Ana was commenting on Candy’s review of Jennifer Cruisie and Bob Mayer’s Don’t Look Down and quoted an older blog entry of Cruisie’s from February of this year:
2. I Am Not Living with My Boyfriend
(I’m sorry, I just can’t get past Cloris Leachman saying, “He vas my BOYFRIENDT!†I said to Val, “Aren’t I kind of past the boyfriend stage?” and she said, “You’re never too old for a boyfriend,” but I’m thinking there must be a better word. Lover, but that’s probably TMI. Significant Other, but that’s jargony. Guy I spend the majority of my time with, but that’s Bob. Your assignment for today, class, is to come up with a good word for romantic companion for the adult female.)
Now, aside from the whole Are-They-Or-Aren’t-They question being debated now on other entries, we should come up with a good term for adult female romantic companion. Your ideas?
I personally like ARC: Adult Romantic Companion, and if you’re an author, it has double meaning.
Living in Mexico, I’m partial to the endearments here: mi corazón, mi vida, mi novio, mi amor. But I’m not sure any of them fit the bill any better because the average woman would have a hard time introducing some man as “mi amor” with a straight face.
I like the very simple ‘my man.’ Of course this becomes problematic when introducing guys named Stan and Dan…
I like “my guy” myself. Short, unpretentious, gets the message across without being too saccharine.
I’m totally reading this as “Bob is not my boyfriend/SO” (And that makes me think of the phrase “Bob’s your uncle!”, which has nothing to do with this discussion except to raise squicky images.).
The way I read this sentence, the guy she spends time with is Bob—a working relationship. Then there’s this other dude, who’s her SO.
English. Fun with syntax, but not for the faint of heart!
My 54 year old boss identifies her boyfriend simply as her “friend”. Poor dude’s been her “friend” for almost four years now.
Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with “boyfriend.” But then, I’m only 26.
Oh, and what’s this “whole Are-They-Or-Aren’t-they”? Someone link me up!
I think it’s agreed upon that they say they aren’t. I went astray in my reading of her remarks based on inappropriate ‘but’ stress.
Wow, that sounds wrong…
The thing with ‘boyfriend’ (for me, at least) is that when the man in question is staring oh, say 50 or 60 in the face, the ‘boy’ part sounds utterly ridiculous.
The same holds true for ‘girlfriend’ when the lady in question has left her sweet sixteen behind three or so decades prior.
YMMV, of course
Almost forgot about this. My mother is 70+, and she has a new man in her life. She refers to him as “my beau” and “my dancin’ partner” respectively. She’s a Southern lady, so it works, I think. Very cute. My dad’s been gone a long time and I’m happy for her.
I’ve always liked “beau,” but for some reason it suggests courtship, i.e, the earlier stages of a relationship. It doesn’t quite work for the what-to-call-them couple in my family—she’s 80, he’s 92, and they have been together for over 30 years.
Oh my goodness, KRK… they got together at 50 and 62. 30 years later, they’re still together…that’s so neat. There’s a story there I bet.
I suppose “Sugar Daddy” wouldn’t be a good choice? My granny’s hooked up with this elderly gentleman who’s, shall we say, ‘extremely well off’, and she spends half the year on cruises. We’re all thrilled for her. We’ve never known what to call him except for his first name.
Like “Hey, it’s Granny and her…Lorne.”
I like “beau” myself, it’s classy and it’s not a word attached to a certain age. “Partner” sounds too clinical.
And “manfriend” sound silly. “F-ckbuddy” and “mancandy” would be a little inappropriate (except if the person in question is Jane Lynch), and “lovah” does have certain connotations I’d rather not think about when addressing the man who sits next to my dear grandmama.
“Love” (as in, ‘he is my…’) could work, but it’s a little general. Man, I’m stumped.
i read a william safire article once on finding a term for a significant other who lives with you- roommate doesn’t convey romance, for example, and yeah- lover or boyfriend can sound inappropriate or immature.
he suggested “co-vivant”, which retains a joyful romantic vibe but isn’t too cutesy or TMI.
i love it, and i use it sometimes, but i suppose this only solves the problem for those of us LIVING with our boyfriend/girlfriend…
~ katie
I refer to mine generally as “the boyfriend” or “the/my BF” and specifically as H.E. for Human Encyclopedia (because the man knows everything, though one of my publishers suggests the letters actually stand for His Eminence). I used to call him my Significant Other / Boyfriend, or my SO/B for short, but it often got misinterpreted because I was always too lazy to add the slash. I do love my SOB, though. 😉
Hehe, that’s a good reason to get married. No more terminology troubles. 😀
Something I’ve heard a lot is “partner”, but this doesn’t quite do it for me (and not just due to the cowboy connotation). It’s so vague – a term that can apply for the duration of a hand of cards doesn’t quite do a relationship of that significance justice.
Hello: (this is my first posting
) Just had to comment on this topic, I had a boyfriend who used to introduce me as his beloved. I always liked that.
From a different perspective, I did medical transcription in the 80s and the Ob/Gyns referred to non-married couples as “consorts”. I kind of like that term, too.
I’m 48 and way to old to be a “girlfriend”. I’ll take being a beloved consort anyday!
Evelyn
Chump.
Consort always reminds me of sci-fi, while LOVAH reminds me of the Rachel Dratch/Will Ferrell routines on SNL! I found the term provocative to use in college, because of the sex implications, but now it just sounds kinda creepy.
Hell, my beloved works for me! Not practical at business functions, but we certainly would stand out. Wonder if my husband would go for that…
Beloved is definitely the best one so far, but for some reason, it reminds me of vampires. It’s just me, isn’t it.
Nope, April, it’s not just you, I’m having visions of fangs too. And I have no clue what to call the SOP—significant other person. Other than the SOP, especially if he’s currently pissing you off. It just sounds derogatory!
When I hear ‘partner,’ I automatically think ‘homosexual.’ Guess it’s just where I live—in Austin, it’s very open to the gay community, and very common for someone to introduce their same-sex mate as their partner.
I’ve heard people introduce their SOP as their lifemate, which is nice, vaguely vampire-y, and not terribly ridiculous. I’ve also known people who cohabitate and aren’t planning on marrying, to introduce the SOP as their fiancee just to bypass the whole awkward situation. (Of course, that usually leads to a brand new awkward situation when there’s no ring and no date, but hey, variety is the spice of lifemates, right?)
LMAO, in the military world an SOP is a Standard Operating Procedure. Our friends would laugh their butts off if someone introduced their “SOP”. haha
I have a friend who’s fond of the term “Hetero Lifemate” when referring to her female friends. I did point out that this could also apply to a different-gendered sex partner, but she prefers it in the Jay and Silent Bob sense. She calls her men her ‘good friends.’ (extended eye roll at the unpleasantly stiff-armed distance implied in that term.)
I, being the vulgar little hoyden that I am, refer to my men as my bitches. 😉
Well, I refer to my husband as my man or, in some instances, the man. Sometimes he jokingly says he’s my bitch. I find it funny that he likes to give the guys at work the impression that he’s whipped. Aren’t guys supposed to be trying to give the opposite impression?
It’s funny, but for no reason I can really articulate it would really piss me off if someone introduced me as a “lifemate”. I guess the whole trash/treasure thing applies here.
I laughed, too, at the “SOP” concept because the Standard Operating Procedure implication describes to me a very well-ordered life of beef for dinner Mondays, fish for dinner Fridays, and sex – with a couple of specific, prescribed routines only – on Saturday nights.
This whole discussion has lead me to believe that what’s really needed is a completely new word – one that doesn’t have other connotations attached to it. Or perhaps a descriptive phrase that has a useful acronym that can be employed (along the lines of MILF).
POSsLQ – pronounced “possel-cue”
Persons of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters. It’s a census term, or so I’ve heard.
What about SE—Spousal Equivalent?
How about “Manpanion”?
I’m trying to imagine a man’s expression at being called a Posslq.
I’m trying to imagine a man’s expression at being called a Posslq.
The posslquilities are endless. (Heh).
I like the idea of shortening this to just plain ol’ Q. Beyond the James Bond allusion, there’s also that thing like in M Theory where each person can choose to decide what the M stands for. In this case, does the Q stand for “question mark” or “qualm”, or possibly “queen”, “quarry”, “quarterback”, “quidnunc”, “quasi” (as in “quasi-spouse”), “quarter master”/“quarter mistress” (hint of a double entendre there – that’s always fun), “quotidian”, or “quiddity”? [Maybe I just like this so much because of the fun of introducing this as a new terminology at a cocktail party or some such. “Yes, and I’d like to introduce you to John, my Q. John, this is Jane.” What will Jane do? Double take? Quizzical look? Demand to know what the heck “Q” is supposed to mean? Or maybe it’s just that I like words starting with the letter Q.]
On the other hand, manpanion (and, presumably, “womanpanion”) also say so much and so little all at once. Which pretty much fits the gray area this particular kind of relationship falls into.
Oh, oh, I know! Next time I’m introducing a boyfriend at a party, I’ll just say, “Hi, I’m Amelia, and I write erotica, and this is Joe, my research assistant.”
I’ve always been partial to “sweetie”. It’s maybe a little twee, but it implies a loving relationship with a particular person and has the added benefit of being entirely appropriate no matter the group of people you’re dealing with.
I always loved Brenda (from Six Feet Under)‘s save when her guy was floundering over what to call her when they ran into his brother.
She steps forward, extends a hand, and with a winning smile says, “I prefer the term fuckpuppet.”
“Manpanion” makes me think of mangina.
Just sayin’.
I gotta say, I had no idea what a mangina is. So I went to Urban Dictionary. And I still don’t know.
Apparently it can be mean: a genital tuck back, a term for the butt particularly as relates to anal sex, a man who only plays female toons in a MMOG, a pussy-whipped male, a man who is effeminate… the list goes on.
So help me out, ya’ll, what the hell does it mean?!
Man + Vagina.
“Man+Vagina” … = what?
I’ve always been partial to the introduction “this is my better half” but only if each person gets introduced as the
“better Half” equally. It is only cute when both partners call each other “my better half” if not it seems like they are saying one is the “worse half”