BEHOLD!
Candy’s new whoremobile!
Another shot of my new machine:
I am especially glad to get rid of my New Beetle because last Thursday night, the engine splashguard/rock plate (an unwieldy plastic piece that bolted underneath the car) decided to spontaneously come loose, dragged along the ground while I was going 55 mph on I-84 and SCARED THE EVERLOVING CRAP OUT OF ME.
It’s a BAD thing when a new-ish car with less than 100,000 miles starts shedding pieces of itself for no discernible reason, something Volkswagen has yet to figure out, I think. So I’m defecting to the Japanese.
Anyway, enough babbling! The contest is simple enough: Come up with the bitchinest name you can think of for my new Scion xA. The Beetle was variously called Kermit, Miss Kitty and Ghetto Whoremobile (after the windshield got cracked and various bits of the interior started falling off). You have until Saturday to impress the hell out of me. I’ll pick the winner on Sunday, and she—or he, but how many men read this blog, really?—will receive one of our hand-stitched, lovingly crafted Smart Bitch titles.
Go ahead, be creative. Profanity encouraged.
How about the Suburban Sapphire Slutmobile?
It’s long, but it does have alliteration in its favor.
Clearly you’re all blind. It’s obvious what her name is… Clamidia.
X
I think it’s got a very “Ride her” feel to it, i.e. Candy’s gonna “rider” all night long. Hmm, so what about The Rider Cowgirl
Candy: I live in Vancouver, just north o’ the river. I was coming back from meeting a fellow author at the Edgefield McMenamin’s out in Troutdale. They closed a part of 205 NB and of course everyone needed to go that way NOW and so there were a lot of honking horns, etc. at 10PM. I was glad to bop over on I5 and go north. (Evil grin). Alternative routes rule.
How about The Big Blue Bitch or the Triple B
LMAO @ these suggestions! Of course, my car’s name is short and sweet—the little Fucker. Gender-neutral, easy to spell, and easy to remember in heavy traffic.
Then again there’s always Babe, the little blue box (instead of Babe the bigass blue ox that hung out with Paul Bunyan).
And that’s as creative as I can be right now. Alas. Pitiful, isn’t it? It’s difficult not to snarl with jealousy as I think of my White Fucker, aka The Worthless Piece of Shit, my Hyundai Sonata that’s cost me $1400 this month. RIGHT AFTER I PAID IT OFF!!! Grrrr….
Yeah, you enjoy that new car. Bitch. I hate you.
I think I’ll go for tame ones:
Betty Blue [the opening scene, anyone?]
Betty Boo [does anyone remember this half-Scot/half-Malaysian Brit?]
The Tick [the Mighty Blue Warrior!!]
The Blue Raja [“The Blue Raja is my name. I am pilfering your silverware because … I hurl it.”]
Aquabat [Err … I just like the sound of it.]
I think someone mentioned this one, but Blue Job.
Rinda
The Tick [the Mighty Blue Warrior!!]
Yes, yes, The Tick, The Tick!!!!
Fab car. OK. HHope this isn’t too rude, but I love the sound of…
The Muff Mobile
or
The Cool, Blue, Muff Mobile
I do remember Betty Boo, sadly enough. I think I was in high school.
Bloo-boop-a-doop
Ass Muncher.
Just look at that face. An ass muncher if ever I saw one.
X
Ballsy Beetle
Bawdy Beetle
Dicktickler
Candy’s Cargasm
The Slut Sleigh
Four-wheeled fucker
By the way…nice wheels.
Grins*
My vote is muffmobile. Hubby says’Jezebel’.
Okay, I’ll give it a try although creativity is not one of my strong suits.
Blue-hama Mama
The Blue Plate Special (I told you I wasn’t creative)
All the nut comments had me looking at the car for some inspiration and now, Candy’s car will forever be (for me) Peanut. *in a baby voice* ‘who’s the cutie-wootie little dream wagon – oh, you are, yes you are my teeny weeny peanut’
Hey, you play with nuts you’re gonna get uh, burned?
CindyS
My ideas, in no particular order:
Blue Nakahoto
Sapphira Bluesteskaya
Bubblicious
Blisstuous Madam Blue
Bitchin’ Blue the Pimpettemobile
Ima Bluestocking
Christmas in July
Lots ‘o love for the car.
I love calling it The Tick….
Ooh. I like the ‘Slut Sleigh’.
My little car used to be The Mighty Saxo when my brother has it but now renamed ‘Baby Car’ whilst he is in Iraq. He’s gonna go nuts when he comes back to find it crammed with pink accesories and a fetching pair of white fluffy dice. Am looking forward to his expression.
How about Candy’s Cheery Chariot? Slightly lame I fear.
I can’t believe I’m going to type this, but this IS Candy and Sarah’s blog….
Candy’s Cuntalicious Cruiser
X
Damn! Bitchmobile and The Tick are taken!
Hmm…
Blue Bitch (from Kristie, lol)
Blue Ruin
The Hatchback of Notre Dame
Cobalt Coke Can
(The) Cobalt Comet
Le Gasbag
Hey…do we get multiple entries?
A few more:
Candyman [say it five times]
The Virgin Cowboy
Armadillo
I saw one of these on the road today, in exactly this color—it was actually quite nice looking, even more streamlined than it looks in the pictures!
I’m basically very old-fashioned when it comes to car names, so I favor “Big Blue” or BB or BB King for short. Not exciting, ‘tis true, but I’m one of those freaks who worries about insulting my car with a skanky nom de voiture.