When Sarah sends me an email with a link that says, “This is relevant to your interests” I should know by know that she does not have my best interests at heart.  She has YOUR best interests at heart, because y’all seem to find my head explosions entertaining.

This is, as you may be able to tell, a dinosaur (!) beastiality (!) short story (thank fuck) that is exactly what it says on the tin.  It’s a prehistoric tribe of some kind.  Our…. Heroine seems to be the wrong word here… main female character, Beliria, has just turned 18 an in order to become a fully fledged woman of the tribe she needs to go out into the wilderness naked and kill a dinosaur.

(We will pause for the obligatory “but people and dinosaurs did not co-exist!” howls.  Is this what happens when creationists who think people and dinosaurs co-existed write erotica?)  (Don’t answer that.)

Why does she need to be naked?  WHY NOT.  THERE ARE DINOSAURS.  DON’T ASK QUESTIONS. 

She decides, because she’s planning on being the awesomest, to go kill a triceratops.  Because she is no Ayla of the Clan/No People/Mamutoi/Zelandonii (look, I did that without looking it up, WOOOOOO I’m never getting those braincells back) she does not succeed and somehow manages to injure the male enough that the female decides he’s unworthy.

And so the male decides that he needs a new mate and fucks Beliria.  Look, I can’t figure out the mechanics here, because these seem to be actual triceratops-sized Triceratops, but the dick was apparently not proportional, otherwise it just wouldn’t have FIT, you know? 

And that’s the story- the sex was fantastic (….sure), she runs away, and tell her tribe that she thinks she’s found a way to trap the triceratops.  THE END.

I mean.

WHAT.

That’s a thing I actually read. 

To be fair, this didn’t drag on longer than it needed to (in as much as it needed to exist AT ALL).  It was a solid 5,200 words (that cost $3 so it’s fucking overpriced).  It had a beginning, middle, and end and not a bit more, so that’s something.  The writing itself wasn’t great but it wasn’t egregious.  Maybe there’s good stories in this author somewhere. 

BUT WHY DID THIS NEED TO EXIST.  WHY. 

AND WHY DID THE STARS ALIGN THAT SARAH FOUND OUT ABOUT IT AND THEN SENT IT TO ME?  I HAD A PERFECTLY LOVELY LIFE WITHOUT THIS KNOWLEDGE AND NOW I CAN NEVER LIVE A LIFE WHERE I DID NOT READ THIS.

Look, let me tell you. The were-hedgehog book was better.  THINK ABOUT THAT.

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This book is available from Goodreads | Amazon | BN. You can read more about the dino-rotica at The Mary Sue and Jezebel, because why wouldn't you want to?

ETA: Geekologie! Geekologie was the original source of the dino-rotica. Thank you, Geekologie!