Apparently I am now the official Smart Bitches ménage reviewer. When Sarah showed me this book I knew had to read it because OMG Their Virgin Concubine. Also the blurb the said “Can they navigate the unique pathways of love as their cousin plots for the throne?” I was willing to bet that “unique pathway of love” was anal, and I was right.
This book actually isn’t awful at all. It’s crazy, but it owns its crazy, and I respect that. The heroine, Piper, is a shy, nerdy virgin who is working for a company that’s introducing green power to the country of Bezakistan. She’s been corresponding with this guy named Tal, and she has a crush on him even though they’ve never met. What she doesn’t know is that Tal is Talib, the sheikh, and he’s considering her for marriage.
Tal’s brothers, Rafiq and Kadir, accompany her to Bezcockistan, and immediately she makes their dicks sit up and take notice. This is hardly a bad thing though because in Bezcockistan brothers all marry the same woman. Yup. Rafe explains:
It’s a tradition that began long ago in our mountain regions as a way to keep a family’s wealth intact without cutting off the younger siblings and is still largely practiced by our population today. Primogeniture was the Western world’s tradition, but it forced younger sons into poverty, religion, or war. We did not wish that upon our children. The same holds true today although many do not see it. They view our tradition of bride sharing as barbaric, but it keeps the family centered on a common purpose.
And that purpose is Piper’s vajayay.
So Rafe and Kade fool around with Piper on their luxury jet, but she gets mad because there’s no penetration and dammit she wants that pesky hymen gone. She doesn’t know that they’re saving it for Tal.
So then she meets Tal and she’s all “OMG you’re the sheikh?! I thought you were just some dude!” and he’s all “I’m totally cool that my brothers want to bang you cuz that’s how we roll here.” And then all get it on—after some personal grooming, because Rafe told her on the plane:
“I find I am hungry. Then, darling girl, we must discuss grooming. When we reach Bezakistan, I must turn this charming forest into a desert. It is a cultural thing, of course.”
Bezcockistan: Pro polyandry, anti pubic hair. God, I want to work for their tourism council.
So then after the sweet-sweet lovin’, Piper gets up and goes out on the balcony in just a shirt (like you do) and there all these peoples down there cheering. See, Talib has to pick a wife pronto, but he and his brothers couldn’t find the right lady. What Piper doesn’t know is that by sleeping with the brothers together she’s entered into this contract where she’ll be their “concubine” for thirty days, and then she can either reject them or accept them in marriage.
And since they are all super hot and rich and it’s assumed the marriage is gonna happen.
So she’s not happy because they tricked her, and they tell her that in their country it’s tradition to “steal” a bride which basically justifies the lying. But the sex was good, so she’s happy about that.
There are two big conflicts going on here. One is that the brothers really need for her to agree to marry them to keep the country stable because as we know, Middle Eastern nations are super dependent on women’s choice for stability. At one point Piper reflects:
She’d never imagined that her vagina had the power to destabilize a whole country.
See what I mean about owning the crazy?
Anyway, Kade and Rafe already fell insta-love with her, but Tal can’t BECAUSE HE HAS NO FEELS. He was once kidnapped and his partner was tortured in front of him and he felt responsible for her death and now his feels are gone to that windswept, rainy moor that broody hero feels go to to die. He picked Piper because she challenged him intellectually and she was his friend and he assumed that he could marry her without falling in love. He’s gonna leave the mushy stuff up to his brothers.
Did I mention that Tal is a Dom and the woman who was killed (his partner) was his sub? OF COURSE SHE WAS.
The other conflict, far less interesting, was that Khalil, the brothers’ cousin, is trying to stir shit up and may have poisoned Piper and they’re all worried for her safety. But let’s ignore Khalil because no one cares about him anyway.
So Piper goes on this quest to get Tal to admit to being in love with her, which mostly involves going down into his dungeon for a session as his sub and getting spanked. Also butt plugs and nipple clamps. As one would expect.
Tal was actually a fully fleshed (hurr) character. His angst was real and the authors even take time to explain why he’s a Dom despite being in control of everything else as the sheikh. I also think I finally understood Subspace, which Piper describes as a euphoria that comes from not being in control. I’ve read about this before in BDSM books, but haven’t really gotten it. But Piper (during the dungeon session) was experiencing muscle fatigue from holding her slave position.
Now, I do a lot of yoga. And when you do yoga, sometimes your instructor decides to torture you by making you hold Horse Pose for a really long time, and you squat there, muscles burning, remembering why you should pee before class and thinking “I’m going to fucking die here.” And just when you’re sure you’re going to pass out or tip over or cry your brain clicks over to this totally meditative state and you forget about the pain (until you try and put on pantyhose the next day). I think this must be Subspace or something close to it. At least to the best of my understanding.
Anyway, Tal had some real angst I could appreciate although he was occasionally a dick. Kade and Rafe were more cookie-cutter. Rafe was described as being the sophisticated gentleman, but really he just compliments Piper a lot, is a big fan of cunnilingus, and gives foot rubs (Rafe is clearly the winner of best brother, here). Kade was a big playboy but now that his peen has known Piper, it can know no other vadge again.
Piper is supposedly nerdy and klutzy yet super sexy and voluptuous and despite being a virgin she manages that 4-way thing like a pro. I was seriously picturing Fred from the TV series Angel although she only had 4-ways in fan fic.
The book was well done, it was suitably crazy, full of spicy sex, and a quick read. It did leave me with important questions:
1. Do the brothers all have to have sex with their wife simultaneously or is that just a thing Tal/Kade/Rafe are into?
2. Can you be the hero of a polyandry book and have a name with more than one syllable in it?
3. Wouldn’t Bezcockistan have a super disproportionate number of single women? Maybe there’s a spin off series here: Bezcockian Gigolos.
4. What if you had to marry a bunch of brothers and one was stinky or an asshole? What if he was a stinky asshole? What if it’s like the Crowe brothers on Justified and you get stuck with Dewey Crowe in there?
5. What if a family has ten brothers? Can you rent a spare vagina?
Their Virgin Concubine is part of a series (Masters of Ménage) so there is the potential that my questions will be answered later. I’m totally looking forward to Their Virgin Secretary based on this except:
Those boobs were his, damn it. At least he fully intended for those boobs to belong to him. Well, a third of them anyway.