked into skin-tight breeches.
The models’ publicists say that the men are pleased that Nevada, the 36th state in the union, recently banned poser art. Twenty-nine states have yet to pass similar legislation. Despite the outcry by a number of publishers and artists, however, no legislation has been suggested to ban the active snarking of such covers.
After paramedics removed Napoli from the arena, the smackdown ended with a conclusive victory for Beth. Opponents remain, however. SandyO bluntly challenged, “Wanna rumble?” A date for a future event has yet to be determined.
That was wicked funny.
No, I didn’t think the corset would cause an asthmatic reaction, it’s just that after a series of mild yet still unsettling attacks that lasted over three weeks (and during current mold season—I hate wet, drippy weather!), I can get quite stroppy when something constricts my breathing—be it sloppy posture or choker necklaces or punitive underwear (I’m including corsets in this category, although the primary offender at moment is a too-small bra.) I don’t even really like being hugged too tightly if it crushes my ribs and prevents my pulling in a full breath. And I trained as a singer for years so my notion of “full breath” is quite exaggerated. 😉
Yes, I’m a weenie. I’ve learned to deal with it. 🙂
Lovelysalome,
You forgot to include something about Butlergate.
How about,
Jan Butler, sited in disastrous and hardly concealing Farah Fawcett wig and vintage Talbot’s suit, waves a 50 dollar bill, erroneously hoping for a lap dance whilst macking on last night’s stripper resplendent in tasseled pasties and a pair of clear 5-inch platform heals.
damn it. heels.
Welcome to the Freudian typo thread. Watch what you say, or the inner workings of your mind will be revealed.
After reading Salome’s crafty critique of another Foley novel, I have to ask this of the Bitchery: Am I the only one who, from time to time, really likes certain characters but not the book they’re in, wondering (mostly) facetiously if they were snatched out of the creative ether at the wrong time and and forced into the wrong book? I hesitate to say “by the wrong author” although that’s sometimes how it feels, because there just seems to be such a discord between the characters and the plotting or the overall construction of the novel.
Depends on who’s wearing the corset! 😉
I’m in awe. How fabulosa is lovelysalome ? The funniest bit was pulling a Kenyon and quoting herself in her event coverage.
Yay! I won!
But then, when Napoli loses a nut, I think we ALL win.
The question I have is how do you locate something as small as Napoli’s nuts?
All this talk about Ultimate this-n-that reminded me of The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, possibly the Best Thing Ever Animated, Ever. Except for Kenya. Because it’s hard to beat lions and tigers. Only in Kenya. (Forget Norway.) Kenya, oh Kenya, where the giraffes are, and the zebras.
OMG, Kenya! (Kenya believe it?!)
I love that, Candy. We tried to order stuffed lions, tigers, zebras and giraffes but they were out of something, I forget which one. You should totally check out this episide of
The Toast King: On the Moon if you think Kenya is funny.
Til then, Merry Tuesday!
This is actually my favorite one. Episode5 kills me.
Oh man. I just watched the Ultimate Showdown. This is my new favorite song, no lie. I went immediately to MySpace and downloaded it. I bow to your mad funny-finding skills on the Intarweb.
This is really, really crass, with lots of cartoony penis and spooge. I would never post this if you didn’t have the ultimate showdown link posted, but here is a parody of that video, only super nasty. It’s the ultimate orgy.
http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/330027
I hope I’ve made the point that it is extraordinarily crass and extremely NSFW. Also very hilarious if you like this sorta thing.
Jebus. I’m…I’m speechless.
RE: Ultimate Showdown
This really captured my imagination. Suddenly I have a story in my head, mild-mannered sweater-vest wearing hero, who is like ex-CIA or something. He’s the last person you’d suspect to be able to kick everyone’s ass, but he’s really the baddest mofo on the continent! I smell a romantic suspense idea cookin’.