A writing duo working under the name YourNovel.com will customize a pre-written romance novel with your name, your spouse’s name, and add 26 different identifying characteristics from physical descriptions to best friend’s names. Your name will appear on every page,
So you can star in your own romance novel, with prices ranging from $50 to $120.
I’m not sure what I think about that. But there are excerpts to entertain me while I ponder if this adds fuel to the already-old allegation that romances are paint-by-numbers publications with no originality to them.
I read the excerpts and I find it all mildly gross. To read a conversation between “Me” and “My Partner” using language we would never use, in a situation I cannot imagine us in, is just “ew!”-inducing. (OK, I’m sure that’s not a word.)
I suppose I could get a novel starring me and, say, Ioann Gruffud. But then what about his Welsh accent? Would they add that in?
Having a little trouble getting my head around this one.
I’m frightened, very frightened by these excerpts. Wild vs. mild? Please, say it isn’t so! This actually makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach. How saccharine can you get?
And you just know there are some clueless men out there that would think to themselves, “Hey, my gal reads those books. I’ll bet she’d love this!”. Thus leaving his poor significant other having to pretend she’s thrilled. Poor girl.
Clearing this right out of my cache—don’t want DH to think one of those books would be a great V-day gift—much better to leave links to jewelry websites & romantic getaways instead!
OMG! I’m tempted to get this as a joke anniversary present for my best friend. Year two is paper, right? LOL! It’s so hideously tacky. ICK!
Didn’t they used to sell children’s books with the same idea back in the 70s? I have a vague memory of scoffing at those as a child.
Really trying to understand why anyone would want this. There’s something off about it. For people who lack imagination perhaps. I’ll steal my romantic fantasies from better books and movies dammit! And they may or may not include my husband…
OK, this is how it would really sound in my life. My changes are in italics:
When Darlene appeared at the doorway to the living area, Marshall was hanging up the phone.
“Goddammit, would you please tell your crazy clients not to call us on vacation? And for cryin’ out loud, can’t you stay away from the phone just this once?”
He nearly raced for her. She had that half-awake, tousled look that he found arousing. He loved how she looked in the morning. He suddenly wondered if he’d ever mentioned that.
“Of course I look half awake, I haven’t had my pot of coffee yet. Jeez, get a grip, would you please? And what’s wrong with my hair now?”
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Or should I say Sleeping Mermaid after last night?” She smiled and ducked her head like a shy girl.
No, she was barfing because the dialogue was too godawful before she’d had her coffee
He hugged her and kissed her cheek lightly, then just before releasing her, slid his hand up her silky thigh and under the edge of her red silk nightshirt.
I look awful in red.
He then reached around, cupped one buttock and squeezed it. “My Little Mermaid.”
“You’re not going to ask me to dress up in that Disneystore outfit again, are you? Last time the tail gave me a rash.”
“Wait,” he said, “and I’ll just slip this robe off so you can get a better handful.”
“That’s OK, hon, a couple fingers oughta do it. I don’t need my whole hand to…gee, that kinda took the starch outta Old Faithful, didn’t it? Do you need another one of those blue pills?”
And about this time he’d head to the resort golf course with my blessing.
But are there secret babies?
Do you get to supply your own kid’s name for one? And what happens when he finds the book 12 years from now?
Not that I have kids. Even secret ones.
FWIW, my husband took a romance novel and substituted mine and his names as a funny valentine gift. Still makes me laugh. I might have actually read the whole thing if he had had the forethought to use a Loretta Chase book. He’ll be annoyed that he didn’t think of doing this to make money.
Darlene. I woke up Freebird laughing at that excerpt. Especially the part about the rashy tail. HA!
Hopefully those bitches in relationships have partners who know better than to give this as a gift.
Darlene, you nailed it.
“My Little Mermaid”!?!?!?! Are they serious?!?! *facepalm*
Oh geeze…I am gagging on snark right now.
In defense of poor Marshall, he is the more romantic one in our relationship, but just the same, I’ll make sure he knows I’d rather have something expensive and shiny for my 30th wedding anniversary gift.
I got one of these as a gift from my future sister in law. She got me the pirate version, and I actually found it really funny. And I think my husband really liked the idea of himself as a swashbuckler. But in my darkest moments of writer’s self doubt, I did worry that this book was the only way I’d ever see my name in print.
In the land of my birth if you say something is repeating on you it refers (sorry for the ramble down gastroenterology lane) to when you eat something very pungent (raw onions, say) and then burp that taste all day. So when I read the line She delivered the words in movie-star fashion and hugged him in return, repeating his gesture on him, I thought, I bet she did.
I fear the red silk ‘n’ Old Spice combo is going to repeat on me all day. Ew.
Gives all new meaning to the phrase “gag gift.” Purple prose! *shudder*
Now that’s a cover blurb: “This book will repeat on you.”
I’m guessing most of their customers are preteen girls.
Jami said
But in my darkest moments of writer’s self doubt, I did worry that this book was the only way I’d ever see my name in print.
See, in my darkest moments of writer’s self doubt, I fear that these are the only types of books I’d be able to write!
Holy cow, I couldn’t even read the entire excerpt because I was cringing. Is this really how people outside the genre see these books? I honestly don’t think I’ve ever read such dribble.
This is like the written form of home-made pornography. Starring really ugly people and uber-cheesy dialogue. Ew.
The concept of this reminds me of those books they’ll do for children where they insert your child’s name and make him or her the hero(ine) of the story. While I like this idea for a children’s book, it frightens me mightily that any adult would want to do this for any reason besides an elaborate joke. (And I wonder: do they Photoshop your pictures of your faces onto some models’ bodies for the cover? Because that would be the best part of the joke and could be worth the price of admission right there, though you can probably do that a whole lot cheaper by yourself.)
According to the press release I sent Sarah, you can send in a picture of you and your lover for the cover.
But, y’all, I just saw this under “other products:”
Real Personalized Romance!
We’ll write your own story for $100,000. This is a lot different from ordering one of our personalized romance novels.
In short, for $100,000 plus expenses, yournovel.com will write a novel, in a similar length and fashion as their others, based on your own personal story.
If you are genuinely interested, please E-mail yournovel.com for details.
Yeah, okay, if someone sends ME $100,000, I’ll write whatever they want.
Delurking to say—100K for a completely personalized book?!? Christ in a taxicab, I agree with Lynn—for that much moolah, I’d write anything, too… Even while upside-down, naked and singing the national anthem.
(Well, maybe not the naked part.)
Oh, these are funny! I’m amazed at the things people come up with. Just incredible.