It’s Sarah’s birthday today! And yea, let there be rejoicing throughout all bitchdom. And what better way to commemorate this blessed day than with…animated GIFs. Shall we do it?
Oh yes. Let’s.
First up: a terrifying talking cake.
What the hell is it yelling? Looks like “Cha cha choo-oooo.” Also, it looks kinda pissed off. This is a cake that will cut a bitch if you laugh at its jokes wrong. This cake also needs to be cut off from its meth supply.
Okay then.
Next up: a possessed cake!
Weird. Eerie. But it rotates. Out of love. For the Sarah, who is the awesome.
And check it out: I have paranormal animated man-titty! Just for Sarah!
In honor of Sarah’s birthday, please write a paper on the Hegelian dialectic of the master-slave relationship in djinni narratives as it relates to the critiques on Orientalism by Said.
Or don’t.
Oh, hey, look: a cannibalistic cake. Nothing says “Happy birthday, Sarah!” like tearing off chunks of your own body and devouring it with a vacant yet manic look on your face.
OK, I’m kind of ashamed to admit this, but I think this one is kinda cute:
But not as cute as the Freebird, of course.
One last creepy cake: This one looks like a molester. This cake would be happy to eat you, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
You know it’s thinking “So, Sarah, you gonna blow me, or you gonna blow me?”
And to cap things off: Elvis himself wishes Sarah a very happy birthday.
Leave your birthday wishes in the comments. Bonus: If we get 50 birthday poems (haikus, limericks, whatever) by 1 p.m. Pacific time, I’ll remove the animated GIFs and just link to them instead.
Anyway, hooray for Sarah, and a very happy birthday! This one’s extra-special, ‘cause this will be the first birthday she’s spending with baby Freebird. Woot woot!
Oh holy crap that is the awesomest awesomeness in the history of awesomeitude.
Thanks!
Man. That purple cake is totally coming on to me. Yeesh. Icing AND offers of sexual favors? That’s, like, damn good.
I’ve heard young Sarah’s a Smart Bitch,
By young… well, there’s just one hitch,
If I may be bold,
She’s get’n a bit old,
That’s one word we’ll just have to switch.
Happy, happy birthday, you smart bitch, you!
Birthday Haiku:
Oh Smart Bitch Sarah
Gifts of Animated GIFs
At Least It’s Not Spam
Happy Birthday, SBSarah!
May Freebird grant you a restful night!
Freeverse Pseudo McKuen Birthday Poetry for Sarah:
Mantitty cover snark
and a Freebird; it’s
cannibal cakes and
Venti Brown. If this
means nothing to you,
you’re not a Smart Bitch.
What are you doing here?
Here where Candy and Sarah
rule the mantit roams free,
the buttsecks flourishes,
and the double-entendres slip
up the skirt of snarky good
grammar. There is
rejoicing in this land
and if you’re not willing
to pick up a shot of tequila
and laugh your fool head off,
go away. It’s Sarah’s birthday
and we wish her many more
we are after all adoring fans.
Creepy, yes. Adoring, yes.
Willing to wash our eyes
with bleach…yes.
All we need now is Fabio’s
split ends. To hell with
merely a happy birthday, let’s
wish her a knock-down, drag-out,
drag-queen mahvelous
heavy drinkin’ with no hangover
manic with no depressive
and perfectly wonderful birthday
for a perfectly wonderful
Smart Bitch
who I want to be like when I grow up.
No applause. Just throw cash. I’ll be here all week. Unless Candy throws me out for being squee fangirly…
Okay, well, beyond my lack of poetic skills, I’m not doing anything that will get rid of those images (the dancing Elvis is my favorite—makes me want to break out the glow in the dark bracelets and necklaces).
So how about a plain “Happy, happy, birthday, Sarah!!” I hope you get a lot of good wine and a great big ________(insert your favorite bookstore) gift card in celebration of your day.
We love man titty
Men whose stuff is not bitty
And books with great sex.
Smart Bitches love trashy romance,
But always give Darcy one more chance,
To appreciate our fine eyes.
I love Austen, Bronte, and Milton,
But still buy books displaying men with kilt on.
Birthday wishes of magnitude,
This Smart Bitch has real attitude.
Happy Birthday from one smart bitch to another.
There once was a very Smart Bitch
Whose birthday crept up like an itch
Her friend offered mantitty
And asked for some ditties
And bombarded us with cartoon kitsch.
Happy Birthday, Sarah! May you not be molested by a cannibalistic, talking cake…or an Elvis impersonator. You know, unless you want to.
O’er peachy globes his breeches lie
‘Twixt tiny thong and thund’rous thigh.
His titties gravity defy
And manly quiff reaches the sky,
For mullets make the ladies hot.
May he with chest hair closely shorn
And flowing shirt strategic’ly torn
With birthday greetings now adorn
The GIFs that Sarah got.
Happy birthday Sarah, have a good one (and please don’t take down them too soon)
Having no talent I would just like to wish SB Sarah an Awesome Birthday!
Leave it to a smart bitch to find animated gifs that are super creepy 😉
Blow him Sarah, blow him.
CindyS
I hope you have a great day Sarah.
Sarahs day is today
Birthday wishes and cake too
All just for our bitch
Sam..no talent, but happy birthday anyway
You’ve given us man-titty,
Rants, raves and tifs.
And what do you get for your birthday?
Fucking animated gifs!
Happy birthday Sarah!
Man-titty rules site
Smart Bitches give no quarter
Poser art vanquished!
Happy Birthday, Sarah!
I am so cracking up at these poems. Y’all are too funny. Thank you!
There once was a smart bitch named Sarah
Who begged that we please, please spare her
The cheesy ass cakes
And an Elvis that’s baked
Which all are beginning to scare her.
Well, shit! They scared me!
Thought I’d get this in last minute. I’ll give it a try.
Sarah, Sarah man-titty fan
Who does as much as anyone can
To protect all of us from the crap out there
And give us the good trash to read everywhere.
When garbage is written she can be found
Letting us know that stuff is around
To keep us from buying the cheesy and bad
Which keeps us from being uncommonly sad.
Oh man that’s awful. Oh well. Poetry was never my strong suit.
Happy birthday!!!! Hope it’s a good one.
Happy Birthday SB Sarah! Hope it’s the best one yet!
*********************************
All you girls here make my work day so much more bearable! Thanks for my daily dose of wit and bitchery!
Just a joke for Sarah’s birthday:
You know why you shouldn’t undress in front of Pokemon? Because he might Pikachu.
Happy Birthday O Brilliant Bitch!
The only comment I can give is… happy birthday. Anything else I might say has been overpowered by the lecherous cake GIF. I think that sucker’s going to give me nightmares.
My favorite poetry line:
“O’er peachy globes his breeches lie
‘Twixt tiny thong and thund’rous thigh.”
Rock on, EvilAuntiePeril.
Happy Birthday, SB Sarah
When that lech cake tries to get you to checkout the inside of his van, just say no. It probably has tiger striped shag carpetting back there…
Happy birthday Sarah!
best wishes for a mann-titty filled yeard of happiness.
Sarah, dahling!
I pay homage to you with a quick haiku:
Fabio satire
Commercial I saw last night
Brought Sarah to mind
Yep. The awful Fabio satire commercial made me think of you. God, I think I’m tearing up. Again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! And I say go ahead, blow the cake!
PC
All this birthday love makes me want to dance around a dining room with my girlfriends, wearing pajamas and lip-synching to “Coconut” using hairbrushes as microphones. We’d be just like Ya-Yas or Practical Magic or something…
Instead, a poem:
Kleypas, Crusie & Kinsale –
She points us to some righteous tail.
She snarks DeSalvo and Fabio –
Men whose titty doth forever show –
With razor wits and sexy puns.
Then without fear she points her guns
At real-life villains in places of power.
The Napoli Googlebomb – her finest hour!
With Candy, her partner in Bitchery Hall,
She’s Sarah B, romance peer above all!
Happy birthday!
(My word verification is men15 – Sweet!)
Happy Birthday Sarah!
For your birthday I’m sending a link to an inflatable birthday cake —you can share it with the inflatable cover men. 🙂
http://tinyurl.com/gvqg8
There’s no way I can match all that poetic talent. So have a Happy Birthday Gemini girl with many more to come.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I’M SO GLAD YOU WERE BORN TO BITCH TO THE BITCHERY!
Gawd, I’m cackling manaically at the heinous happy bday cakes and the creative verse. Have mercy, EvilAuntiePeril, thou of the tiny thong and thundrous thigh! I may have to stick around all night waiting to see if you decide to write another stanza.
and p.s. I think Candy is digging the topknot on Musashi waaaay too much to let him go. I know she’s sick of mullets, but…someone pry her fingers loose, eh?
—gigi
Have a great birthday, Sarah!
Yes,Sarah is one damn smart bitch,
She dissects novels in witty hits,
But even more enjoyable are the cover bits,
That make fun of DeSalvo’s sculpted man tits.
Happy wappy pappy snappy birthday, Sarah!
*from a fellow Gemini*
(as opposed to a Gemini fellow)
*grin*
Happy birthday, Sarah! May your days be free from Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Cassie Edwards, and their ilk!
And just so you can have one more frightening experience on top of the molesting and cannibal cakes…have a haiku.
Man-titty today?
No! Candy gives scary gifs!
Disturbing present!
I’m late, I just graduated and got tipsy for the first time but Happy Belated Birthday!!!