So a few months ago I told SB Sarah that I was going take this season of The Bachelorette off. I had some family stuff coming up and after a season of hearing about Colton’s virginity every ten minutes, I needed to cleanse my palate. Also I was worried that Hannah B, this season’s Bachelorette, would be painted as a dumb blonde due to her bubbly personality and inability to speak extemporaneously. But then two things happened. … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette S15–E1 & E2: The Things I Do for Love→
Welcome to Monday. It’s the first day of the work week for me, and also the day when I come home, get drunk, and watch The Bachelorette so you don’t have to. Clearly, I love you guys. This season has been a garbage fire so far. Last week Jean Blanc gave Becca some perfume, told her he loved her, and then when she told him she didn’t feel the same way, asked for the perfume back … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode 5: Wayne Newton→
I had such a lovely day today. I was off from work. I slept in, then read in bed and snuggled cats. I went shopping for flowers for my patio, stocked up on wine, and bought a cake because I wanted cake. I took a nap. It might have been a wine nap. Now I’m going to undo all that self-care by watching The Bachelorette. Last week Sweet, Dumb Jordan became Gross, Dumb Jordan when he … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode 3: A Skeleton of a Man→
I came home from work, kissed the cat and the husband (in that order), ate something, poured a drink, turned on the TV and went “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” The Bachelorette finale is three hours long. I can’t drink that much on a weeknight. I wanted to be in bed by nine. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME ABC? WHY?! Anyway, we’re down to three dudes, Peter, Eric and… um… oh, yeah Bryan. Everyone … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode 11: FML This is a 3 Hour Finale→
It’s that time of the week again. Armed with Kraken rum, Coke Zero and very girdy loins, I watch The Bachelorette so you don’t have to. I was going to do a sober recap tonight because I’m already pretty tired, but then I remembered it’s Hometowns and I can’t do watch that without liquid fortitude. Last week Rachel narrowed the field down to Eric, Dean, Peter and Bryan. Now it’s time for Hometowns aka The … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 8: Family Pain→
After a week long hiatus (and a long Monday at work) I’m lounging in my AC and looking forward to some reality TV. I have a rum and coke. I have pizza. I’m wearing Wonder Woman shorts. Life is good. Last week Rachel dismissed a whole bunch of dudes meaning only six contenders are left. I only remember two names: Peter and Eric. The rest is a rum-fueled blur. Rachel needs to narrow the dudes … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 7: The Process… I Mean, Journey→
We had a two-hour Bachelorette last night, and now we have another two-hour episode tonight. If I’m coherent at the end of this recap, it will be a miracle. Pour yourselves a drink, people. I’ve got just enough rum to see me through the night. Last night everyone went to Norway. Well not everyone. The cast of The Bachelorette. Peter and Rachel may have had sex in a hot tub. Lee and Kenny went on … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 6: Goodbye Mr. Tweeters→
It’s Monday night, the night when I get drunk on Kraken rum and watch The Bachelorette for your entertainment. This week we have a two-hour episode on Monday, and a two-hour episode on Tuesday. Pray for my liver. Is anyone out there a doctor? Because I’m really going to need a note for work on Wednesday. Boss: “Elyse, why are you in pajama bottoms and is that a tortilla chip in your hair?” Me: Anyway, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 5: Pray for my Liver→
After a week’s hiatus, it’s time again for the zany WTFery that is The Bachelorette. Last week Whaboom and Blake E went home, Rachel dismissed DeMario with glorious ferocity, and Eric claimed that his name was in everyone’s mouth. Before we go any further, I want to address the recent news regarding Bachelor in Paradise. Filming has been suspended, possibly canceled, due to an incident of misconduct that occurred between DeMario and Corinne. That’s all we … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 4: Not Here to Make Friends→
Last week on Elyse Watches The Bachelorette… Rachel hosted a group date where a bunch of the guys played basketball with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. After the date a woman, Lexie, approached Rachel and told her that DeMario was her boyfriend. DeMario did a lot of “Um… Ah…” and Rachel told him to “get the fuck out.” Later DeMario shows back up at the McMansion because he feels he’s the victim of “character assassination” and wants to talk … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode 3: It’s About the World, Bro→
It’s that time of year again…the season I like to call “Hangover Tuesdays,” when I get drunk on Monday night and watch The Bachelor for your entertainment. This time around it’s The Bachelorette. After thirteen seasons of this shit, ABC finally got their act together and gave us a Bachelorette, Rachel Lindsay, who is a woman of color. Slow clapping it out for you, ABC. Rachel is 31, a civil litigation attorney, and hails from Dallas, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode One: Who the Fuck are These Guys?→
