Bookseller Chick made me snort-laugh with this entry about authors you know you should give up, but just can’t.
I have two:
- Stephen King – he started to suck the almighty hairy nut starting around Gerald’s Game, but I can’t stop buying his books. I don’t even read them. I just have them. Sometimes, I cave in and attempt to read one, like that time I tried to read Black House because I love The Talisman so damn much, but when I found out King and Straub had perverted it into yet another goddamn motherfucking Gunslinger-related book, the book dropped from my nerveless fingers and I had to break into my emergency stash of scientific non-fiction just to calm my nerves.
The books, they taunt me. I can hear them. And sometimes, I cry in the cold, unforgiving dark for the love that used to be.
- Robert Jordan – The less said about that habit, the better. No, really. I’ve stopped reading, but my heart stops and I pause dead in the bookstore every time I see a hardcover book with his name embossed on the dustjacket, and I pick it up, hope singing in my heart, and the refrain, it hums is this it, is this it, is this FINALLY it, will you finally find peace? only to find that no, the saga isn’t even close to coming to an end yet.
Deep in my heart, I know this to be true: they hurt me only because they love me. I can leave them any time. No, I swear it.
Question re George R.R. Martin:
I do not read SF/F, but I picked up my husband’s copy of Martin’s first book in the Song of Ice and Fire series and LOVED IT. Then I started the second one, and quit 3/4 through. NOTHING had happened. The plot hadn’t advance at all.
I do not want to get sucked into some Jordonesque never-ending series (I haven’t read Jordon, but after reading the comments here and listening to my hubby bitch, I feel the pain). So, is it worth picking up the series again? Does anything happen in the third and fourth book in the season? Or should I just save my sanity and leave them alone?
I guess I’m wondering if the plot advance at all after the second book. I loved his writing and the world he created, and I don’t mind a bit of long-windedness or a slow book here and there – but give me SOMETHING.
To be honest, Liv, so much time has passed since I read the first novels, I can’t answer that. I want to say people died and circumstances changed, but I wouldn’t swear to it. To date, I wouldn’t compare him to Robert Jordan, but if he keeps rambling for the $$$$ and doesn’t start wrapping shit up he will soon hit the saturation point where a wonderful series turns into a bloated, toothless hag.
I wasn’t a big Bill fan, but then my friend who got me hooked on the series explained that she liked Bill because he was so normal (beyond the obvious, of course). Until I had read more paranormal stuff, I didn’t realize how true or how unusual that was. So I’ve revised my opinion of him over the course of the books. I think Bill gave Sookie the experience of being wanted by a man, and now she’s having to truly understand that such a thing is not the secret to her own happiness. The fact that she’s had a number of men enter her world as potential lovers has, IMO, allowed Sookie to see that her attractiveness isn’t something that she needs to have proven to her anymore. Let’s face it—she started late on that lesson (thus the YA comparison you made in another post).
I really, really hated what Bill did to Sookie, but at the same time, if Harris eventually settles her in a long-term relationship, I’d like it to be one in which she doesn’t have to make some really heavy compromises. Because Bill was her first love, it’s been so hard for her to move past him, because if what he did in the middle of the series didn’t do it, what was going to? So finally Harris has made it impossible for Sookie to look past some serious differences between the way she sees the world and the way Bill does. The sad irony, IMO, is the fact that I really think Bill loves her (and I don’t think he understood this until Sookie was gone). But whether he’s good for her is another thing.
I also don’t think she had what I would call “sex” with Quinn, who is certainly pleasant but hasn’t wowed me yet as a character worthy of Sookie. My sense is that now Sookie is going to be more focused on herself for a while.
Another great thing about this series, IMO, is that Sookie isn’t perfect either. She has had to overcome her own prejudices—about women who hang with supes, about her cousin and all that entailed, about her own gifts, about her own prejudices and issues.
Jeri…my complaint is not with how long an author takes to complete a quality book (such as Gail Dayton). My grouch is when the publisher sits on them for long periods of time just to satisfy their one a year timetable. My example was that Ms. Dayton’s blog seems to indicte that she finished book #3 in late June 2006 when her revisions were returned to her editor. But, the book is not due to be released for 9 more months, March 2007 I believe. That’s what bugs me.
I totally admire anyone who can write a coherent novel, I’m challenged writing a coherent letter. But I would rather the release dates were dictated by the authors writing schedule, not the publishers marketing timetable.
Thank GOD I can finally come out of the closet on this one. I really have never understood the lure of the vampire, particularly of the Anne Rice variety. I tried to read Interview with a Vampire so many times I can’t even tell you. I would read half the book in an afternoon and then set it down & not pick it up for two years. I can’t remember a thing about the book other than the narrator being a whiney bitch and damn four page descriptions of f’n ivy growing on a damn wall. And I knew a guy in high school who was born with absurdly long “vampire teeth” and had to get them filed down he looked so freaky. And he looked freaky, not hot.
And centaurs? Hell no, huh-uh. I’ve known too many people who’ve actually been to the Donkey Show in Boy’s Town to consider it. . . non-traumatizing.
Boy’s Town is a big whore-town on the Mexico/Texas border. And when I say whore-town, I mean an entire town of bars & whores.
Dl, if a ms was turned in June 06, a March ‘07 publication is actually right on the mark, and in some cases pretty brisk.
The publisher has to work the schedule—as this book isn’t all they have to publish. They have to proofread, typeset, print, design and create a cover, write the copy, sell it in to accounts and bookstores.
To publish a book with less than a six-month span between final ms and pub date is called ‘crashing’ the book, and costs the publisher a lot more money. It’s usually nine months to a year from final and accepted ms to publication.
The book you spoke of hits that nine-month mark. While I wouldn’t say publishers never sit on a book (though there might be lots of reasons why they would), it really doesn’t sound like this is the case with this one.
You said it, sister!
Repeat after me:
“We will not buy garbage about undead critters with boners. It does not matter if they attempt a chick lit crossover or put fluffy bunnies on the cover. Down with the undead!”
I just want him to have the chance to wow me, you know? I don’t want to pick up the next one and some other supe has come to town and is now looking to woo her. Meanwhile Quinn will be off out of town somewhere on a job and become history before he knows it. Plus, I don’t know about anyone else, but I find him rather hot. So that’s my ulterior motive for wanting him around at least a little longer.
The Sookie series has me very depressed right now. I am a Sam fan, although I think that affair with the psycho demi-goddess or whatever she was was totally out of character for him. He is the only male character in the book who who has never physically hurt her, and his come-ons are not boarderline rape like with so many of the other characters. He is also her friend and isn’t trying power games with her.
And he is probably never going to get anywhere with her.*le sigh*
*snarls* Back off, girlie. I WILL fight a bitch for some o’ dat Darkness, which is completely odd, as I’ve never been even remotely attracted to a black man before.
I’ll take a double helping of Doyle, please. If she emasculates this one, she’s need some heavy-duty, sharp tools methinks.
shhhh. my critique partner dropped in and saw that “there are, like, 150 posts and your name’s on half of them”. shit. i’m not only supposed to be writing, i’m supposed to be critiquing her awesome-ass book. so just one more post. and keep it quiet. . .
Michelle, there’s enough of Doyle to go around. HAR-harharhar That is one sexy/scary man. With that midnight skin and black leather pants with no shirt and the total, icy control over himself and his role as the queen’s torturer. *shiver* Totally terrifyingly hot.
Christine, I understand about Sam. Everytime he shows up, I think, “Why isn’t Sookie dating Sam.” But come to think of it, why isn’t SAM dating Sookie? He’s clearly holding back.
Robin, I think you and I could talk about this series for hours! I agree with everything you said about Sookie. And Bill loving her. And he’s not really supposed to feel love, so I think just the IDEA that he feels something for her is now breaking his heart. Good. Dickhead. *sigh*
*victoria tiptoes away*
I hate you bitches. Now I want to read about this hot-ass hunk of man-meat.
Ana, there are no vampires in the Merry Gentry books! They are all live, throbbing faeries, so go for it!
But, alas, Doyle maintains his icy control for many books. Be warned.
Aw, c’mon! Ya’ll got me all ready to read this, so I went to Amazon, looked up A Kiss of Shadows and got excited when I saw two digital editions. Yippee! Clicked on ‘em and “This item is currently not available.”
Well, what the hell, why’s it listed under available formats then? And I just made my gi-normous purchase from Amazon last week too. It’s like 60 bucks for shipping here so I have to wait a while for placing an order to make sense.
*grumbles* I need a personal shopper in the States.
But, alas, Doyle maintains his icy control for many books. Be warned.
Oops. It was only 1 1/2. Apparently it just FELT like many books.
Ana, that sucks. I’m sorry to hear it.
Someone asked about George R.R. Martin and having re-read the entire series a few months ago I will say that while things move a bit slowly as the many, many threads of plot come together, stuff definitely keeps happening. More to some characters than others, but things do keep moving.
Remember how I said earlier I’d just gotten the new Kenyon in the mail?
Sigh.
Would someone care to explain to me how gunshots can heal over night, yet the man still has bruises around his neck?
Sherrilyn! I wish I could quit yew!
Ana-
If you want, I’ve got an extra copy of Kiss of Shadows you can have. Just email me the address and I’ll have it in the mail this weekend.
Wow, what a sweet offer. Thank you! (See, Mom, whining does pay off sometimes…)
Nora R…Thanks for the info. There are sooo many smart people on this website. Knowing the facts, I will attempt to restrain my impatience for quality writing! But it’s soo hard, and a year is a loooonng time.
Michelle, the Diva “If she emasculates Doyle…” That would be the final nail in the coffin for me also.
I can’t believe no one has mentioned Judith McNaught. “Remember When” was the start of her downfall in the late 90’s. Before that, she was gold, GOLD I tell ya (well, at least to me). Which is why it pains me to now skip over her books. The magic is gone.
As for the other mentions—ITA with Stephanie Laurens. I think I’m about 10 books behind in her Cynster series and am not looking to catch up.
Christine Feehan is getting there for me. She hasn’t had a good books in a few years, although the upcoming Carpathian Reunion story looks interesting.
Overall, I’ve found that I’ve abandoned most of my “automatic buy” authors—McNaught, Laurens, Gaelen Foley, Suzanne Brockman, Heather Graham, Linda Howard, Meryl Sawyer, Krentz etc. They’ve either gone too mainstream (Brockman, Howard) or just gotten boring (Sawyer, Krentz).
I discovered LKH through the Merry Gentry series, and since I never really got the vampire appeal, I didn’t like Anita Blake from book one. So I still like LKH, even if Merry is taking absolutely forever to get anywhere.
Oh, and Ana? The Merry Gentry books are still available electronically at Fictionwise.com and eReader.com.
Reading through the comments, it’s amazing to see so many familiar names that had once been autobuys and are now indifferent passes: Iris Johansen, Patricia Cornwell, Robert Jordan, Michael Crichton, Elizabeth Lowell.
I loved the category of “library read only”. I’m with many of you on these: Evanovich, Kathy Reichs, Linda Howard, Nora Roberts’ standalones (still enjoy her trilogies and the JD Robb, though), Suzanne Brockmann, MaryJanice Davidson, Sherrilyn Kenyon.
This topic has made me think of the series I’ve enjoyed and am becoming disenchanted with. Will these become my next “library only’s”, or even “never again’s”? Kim Harrison (I hate where the last book went and that Rachel is sliding toward black magic), Rachel Caine (I don’t like where the last one ended, but I’m crossing my fingers for the next one), Charlaine Harris (Sookey may have had sex with only two men, but she’s gone from “nobody-loves-me” to “everybody-wants-me” awfully quickly).
Robert Jordan is most definatly on my do not touch again with a 20 ft. pole.
I adore Garth Nix, but his Keys to the Kingdom series, with waits a year between hardcover books makes my head hurt. Not to mention the 3ish years between Lerial and Abhorsen. (*sigh*)
I almost gave up on Pratchett when i read his older books, but i am loving the new ones.
LKH, i was going to pick up the book after A Kiss of Shadows, i think Frost is the first book character i ever wanted to jump, but somehow i doubt i ever will.
My dad and friend are attempting an intervention with my mom and i in regards to Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb. needless to say i own many of them and we’re unlikely to stop. even if it does eventually make me broke(*sigh again*)
Romance-wise I’m right on board with everyone on the Coulter/Krentz (etc.)/Lindsey/Deveraux/Garland/Garlock droppage (although I recently re-read a Knight in Shining Armor and still love it ridiculously,) and I was with Gabaldon through the first three books (I love me some time travel,) but the last three (the fifth in particular) are just soul-killing.
Over in fantasy, I love deLint ridiculously, but if I never see another Jilly novel again it’ll be too soon. Happily, I got to sit in on his book tour stops for Widdershins and he claims that he’s not going to be writing the Christy/Geordie/Jilly/etc. set of characters again for a good long while. ::cue choir:: Of course, this most likely means he won’t be writing Sophie again for a good long while and that’s really disheartening to me.
I…really dislike Neil Gaiman’s comic work. And that’s very hard for me to say, being a comic book fangirl. Sandman does nothing for me. Stardust at least had the extra-pretty Vess art to look at. But I own them because I feel that I need to for some reason. I do like his prose, though. His shorts in particular.
But most recently I’ve been trying to drop Meg(gin) Cabot and failing. It may be overdose. But you read one Meg Cabot novel and you’ve read most of them. She tends to recycle her heroine (neurotic-but-spunky) and is predictably gimmicky. (Diary entries. Emails. Chats. Lists with smiley faces.) And yet? I am thiiiiiiis close to buying How to Be Popular and am only resisting the most recent Princess Diary becauset the rest of my copies are in paperback and I need them to match.
(And yes, I read way too much YA for a 28-year-old.)
Almost makes me feel glad about those books that are bad right from the get-go. I’m looking at *you* Jennifer Armintrout, and *you*, Judith Tarr.
‘Cornwell…ugh. They used to be so good! So exciting and involving, and I even believed the crazy conspiracies and stuff because she made me believe it. Then she wrote that completely unconvincing Ripper book, and changed POVs, and everything just fell apart.’
I just finished Trace,and it took a serious act of will. I have loved the Scarpetta series all along…she and Sue Grafton were my autobuys. The Southern Cross and suchlike I gave up on first thing, but I never thought I’d read a Scarpetta wallbanger. Changing tense was just the start.
Basically, it switched POV about a billion times, which I hate under any circumstances. In addition, each nuance was explained and repeated over and over in thought and narration until I felt like I was reading a tome written by a speed freak with Alzheimer’s.
It was like “See, Reader? Get it? This is IMPORTANT to the plot. NOTE IT. Okay, I’m sure you don’t quite get it, so this other character will show his perspective in the next chapter. Also, let me repeat the clues over and over so you make sure you remember them. Oh, wait, did I mention that? I better do it again.”
Like, “Unable to look at the problem from any angle that introduces clarity, Scarpetta stops thinking about the painted aluminum and bone dust. She decides she will soon drive herself into complete exhaustion if she continues to obsess about red, white, and blue chips of paint and particles of probable human bone that are smaller than cat dander.”
The entire book is like that. Repeat, repeat, force the point. It’s literally painful to read. 436 pages that if you cut all the babble, would amount to about half that, most likely.
I like my suspense to HAVE suspense. When you know who did it and why by Chapter Five because of everything being laid out in detail, I hate it. I like to get yanked around by the author so when I read the last chapter, I go, “Damn, didn’t see that coming.” That’s why I like Law and Order original and SVU, but hate Criminal Intent.
And I bought the damned hardcover, too.
I think I’ll be going to the library for the next one.
So I read all three Merry Gentry novels this weekend. (I know!) I’m no longer a Laurell K. Hamilton virgin.
Impressions.
Pros:
I love the politics and world-building. Her vision of the faerie is intriguing. She creates the rough outline of something very interesting characters. My favorites are Frost, Sholto and Kitto.
Cons:
Her prose is florid and it reads like fan-fiction. To my mind, Merry is a Merry-Sue. She has too few weaknesses. Sure, we’re told she doesn’t think she’s beautiful, but we are then hit over the head with descriptions of her Scarlet Sidhe hair, “as if garnets had been sput out into her hair” (C’mon!), her ruby red lips, her full breasts. She goes from being the runt of the litter, too weak to survive at court to coming to her (double) hands of power too soon.
While she offers a smorgasbord of hot guys, she doesn’t develop any of them sufficiently for me to invest. I took a liking to Sholto for crying out loud and then he was displaced by Doyle so fast it made my head spin. And just when I started liking him, she was in love with Frost (who I do like, but in subsequent books, she decided to make him a pouting child. Huh?!) And just when I started liking Frost, she told me in a very offhand fashion that Merry had always wanted to fuck Galen.
I dunno. It’s not the multiple men; it’s the lack of depth. I can’t help feeling that Merry is just wish-fulfillment and she comes off as a slut, not because she sleeps with multiple partners but because of her lack of investment. She can’t seem to sustain an attachment. I lost interest in the sex after a while; it became numbing and repetitive.
I guess…overall, the books remind me of overripe cherries. They look delicious and juicy, but when you eat them, you’re left with an unpleasant aftertaste, a faint hint of corruption on the palate, and if you eat too many, it could make you sick.
And there’s too little one-on-one time, not just in the sex scenes. All the three-ways and voyeur scenes didn’t bother me (although it did seem a little gratuitous, honestly) but it did bother me that there was so much time in the novels spent sitting around chatting in groups. I need more relationship building, even if she’s building it with more than one guy. I could handle that fine if it were being done. But it wasn’t. Also, in book 2, HOW fucking times did she answer the magic mirror? They spent more time getting naked and posing to answer a magic mirror call than just about anything else. I was about to yell, “OMG, do SOMETHING ELSE. Anything else! Get off the damn phone!”
You hit the nail on the head, Ana! I think you’d have been better off spreading the books out over a few months. Three in one weekend is a LOT of getting-your-faerie-on. “Good Lord, they’re not doing it again, are they?” (And The Darkness didn’t do anything for you?! More for me and Michelle, I guess.)
But I’m glad you tried the books. Are you?
I read the phrase, “Where is my Darkness, bring me my darkness? And then there would be killing, people would die,” so many times that he couldn’t possibly live up to his hype.
She tried to make him mysterious and deep, but (for me at least) she leeched away his charisma in the second and third books. I loved him at the beginning of the first book, where Merry accidentally gets him off with her uber-fertility magic. I liked that scene. I didn’t find it sexy necessarily, but I liked it.
It’s sort of hard me to get on board with this series, though, when Merry fucking literally has the Magic Hoo-hoo I’ve been joking about for months. It’s not figurative. Bitch fucks someone and suddenly he’s Superman, new magic powers, turning goblins into Sidhe. The idea is cool I guess but underneath it just makes me giggle. I mean I want to be huge and world-altering; she has Danu’s power in her so now she can alter the course of history for the Unseelie. That’s awesome, big destiny right there, huh, girl? But somehow it just boils down something with much less grandeur (like it says at the end of book three) now she has 16 immortal males to satisfy. (Plus she comes at the drop of a hat, and she can apparently make other chicks come with just a boobie touch) Okay, WTF. I thought that a lot, reading these.
So much potential in there, though, crying to get out, just like the thin girl inside me. I usually shut her up with cheese doodles.
Oh, GOD, Ana! I laughed so damn hard at this!!! Luckily my kids aren’t old enough to fear for my sanity.
Even thought she’s on this list, you’ve all made me want to read at least the first Sookie book just to see what you are talking about.
I swear I’m giving up on LKH with every Anita book, yet I still read ‘em. I stopped buying them with Cerulean Sins though.
I am beginning to burn out on Lisa Kleypas. She was an automatic buy, but since the Wallflowers series, I’ve just been getting them from work (aka the library). I’ve also lost my love for Julia Quinn and hope her next – and first non-Bridgerton book – brings that love back.
I was able to break my Feehan addiction (I had met her and felt bad for giving up on her as she is a very nice lady), but I will read the Christmas one reuiniting all the Carpathians.
Kenyon is beginning to worry me, but not yet. All I know if she had better write the book of her life when Acheron’s story gets published next year.
Oooo, Ash’s story is next!?! Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I had completely whittled down my paranormal reads from many, many authors to two. The two was soon going to become JUST Charlaine Harris. Oh, and moi. But I’ve got to read Ash’s story. Maybe I’ll read the reviews first. Shit.
Hee, glad you laughed, Victoria.
Kenyon, huh?
Dammit, I cannot add anymore authors to my TBR list. I’m supposed to be writing, ffs, and on my desk waiting, I’ve got Stephanie Feagan, Monica Jackson, and JD Robb. I am embarrassed to say what else I’m waiting for from Amazon. Geez.