DNF
Genre: Erotica/Erotic Romance, Romance
Theme: BDSM, Friends with Benefits/No Strings Attached, Off Limits Sibling or Friend
This RITA® Reader Challenge 2017 review was written by Notorious. This story was nominated for the RITA® in the Erotic Romance category.
The summary:
She wants a baby. He wants her. Simple enough, right?
Ellie Godfrey has kissed her share of frogs. So many, in fact, that she fears she won’t recognize her prince if and when he finally comes along. Tired of waiting for THE ONE, Ellie decides to have a baby on her own before it’s too late.
When Jasper Autry hears about Ellie’s plan, what else can he do but step in and offer to “contribute” to her project. Does that make him an opportunist? Whatever. He wants the perpetually out-of-reach Ellie Godfrey, and when he sees his chance, he takes it. That she’s the sister of his business partner and close friend Flynn gives him pause, but it doesn’t stop him from having what he wants.
As Jasper and Ellie embark upon their secret “project,” he makes it clear that for as long as they’re together, he’s in charge—in the bedroom anyway. After the hottest sex of her life, Ellie realizes she’s made a deal with the devil himself.
Warning: If you hate foul-mouthed heroes who like it a little rough and dirty, this might not be the book for you…Contains hot and sexy BDSM scenes among other things that might not appeal to the faint of heart. Enter at your own risk and enjoy!
Here is Notorious's review:
No joke – when I started writing this review, I had to look up the name of the book because I totally forgot. That pretty much sums up my feelings for Ravenous.
I swear I wanted to finish this book. I stopped and started reading it again multiple times in the hopes I would finally give two shits about the plot or the characters, but alas, it was not to be. When I got to about the 30% mark, I realized nothing that I found interesting was going to happen and I was never going to care. Also, the heroine busted out the word “p*ssy,” which I CANNOT STAND even in erotic fiction (because what woman uses this word in real life? Feel free to shout out if you call your own vagina your “p*ssy” and prove me wrong, please).
Normally this flavor of internalized sexism would be an automatic grade drop for me, but in this case it gave me the final go-ahead to give up on the book altogether.
I’ll warn you that my opinion is in the minority; the book has a 4.28-stars average on Goodreads with over a thousand reviews, so take my two cents for what you will.
Here was my main issue with it: Let’s say you cough up big bucks dine at what you’ve been told is a five-star award-winning restaurant. It’s the “best of the best.” You sit down and order a dessert, and they serve you…Oreos.
Now don’t get me wrong. Oreos are delicious. Almost everybody likes them—I like them! They are a tasty, cheap, mass-produced product that you can buy in bags filled with identical cookies perfect for binge-eating. You know exactly what you’re getting when you bite into an Oreo, for better or worse. If you’re expecting something artisan, you will be sorely disappointed.
And, stupid me, I was sorely disappointed. For me, this book was an Oreo in a five-star restaurant. The plot is very simple: Ellie Godfrey is the sister of a famous actor who has a job doing something important in a family-owned film production company (I think—I skimmed the explanation because it was long and boring). She needs to have a baby asap because she’s 36 and her biological clock is ticking down to Doomsday. Her hot British co-worker, Jasper, volunteers to be the sperm donor as long as they can have kinky butt-slapping sex per his Dom proclivities.
Since Ravenous is the fifth book in the Quantum series centered around a famous Hollywood family, the hero and heroine know each other from previous books, which means we’re told of their backstory in long internal monologues while the characters stare off into space. Jasper offers, and Ellie agrees, to father Ellie’s baby by the end of Chapter One. Since I hadn’t read the previous books, I had no perspective on who these characters were or why I should care about them, and that never changed as I kept reading.
There’s a lot of telling rather than showing, with paragraphs and paragraphs of narrative dedicated to describing the backstories and current status of literally dozens of characters from previous books who I couldn’t care less about. In fact, I imagined the Godfreys and their associates walking around with Joker smiles slapped across their faces given how perfect their lives seemed, especially the couples with previous HEAs (they are lobotomized shiny happy people now—THAT’S WHAT LOVE DOES TO YOU). They live in a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous world, which is great except no one seems to have any real problems that aren’t of the first-world variety, including the hero and heroine. (Ex: “My rich parents might move to Las Vegas and be unavailable to provide child care for my theoretical baby if the nanny isn’t around that day. WHATEVER SHALL I DO??”)
The main conflict in the book stems from the fact Ellie thinks her brother will get mad if he finds out she fathered a baby with Jasper, and Jasper has Daddy Issues which he feels will make him a bad father, and of course the usual Big Mis where they each assume the other is just in it for the sex, and…that’s it. It’s not exactly nail-biting tension or hard to figure out exactly how things will turn out.
Here’s our first introduction to Jasper, and a good example of why I couldn’t get through this book:
Jasper…tall, blond, muscular in a lanky sort of way, handsome as sin, talented as all get-out and a manwhore of the highest order. He’s the proverbial pot of honey when it comes to women, attracting them as effortlessly as he breathes. Speaking of a man who will never settle for just one when he can have them all, Jasper Autry fits that bill to a T.
This is all the physical description we get of Jasper—he’s a generic fill-in-the-blanks Hot Guy. The most distinctive thing about him is his British accent, which is mentioned about five thousand times. The whole book is as generic an erotic romance as you’ll get, checking all the boxes to please as wide of an audience as possible—a perfect Oreo.
But the RITAs are supposed to be the best of the best. If you try to serve me an Oreo in a five-star restaurant, I’m going to get up and leave. So that’s what I did.
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These Gifs were perfect! Great review!
Points for best use of animated GIFs!
FWIW, the issue of quality and the RITAs comes up every year, particularly when crazysauce books make the finalists. (Racist book about a Jewish concentration camp prisoner falling for her Nazi captor, I’m looking at you.) But I’m not going to grouse about it because it’s fun to read all the reviews.
Seriously, the Reader Challenge reviews are the best part of the RITAs (assuming I have already read all the nominated books I’m interested in, and the rest are Not My Cup Of Tea). People here are just brilliant.
+1 for best use of GIFs, and I am ganking the Spongebob and Mary Poppins ones for my own use. So thank you <3
The guy on the cover looks pissy, but to be fair, that’s how I feel when I’m ravenous. Have a Snickers, guy!
Women have kids way into their 40’s, so the panicking at 36 is odd. Annnd, if you just have to, the sperm bank sounds like a better option than HangryGuy.
Also, the heroine busted out the word “p*ssy,” which I CANNOT STAND even in erotic fiction
THIS THIS THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS. Nothing yanks me from the moment faster than the heroine thinking this word in her internal monologue. I don’t like it when heroes say it, and it turns me off from them as characters, but I can accept it as a reality. But it always, always reads to me as a word said by women as a performance for men. It’s a term only used in sexual reference, and if she uses it in her head, she’s accustomed to thinking of her anatomy in a purely sexual context/in relation to men. Which is a) odd, since she’s trying to pop out a baby and b) depressing.
Also, awesome review and great GIFing.
OMG, this review!!!! Snarky and full of GIF-bliss!! Read the first book in the series and thought “what a bunch of drivel”. Sounds like nothing has changed and I can stop second-guessing myself for abandoning a series which has such highly rated books.
PS. Oreo’s – nope. Chocolate Chip cookies -even in a five star restaurant – yes, please.
I don’t mind pussy if it’s used sparingly. Like I’ll toss a few into a sex scene. Generally wouldn’t use it just talking about a vagina in a non-sexual way. Like I wouldn’t say something like “so the doctor is going to check my pussy out today, then maybe I’ll grab some lunch.”
Also it’s hard to judge a book based on Goodreads reviews because it seems like the majority of them are 5 star “OMFG BEST BOOK EVERER!!1” with a million gifs that make my laptop want to die. I like a good 3 star review with pros and cons mentioned. Rants are also good because who doesn’t love a rant?
+1 on excellent use of gifs. “Hold on I’m searching” = classic.
p*ssy – not a deal-breaker for me, I do use it once in a blue moon but not in reference to my lady bits. All the other stuff in this book would be the deal-breaker for me, starting with Mr. Generic Dick.
Great review! Having read more than a few Oreos in my time, I feel your pain. Also I hate the “I must have a baby to fulfill my life, so I’ll find some demanding jackass to schtup” concept. SEP has a popular book with a similar theme (only she’s the demanding jackass) that I loathed. How is a turkey baster not the better choice?
Tie me up. I must have kittehs neowwww!
Is it just me, or does anyone else think the cover looks like the art department stuck a ’60’s Harlequin model’s head on a contemporary headless torso?
And if you think you just have to have a baby what’s wrong with adoption? No need to worry about the clock ticking down.
I would feel uncomfortable using the word pussy about myself, but it doesn’t bother me in romance?
That does remind me that one time my friend and I looked up a 100 word list of euphemisms for the vagina/vulva and our favorites were “baby cannon” and “secret fish garden”, Donnie to my friends I almost exclusively say secret fish garden. Not to my boyfriend during sexy time though!
I am a pussy proponent, personally. 😛
I don’t mind the P word, as someone else said used sparingly. It’s not a term I thing of myself but its very erotic when hubby uses it. In non-sexy casual terms though I’m not a fan of.
I’m also not a fan of the baby daddy stories. I mean he’s just going to walk away and both of them are cool with that? It’s one thing to do the anonymous thing but they are going to see each other all the time. I just can’t get my head around it.
I am a pussy proponent too. Though I don’t mind the c word with a hard t on the end either. Men get all kinds of cool words for their junk. Why do we have to use a clinical term all the time.
The notorious word choice isn’t my favourite either, and think it’s high time for some better alternatives! But the worst is when the author’s word choices for body parts or acts are wildly inconsistent with the tone of the book. Recently not one, but two Regencies I read suddenly contained That Word We Don’t Care For, after the author had used purple prose terms previously. Maybe the authors just got exhausted and gave up!
I don’t mind the word pussy, I find authors telling instead of showing more offensive. So thanks for letting me know to avoid this one!
I don’t like ANY of the words available for my Womanly Orifice. All of them are terrible, if for different reasons. I do use “pussy,” but mostly in the specific context of scent, e.g. “this smells like pussy,” because none of the others quite work for me there.
Personally, I would have DNFed at the part where he’s like ‘okay we can bang for babies, but only if we do it according to my specific kinks.’ How is that reasonable? What about her kinks? What if she hates playing sub? Are we supposed to assume that as the woman she is a sexual blank slate? At 36? WOMEN HAVE PREFERENCES TOO, damnit!
I usually hate reviews with gifs, but your incorporation of them is masterful! Actually, when I find them in SB reviews they’re usually entertaining, but on Goodreads they’re often a sign that this book is not for me…
I’ve never much liked “pussy.” The association with “grab her by the…” hasn’t helped. (Though those clever pussyhats have.) I actually prefer C U Next Tuesday. But my favorite word for it is quim, which is underused and works nicely in historicals and in fantasy romance.
Whenever I see that word I immediately think of Mrs Slocum’s cat on the British show Are You Being Served. That kind of takes me out of whatever is going on in a story
I’ve spent a lot of time working around men who used both the P- and C-words regularly, so I decided to reclaim them. They don’t bother me unless they’re used as insults. (My go-to response is something along the lines of “You’re calling him a ****? You mean you get all hot and bothered when you see him? Well, you do love ****s, don’t you? Unless you prefer COCK?!?!?” Cue utter panic and frenzied backpedaling. (Not that I would EVER consider sexual orientation an insult – but it’s the Achilles heel for a lot of alphahole bros, and questioning their “manhood” makes them immediately proclaim their loyalty and devotion to the pussy. When dealing with combat soldiers, I’ll take the victories I can get.)
Frankly, I don’t think of my own genitalia with any particular word. I wish “vulva” was more popular than it is. But I was not raised to discuss my anatomy by name. Something to change if I ever have a daugher.
On the word “vulva”: when I was a kid, one of our neighbors was an older lady named–I kid you not–Velva. I can only assume that her sheltered parents had never heard that particular anatomical reference.
I’m not a fan of that word because I perceive it as being used primarily in a misogynistic way or by a supposedly ‘slutty’ character in most cases. To each his/her own. I call it a vagina because that’s what it is and it’s what i taught my kid.
Mainly the book sounds horrible. I vote for adoption, sperm bank, or anyone but this dictatorial little jerk for a babydaddy.
Oh, for ### sake. I looked at the cover and thought “M. S. Force” was the title of the book, and figured it was some kind of elite military thing.
Oops.
I saw the cover first, and misread the title. I thought this was going to be cover snark, because that head does not look like it belongs on that body. Also, the quote you give says the “hero” is blond, and that cover guy looks more grey than blond.
Also, cover guy is not muscular in a lanky kind of way. He’s more muscular in a makes-Dwane-The-Rock-Johnson-look-lanky kind of way.
P.S. Anyone who thinks they need children to fulfil them is welcome to borrow mine. I say borrow, because I know you’ll bring them back.
My mother had fits about “THAT WORD.” As an adult, I don’t like carrying the baton for either of my parents, so every time I made the 20-minute trip to the grocery store once a week, I would say nothing but “pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy” for the duration of the trip, until it was just a word like any other. I don’t think it’s sexy (which is generally the case for P words — “puh” is just not a sexy sound), but the medical terminology is even less sexy, so crude slang in sexy circumstances is easier for me to tolerate.
For doctor visits and educating my kid, I go with clinical terms. I don’t have the kind of friendships that involve discussion of genitalia, but if I get some, I’m totally going with “secret fish garden.” (I feel like that should be the subject of some Japanese artwork, erotic or otherwise, but either Google is failing me or people have no imagination. Hey, I know someone with a koi tattoo. Maybe I’ll suggest getting another on her thigh, headed toward her secret fish garden…)
I actually do call my vagina my “pussy”, especially in bed. It’s the perfect blend of dirty and sweet. (I think it’s less childish than “hoo hah” or “va-jay-jay”)
That said, I hate when characters use the word “pussy” as a putdown. That shit is bullshit.
Pussy, ok eww no but am willing to respect a woman who likes to use that word. @mirandab um, panicking about babies at 36 is totally ok and normal. The majority of first babies over 40 are assisted by fertility clinics and clinics on average turn you down at 42.5. So, 36, surrounded by friends with three year olds? Yeah, ok. I respect that panic. Wish it didn’t happen, but reality.
THAT OREOS METAPHOR THO. Thank you, a million times thank you. That’s perfect for so many books, which it’s respectable to love but also cool to not love. So you can DNF without fear of saying your friends have bad taste – it’s just not oreos time for you. Or it’s your personal least fave flavor. Yes, and now this needs to be a big giant Internet wide thing so I can use it and be broadly understood everywhere.
As a woman, I use the word pussy for myself. I like it, and I certainly like it better than vagina–to me, that’s a weird, ugly sounding word, not sensual or vibrant or fun at all. But I get that other women don’t like it–it means something different for them. Different sensibilities, that’s fine.
Which is why some of the comments rubbed me the wrong way, about what it means when women use the word pussy. (Ex: “…and if she uses it in her head, she’s accustomed to thinking of her anatomy in a purely sexual context/in relation to men.”)
Um…why? How could using the word pussy possibly imply all that? But maybe it was just in relation to this book? Otherwise, it sounds like explaining to women what it really means when they use the word pussy, in their own head no less. Serious womansplaining.
And honestly, for me…even if a woman did think of her vagina “in a purely sexual context/in relation to men,” what would be wrong with that? It’s so easy to moralize about this stuff while intending to be empowering, but in the end, it’s what men do so often, tell us the ‘right’ way to think about things. “That’s not the right away to think about your vagina.” I say think about it anyway that makes you happy and fulfilled.
The pussy debate is quite interesting. As a non-native English speaker, I find it inoffensive and would use it in my internal monologue. The v- words are too clinical for me. Just as I don’t generally use the word penis for men’s sexual organs – I prefer euphemisms, however dirty they may sound.
With regards to the secret fish garden – now that’s cringe-y for me. Because I think of the fish smell… I would not like to associate that with my lady bits.
My pet peeve is when writers in romance (FEMALE writers at that) confuse the vagina with the vulva. That’s just… how is that even possible?
I don’t like pussy – especially after our idiot-in-chief’s misogynistic comments. It’s okay in moderation in books. I tend to use lady bits, but that’s more lack of a word I truly like than a strong preference for lady bits. And it’s in my head, not used out loud. This discussion is making me realize the I don’t refer to my lady bits by name and I need to come up with something better. However, if I read the term lady bits in a book, I’d probably wonder how old the author is.