Hubby showed me Dear Abby’s column in the paper today, wherein a woman writes that she is concerned about her 14 year-old daughter’s romance novel reading, because the content is too explicit and mature for her age. The daughter told her that “there is nothing in the books that she didn’t already know about, and having learned about sex and relationships in school, there is no reason why she shouldn’t be allowed to read what she wants.” The mother is concerned that “her current reading choices [will] cause future problems”
Abby’s response is interesting:
Literature may have become more risque than years ago, but these days the chances of sheltering your “mature, straight-A student” are slim. Rather than censor her reading, stress to her that if she has any questions about anything she can come to you for straight answers. (You could also keep the channels of communication open by asking her to lend you the books when she’s finished reading them.)
Some might argue that the idealized depiction of romance, and women being “rescued” by powerful, wealthy men, is more worrisome than the sex and eroticism. However, if you are raising your daughter to respect feminist principles, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
There certainly remains a niche of the romance genre that reintroduces the “rescue” format, but if the mother (and Abby) took a look at current romance trends, from the paranormal heroines (and heroes) to the Bombshell ass kicking accountants, for example, there’s no shortage of heroines that embody “feminist principles.”
Maybe this girl needs a reading list. What’s your favorite heroine that embodies strength, self-reliance and independence?
I wrote about this back before Freebird was born, before I knew he was a he, but the question still pops up now and again. Would you let your 14 year old daughter read romance? I’ve met 14 year olds of varying degrees of maturity, but without a list of specific conditions, I’d have to say yeah, I surely would, because I’d much rather a teenager learn about sex from the context of romance than from current pervasive and prurient portrayals of violent sexuality.
Like many here, I started reading romances early – I was about 12, I think. I picked one up after a family friend left it at the house, and later on swapped them with a friend at school whose mother had a trove of late-70s/early 80s stuff. My mom realized what I was reading and I think it did bother her a little, both because of the perceived quality of the books and because of the sexual content. Like Tam’s mother, mine did take me aside once to explain that real-life sex was not always quite so ideal, and I rolled my eyes to hide my total mortification and left that conversation ASAP.
To their credit, my parents didn’t keep my sister and I from reading anything, maybe because they knew we read everything in the house and weren’t getting all our ideas from the same place. We seriously read all the time – for years, I’ve fallen asleep with a book in hand.
I can’t say that the romances I was reading as a kid had the strongest female role models; even through the late eighties, most were pretty archaic in terms of gender roles. I can say, though, that some of the notions I picked up about sex were positive and important ones to learn: that pleasure during sex is not just normal but expected for women as well as men (it seemed to take my friends YEARS to pick up on this); that there’s a lot to sex besides penetration; that sex can have considerable emotional and physical consequences (at least, this was always shown for women – my only quibble here is this is not often evoked in the same way for the male characters in the books). I wouldn’t mind a daughter of mine learning these things, especially because the way sex is shown in the mainstream media, especially in teen-centered shows, really bugs me – it always seems like sex is shown as this great “gift” the girl gives the boy, like it’s some kind of huge sacrifice or obligation for her as opposed to being an enjoyable act for her, too.
I must say, though, that I’m glad that force-her-until-she-likes-it storylines are pretty much gone – there were so many in romances when I was younger, and although I made it through that era without ever coming to think that a man would be justified in doing that, the overtone that women don’t know what they want until men show them isn’t exactly ideal for a young audience.
Ana, I remember reading Wifey. Seems like the very first scene is her looking out the window at a hot guy doing it on the lawn – but it’s been a really long time since I read it.
What screwed me up forever was getting my hands on Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex*
*but were afraid to ask
I think I was about 13. Mom hid it, so I naturally had to find it. There was a whole section on perversions and such – Peeping Toms, guys who wear mirrors on their shoes in libraries, and worst of all, foot fetish guys. There were real accounts of people – actually patients of the Dr. who wrote the book – and this foot guy worked at a shoe store. Of course he did. He’d measure a woman’s foot, go in the back and jack off, then take her the shoes to try on. Holy God – I STILL think about that, every time I go in a store that has shoe salesmen. DSW is my friend.
Oh, and I snuck into The Godfather at a very tender age – we were supposed to be seeing a Disney movie, I think. Haha! Still remember thinking Sonny doing the bridesmaid against the bathroom door was…well, pretty amazing.
Dang, up against a door? I never got to see movies as a kid. It was a huge deal if we got driven into town to see a Disney film. I do remember sneaking in to see Purple Rain though (God I loved me some skinny little femme, the artist formerly known as Prince).
PS I’ve got $how Her the Money in my hot little hand right now. It’s at the top of my reading list.
Oh, hell. Now I’m nervous. Doesn’t matter that Sarah and RITA liked it – it still wigs me out to know someone’s reading one of my books.
I hope you enjoy it as much as that shoe salesman liked…oh, never mind. That was gonna be wrong on SO many levels.
And dude, have you never seen The Godfather – the whole thing, not on tv, with all the good parts still in it? You should – you really should. Never mind that it’s turned into a guy flick – actually the Gold Standard guy movie – it rocks. Sex and violence and then more sex and violence. What’s not to like? 🙂
Hah- I was nine the first time I thieved one of my mother’s romances. I was bored, I was cranky, and I think I wanted to disturb my teachers- but I enjoyed it and didn’t really look back. I’d say I’ve learned a lot about many things from romances, in the same sense as Wikipedia- it’s not where you want to get your hard information, but the genre’s a good source of inspiration for questions and lines of inquiry.
I’d say a bit of maturity and the standard requisite separation of reality and fiction and it should be fine.
“I have posted here before but today I’m anonymous because … well, you’ll see.
We’ve got one daughter, a senior in high school. Our stance has always been that she can read anything that interests her. We prefer that she is open about her reading habits so we can talk to her. This meant she went through the awful Goosebumps stage when she was about eight. I never criticized anything she wanted to read, but I talked to her about the books and worked hard to make her comfortable coming to both of us with questions. She is free to read anything in the house or library, to spend her own money on books.
She doesn’t show much interest in romance. What she does read (and watch) with great interest are stories about gay and lesbian relationships. She prefers the gay to the lesbian. She also reads a lot of nonfiction on gender issues, sexuality studies and gay rights (she has a subscription to The Advocate). But her reading material of first choice: novels written by gay men about lives of gay men. Christopher Rice, Alan Hollinghurst, David Leavitt, etc. She also watches any movie with a gay theme. She adored Brokeback Mountain.
This is not the kind of thing that worries us. Drugs would worry us, but an abiding interest in gay fiction? Nope. I talk to her about what she’s reading and she’s open to discussion.
I know what you’re wondering. About six months ago I just asked. I said: So, do you think you might be gay?
And she gave me this teenager look. You know the one: save me from my parents, for they are so dumb.
Mom, she said. I am so. not. gay. I’ve got crushes on like, four guys at a time. I’ve never had a crush on a girl. Not even close.
Okay, said I. But you know it wouldn’t upset us…
Mom: Not. Gay.
So here’s the thing. I don’t get the fascination with gay men and gay relationships and gay sex, but nor do I see any reason to forbid her something that interests her. What would be accomplished? She’d be more determined than ever to read and watch exactly those things we pronounced unacceptable.
I do wish she’d develop at least a passing interest in romance novels, though. I’d love to talk to her about them, too.”
Hey there! I’ve NEVER liked “traditional” romances, and I’m only here because I wanted to see some of the worst of the genre snarked. ^_^ Just to be honest.
Seeing your comment made me smile, because I’ve been a lifelong slasher (even when I wrote crappy originals and was deep in denial, my men would always end up together-though whining about how wrong it was! ^_^).
I can’t speak for all, or even a majority of slash/yaoi fans and writers, but what draws me to the idea of writing slash/yaoi/gay fiction is the idea of a difference and yet a similarity, the idea of two equals being in love (for others, it’s a man called a “seme” and a “woman” man called an “uke,” but I personally hate that trope) and of friendship turning into love.
^_^ I’m working on my first novel this year if my stupid computer here will cooperate. *kicks it* Though I’ve written fanfiction for two years now. If anyone here has ever read the manga “Trigun,” most of my fanfic is for it and pairing Wolfwood and Vash.
I was a little bit of a late bloomer when it comes to romance. I discovered my first romance (Kona Winds… some kind of broken family, frigid woman saved by hot native) in my library at my Catholic school when i was about 14. I had nightmares about what the nun was thinking when i checked it out.
My first love was Judith McNaught. I read all of her books at the public library. I was big into Anne McCaffery and Mercedes Lackey but was bored. My mother, a voracious reader, gave one of her long-suffering sighs whenever i’d have a big stack of books with one of my gaudy pink romances tucked in the middle. To this day, she still comments on my reading habits, as does my older sister, my younger sister, and my brother.
I still haven’t branched out much in the genre (i’m still working my way through Nora Roberts, god love her), but i was pumped and psyched to find this site, realize there are other smart bitches out there who aren’t afraid to admit to reading romances. 🙂
My eldest is still a preschooler, but I hope I’ll adopt a similar attitude to my own mother. Let my daughter make her own decisions and her own mistakes with reading, but make a point of commenting positively on her good choices, and discussing anything she wants to discuss.
There are some books that can be a bit scarring when discovered too soon. I read Poe’s ‘The Black Cat’ at around 9 or 10 and man, it haunted me. Really, really bothered me a lot.
So, I’d try to steer her away from things that I felt were a little too dark/complex to be digested easily too soon, but finally leave it up to her.
There are certain books I’d really prefer her NOT to be reading – the sex scenes and violence and general ickyness of, for instance, Kiss The Girls struck me as not even slightly appropriate for a young girl.
So, if she dives into explicit romance? Ehn, whatever floats her boat, and sex is pretty interesting at that age. If she goes for the gruesome sex torture and serial killing stuff? I may have to revisit my censorship stance, or just hope it wears off quickly 😛
And I’m with previous posters on thinking that stuff like Jennifer Crusie, while explicit it gives good strong female role models. And Georgette Heyer is an enduring delight.
I think Sphinx had an interesting point – yes, blah, blah,blah, read everything as a child, never did me any harm [as the proponents of smacking also argue] but just because it never did me any harm, does that mean it’s the best thing for my daughters [15, 13, 11] to be spending their time on? If they’re reading relatively little, is my job as a parent to encourage them to read in this genre?
It’s not actually the sexual content that worries me – it’s more the argument that made my mother forbid me Enid Blyton as a child. In general could a person [an un-reader] enjoy romances so much, and be so much in the habit of reading them, that they wouldn’t explore other types of literature? [I’m thinking mostly of category romances I suppose.]
Hasn’t actually come up, bar once, when I stopped the oldest as a twelve year old reading one of my SIMs. So far, they’re choosing to read other stuff.
I remember reading The Bastard in 8th grade, age 13, at my Catholic school. It had sex, violence,and a “dirty” title. *snicker*
And that was after having gotten my hands on Harlequins and other such novels! Stef, I swiped my mom’s Everything you always wanted to know… book too, and I remember that shoe guy! Ugh!
And of course, Forever by Judy Blume was being passed around my 7th grade class, with the passages read aloud, during lunch. Heh heh heh.
My oldest is 10, and right now she is totally immersed in Meg Cabot and other fabulous YA novels. She’s lucky in that there’s a much wider variety of novels for readers her age than I remember there being at my age. I am looking forward to the time when she’ll be ready to read romances; I’m hoping it won’t be for a couple of years yet, but who knows.
I’m already starting to put together a pile of books that are more sweet and less sexy, but are still romance novels, for that inevitable day—which may come as early as this year!
Oh, I loved Enid Blyton as child. The Adventure series was one of my best reading experiences ever. She really struck a chord with me and I would have hated to have missed her books. (They really don’t hold up as an adult.) I didn’t hear about people banning Blyton from their kids reading until we lived in England. (I’m from Canada.)
That said, to reiterate from my earlier posts, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong for parents to guide or even censor their child’s reading. People seem to get really up in arms in a way I don’t understand.
But honestly, I personally don’t believe that reading easy, fluffy books are bad for children. In fact, I think when they go through, say, a zillion of Babysitter’s Little Sister (as my daughter did) it can increase their reading speed—which will be a big benefit later on. The familiarity and knowing what to expect of such books allowed her to zip through them. If a child is always making his or her way through relatively tough, unfamiliar text their reading is likely to be slower, or so I’ve observed.
Btw, my kids do not pilfer my shelves. They have library cards and the YA industry is absolutely booming and chock full of choices. And YA books are not what they used to be, either.
Hmmm, what a disjointed comment. Obviously I find this an interesting topic!
My late stepmother was a strange lady, but she did love books. When she caught me reading Coffee, Tea or Me? as a teen, she sneered and said, “If you’re going to read sex books, at least read good sex books,” and gave me a copy of Boccaccio’s Decameron. Which I thoroughly enjoyed.
I came upon an explicit romance FAREWELL THE STRANGER by Sailee OBrien in my grandparent’s basement when I was 12. I didn’t talk to anyone about it, but I was fascinated. None of the adults in my life ever asked or checked about what I was reading. I had no censorship, but lots of questions. I would have welcomed some discussion.
I have boys 16 & 19. I don’t believe in censoring what they read, but I do believe in reading it myself and discussing it with them particularly when they were younger and I thought the book, comic or magazine might contain adult themes.
Personally I’ve always been much more concerned about violence and military fiction for them than any sex. I worry about negative stereotypes they encounter in video games and the denigrating way women are treated in video and music more than a book, so we’ve had lots of conversation about respecting women.
I would love it if they read romance. I think they could learn something about the way women think. Yeah, not all romances I know…but there are some good ones that could enlighten a young man. Of course, I don’t see it happening, so I’ll just keep plugging away as we have been.
Decameron has sex in it? Hold on – checking Wiki – quite a bit of sex, actually.
Rawk on with its bad plague self! It’s been on my classics TBR pile for ages. It just moved ahead of The Communust Manifesto, that’s for damn sure…
As for The Godfather, Sonny up against the door with the bridesmaid – good times. Although I prefer the young Pacino / DeNero sequel. Not so much sex, but double studly Italian hotness.
There is discussion of this topic on the Avon message board with a link to Abby to express yourselves directly.
I am so old I only WISH there had been romances to read. I hung out with a delightfully geeky crowd in high school that shared “meaningful” books: Atlas Shrugged, Childhood’s End, Grapes of Wrath, On the Road, War and Peace and the like. Yikes.
Pointless pleasure (now there’s a romance title) didn’t happen for me until I discovered Georgette Heyer on a trip to England. I reconnected with romance reading about three years ago and am quite happy the genre has “matured.”
I have three daughters, none of them with an interest in romance. The youngest, wiseass that she is, reads certain passages aloud to her coworkers in their store when things get slow. They all snicker.
My only caveat about teen girls reading explicit romances is that it sets them up for inevitable disappointment when their partners have no clue where their “center of pleasure” is. Perhaps teen boys should be provided with with appropriate texts. And condoms.
lovelysalome—Reading Decameron is a twofer—you get to feel all special for reading the classics, and you get sex and laughs at the same time. Some of the humor is ageless.
Certainly a lot more intentional yuks than the Communist Manifesto.[g]
I’m a reader Jorrie: I found ways. My best friend smuggled me in some Blyton, and there was that blissful summer holiday when I discovered my uncle didn’t share my mother’s educational qualms…
It’s not reading speed with my children really, it’s more that they aren’t readers. My thirteen year old’s best friend is – she zoomed through my Agatha Christies’s last year. I’d worry less about what a child like that read, because in the end, she’ll read everything, or die trying. She’s going to come across different styles, ideas, vocabulary, and if she gets stuck on Christie for a bit, in two months she’ll have read the lot and be cautiously trying Sayers. But if a child like my daughter got stuck on Agatha, it might take her [guessing here] a couple of years to do the same.
Huh. I’m really intrigued by the idea that reading “easy” books = bad/not optimal.
I read Babysitters Club until I was way, way, way past the target demographic (into my teens, I think), and my mother wouldn’t buy them for me b/c I could read one in half an hour. I read “fluffy” books for years—still do. I love YA books and kids’ books and romance novels and you’ll pry my L. M. Montgomery collection out of my cold, dead fingers.
And yet I’m finishing up a PhD in 19th century British literature. Somehow, I don’t think I was damaged by my reading choices.
I know I was unusual, in that I challenged myself voluntarily, reading Shakespeare one day and Ann M. Martin the next, but as far as I’m concerned, if a kid’s reading anything at all, then it’s all good.
(Was it Bookseller Chick who had that brilliant discussion of boys and reading in her blog a few days ago? That said most of what I want to say now.)
Marianne—I’m so glad you read Blyton anyway! 🙂
As for non-reading kids, I’m no expert, since both my kids do read. I’d tend to be in the better read something than nothing camp, but I honestly don’t know, having no experience.
The idea that children and teenagers should be discouraged from reading fluff like The Babysitters’ Club is silly. They’re having to read through the “great works” in school. Why should they have to read the same stuff at home or on breaks? I LOVE good literature and have a degree in 18th c. Brit lit. On breaks from school, I wasn’t about to pick up anything serious from the TBR pile. Kids need breaks from school. Do you come home from work and delve into Milton for relaxation? Probably not.
Of course, I was voracious and read everything. I was way into Nancy Drew, but then would pick up To Kill A Mockingbird or Madeline L’Engle’s adult fiction on my own when I was 8 or 9. Why would anyone try and force kids to read things they don’t like for “fun”? More harm than good if you ask me.
Exactly. My daughter is in AP English and she has to read Watership Down, Grapes of Wrath, Animal Farm, Ender’s Game, and several other heavy books. She likes them but wanted something more fun to read for a break.
I’ve always encouraged her to read across the board—as I do.
I started reading romance & historical novels at about age 11. They were my mom’s and aunts’ hand-me-downs. Traded Harlequins with my friends and their older sisters. Kept the used bookstore in business. Read them almost exclusively until I was about 15 or 16, then came back to them off and on over the years.
No kids, but if I had a 14 year old who wanted to read them, yes I would let them, because: They’re reading!
I would however want to be aware of what they were reading, so I could answer questions or clarify information for them. And I would encourage them to read other genres as well. After all, that’s what my mom did for me!
I felt kind of weird when I found out that my teenaged little sister was a Zane fan. I wondered if I should tell her that the books were too mature for her. I wondered if I should tell the parents.
Then she told me that she was currently reading the book that I was still wait-listed for at the library. I asked if I could borrow it when she finished, and she said sure.
So now we trade books. And I’ve realized that my little sister isn’t a kid any more. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and she knows how to tell truth from fiction.
If she’s old enough to walk into a bookstore and plunk down her hard-earned money for a book, then she’s old enough to read what she wants.
So instead of getting all over-protective, I just count myself lucky to have a sister who has become a friend – a friend who is nice enough to lend me her books.
I remember the first romance I ever read was a Phyllis Whitney book. (Actually… I’m not sure she counts as romance but she sticks in my mind because you always knew that the main character would end up with the gruff guy she didn’t like, whereas the nice guy was going to be evil. Anyway, I loved those books, though they weren’t fluffy exactly for a ten-year-old. Mostly, nobody censored my reading growing up. I recall reading an explicit sex scene in a science fiction short story at eleven. (It involved a woman who was a sex slave, if memory serves, and the story fascinated me.) But my parents and I never really discussed books because aside from the Phyllis Whitney stuff, when I was a teenager my mom (who was the only real reader) and I had very different tastes in books.)
I don’t think having kids is something that’ll happen for a while, but I’m definitely in the censoring kids reading isn’t good camp.
This is an interesting subject. 🙂 I started reading romances very young. My parents had been very upfront about sex and reproducing all my life, so I was probably way ahead of everyone else my age & older.
I think I read my first “romance” when I was about 8 or so. I thought it was interesting and stuff, but wasn’t a big eye opener for me at all. I got my first contemporary romances when I was 10 from my aunt. She gave me a big box of Candlelight Ecstasy’s (remember those?) and I remember devouring them. Sex & hot heroes. Yum!
I don’t plan on reproducing ever, but if by some miracle I did, I’d be very upfront with any child of mine who go into reading. As long as what’s being read isn’t regarded as shocking or secret, then it doesn’t come across as “naughty.”
I was the kid who had a locker full of romances all through high school. Each year, the last day of school found me piling books into a large garbage bag to drag home. 🙂
“I’m really intrigued by the idea that reading “easy†books = bad/not optimal.”
Well, on the face of it, it’s an easy idea to argue for. My youngest daughter is very dyslexic, and thus reads very little, and her general knowledge score is appallingly low, because, the educational psychologist told me, children pick up a lot of that sort of information from books. I’d guess children also widen their vocabulary through reading, and encounter new thoughts and ideas. The ‘better’ the book, the more information, ideas and new vocabulary it will contain.
To repeat myself, none of those considerations apply if you’re a ‘real’ reader – if you’re reading Shakespeare as well as Martin, how would it matter if the Martin books have a null effect on your overall development? It’s like saying you do aerobics, and also sit in front of the TV, and as you’re reasonably fit, that’s proof that sitting in front of the TV does no harm. If you’d only ever read the Martin, and were getting your PhD, I’d be more convinced. [I’m impressed though. Congratulations.]
I don’t force the girls to read anything – I’m lucky if I can get them to tidy their rooms. The question is: Does it matter what they read? My oldest – when she reads – is reading plays at the moment. She borrows plays from her English teacher and reads things like The Glass Menagerie and Look back in Anger. Not my idea of light reading. But still, could it be argued, that as a parent, I’d be doing better to wax enthusiastic about playwrights, and discourage Mills & Boon, or is that a misconception? Is one as good as the other?
I started reading romances at 11 or 12 by borrowing my mum’s Mills and Boons and Barbara Cartland’s, not exactly with permission! I still read M & B if I want something light and fluffy but no more Barbara’s. My daughter is 14 and a bookworm but I have been guilty of trying to censor her reading somewhat even though she is quite mature for her age and would definitely discuss any questions she had with about a book (often loudly and somewhere public – libraries and bookstores being her favourites as they must jog her memory as to what she wanted to ask me!) I am trying to get over this and having glanced through some of the targeted ‘teenage’ books, I realise that I am being over-protective and she wouldn’t turn a hair over most of my books, so next time she asks to read one of my romances, I’m going to bite the bullet and let her and then brace myself for any subsequent comments (about my choice in reading material). She told me in all seriousness that her books weren’t appropriate for me and I wouldn’t understand them – I did manage to keep a straight face! Her latest choice of a back to school reading book is ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and the other 2 she chose at the same time were the latest Princess Diaries (no. 7) and a book by Anne Cassidy which raised issues of mental health, child abduction, giving a dog a bad name and child abuse – all of which we discussed at length whilst shopping and on the train, probably to the bemusement of our fellows passengers.
If a kid shows any interest in reading it should be encouraged. You’re never going to teach a child to enjoy reading by forcing them to plod through things they don’t connect to and don’t enjoy.
I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be exposed to the classics. Of course they should. It would be wonderful if everyone read Shakespeare for fun. (I’ll admit, I do it.) But you can’t expect someone to start there. (You don’t go from being a couch potato to buff condition overnight.)
I was always pretty much allowed to read anything I wanted, though I can remember an time or two where my young judgment was overruled. My grandmother gave me a book to read when I was around 10 or so that started out with a rape scene. I was such a little innocent, I didn’t even truly understand what was going on, but it disturbed me enough that I buried it under a pile of papers and never read any more. My father is the one who discovered it there and read far enough along to decide it probably needed to go back. When he asked me how far I’d read, I think he could see that I had no interest in reading it farther and didn’t make a big deal out of it.
But, things changed as I got older. A couple of years later, when somebody at the library made a mistake and shelved Forever between Blubber and Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing I was intrigued and grossed out in about equal measure.
By the time I got to high school, my best friends were bringing Bertrice Small books with them to share. I don’t think my mother ever knew I read them, but they didn’t make me start running out and having sex. Even at 16, I think we realized how over-the-top they were. And they were far from the only things we read.
The discussion of kids reading the classics reminded me, there was one time my parents made a rule that I wasn’t allowed to read something yet.
My elementary school had a program where kids got prizes for how many books they read. Every month, you turned in a list, and every fifty books you got some sort of prize. Mostly they were patches to go on the back of a t-shirt with the number, but on a few milestones you got a little trophy or a pin or some such thing. It maxed out at two thousand. Most kids who bothered with it finished in fourth grade or so, but I had started reading thicker books earlier than most of my fellow students did. Since page count and reading level of books wasn’t a factor, just the number of titles on the list, by the summer after fifth grade, I still hadn’t finished.
During that summer, I saw Man of la Mancha at the local summerstock theater and absolutely fell in love. It was the first play that ever made me cry at the end (and I’m not sure I remember doing so since except at other productions of it). So, I decided I wanted to read Don Quixote. Sixth grade, Christmas, my parents gave me a 1050 page unabridged paperback, which I was forbidden to read until seventh grade so that I would finish the rest of my bloody two thousand books instead of taking up all my time on that one.
I finished the program, got my necklace, and read the book. I’ve reread it about every two years since then.
So I had to compare notes with my sister. We both think we were about 12-13 although she might have been earlier because she was younger than me and reading my books. This lead us to remember some of our first books only we can’t remember authors or book titles. :O So now I have a couple of my own personal Guess the Lonely Heart only I don’t know the actual answers. 😀
I think I started stealing my mom’s harlequins at about 13. She knew about it and all she ever said was don’t go out doing this stuff until you’re grown up okay. I also started getting books after my very elderly very catholic great aunt had finished with them. She read all the time we all seem to in my family. If anything reading all those romances in adolescence made me realize that I didn’t want to go out and do “that” unless it was with someone I was committed to. So actually I think it had the effect of making me less likely to experiment as a teenager because most of my questions were already answered *G* at least enough to make me content to wait until college.
Not Today:
Here’s my theory. Your daughter might be looking for examples of gay relationships/people in a loving context, rather than the sensationalized version she gets from the news media.
My own experience was very similar. I grew up pretty sheltered. Once I figured out what gay was, I wanted to know everything I could about it.
I think it’s really cool that you are letting her have the freedom to read what she wants.
My daughter only reads if she can read out loud to someone. I wish I could get her to make the leap to the idea that reading, even when you’re by yourself, is fun. I tried to hook her with Madeline l’Engle but so far, nope. She’s nine.
All I know is, no way I’m letting my 10-year-old son read the romance I’m writing. I really don’t want to explain rim jobs to him.
Fiamme mentioned Poe upthread. Poe was my mother’s favorite author so I read him early. My mother read constantly. The ceral box if that was all there was. She was not a genre snob. She mixed her genre fiction (mostly mystery and family sagas) with the classics. I remember her “Faulkner summer”; it wasn’t pretty. As a result we were book kids. My sister, mom and I would take a stack of books on vacation. I remember my dad trying to get us to look at scenery but we were too busy reading. Even though Mom was a pretty conservative Catholic, she didn’t censor what we read. If she read it,it was okay if we did. I inherited her love for reading and her eclectic taste. If not for her I wouldn’t have discovered Twain, Poe, or Austin as well as Christie, Sayers, Stout, M.M. Kaye and Wouk. Thanks, Mom!
When I entered High School, my Mother informed me that I was old enough to read whatever I wanted. For my frehsman year, I raced through her collection of Georgette Heyer, Barbara Cartland, and old Harlequin romances. From there, I found Danielle Steel and then Julie Garwood.
I used to boast what a great reader I was and a friend pointed out that I can’t be considered one if I real only one genre. For whatever reason, this struck a very deep chord in me and I began broadening my reading, finding Sidney Sheldon, Mary Higgins Clark, and Stephen King. I am eternally grateful to her for her statement because without it, I might not have discovered some wonderful authors.
As for teens reading fluff? I’m all for it. As a children’s and teen librarian, I talk to the kids about books all the time. If they have to read a difficult book, I tell them to treat themselves with a “fun” book. For example, summer reading. Some kids want to use Captain Underpants as their summer book. I tell them read a book from the list (or by my recommendation) and then treat temselves afterward with Dav Pilkey. It’s what I do. I read Juvenile & YA Fiction constantly for work and treat myself with romances in between. I see nothing wrong with it at all.
I say if the child is able to know what the plot of the story was and talk about it well, then it doesn’t matter what they are reading. From the Clique novels to the more serious YA, it’s a book and much better than most of what’s on TV.
I have 10 y/o b/g twins. My DD, I can’t keep in books. She reads whatever she wants. I would be more inclined to stop her reading brutal rape/murder mysteries than I would romance. So, I may censor violence, I don’t know because I haven’t been tested.
If I could only get the boy to read ANYTHING voluntarily I’d be happy. He has to be forced. I tried the Spiderman, X-men, Hulk etc. comic books and he’ll go through them. He actually finished Cornelia Funk’s Dragon Rider in 4th grade (he read it during mandatory reading time in school). I think it took hime 3 – 4 months.
I am caught between the ‘you have to do this’ and the fear that if I push too hard he won’t do it just as rebellion…
I may even let him read murderuous stuff if it sparked his interest.
My DD still hates my books. She calls them kissy-kissy books. I don’t think she’ll be borrowing them for a few more years. But, when she gets up to where she wants to….she is welcome to them.
Sam
Have you tried audiobooks—at least to get him interested in the whole reading/story concepts?
Oh, and one piece of advice:
Keep your kids AWAY from the early V.C. Andrews. It’s not just mind-blowing, it’s mind-warping. That, if anything, was the reading material that actually damaged me.
The first book I read that contained sex was Sooner or Later by Bruce and Carol Hart. I believe the sex lasted about 2 sentences if that much, but it was the first I had read. I have to laugh to think of how shocked I was then considering that I now have a shelf full of Aprodisia and Ellora’s Cave novels-right next to well worn copies of Dickens, Woolf, and Austen to name a few. During one of the Library Science classes I took in college I had to give a report on encouraging children to read. In my research I learned that children who are allowed to read what pleases them tend to gravitate to the classics on their own. Therefore, if someone is worried that their child is only reading Goosebumps or romance novels I would advise them to relax. Children who love to read and have plenty of encouragement will hear about how good those classics are supposed to be and curiosity will work her magic on them.