Book Review

Book Rant: The Man for the Job Is Not For the Job

Marian would like you to know that this was her first DNF of the year. I suppose it’s good to get that out of the way. Says Marian:

I had to stop reading this book before I even got halfway. There was nothing shocking like assault or abuse… just endless, misogynistic objectification and harassment from the hero. Rape culture alert! One positive review on Amazon said he was a throwback to the 40’s, and I agree he should have been thrown back – way, way back – because he was not a keeper. So I’m sharing the love with you.  

 So trigger warning for a hero so steeped in rape-culture tea, all his selfies will be sepia toned whether he likes it or not.


Comic portrait of woman on phone with text bubble that reads UNLEASHED RAGE GOES HEREI’ve read romances that were meh, or where I enjoyed some aspects of the story but hated others. But I’ve never stumbled across one that made me want to Force-choke the hero before the end of chapter 3. Until now.

The book is The Man For The Job, by Marie-Nicole Ryan, published in 2012. It begins with private investigator/bodyguard Mike Carlton meeting a prospective client, “a leggy blonde”, also referred to as a “lithe goddess”, “Her Loveliness” and “sweet thing”.

This is the start of the constant portrayal of Mike as a salivating horndog. Nearly every paragraph has an over-the-top description of Gwyneth Wells, or an under-the-table response from Mike. Finally the story pauses the ogling so she can tell him her problem.

“I’m being stalked.”

“Who?” He grinned and shrugged. “Can’t say I blame him.”

He’s the poster child for rape culture. What’s next? If the woman was assaulted, would that be her fault too, for being so hot the man just couldn’t help it?

Not quite eating his face, but close.

I wanted a raccoon to eat his face. I hoped she would go to someone who’d treat her with respect, but instead she huffs, saying she needs him to be serious and ethical. He thinks she talks like she went to a posh finishing school, but he decides to help the “damsel in distress”.

She says the stalker could be her ex-fiance, and the jerkass grins. She’s single!

“How did he take the breakup?” Mike swiveled from left to right, then back in his chair while he enjoyed the view.

She needs professional protection. He’s all but jacking off. Eventually she huffs again (maybe next time she’ll puff and blow his—okay, stop there) and says her uncle recommended him, but this won’t work out.

Yes! I thought. Unfortunately she keeps talking and mentions she’s a lawyer. Jerkass hates lawyers, especially ones who defend criminals. She says she defends battered women. Who knows, maybe those are criminals to him.

Lamp post He sarcastically dubs her Mother Theresa, but being treated like a lamppost that gets humped or peed on, depending on what the dog wants, seems to work for Gwyneth, and she hires him.

Mike struck her as a man’s man. He probably watched football with his hand inside his belt. Maybe he even carried a gun.

Intellectual osmosis seems to have reduced her to his level. Heck, just being near him makes her shake—except she’s so innocent she thinks she’s having medical problems. He caresses her hand, and naturally she loves it. Then he kisses her, and she huffs while making token protests he either ignores or deflects with remarks that leave her speechless.

Folding his arms across his chest, he beamed and set her to wondering if their children would have his beautiful eyes.

Previously on this page he grinned, then gave her a “cheeky half-grin”, and each time I imagined him smirking in condescension—lookit the little lady getting flustered, hee hee. Finally she tells him this isn’t appropriate because they have a business relationship.

He pouted as if he were a small boy who’d wrecked his favorite toy.

Even when he thinks she’s professionally competent, it turns into drooling over her body.

In the courtroom, she’d be a dynamite litigator. Every male in the vicinity would dream of crawling between her thighs, until she blind-sided them with her sweet brand of interrogation.

I pictured his tongue hanging down to his stomach. The crowning moment of this encounter is him blurting out “Marry me”, which makes her stutter and huff about how he can’t keep her safe because he’s got his mind elsewhere. He says nothing because he’s staring at her breasts. Huffing again, she leaves him and goes to her uncle’s office to tell him now she has two stalkers, thanks to his recommendation.

And guess what? Jerkass follows and listens while Uncle barely suppresses his chortles—isn’t it hilarious, that she has no idea Stalker #2 is right behind her while she complains about him? She tells Jerkass he’s fired, and with a beaming smile he says no. So she storms out, leaving Jerkass and Uncle to guffaw, grin at each other and mock her.

Uncle : “Put the moves on her, did you? That’s what all the hysteria is about?”

That’s where I stopped. In four chapters, the author gave the heroine three men who refused to listen when she said no.

It’s possible Jerkass eventually redeems himself, and judging from the reviews, this sort of character seems to be a trope for the author, so maybe a reader used to it wouldn’t mind. But once the microaggressions turned to outright aggressions, I’d had enough.

I also wondered if this was meant to be a parody, because some of it is so cliched—like the heroine being a foot-stomper who melts into a palpitating puddle when the alpha-hole smirks at her. But it’s not funny, deftly written or insightful. Though taking a drink each time the heroine huffs might provide some entertainment, and at least you’d pass out before you got halfway.

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The Man for the Job by Mary-Nicole Ryan

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  1. LadyRhian says:

    This pushes all my “NOPE!” buttons. Thanks for the warning.

  2. Anony Miss says:

    But who will finish it for us and tell us if little miss Gwen ends up taking them all out with an uzi?

    Cause that’s the ending I’m hoping for.

    See, I never DNF. I skip to the last page, and THEN throw it across the room.

  3. Lostshadows says:

    Sounds like this book is a good argument for paper books. I feel like tossing it against a wall without even reading it.

  4. LML says:

    It hurt just reading the review. Do you suppose the author is male and using a pen name?

  5. rachel says:

    Agreed, just reading this review made me angry about this book. I’d turn into a huff-monster if people in my life where that stupid, too.

  6. Stacey says:

    Agree with the others – just reading the review spiked my blood pressure! I would fear for my Kindle – this would have me throwing it across the room in no time. Thank you for sacrificing your time so we don’t!

  7. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I don’t even care how it ends. Thanks for the heads up.

  8. chacha1 says:

    unbelievable that people are still writing crap like that.

  9. jimthered says:

    It’s hard to believe this was written in 2013. It really does sound anachronistically for the 21st century (or even latter half of the 20th).

  10. jimthered says:

    That should have been “anachronistically sexist.” My bad.

  11. Beth Not Elizabeth says:

    If you need a palate cleanser I highly recommend Megan Abbott’s pulp noir. So well written and smart… but not much on the HEA. It is noir after all. But her characters (the femme fatales!) and world building just knock it out of the park.

    Also, check out the cover art:
    http://www.amazon.com/Song-You-Megan-Abbott-ebook/dp/B000NY12VY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421260997&sr=8-1&keywords=the+song+is+you+abbott

  12. Maybe it’s a Longarm parody! Although then they’d need a second heroine …

  13. Lulu says:

    Bwahahahahaaaheh – raccoon eating his face!!! That is completely brilliant.

    So what’s the deal with the cover? Stretching his quads, getting ready for ‘the job’… is he going to run the stalker down? Bitch-slap him then run away, really fast?

    And seriously – “… a man’s man. He probably watched football with his hand inside his belt.” Sounds like watching men in tights gets him really… excited.

  14. Megan Morgan says:

    If someone is stalking you, I thought you call the police, not hire a private investigator?

    Also she’s a lawyer who defends battered women, but she puts up with this sort of behavior? I see you, plot holes. I see you! Man, us women and our hysteria!

  15. Andrea D says:

    Great rant! The description of him as a pouty child seems apt. The way he’s mindlessly grinning at her, swiveling in his chair back and forth, and completely ignoring her concerns doesn’t make it seem like he has adult capacity.

  16. Liz says:

    Based on the SBTB tweet, I was hoping that there would at least be a raccoon in the story.

  17. Kelly says:

    I lost it with the sepia-toned selfie remark. The “hero” seems like he belongs in a very old-school bodice-ripper rather than a current contemporary. Also I want to stage a protest with snarky signs and call every feminist lawyer I know from the first chapter descriptions. Ew! Poor heroine, she needs to find herself some good strong female contemporary heroine leads- there’s plenty out there, ones who would bust both her stalker’s balls if needed!

  18. Sel says:

    The part that I find most terrifying? Not that this got published at all (I’ve seen worse), but that a woman *could* have written this and thought it was her Best Work Evah.

  19. LaraAmber says:

    She’s a lawyer and needs her uncle to recommend a good PI? Not another lawyer in her firm or someone she’s worked with before? And why would she need a PI anyway? I’m sure she knows the steps for a restraining order.

    Unless they worked for the same firm, she only walked to her Uncle’s office to set up that ridiculous scene. There are these things called phones.

  20. Pam says:

    This sounds so bad I don’t even want to read the rant about it.

  21. DonnaMarie says:

    How can this be? The cover clearly states it’s written by an “Award Winning Author”. Any one want to take a stab at what the award might have been? An award for the worst writer ever is still an award.

  22. Astrakhan says:

    Eh, the raccoon doesn’t have to eat the guy’s face… but maybe him and his giant tree friend could pound the PI into the pavement a few times.

  23. Anna Bradley says:

    Thanks for the review, and also for the line “I wanted a raccoon to eat his face”!

  24. Jewel says:

    Went to the author’s website because I, too, wanted to know what awards she’d won… here’s the quote: “TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, won a 2008 EPPIE for erotic romantic suspense. One of her early books, SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS, won the Golden Wings award from the publisher for excellence in romantic suspense. In addition, her mystery/suspense novel, ONE TOO MANY, was a 2009 EPPIE Finalist.”

    The EPPIE is apparently for “outstanding achievement in electronic publishing”.

  25. I like the Uzi suggestion, though the face-eating raccoon also works for me. I’m just trying to imagine any female attorney I know not standing up in the first three minutes of the interview for the PI and saying, “I’ll take my money and business elsewhere, asshole.”

    Nope, can’t imagine it.

  26. tikaanidog says:

    oohhhh, an eppie! so it’s what you get when readers have an allergic reaction to your book?

  27. DonnaMarie says:

    Thanks for the research Jewel. She won an award from her publisher who then slapped “award winning” on her covers; Well, no conflict of interest there… And if this is what they’re rewarding, what must the competition’s writing be like? YIKES!!

    @tikaanidog I see what you did there. Nice.

  28. Elinor Aspen says:

    My first thought was that this had been ghost-written by former Calumet County (WI) prosecutor Ken Kratz to pay the settlement to the domestic abuse victim whom he sexually harassed while prosecuting her abusive boyfriend. Yes, these things really still happen in the 21st century.
    http://archive.postcrescent.com/article/20130213/APC0101/302130365/Civil-lawsuit-against-former-Calumet-County-district-attorney-settled

  29. pet says:

    grrrrrrrrr
    Is the author male?And really bad person at that?

  30. Kat says:

    Seconding the Megan Abbott recomendations! She writes strong women, vintage men, great prose, but very noir.

  31. Andrea says:

    I’ll throw my hat in with those who suspect the writer might actually be male.

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