I have a file on my hard drive titled “Old Skool with Jaundice,” and this is easily my favorite cover in that collection. It's not so much the jaundice possibilities as the hiding possibilities. What is she concealing under there?!
It's not the best quality scan, but oh, my, the possibilities are quite titillating. Time to Caption This Cover!
Put your best caption in the comments, and you're entered to win a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of your choice. Standard disclaimers apply: I'm not being compensated for this giveaway though sitting in the sun to counter any reports of jaundice would not be a horrible punishment. Open to anyone over the age of 18 anywhere in any time period. Slippery when wet. Less-than-three didn't look like a heart to me for a long, long time, and I couldn't figure out why so many people were 1-ing or 2-ing something. Do not remove under penalty of law.
You've got 24 hours to caption, and you can like and promote your favorites as you go.
So, what's going on there? Bring on the captions!
Sophie’s twisted spine made it hard to scratch that itch—until she met Rinaldo and his magic fingers!
“Yes, with Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C) tanning lotion, you too can have that healthy glow of the jaundiced sun-worpshipper! And with the purchase of every three bottle, we give you a free case of melanoma, so you miss nothing of the fun of a healthy tan, except for those painful sunburns!*
*may cause chemical burns. Do not let Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C) tanning lotion stay in direct contact with the skin for longer than two-minutes-seventeen-seconds. Do not allow undiluted Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C) to come into direct contact with sunlight. Do not use Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C) if you are pregnant or may become pregnant. In fact, try not to think too hard about it if you even have a uterus or think you know someone who does. If the syllables pass your lips, spit thrice, turn twice, and make the sign of the cross while waving your left hand (with fingers crossed) in a 360-degree circle above your head. While applying Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C), avoid the electromagnetic fields made by television and computer monitors, radios, and cell phones, as these may cause key ingredients in Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C) to ignite with a heat similar to that found in sparklers. If it should ignite, keep the flame away from aluminum, as this may combine with the ambient oxygen to catalyze an exothermic reaction of breathtaking swiftness and force. These occurred in less than three percent of cases.
Fire’s Tender Kiss (R) (TM) (C), available wherever health and beauty products are sold.”
Drillin’ her extra hole.
“Darling, I would hate to get tan lines, please hurry with the rest of the dress.”
“You should stop weightlifting, baby.”
“I think I can feel the head… bear down, and breathe…”
She was the most twisted thing he has ever seen…
If Linus had known The Great Pumpkin could do this, he would have dyed his blanket orange years ago…
The “How Not To” of Yoga Positioning (poster).
Salutes to the sun are best completed without being entangled in a mile of bed sheet. Instructors, please note: Adjusting does not mean feeling up (even if it is an attempt to negotiate miles of bed sheet).
“Relax, my proud beauty,” breathed Reginald. “The only relief from Fire’s Tender Kiss is Penicillin’s Sharp Sting.”
Relax and let me work. It’s called adjusting your spine. Someday, my theories on chiropractic medicine will be accepted.
Helenadora had always covered her centaur half with yards of yellow taffeta, but Trevelyan finally felt the truth.
Trina had travelled far to find a cure for her painfully twisted spine. With Mario’s clever – and unconventional – manipulations she would find relief, as well as Fire’s Tender Kiss.
Too easy, sarge. The proctology jokes are obvious, and it’s bringing back unpleasant memories of “What, What…”
“I like big butts and I cannot lie….”
“Relax, I’m a doctor…”
Well, this is number one:
His hand is on me bum.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again!
Roll me ooooover
In the clooooover—
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again!
No caption here, but my boyfriend has been having trouble with sciatica lately—with a role reversal this couple could totally be us, right down to the expressions of pained intensity.
I really don’t think you need a prostate exam but if you insist my dear.
Rafe had warned Annabel about the 5 alarm chili but she couldn’t resist the spicy flavors. Now she wished she had listened to him.
Shane’s previous life as a livestock inspector dashed Daphne’s hopes for normal foreplay. She never objected to the grab, but her tuberculosis made coughing painful.
Adult diapers were different in those days.
Look Ma! No panties!
Yes, this rump was a prime cut and ready for harvest. Now if he could only figure out how to get it out of the packaging …
Now turn your head and cough…
She didn’t think he’d take her seriously when she said the sun shone out of her a**.
As her body shifted into a palomino, he made a mental note to be clearer next time he said he wanted to ride her all night.
She shifted, suddenly arching that lower curve of her butt in his direction in an enticing invitation, her body taut with anticipation, when just as abruptly, her head fell back and she sighed softly, with hints of satisfaction. What? He’d barely begun to touch her! There was still plenty of disrobing to be done! There was—
Wait, what was that?
He froze. He sniffed. He gagged. “OH GOD, WAS THAT YOU?”
“Well, if you wanted to do it that way, all you had to do was ask. Geez!”
I’m not captioning the cover or trying to enter the contest; I just wanted to say that this quote
“Less-than-three didn’t look like a heart to me for a long, long time, and I couldn’t figure out why so many people were 1-ing or 2-ing something”
confused the hell out of me. At first I thought it was song lyrics or something, but I eventually figured it out (at which point I felt pretty damn stupid). I thought it was some obscure reference to polyamory.
The spinner stopped on ..“right hand on the yellow dot”, “left foot on the blue”…no, no, you’re doing it wrong again. It’s the right hand, no, your other right hand. Damn it!! Can’t you get anything right, right, I say!!!
A pirate-lumberjack coaxes one last ride out of his favorite nag…
“And now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affection.“
Dr, John’s magic hands were oh so much better than his mighty wang.
Not entering. Just laughing. And laughing. Thanks. I needed that.
Now here’s what I’m going to do my sweet: I’m going to crack your bones. Then you will be better, yes?
Rod didn’t know how to break it to Virginia that he had been grossly mistaken about the impossibility of buttsecks resulting in a buttbaby. He ever-so-gently pushed it back in and hoped she would continue to attribute the discomfort to consumption of excessive cheese until his obese horse could get him safely across the border.
Caitlyn had gone along with Milo’s insistence on the monochromatic, fair-trade-sourced garden and his refusal to saddle the horse because it would “exploit another species.” But the holistic, do-it-yourself colonoscopy just might mean the end of their relationship.
LOl! Love it! You guys are too funny! Don’t think I can top it but here goes…
‘Feel the heat with Fire’s Tender Kiss. Warning: Use flame retardent before opening cover.’
This isn’t a Rob Liefeld cover, is it? Seriously, the only thing I can think of on seeing this is “Fuck! My spine!”