There are friends who will help you move (I have those) and friends who will help you move bodies (I can neither confirm nor deny if I have any of those) (I do), and then there are friend who say “I found this book and I think it’s gonna make you bleed from your eyeballs, you need to read it!”
I have the best friends.
So this is a truly terrible shifter book. What I’m not sure of is if it’s supposed to be parody or it’s just a ridiculous extension of the nonsense that is the trend of ridiculous erotica.
The uh, heroine, I guess, is Dalia, who’s working as a technical writer for some company that does things, and midway through her first day, the (insanely hot, billionaire) CEOs offer her a promotion which involves taking her to their penthouse and saying “Hey, so we are shifters and we’re looking for a mate, you wanna be our mate for life? Oh, by the way, my name is Leo and his is Zane.” She says yes, because she’s always wanted to bang a shifter, and doesn’t ask what KIND of shifters they are. So they have sex and that’s all that’s required for her to be turned.
The next night is the full moon, and she’s with her new boyfriends wondering what kind of glorious animal she’s going to be, and instead she gets a full sleeve tattoo and half shaved head and once a month she becomes a hipster.
Look, I don’t know what I expected. It is right there in the title.
Anyway, she’s not too amused by this crap, but to be fair THEY SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER AND SHE SHOULD HAVE ASKED WHAT KIND OF SHIFTERS THEY WERE. And like, I guess at some point I thought that being a were-hedgehog was the dumbest thing, but no.
When the apocolypse comes, we will deserve it.
Anyway, she loses her shit, and runs off, and her sister says, “Well, there’s this wizard who might be able to help you, but it’ll cost you. He only accepts payment in booze and sexual favors” and Dalia is desperate enough to take it.
Now, when she gets to the wizard’s apartment, she actually says, “What does it mean that you get paid in sexual favors?”
I can take someone being so stupid that they don’t realize that not asking what kind of shifter they are going to be turned into isn’t a good life choice. I can accept that someone would decide that CEO billionaire shifters are so hot that banging two of them when you just got introduced to them seems like a good idea.
Being so damn stupid that you have to ask, “When you say sexual favors, what do you mean?” is just beyond the pale.
So Dalia and the wizard have magical sex where he transforms her and uses magic to heighten her pleasure and desire so that’s cool I guess, and when it’s all over, she’s like, “So I’m not a werehipster anymore, right?” and he’s all “Oh, no, no one can take that away permanently. You just weren’t a werehipster while I was fucking you.”
She goes back to her billionaire CEO boyfriends and grumbles that I guess it’s okay to be a hipster one night a month and the rest of the time she has these hot boyfriends and lots of money, the end.
So it’s possible that this is a parody, but I’m not sure about that and it’s not really well-written enough to pull that off. The sex is not that interesting; it’s just kinda dull and vaguely attempts to be shocking but comes off as almost perfunctory.
I know we’re getting into this escalation of armaments when it comes to “the next ridiculous thing that’ll go viral and make a bunch of money” but the key is that you have to a) have the ridiculous premise and b) have the chops to pull it off. Ravished by the Triceratops sort of worked (“worked”) because it had both of those (of course, re-reading my review of that, i think my memory is being very kind). This is ridiculous but not smart, and not well done. The sex cannot be boring when the sex is the whole point.
Apparently there’s a whole series of books about the adventures of Dalia and her sisters, but dude. I already spent more of my life on this than it’s worth.
Currently, Werehipsters is free, if you wanted to give it a try. You know, for science.
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wondering what kind of glorious animal she’s going to be, and instead she gets a full sleeve tattoo and half shaved head and once a month she becomes a hipster
I just nearly drowned in a cup of coffee, I choked so hard over that. I’ve thought about downloading this book a couple of times (I got there via Pride and Tentacles, by the same author, which is possibly not a thing I should be admitting in public). So I’m glad you reviewed this in spite of my near-drowning.
When the apocalypse comes, we will deserve it.
Made. Me. Laugh!! And yes, yes we will.
The guy on the cover looks like a lumberjack, not a billionaire CEO.
Also, what’s with “Paranormal Romance Author” above the author’s name? This isn’t like “NYT Bestselling Author” because it’s not telling me anything I don’t know already. I can figure out that someone who wrote a novel with “were” in the title is a paranormal author. Though the couple on the cover don’t look all that interested in each other, so maybe we need the extra hint that this is a romance.
@Marian Perera
This is the CEO when he’s in full werehipster mode, I think.
Honestly, it’s not like anyone is going to beat Chuck Tingle in the absurdist erotica department, so why even try? And he’s topical! It took him no time to write Pounded In The Butt By My Leaked Mashly Addison Data.
This sounds worse than were-hedgehogs in that it’s sillier as a shifter premise, but also doesn’t sound anywhere near as fun.
P.S. Thank goodness for friends with mutual “delete my Amazon Kindle account if I die” pacts.
HE’S TEXTING!! It’s supposed to be a romance, and it looks like he’s TEXTING! And she looks bored out of her skull.
I’m so glad I never have to read this.
Love the review, no wonder it is free. 🙂
Stikki Minaj. Snort.
Holy shit. I WISH this were better done…one can only imagine the myriad of ways to mock hipster culture. Unlike most paranormal species, all important business happens at brunch and involves craft cocktails. The ruling family lives in Williamsburg…or Portland…or Raleigh Durham. So. Many. Missed. Opportunities.
From technical writer to mated to shifters to hipster (once a month) to magic sex with mage…
For all that the most hilarious to me is step one: tech writer.
As a long-time resident of Portland, home of some painfully hip neighborhoods, I can only say that this review made me exceedingly happy. And about that CEO looking more like a lumberjack than a billionaire? If this book were set in Portland, he’d be right in line with standard business attire many offices.
Well, the name Stikki Minaj kind of says it all.
nightsmusic beat me to it. This was my LOL moment:
When the apocalypse comes, we will deserve it.
We will, we so will. Sigh.
Ah, RHG.
“Look, I don’t know what I expected. It is right there in the title.”
Exactly what I told myself as the end of _Someone Else’s Love Story_ came into view. Although my expectations were skewed, it was a lovely book.
I love F grade reviews. I look forward to them. They are also so amusing. Then the follow-up comments make me guffaw.
What is it with billionaires? Are billionaires inherently sexier than millionaires? Than blue collar people? I am getting sick of billionaires.
Having read this review I too feel as if “I already spent more of my life on this than it’s worth.”
I told my BFF that I since I couldn’t find my crazysauce holy grail that I had fantasy titled “Kidnapped by the Alien Werebear” (with bonus appearances by billionaire stepbrother lovers in motorcycle
gangsclubs) that she would have to write it for me. For science. But I think this literary gem, with its extra helping of whoa-nelly pie, gets her a pass.On All About Romance someone once gave a book an F- review.
I was browsing this book on Amazon, and I found this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Bears-Mail-Order-Mate-ebook/dp/B015D1DNK4/ref=pd_sim_351_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=008ZKJX6WKQGJB5K25G1&dpID=51OdvjLNO6L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_UX300_PJku-sticker-v3%2CTopRight%2C0%2C-44_AC_UL160_SR106%2C160_
Please review. I reward in virtual cookies.
This book would make an excellent episode of Portlandia.
Since this is a series, do the other books cover catching other were-stereotypes, but good ones? That would be great. My fantasy would be to catch were-elderly chic Parisienne.
Re: the cover guy — this is like becoming Dwayne Dibley (from Red Dwarf) once a month
Every time you review these ridiculous, ridiculous books, I read them dramatically to my wife, who just about loses it laughing. Still not sure if this is better than the were-orca, though.
I don’t know if I could remain friends with the person who recommended this…lol…this is just the worst sounding book ever! and i’ve read some real dogs
@Maria D.
“Recommend” is such a broad range of actions when it comes to books this bad. I honestly thought I was “heckling.” Either that or sabotaging my friends’ Amazon recommendations for the next year… And THAT. THAT IS A FINE GAME, and well within the traditions of my people.
I can’t help it if RHG compulsively sticks with bad ideas to their bitter end. I love her forever for her iron will and ability to follow through with a review, but I also can’t stop bringing up groan-worthy books because the results are IMMENSELY entertaining to me due to the pained responses of every one of my reliably snarky best girls and boys. 🙂
…and I thought the gay tank was weird.