by Evan Spiliotopoulos and Craig Mazin
Universal Pictures
This is the prequel/sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman. It’s one of those things that sounds terrible and you hope that it’ll be hillaribad and instead it’s just a huge fucking mess.
Spoilers Abound, so be ye warned.
It’s the origin story of The Huntsman (Erik, did we learn his name in the first movie? I don’t remember) and how Freya (Emily Blunt), the sister of Ravenna (the Evil Queen from SWatH, played by Charlize Theron) came into her own power. She becomes the Evil Elsa when her lover murders their baby, so….the whole movie kicks off with a dead child and things kind go incoherently downhill from there.
Elsa – I mean Freya – goes to the North and conquers her own kingdom, and has her soldiers scoop up children to “save them from love” and trains them to be her super soldiers. See, love caused all of her problems, and if she hadn’t loved her dude and loved her baby, then nothing bad would have happened. The kids grow up and two of them- “The best ones” -are Erik (Chris Hemsworth) and Sara (Jessica Chastain). They fall in love and plan to run away but are thwarted because Elsa-I-Mean-Freya knows all. Erik is dumped as a dead body in the river and is swept away to Ravenna’s kingdom where the events of Snow White and the Huntsman take place.
After that’s over, the magic mirror gets stolen….kind of…. and then Freya gets it and then Ravenna is resurrected because Charlize didn’t get fired from this franchise and there’s a random interlude with goblins and lady dwarves and a big final fight where love conquers all and it’s a huge mess.
So there are several problems here. The first is that this is billed as a prequel, and a battle between Ravenna and Elsa-I-Mean-Freya. But we know that Ravenna is alive and doing shit at the beginning of SWatH, so….like what’s the point? WE KNOW WHO WINS.
And then there’s this “And then The Huntsman and Snow White killed Ravenna yay!” bit and suddenly we’re in sequel territory, and that didn’t improve things. AND THEN this bit where Ravenna is still alive (kind of- it’s mirror logic. It’s complicated and doesn’t make a lot of sense) and needs to be defeated AGAIN is just stupid.
The fact that all of these NEEDS to be kicked off by a murdered child is just…ugh. Can we not.
There are dwarves! There are dwarves not played by little people, which is… a problem. There are people of color scattered in the background, and in one of the supporting roles, but still that’s… come on.
Then there’s the problem that functions in all Snow White stories if we stick with the original beef the Evil Queen has with Snow White (or all other women): Events transpire because of jealousy over hotness. Snow White is prettier than the Evil Queen, so she must die. Elsa-I-Mean-Freya’s kid could grow up to be prettier than Ravenna, SO SHE MUST DIE. It’s jealousy and pettiness over something a dude decided was important and reduces women down to petty, vain, squabbling bitches. It’s disgusting and there was a chance to rewrite that narrative into something less misogynistic.
Of course, this is the franchise that fired Kristen Stewart, even though she played the NAMED PART OF THE TITLE. This film is Snow White without Snow White and that’s BULLSHIT, especially when you consider the fact that aside from the Marvel movies, nothing Chris Hemsworth has helmed has been a hit, and Stewart has that Twilight cache under her belt.
I’m just saying. Giving your movie three female leads and one dude doesn’t negate the bullshit that’s evident here.
Look, not everything was bad: Emily Blunt is a fucking professional and elevates everything she’s been in, ever.
Charlize Theron can murder you with her walk.
(This works, by the way. Do it right, and people will get the fuck out of your way.)
Jessica Chastain has the most fascinating career and can do basically anything. (Hemsworth’s accent wandered an awful lot, though.) The set design, especially Elsa-I-Mean-Freya’s stronghold, had beautiful touches of Norse inspiration, and was entirely gorgeous.
And the COSTUMES. Elsa-I-Mean-Freya had these gowns that were metal and mesh and they had such weight and they made NOISE and it was Colleen Atwood of course, because that’s who you go to when you want gorgeous fantasy costumes.
Also she rides into battle on a snowy leopard/wolf/polar bear….thing. That’s pretty bad ass.
But the plot was just… bad. Nonsensical.
And here the worst part: with all of that, CHRIS HEMSWORTH KEPT HIS SHIRT ON THE ENTIRE TIME.
Not worth it. Go watch Thor again, and then watch The Young Victoria and Edge of Tomorrow to see Emily Blunt being a boss. That would be a much better use of your time and money.
The Huntsman: Winter’s War is in theaters now and you can find tickets (US) at Fandango and Moviefone.
The fact that there are no Chris pecs seals the deal. No thank you madam, I will go watch my Chrisses (and Sebastian) sans shirt for free on Netflix instead.
Great review, RHG!
I will still see this because three badass women fighting and being all super badass. And only one dude. And pretty costumes. But yeah there will also be a huge helping of side-eye.
I actually loved it! I went to the theater with very low expectations, driven by the fact that I wanted to watch this movie anyway, but expecting a mess, and I ended up loving practically every minute of it. Certainly, it isn’t the new cinema masterpiece of all times, but I enjoyed it. Chastain, Blunt and Theron all seemed to have a lot of fun and were wonderful. Costumes, setting etc were absolutely amazing and even such a simple combination like the silver/gold one had me. I’d certainly like to rewatch it in the future.
Not even Emily Blunt could get me to buy into this, and I love her so much I compromised my principles to watch a TOM CRUISE movie for her. I have to love myself more and draw the line somewhere.
I had one sweet, shining moment of hope in SWatH (an apt acronym — it cut a swath of destruction through my hopes and dreams) when I connected Ravenna’s villainous origin story (men sucked the youth and beauty out of her and then cast her off like garbage) with her present villainous behavior (literally sucking the youth and beauty out of other women and literally casting them off like garbage) (BECOMING THE VILLAIN THAT VICTIMIZED HER — it was glorious)… and then they had to go and make the rest of that movie. That one fleck of story glitter, the visuals, and Charlize’s essential Charlizeness were out of place in what was otherwise a disaster. It left me thinking If they’d just done everything differently, this could have been amazing. The glimpse of potential made it more disappointing than if it had been purely awful in every way.
I’ve heard nothing that suggests this one isn’t even more of a mess in beautiful wrapping.
I actually liked it as well, although it had more to do with the actors — Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron and Jessica Chastain are all amazing (I could have done with a bit more Chastain where she wasn’t deciding whether she wanted to moon over Hemsworth though) — the set and the costumes than the plot (was there one, really, besides the Evil Queen is really evil?) which, as noted, couldn’t decide if it was a prequel, a sequel or its very own adventure/moralistic love story. I thought it was fun for what it was and I had fun watching it. And for the record, the only reason I went to see it was because Kristin “I have the emotional range of a stick and can’t act my way out of a paper bag” (in my opinion anyway, I’m sure others disagree) Stewart wasn’t in it. It was weird that they didn’t have Snow White get involved once they brought it back to “current, post-Snow White-storyline times,” but if they weren’t willing to do a soap opera-style “the part of Snow White will now be played by ___” then I’m okay with her absence. The Twilight movies were a success because they were Twilight, not because of Kristin Stewart. You could have plugged anyone in the role of Bella and they still would have done well.
I want to see it for Emily and Charlize, but may wait for the DVD.
My husband rolled his eyes at me when I commented that the second Thor movie didn’t have nearly enough shirtless Chris Hemsworth. Clearly, I am not alone in this.
Like some other folks here, I liked it. It was campy and silly (with some actual laugh-out-loud funny parts), and the costumes were stunning. The female leads were fantastic, and though I would have liked to see more of Erik (and by more, I mean more of his body), I just really had fun with it. Hemsworth, in leather pants, on a horse, with a quasi-Scottish accent–I don’t need much more in life. I’m a simple person sometimes.
We had some fun trying to figure out if that was a polar bear or fat snow leopard, and picking out the similarities to basically every other fantasy moveie ever, but still enjoyed it.
I keep wanting a snarky mirror to respond to “Who is the fairest of them all?” with Judge Dee or Lord Justice Smite or some such.
I suppose Evil Queen(s) vs. Judge Dread might have opportunities for special effects (story optional).
Um, small typo – Emily Blunt starred in the EDGE of Tomorrow, not the END. I felt the need to speak up since I adore the film to shreds and don’t want anything in the way of anyone finding it! <3
I saw SWatH with the hope that it would be bad in a hilarious way as that is my favorite type of film to see in theaters (I will share my love of Jupiter Ascending with anyone who asks). Unfortunately, SWatH turned out to be confusing and odd and not in a fun way. It sounds like this one suffers from the same issue. I’ll stick to looking at the pictures of the costumes online and watching Charlize Theron and Emily Blunt being awesome elsewhere.
Thanks for the review!
I especially hate when a movie dame fight based on petty self-image issues is between two dames who are unearthly beautiful. Like really: Charlize, Emily … YOU think you’re not pretty enough? Give me an evil queen who is not one of the ten most beautiful women on the planet, and THEN I might believe she has self-image issues.
Also Chris H with clothes on = wasted resources.
btw the murder walk is basically ballroom tango. totally works. 🙂
@Christina: Fixed! Thank you!
And I hate Tom Cruise, so I thought I’d be okay with my roommate putting Edge of Tomorrow on in the background while I did work in the living room. But nope. I was captivated by Blunt’s badassery and watched the whole thing.
That photo of Freya/Emily Blunt reminds me of the White Witch/Tilda Swinton in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe–especially her costuming and going into battle with a polar bear. (Or even Lyra w/ Iorek Byrnison. I guess polar bears are icy badasses.)
But I’m not a Theron fan, or a Blunt fan, so if CH’s pecs aren’t part of the equation then this movie isn’t worth it for me.
I’m not a Kristen Stewart fan, but I had high hopes for SWaTH. I love fairy tale retellings and C Hem is pretty darn delectable. He seemed to really be trying with her, but she seemed like her give a damn was busted. No chemistry. (My God, how could you *not* want to touch him?)
I also really liked how they starting introducing a sort of nature spirituality to SW’s character. I would’ve loved to see that carried all the way through. Why did she have to become so vengeful and violent? Maybe it makes for compelling visuals, but for my part, I thought a much more powerful story would have been to have SW forgive the queen and let love be the transformative force.
In terms of beauty, I liked how they told Ravenna’s backstory and how it informed her life. Beauty is a commodity in many ways and I can see how it would freak you out to feel disempowered by someone perceived to be more beautiful. If what you had to trade on was your looks because that was the world you inhabited, a woman wanting power would certainly capitalize on it. I don’t have a problem with that.
I saw it and it entertained me enough between the costuming, Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron. Chris Hemsworth is nice to look at but Jessica Chastain was largely wasted in her role. After seeing her in Crimson Peak I was wishing she had an evil queen role instead of kind of playing the ingenue again. I feel like more of her stunt double was in the movie than her. I also hate it when sequels rewrite the first movie. Wasn’t The Huntsman Snow White’s true love in the first film? Now thinking of him married and kissing her, Eww.
If anyone is interested in a really great version of Snow White I highly recommend “Snow White A Tale of Terror” with Sigourney Weaver doing an amazing job as the “Evil” Queen who actually is an interesting nuanced character before she goes bad. It draws on tons of Grimm inspiration, is not afraid to touch on the Freudian issues of the story and has amazing Germanic puff and slash fashion done by costume designer Charles Knode who did the costumes for “Legend” with Tom Crusie and Mia Sara and “Braveheart”. The production design is outstanding and the performances from Sam Neill amongst others is really great. I think Snow White And The Huntsman stole a lot of ideas from it.
@Christine, was that the one where the SW love interest was played by Gil from Ally McBeal? I normally steer clear of anything scary, but I’m sure I’ve seen this one, and possible another with that dude if they are not the same movie. I remember *really* liking the chemistry and tension between them. So intense.
@Mary Star-yes that’s the one! It was pre- Ally McBeal and Snow White was Monica Keena who looked perfect in the role and did a great job of showing Snow coming into her own. I liked that she was the one who saved her father and defeated the Queen.
I agree about the tension too. I loved it when Gil Bellows (like in the story) shook the apple loose ( the kissing bit was lifted from Sleeping Beauty by Disney) and basically willed her to breathe. He made the “prince” type character just seem so insipid. It also had a wonderful sense of place, not a generic fairytale land. And the mirror was wonderful the way it just folded its hands in repose after an evil deed. I thought it was genuinely suspenseful and scary.
I have nothing to say about the movie–haven’t seen it, not planning to, not in theaters anyway–but I’ve always wondered why people seem to arrow out of my path when I go anywhere in public. The grocery store, the mall, any public place where people congregate. Now I know: I’ve been walking like “Murder” for years. Hell, I’ve even had a woman press herself up against the other side of a hallway when I walked through the doctor’s office–so not kidding. It was a real hit to my self-esteem, I tell you.
Oh, but I do have to second the recommendation of “Snow White: A Tale of Terror” as being a really fine interpretation of the tale. Sigourney Weaver is awesome (like that’s a surprise) and Gil Bellows is fabulous as the not-hero hero.
I just want to say, after a Really Bad Thing happened to me as a young woman, I geared myself up to where I knew I could and would kill to protect myself and how I would do it. And, if you walk down a street in San Francisco thinking to yourself “I could kill you,” people will get out of your way. OTOH, I don’t recommend actually killing anyone. Unless they try to do that really bad thing to you.
@Vicki *hug*
I heard this movie was terrible but I wanted to see it anyway because the promised conflict between Emily and Charlize’s characters seemed badass. But the whole thing was a huge disappointment. The queens were in the first ten minutes and the last ten minutes (seemed like) and the entire middle was just incredibly boring, not well thought out plot. It was frustrating because as people have pointed out, you can see the potential in it, but the movie just doesn’t deliver.
@Christine I loved Monica Keena as Snow as well. Thank you for the confirmation!
Put me in the went to see it because it did NOT have Kristen Stewart in it. I enjoyed it while I didn’t enjoy the first one except when Kristen wasn’t the main focus (ie, when Chris was). I can’t stand her whiney all the time face. For me, what I loved most was that Erik got his happily ever after with Sara. While I was moved a bit with Snow White getting woken by Chris’s kiss, I LOVED that he got his wife back. What did throw me, like someone else said, was Ravenna’s backstory. I felt bad for her in the first one even though I wanted her to be defeated. I GOT why she was who she was. I even remarked what happened to her brother? That whole glorious stuff was gone. And I also waited the entire movie for her to show back up ’cause I love Charlize Theron. That woman is so gorgeous and fabulous. So, overall, I enjoyed it a bit more than the first one and was happy with KS not being in it.