Of course the Smart Bitches amuse and entertain with a sharp assessment of the romance genre—that’s a given. But about halfway through the book, I realized they’d pulled off another feat. Not only was I laughing at the snark while I learned the historical roots and some little known facts about my own business, I became truly proud to be a romance writer. They may poke fun, and indeed they do, but the subtext of real love and appreciation for books that have been traditionally belittled and dismissed came through on every page. Beyond Heaving Bosoms slays preconceptions, makes a compelling argument for respect, and shows why truly smart bitches can and do love trashy books, all in an unforgettable, inimitable voice and style. Well done!!
— Roxanne St. Claire
Outtakes, Excerpts and Extras
Consent is Sexy, Even When You’re a Vampire
Book: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels
When Candy was working on the Mad Libs-style games for the book, she started writing the snippet below for use in one of the games. It started out as an attempt to parody those YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME, WOMAN, AND RESIST NOT THY FATE moments in our favorite schlocky vampire novels. And then Dwayne turned up. And lo, it became too long for the book, and Candy was too fond of Dwayne to cut him short. Below is the complete Write Your Own Romance Scene that took on a life of its own; the vampire version that made it… read more »
Who Tells of Great Sexxing?
Book: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels
A bit of copy from the book's Sex chapter - enjoy. In old-skool romances, you only rarely experience the sweet sweet love through the hero, but that’s largely because the old-skool romances were mostly told from the heroine’s perspective in the first place. In novels in which both POVs are given equal weight, most authors dedicate roughly equal real estate to both sexes for the POV of the nookenatin’. The male point of view is present in most recently-published romances not only because the hero’s journey has equal weight with the heroine’s, but because the added POV adds greater dramatic… read more »
Proposal Intro, Part I
Book: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels
When Candy and Sarah first wrote their proposal, it opened with a fictional account of Genevieve Romanceuse, a mythic romance author, the embodiment of just about every stereotype we could think of. Enjoy—there's more. Oh, is there ever more. Genevieve Romanceuse, bestselling romance author, wakes up to the sound of twittering bluebirds outside her window, the sun warm on her face as it filters through her lace curtains. She blinks her blue-eyeshadowed eyelids, each eyelash impeccably outlined with mascara, and lifts a heavily beringed finger to her forehead to smooth away the fluffy white curls there. She sits up slowly,… read more »
The Top Ten Signs You’re Reading a Very Bad Romance Novel
Book: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels
It was in the proposal. It's not in the book. But you get to enjoy it anyway! The prancing black stallion changes suddenly into a docile grey gelding in the space of three pages. Don't laugh - it's happened. Bribe us with trinkets and we'll tell you which book. Why is this the most egregious sign that you're reading bad romance? Because this is a sign that someone thinks you, as a romance reader, are dumb as a box of hair. Or dirt. Or dirty hair. Maybe it was bad editing, bad writing, bad transcription, or just bad luck, but… read more »
10 Commandments of Heroine Conduct
Book: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels
Thou shalt not lust in thy panties for any male’s mighty wang due to normal sexual horny pants. Thou shalt lust in thy panties only for the mighty wang of the hero. There is no “ho” in heroine. Thou shalt not offer an accurate representation of the financial insecurities of women at the time period by actively looking for a hero of wealth and reputation, and admitting that thou art doing so without remorse. Just because every unmarried woman at that time actually was doing so is no excuse for similar behavior in a romance heroine. If thou art in… read more »
