Hubby showed me Dear Abby’s column in the paper today, wherein a woman writes that she is concerned about her 14 year-old daughter’s romance novel reading, because the content is too explicit and mature for her age. The daughter told her that “there is nothing in the books that she didn’t already know about, and having learned about sex and relationships in school, there is no reason why she shouldn’t be allowed to read what she wants.” The mother is concerned that “her current reading choices [will] cause future problems”
Abby’s response is interesting:
Literature may have become more risque than years ago, but these days the chances of sheltering your “mature, straight-A student” are slim. Rather than censor her reading, stress to her that if she has any questions about anything she can come to you for straight answers. (You could also keep the channels of communication open by asking her to lend you the books when she’s finished reading them.)
Some might argue that the idealized depiction of romance, and women being “rescued” by powerful, wealthy men, is more worrisome than the sex and eroticism. However, if you are raising your daughter to respect feminist principles, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
There certainly remains a niche of the romance genre that reintroduces the “rescue” format, but if the mother (and Abby) took a look at current romance trends, from the paranormal heroines (and heroes) to the Bombshell ass kicking accountants, for example, there’s no shortage of heroines that embody “feminist principles.”
Maybe this girl needs a reading list. What’s your favorite heroine that embodies strength, self-reliance and independence?
I wrote about this back before Freebird was born, before I knew he was a he, but the question still pops up now and again. Would you let your 14 year old daughter read romance? I’ve met 14 year olds of varying degrees of maturity, but without a list of specific conditions, I’d have to say yeah, I surely would, because I’d much rather a teenager learn about sex from the context of romance than from current pervasive and prurient portrayals of violent sexuality.
I’ve never bought this argument. “You’re not a good reader because you don’t read everything.” Yeah, well, suck it. 🙄 Just because I don’t enjoy reading your preferred genre, doesn’t mean that I haven’t read it in the past and decided that it wasn’t my cup of tea. And your favorite author is great for you, but doesn’t interest me at all.
I started reading Stephen King at 11, and read everything in the horror genre that I could get my hands on (except vampire books) until the age of 15, when I switched to romance. All through my years of formal education (23 years total), I’ve read the classics for class and always went back to “fluff” for entertainment.
I’ve tried mystery, westerns, chick lit, Oprah Book Club selections, etc. I keep coming back to romance because everything else is boring to me. And that’s not to say that everything in romance is interesting to me. I am bored by contemporaries and paranormals. But I tried them. And everytime I let someone guilt me into trying them again, it just confirms my belief that they aren’t for me.
It should be enough that I’m reading. My parents never restricted my selections, and I never let my peers shame me into hiding my selections.
I’ll go with this. My reading was never censored as a child, so I got a nice balance between my favored fantasy novels and the heavier, classics (especially the craptacular 1950’s classics—if I never read another Steinbeck again, it’ll be too damn soon!) Went to high school and kept the same balance, only adding some, very few romance novels. Even I was a snob then! Went through my 20’s in a depression (probably all the Tolstoy and the philosophy I had to read in college) and when I came out realized I didn’t want my fiction to be quite so heavy anymore—real life is heavy enough. So I got VERY into romance novels, with the understanding that they be of the “happily ever after” type, in my late 20’s, starting with Jayne Ann Krentz—who, no matter what else you say about her, is absolute Queen of the Lighthearted Romance Novel. I re-read those when I’m down, even if I have moved on to other authors, the erotica subgenre, and the vampire/supernatural category (although that’s one that’s starting to bore me, so I need to find another subtopic of interest!)
I still think they lead me down interesting research paths. After reading some historicals, I spent a full month researching the life and times of real pirates, sheep farming in Lancashire in the 1700’s and read a biography of Jane Austen. You don’t need to know what I do research on after reading an erotic romance…. :smirk:
the first romance i read was titled “tregarons daughter” (i may be spelling that wrong.. good book to transition from little house on the prairie books to more grown up literature.
i was 12
my teen is 15,she can read any of my books cept my ellora’s cave collection hehe..those are mama’s!!
we’ll giggle over stuff together and talk about how stupid some things are in the books and have good discussions over places the books take us..
case in point..sherrilyn kenyons dark hunter series sparked her ineterest in greek mythology. she looked stuff up on the web and checked out library books on the subject.
i’m pretty much liberal about the topic.. if something is too sexual or rediculously sexual, i’ll reccomend she not read it..like laurel hamilton’s incubus dreams, it was too much for even me. i made it thru 1/4 of the book then put it in my swap bag to take to the used bookstore.
rebyj, I adore Tregaron’s Daughter and most of the other Brent novels, my favourite being Golden Urchin. <3
Robin,
Thank you for suggesting audiobooks. I will try one. IF he likes it I can always get more from a library.
One thing my kids school do right is read to them. They have 20 – 30 min a day. The teacher reads for those minutes, marks the page and comes back to it the next day.
I love subbing on days when I get to do that…
Sam
In addition to audiobooks, try seeing if he’d go futher into the comic realm with Graphic Novels. There are a few out there that a young boy might like. (One is titled Origin where the author creates the background for Wolverine – great story and gorgeous artwork).
Play on the noflyingnotights website. It has great recommendations.
Oh, really, Abby? What if I’m not raising my daughter to “respect feminist principles� Am I still a good parent?
“Feminism is the radical notion that a woman is a human being.”
So.. IMHO, no.
:coolsmile:
I’ve wondered about that comment, too. I’ve always felt the word feminism represented a positve—equality and respect between sexes.
Here are the dictionary definitions:
1.the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2 : organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests
I don’t know for certain, but I speculate that poster was thinking of fringe militant feminism and referencing the belief that men should be oppressed or punished because women were. I can’t get on board with the idea of causing any group of people harm because it isn’t going to change the past. I just want a level playing field for me and my daughter, so that we can do anything we set our minds to achieve.
I started reading historicals when I was 12, and I don’t think it did me any harm. I preferred traditional Regencies, but not really because of the lack of sex. I just liked the repartee!
I think that while things have changed a lot in the romance genre, it’s still exciting to me every time I read a
historical where the girl gets equal time in rescuing and action instead of just being “feisty” or only being as badass as the hero until she’s finally overpowered and suddenly here he comes to the rescue!
And maybe things have even changed since I was in high school (when I read a lot more widely in the genre than I do now, when I mostly stick to authors that I know I love or that are recommended to me by trusted fellow readers), but I remember HATING all those forced seductions and heroines getting one-upped and overpowered and rendered speechless and pressured into marriage and made to realize how frigid they were or to feel clumsy or to whatever it was by the cool, forceful hero. It just felt like whatever the situation, the heroine was never in control of it. I remember how happy I got when I watched _The Court Jester_ for the first time, because the chick is the captain of the resistance!
Sometimes, I know, attempts in historicals to make the heroine equally strong can end up just plain anachronistic, and I don’t like that, but I think a lot of books could do better than they do.
Some of my favorite strong-girl romances are:
The Grand Sophy by Georgette Heyer
The Last Hellion by Loretta Chase
Sorcery and Cecilia by Caroline Stevermer and Patricia Wrede
LMAO!
Jesus…
I wrote this pretending to be my mom two years ago, when she threatened to confiscate my stash of romance books because she stumbled across a slightly BDSM themed one. (The cover made it clear)
It didnt end up doing anything, actually, when I showed her this…she just said HM. and refused to talk about it.
Good times, good times…