Alert! It is the birthday of Smart Bitch Candy, Saturday, February 4!
So, let us rejoice, and compose our ardor in raunchy haiku, couplets, and iambic smartbitchometer in her honor!
Ready, set, go!
And have a happy birthday Candy!
(And thanks to MadLantern for the graphics!)
congratulations!
YOU NOW QUALIFY FOR THE SILVER CARE PLAN! :bug:
(as an aside: the word below i’m to type in to submit..is ” already78) LOL
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!
I hope you have a wonderful birthday.
Happy Birthday Candy!
I wish I was a poet true
so I could compose birthday wishes to you…
Alas though the hour is late (and this stupid cold has me not feeling great)
So these meager thoughts will have to do…
Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday to you!
(and many many more!)
A headache sent me
running to my bed in pain.
Woe: no poetry.
But it is Candy’s
birthday so I ruminate
haikus of man tit!
Happy Birthday to
to the Smart Bitch who hast giv’n
wet pants of laughter.
I raise my Poser
hero’s man staffe in honor
of your majesty!
Happy Birthday to my partner in crime!
Have a great birthday, Candy!
Happy Birthday, Candy!
Happy B-day to someone who is old enough to know better…
and young enough to not give a damn!!
I shall consume large quantities of alcohol in your honor tonight!
YAYNESS! Thank you so much for the birthday wishes—and the totally bitchin’ fuckin’ birthday graphic. Oh man. I’m crying with laughter here.
Love and dirty gropes to all of you.
(This is quite literally one of the first moments I’ve had to hop on the computer since yesterday afternoon—everything’s been MADNESS, between work, having a huge dinner at Hoda’s, seeing “Manos” The Hands of Fate, going out dancing, and now cooking a huge-ass turkey dinner and two different cakes for my Turkey Feed Extravaganza tonight [aka Thanksgiving in February]—so I’m sorry my thanks have been so belated.)
There once was a smartbitch named Candy
Who didn’t like tits on her dandies… Ahem, sorry: Haiku. Right.
She another year
now sees looming before her
crafty she prepares
Cover contests, ho
Man Titties off starbord port
Writers quake in fear
Older but better
Queenbitch we salute your wit
Man-staves at full mast!
Happy birthday!
I ne haf me no haikus, Candy, but I must say that it’s very appropriate to celebrate the birth of a Bitch like you into the world. And how totally lucky are we that you got to learn English and talk it so good, huh? And OMG you’re TOTALLY an Aquarius like me! Yay!
Happy happy and may you eat much cake. I’ll even eat some for you.
Wow, that’s a helluva birthday celebration! Happy Birthday!
What are you doing cooking?!!! Smart Bitches order in on their birthdays and uh, every other day.
Hope you celebrated just the way you wanted!
I couldn’t haiku if you paid me.
Happy Birthday you Classy Bitch.
CindyS
Happy birthday, Candy! The juxtaposition of turkeys and your birthday requires further thought, but in the meantime, be sure to celebrate!
Happy-bitchday-from-a-lurker-who-
enjoys-your-snarkiness-a-lot
or,
Selamat Hari Jadi!
happy birthday bitch!
A toast to one of the funniest bitches out in cyberspace. Hope you had a memorable birthday, Candy. Take care.
Happy Birthday, Candy! Thanks for all the laughs and here’s to another year of Snarky Wonders.
Hope the turkey was tasty.
Happy belated birthday, Candy. Hope it was wonderful. (Consider those half-naked Gyllenhaal pictures to be your birthday card.) Go wild, girl!
Sorry this is late (I was suffering birthday angst this weekend)….
Man titties reveal
The snark in Candy’s heart, O
Birtday gifts to you!
Wish it was better… but I have not had enough caffeine yet this morning….
Feliz cumpleanos Dulce…
The following song is sung to the tune of… “Happy Birthday To You.”
Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear beeeeyaaaatch…
happy birthday to you.
Mwah!
Karmela J.
Missed your birthday, I did. Syntax irregular, mine is. Hanging out with Yoda for too long, I am.
Happy Birthday to Candy from me and the Green Jedi…
Belated happy birthday, Candy. Sorry to be so late with the greetings, and hope you had a most excellent party.
Man titty all gone
At the end there is only
Leftover ass-cake
Thank you again for your birthday greetings, and extra mad props to Sarah for the wonderful banner. Holy christ that banner is awesome.
The turkey? FABULOUS. Also, enormous—a friend of mine gave me a 22-lb. motherfucker to cook as a birthday gift. I brined it for 13 hours (3 gallons water, 2 lbs. sea salt—the REAL stuff that looks kind of brown and gross, none of that refined white crap, large handfuls of sage, thyme and marjoram, handful mixed peppercorns), then rinsed and patted the bird dry, slathered 2 and a half sticks of herb butter (rosemary, basil thyme, garlic) on the bird, making sure to get plenty under the skin over the breastmeat. Placed in a roasting pan, then poured 2/3 of a bottle of white wine into the pan and 2 cups chicken stock, plus chopped-up onion, carrots, celery, mushrooms and garlic. Stuffed the turkey cavity with more onion and garlic. Then roasted that sumbitch at 425° for an hour, then turned the heat down, covered the breast with foil and roasted at 350° for another 2 and a half hours, basting every half hour or so with the pan juices. Result: DAMN FINE TURKEY. Which I’m eating right now. Oh sweet baby Ganesh I have enough leftovers for an army.
Sorry to be so late with the birthday wishes. Sounds like you had a good one and you still don’t look a day over #@%€**^<|- - - ***carrier lost***
Happy Birthday, Candy!
Hope your turkey was dandy.
May your men be randy,
not just any Tom, Dick or Andy.
May they always be handy,
gifted with burgeoning gandy.
:o)
Happy belated birthday, Candy—drat I missed it!!!! 🙂
Holy crap that is a delicious turkey. I know cause I make that exact recipe every thanksgiving! Thus freeing us from the tyranny of my mother-in-laws annual dried turkey.
Oh aren’t the vegetables that come out of that *incredible* – gotta have potatoes though. They come out tasting almost glazed. Oh sweet god I’m going out to buy a turkey today.