Bitchin' Blog Posts
Your Next Bestseller Title Generator
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | September 11, 2012 | Tuesday at 12:04 am | 91 Comments
Putting aside from all the Fifty Shades variations and parodies, we haven't really discussed the possibilities of changes in book titles brought about by the 50 craze.
Really, there are SO many better character names than grey, and so many more evocative color names as well. I have kids, and my kids have crayons, and, well, have you LOOKED at the names of some crayons? The wtfery is limitless, and after a marathon coloring session recently, I started THINKING.
That is never good, especially when javascript is involved.
Behold! A Derivative Book Title Generator using all the possible crayon color names I could find, plus a few extra colors I love, and a very few things that should be color names if they aren't already. The color names in the generator are actual color names appearing on crayons (where there reside folks who burn a lot of umber, apparently. And I have no idea what Razzmatazz should look like. Perhaps unnaturally red sorbet)?
Anyway, let's color!
Hit the button until you get a derivative book title you like.
Then, write a blurb for it! Describe the fine, fine crazysauce (or totally seriousfacesauce) that will flood your book, and tell us about it. The color can be a character name, but it doesn't have to be - get crazy with the Cheez Whiz, if you like. I mean, it's all derivative at this point right? And nothing is sacred - not even crayon color names!
You guys shall pick the winner: the entry with the most number of 'likes' by 3pm ET Friday 14 September will win a $25 gift card to the bookstore of the winner's choosing and winner's choice of a Kindle Paperwhite WiFi with Special Offers OR a Nook Glow OR a Kobo Touch. (I hope those special offers come in Razzmatazz, but no guarantees or that or Burnt Umber.)
Standard disclaimers apply: must be over 18 and know the difference between blue violet and violet blue to win. Void where prohibited. Open to international residents. Return your seatback and tray table to their normal upright position. Your seat cushion can be used as a very yellow flotation device. Objects in mirror are larger than they appear (that's what he said).
Get ready: here's your generator! Prepare ye to create silliness! (And thank you to BigStock for the image!)
Your next bestseller should be titled:
Filed: Fun And Games, General Bitching, Go Ahead, Win Some Shit
Tagged: wtfery, make the burning stop, fifty shades of grey, awesomesauce
Jami JoAnne Russell said on 09.11.12 at 01:14 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades Of Mummy’s Tomb
While bored out of her skull at a really poorly done Egyptian exhibit, sex hating Lauralie Johnson finds herself having to escape a creepy guy who’s convinced every woman wants to be bossed around because he “read it in a book.” She trips, knocking over a display and touching a supposedly cursed bracelet. (But if it’s cursed, how come no one else has been effected by it? No one knows.)
As soon as she touches it Lauralie finds herself transported back in time. Luckily the bracelet makes it so she can understand ancient Egyptian. Sadly, now she has to convince one of the Pharaoh’s guards she isn’t as hot for his body as he seems to think. Especially since he insists on using putrid donkey liver to dye his hair and puts lead around his eyes.
But once he’s cleaned up and less poisonous, will Lauralie find her life long frigidity melting away? And can she avoid those who wish to make her into a mummy?
~~~~~~~~~
Thank you, Horrible Histories, for teaching me about Ancient Egyptian hair dye!
http://youtu.be/_PPk2y_n49g
Anna said on 09.11.12 at 01:31 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of I’m Not Really A Waitress
When Lincoln sees the new girl waiting tables at his favourite restaurant, he immediately knows he has to have her. He immediately begins wooing Tiffany, but soon discovers she’s not an ordinary waitress… she’s a wealthy heiress, reduced to waiting tables after one of her father cut her off in one of his infamous fits of temper. How can Lincoln possibly continue to pursue her, knowing he can’t ever give her the life she’s accustomed to? Then again, with a rack like hers, how can he not?
Kristy said on 09.11.12 at 01:53 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Tiger’s Eye or Fifty Shades of Copper Penny Nipples.
I pretty much have to go with Copper Penny Nipples, don’t I? Despite the fact that Tiger’s Eye brings to mind Sylvester Stallone training in Rocky.
How about Fifty Shades of Copper Penny Tiger Nipples.
FSOCPTN is a poignant tail (See what I did there?) of a painfully handsome zoologist - let’s call him Derek - hell bent on saving the endangered Rocky Mountain white tiger. (It’s a true albino tiger distinguishable from other white tigers by its copper colored nipples.)
The Rocky Mountain white tiger’s nipples are thought to help erectile dysfunction if made into a stew, so they have been poached to near extinction.
Derek goes undercover to investigate a notorious tiger poacher. That’s when he meets the clumsy, virginal Kitty (short for Katherine). Is she really the master mind behind the mass tiger slayings, or is she perhaps a tiger of a different stripe?
Spoiler - she’s also trying to save the tigers - duh. Poaching aint sexy!
Oh, and her nipples are also copper colored, because why not?
NYT best seller list, here I come!
Sveta said on 09.11.12 at 01:55 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Malachite
One day Savannah Moonstone’s father goes missing and she discovers that the last person to see him was a man named Captain Bryce Terwick, who is rumored to be a pirate. Confronting the man in the bar she threatens to expose that he’s the kidnapper and immediately demands the information or else the return of her father. He refuses her request, but not before she learns that he will take a trip across the sea. So she hides in the boat. Then she discovers his secrets…
Captain Bryce Terwick is innocent, at least in regard to kidnapping Savannah’s father. He knows the kidnapper and what her desires are, but in other matters, he has a dark and shady past of domination, submission as well as the games that he thought he had left so long. Yet why does one look from Savannah stir his loins and make him want to return to the past he thought he abandoned?
Find out in this exciting new trilogy titled Fifty Shades of Malachite where the games at sea will be charged with electricity.
Warning: Not an actual series or book.
http://sveta-randomblog.blogsp…
Anonymous said on 09.11.12 at 02:24 AM • [link]
I don’t see a button.
Sarah Loch said on 09.11.12 at 04:56 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Ogre Odor
Aish’leagh is desperate to save her people, the nomadic Huntrr’gathrr, from the depredations of the vicious, barbaric ogre tribes that keep driving them further into the desert. Desperate enough, in fact, to submit herself to the demands of the Ogre chieftain, Man-titi. Expecting a life of degradation and humiliation, Aish’leagh is surprised to find that she is more than a match for his barbarian passions. When escape beckons, will she return to her own people? Or has she been seduced by the subtle scent of her savage sweetheart?
runswithscissors said on 09.11.12 at 06:21 AM • [link]
Fifty Shade of Purple Pizzazz.
This is my boss, Jonathan Scarlet, a self made 26-year-old billionaire. He’s quite a guy.
This is his wife, Sapphire. This is one lady who knows how to coordinate her colours.
I’m Max. I take care of them, which ain’t easy – because when Sapphire and Scarlet met, it was …
Purple Pizzazz.
Patricia Eimer said on 09.11.12 at 07:22 AM • [link]
50 Shades of Cerise
When Silence of the Lambs uber fan/interior decorator meets a creepy but handsome billionaire while decorating his Jersey mansion she’s swept away by her attraction. Soon they’re shagging all over town, defiling all her other clients new furniture but what happens when the same clients end up dead? It couldn’t be the creepy billionaire could it? But, but she loves him!
Allison said on 09.11.12 at 07:42 AM • [link]
50 Shades of Shiny Shamrock
What happens when a poor, lonely virginal young woman travels to Ireland after winning a surprise vacation?
Rebecca has had it with her life. All she has ever known is rejection. She is too tall, too plain, just…too. Then, she meets Siobhan, a crazy, billionaire leprechaun who claims to want nothing more than to make her dreams come true.
Who cares if she is 3 feet shorter than Rebecca? It just gives them that much more room to roll around on the bed, getting to know each other intimately.
Rebecca had no idea how much she’d learn to love shining Siobhan’s shamrock.
Catherine said on 09.11.12 at 07:58 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Sunburnt Cyclops
Ten years have passed since the Trojan War ended, and Penny’s husband is still missing, presumed… well, nobody knows what to presume, but stories range from shipwrecks on islands populated by seductive princesses to men transformed into pigs (not, in Penny’s view, much of a transformation). Seeking answers, Penny abandons her textiles business and embarks on a voyage to Greece, in the company of her friends Scylla and Charybdis. Her voyage takes a turn for the bizarre, however when she is greeted by a mysteriously tanned man with a very long… bow.
In this erotic Odyssey, Penny will indeed be sailing in uncharted waters. But in the end, she has only one choice to make - will she spurn her oddly familiar suitor? Or will she submit to the powerful pleasures of His Sunburnt Cyclops?
Jaelwye said on 09.11.12 at 08:07 AM • [link]
50 Shades of Alien Armpit
When Alicia flees to Iowa to escape her sparkly billionare stalker in New York, little does she expect to be kidnapped from the middle of the state fair by the multi-armed Glag’Zur, Emporor of Theta Prime, who is determined to wrest the gorgeous earthling’s attention away from her deep-fried stick of butter and show her what 250 fingers can *really* do.
Can Alicia reconcile herself to a cholesterol-free life as Empress of the Thetanoids (who incidentally, are the only sentient race to have invented deoderant before the wheel)?
h/t Doug Adams
Muddler53 said on 09.11.12 at 08:30 AM • [link]
50 Shades of Fuzzy Wuzzy
Yes, that’s right, the next 50 Shades is double derivative! A M/M romance featuring innocent Wuzzy, who learns to embrace his “bear” side under the alph-hole tutelage of Master Had No Hair.
TheDuchess said on 09.11.12 at 08:35 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Tan
Meet Sharlene, a bored and boring security guard yawning her way through her days and night shifts. Until one magical spray tan changes it all…
When genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Charles Smith meets Sharlene, he is mesmerized by her tan. And he cannot wait to unbutton that uniform and reveal it all to his hungry gaze.
But what happens when he finds out that the tan he adores came out of a bottle? Will Sharlene ever be able to go back to her colorless life? Will she want to? Or will the tan get Sharlene her man?
Sara Horney said on 09.11.12 at 09:20 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Neon Carrot
After she’s unsanctimoniously fired from her job in the big city, Vanessa St. James needs a little R&R. So she heads to the shore…The Jersey Shore!
To make ends meet, Vanessa takes on a part time job at a laundromat fluffing and folding until one day she catched the eye of the Shore’s most notorious Guido getting the L in his GTL routine on.
Ponciano Patirani wants nothing more to dominate the cute little Guidette who’s invaded his GTL routine. He can’t stop thinking about her and it’s driving him mad with lust.
Will Vanessa give into Ponciano’s advances, will she submit her will to him… and will she ever find out if he’s that colour orange all over?
starropal said on 09.11.12 at 09:38 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Shiny Shamrock
Italia still had a hard time believing she was in Ireland. She had been so surprised to find she had won a contest that she didn’t even remember entering. It was almost fate as she had been at the lowest moment of her life after her boyfriend had left her, taking their dog with him, for her evil stepmother. The stepmother who had just had her father declared legally dead after he had gone missing during his own trip to Ireland nearly a decade ago. It had been while looking at her plane that she knew: This could not be coincidence, she would find her father.
When she meets a short pale stranger, Seamus Stere O’type, while backpacking across country, she’s thrown into a world she couldn’t have imagined. A world of dark magic, deep mysteries, and even darker and deeper passion. Will the fact that he can give her a lifetime of shoes make up for the truth of his secrets?
starropal said on 09.11.12 at 09:49 AM • [link]
StarOpal here.
Fifty Shades of Shiny Shamrock was my entry. For some reason I was having problems with posting my comment and it wouldn’t let me sign properly.
Silver James said on 09.11.12 at 10:11 AM • [link]
Ha! Fifty Shades of Silver could be my autobiography but I digress. Instead, I present:
FIFTY SHADES OF SUNBURNT CYCLOPS
Corporate raider Steele Blew has an all-seeing eye that’s never seen the light of day. His cyclops does it’s best work under cover of darkness. Steele seduces business rivals and lovers alike with his mighty cyclops, renowned for rising to all occasions.
Free spirit Daisy Chaine lives for the sun and owns Lumber Island, the all-nude resort Steele wants to buy. Despite her proclivity for baring it all, her tanned and toned body has never felt the power of the might wang.
Will Steele win her over or will his FIFTY SHADES OF SUNBURNT CYCLOPS be brought down to mortal size?
(Grrr. Discus is not playing nicely today. Had to go with the fallback and sign in with twitter.)
Lizwadsworth65 said on 09.11.12 at 10:42 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Absolute Zero
In space, no-one can hear you scream…with passion!
The NuErth plan to colonize Mars by the year 2175 isn’t going well, what with the away team beset by malfunctioning terraforming equipment, sabotage by a ruthless rival company, and their own raging hormones.
Chief Terraforming Engineer Cylindra Silverfish must oversee the project while choosing between two very different men: the coolly logical yet silkily seductive maintenance android Zero Six Seven Four One and fiery mercenary Slade “Neutron” Biggins, who is determined to destroy both the NuErth project and Cylindra’s own crumbling defences…
Ladyof Lostshadows said on 09.11.12 at 10:42 AM • [link]
If I’d read any Wilkie Collins, I’d have taken a stab at Fifty Shades of Moonstone.
Fifty Shades of Pearly Purple
Heather had spent years preserving her virtue, only to find her resolve weakening when she crossed paths with the splendiferous Carl Mulberry. Overcome by a covetous yearning, can Heather maintain her ambrosial immaculacy long enough to create a permanent affinity between them; or is she destined to be swept up in rushing tide of Carl’s ephemeral desire and the author’s flagrant abuse of the thesaurus?
Vandy Jones said on 09.11.12 at 10:57 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades Of Big Foot Feet
The forbidden romance between the hairy man of the north woods and the innocent young Chastity.
She never should have taken that walk in the woods that fall afternoon. But she did and she meet something that logic told her should not exist, but he was so paradoxically tender and the hair kept her so warm when he led her close.
Would their love survive the exposure or would they have to hide in the woods for all time?
gnome_de_plume said on 09.11.12 at 11:06 AM • [link]
FIFTY SHADES OF BEAVER (Harlequin Historical)
The year is 1756, and women are few and far between in the unsettled Canadian wilds where Francois Turgide plies his fur trapping business. When he finds Marie alone in the harsh landscape, the lonely man woos her the only way he knows how, by teaching her everything he knows about beavers.
Zee Lemke said on 09.11.12 at 11:07 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Lemon Glacier
Taboo—-and titillating!
Determined to reform the gas station drink industry, college student activist Saffron accepts a marketing internship with flavored slush giant Glacier Ices. Her successful campaign linking delicious cherry and blue raspberry ices with the purity of endangered glaciers gets her attention from the national media—and from her boss, the frosty and controlling Winter Glass. He finds her feminism an enticing challenge, and begins to trust Saffron with his deepest, most unconventional desires. But as their hearts begin to thaw, the very publicity that drew them together threatens to tear them apart. Can Winter’s icy calm and Saffron’s gift for spin overcome society’s censure?
Amy S. said on 09.11.12 at 11:10 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of cosmic cobalt
Cosmic Cobalt is the name of the UFO ship that Christian Brown is riding on to go to Earth. He had read a book called Fifty Shades of Grey and wanted to meet an earth woman like the heroine in the book. Cosmic Cobalt lands in Roswell, New Mexico. The first person Christian sees is Tammy Black. Tammy is the grand-daughter of one of the aliens from the UFO back in 1947 in Roswell. Christian knows he has found his one when his eyes changes to cobalt blue as it happens to all who find their one on his planet Cosmosis. Now he has to convince Tammy to go with him to his planet or he will die in 12 days. Meanwhile Tammy believes Christian but how can she leave the only home she has ever known.
claritygolden said on 09.11.12 at 11:12 AM • [link]
Teehee, thanks for the excuse to waste 45 minutes! Great contest!
50 Shades of Big Foot Feet
28 year old Carrie Carruthers is gorgeous, smart, and the pre-eminant expert on snail reproduction in the Pacific Northwest. She has it all…except sexy, feminine feet. Instead, due to a rare genetic mutation, her feet are freakishly, disgustingly enormous. Children run from her in tears, and her deformity has made intimacy with a man just wishful thinking. She has resigned herself to a lifetime of loneliness and shoe shopping at the clown supply store, but one day a chance encounter with a doctor at her university cafeteria gives her hope. Research is being done on a new type of surgery that can reduce her foot size and finally give her a chance at normal.
At just 15, wunderkid David Burke invented a mechanical burrito wrapper that took the world by storm. Now a 30 year old billionaire, David has nothing but leisure time and an excess of money, both of which he spends in selfish pursuit of his one obsession: a woman with giant feet. His fetish goes beyond simple podophilia, however. He craves enormous, hairy feet. He has spent a decade with his eyes trained on the ground, pursuing the biggest shoes he sees, but it is never enough. After nearly being squashed by a runaway hot dog cart while staring at size 13 pumps, David decides it is time to move past his obsession and start contributing something positive to the world. He donates $1 million to the medical center at a local university, convinced it will fill the void in his life…until he meets the first subject of the medical center’s new program.
David’s intense attraction unlocks a passion in Carrie she never knew existed, and her revolting, animal-like feet push him to new depths of sexual ecstasy. Can David move forward with his plan to donate the money that will eventually take away the feet he has grown to need? Can Carrie give up the only man who can take her to the heights of passion for the chance to shop at a normal shoe store? Or can they both keep getting off on the right foot?
Grbrst said on 09.11.12 at 11:27 AM • [link]
50 shades of Goldenrod
She was a celtic peasant, wondering if there was more to life than cows, green hills and hiding from Viking raids.
He was more than just an invader, he was the leader, his real name unknown, everyone knew him as the Goldenrod, for good reasons.
*Disclaimer: I won’t research for historical accuracy, I’m too tired for that.
Carla said on 09.11.12 at 11:34 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Sasquatch Socks
Garret Lilwang is tired of being an outcast among his people. Garret is Sasquatch in size and nature in every way but the way that counts. One day as he is wandering through the Adirondacks looking for people to terrorize he comes across his one chance at love. Through the dewy branches of a Sugar Maple he spies the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and knows he must make her his.
Jane Notabitty is a dwarf who is just slightly too tall to fit in in the dwarf community . She is tired of being rejected because her 4 1/2 foot stature makes her stand above the rest. When she gets separated from her hiking companions and lost in the Adirondacks she is amazed and terrifed to find herself in the sights of Garret Lilwang.
Can these two find happiness under the Sugar Maples of the Adirondacks? Will Jane’s love be enough to overcome Garret’s shortcomings? Will Garret be able to love and cherish Jane without crushing her spirit and tiny body? This is a heartwarming journey of two mismatched people that come together against all laws of nature.
Rij said on 09.11.12 at 11:41 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Smashed Pumpkin
In August Esme Carmichael found out why her parents didn’t want to talk about Uncle Rick. Apparently growing organic pumpkins for a living wasn’t a proper career for a Carmichael. Now Uncle Rick had moved onto God’s pumpkin fields and to spite his relatives he left his farm to Esme.
Esme knows nothing about farming. But since her boss at a Los Angeles PR firm just took off for the Caribbean with a powerful client’s wife, she needs to find a new way to make a living. With Halloween approaching she has to learn fast.
Sean Abercrombie is on the run from the mob. He had the bad luck to witness a shootout while making deliveries for his bakery. Now he’s holed up in Esme’s barn and when she discovers him, in desperation he offers to bake her a pie. Naked. With pumpkins. Anything, as long as she won’t tell Don Vito’s men where to find him.
How many pumpkins must be smashed before these two realize that they were made for each other?
JayHJay said on 09.11.12 at 11:55 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Shiny Shamrock
Allison is bored and lonely, spending her mornings staring longingly at the Lucky Charms box, wishing for an Irish lad of her own and the magic rainbow beyond. If only she could have that life, full of marshmallowy goodness, instead of her dull existence.
One day Allison is eating her breakfast as normal, when suddenly, she finds her magically transported to Ireland, spoon in hand! She is stunned, but as an avid romance reader, this girl knows the drill and off she goes in search of her very own Irish hottie. And of course immediately stumbles upon Liam, washing in a nearby river. Though strangers they are instantly and fiercely attracted to one another, and can’t help but get it on quickly and intensely. Though from totally different worlds, it is true love, and finally Allison has found her very own Shiny Shamrock!
Jimthered said on 09.11.12 at 12:39 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Blast off Bronze
You wouldn’t think that a sexy sculptor like Anna would find true passion with a bronze statue of an astronaut. And you’d be right. But this has “Fifty Shades” in the title, so it’ll make tons of money anyway. HAH!
Lady T said on 09.11.12 at 01:04 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Alloy Orange
Getting a gig to paint a haunted house didn’t seem like much of an opportunity for love to Rick but when he went to show color swatches to Glinda,the not so good witch of the Northwest,his luck for lust appeared to change faster than the falling leaves.
Elizabeth Gunther said on 09.11.12 at 01:09 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Tan
In 2045, European scholars have come together to study the biggest war of the Twentieth Century to see what can be learned from a hundred year old war. Amelia Starr became interested in WWII when she learned that her great-great grandfather was one of the Third Reich’s highest ranking officials. The more she learned, the more disgusted she became. She decided to travel to Europe from her native New York to try to make up for the things that her family did a hundred years earlier. On her second day there, she makes a startling discovery—her great-great grandfather lead a ship full of Nazi’s that disappeared into what is now believed to be the Bermuda Triangle.
Amelia and several other scholars set out for the Triangle to see if they can find any evidence of the lost ship, and what they find surprises them all.
The year is 1945, and Herr Schwartz is lost. He didn’t want to admit it, but they had been at sea for far too long. They should have reached North America long ago and he was about to tell his men they needed to turn back when everything went dark.
After what seemed like hours, they finally were back in the sunlight—and on land! Pushing past the people outside the ship, his men begin their march, but Schwartz is stunned at what he finds outside the ship—his wife Brigid, except she looked far too thin to be his heavily pregnant wife. It didn’t take him long to realize that somehow it was no longer 1945, but that wasn’t going to stop him from completing his mission—Hitler’s mission.
A hundred years after WWII and the world was suddenly at war once again with the Nazi’s. Can Amelia stop her great-great grandfather from destroying the world?
Milena Benini said on 09.11.12 at 01:13 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Bigfoot Feet
He was the ultimate bad boy, so bad some people wouldn’t even believe he existed. She was the ultimate shy girl, a 23-year-old virgin who didn’t even know how to use e-mail, let alone google “healthy relationship”. Luckily, he wasn’t much of an IT guy, either, having lived in a forest all his life. But when a plane carrying all the members of the truly-shy-girls-unaware-of-their-beauty to their annual convention crashes and the captain dies, Latifundia must fight for survival on her own. (That’s because she’s the only member of the club, not because the others died.) On her first night, just when her clothes have accidentally ripped in an appealing and cover-useful fashion, she meets the hairy monster of tales: due to an ancient curse, he is bigfoot by day, and bigfoot with really smelly feet by night. Will she be able to see past his hairyness and other, less appealing atributes? Will true love and natural herb remedies overcome the horrible curse? And will they, together, be able to resolve the ancient riddle of what bears really do in the woods? Don’t miss this exciting beginning of a new series, to be continued in Fifty Shades of That Other Unappealing Characteristic!
Faye said on 09.11.12 at 01:27 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Pixie Powder
Maggie Harkness is the toughest narc on the force, determined to rid her city of the infamous pixie powder that’s plagued the community since fairies first became known to mankind. Their magical drugs are said to bring on the highest of highs, a euphoria so pure it’s more than worth the tragic side effects.
On the biggest raid of her life, Maggie is taken captive by the mysterious Lord of the Pixies. Do his immaculate grooming and debonaire ways hide darker secrets? Or could his cooperation hold the key to breaking the devastating reign of the powder? Most importantly, how long can Maggie withstand the promise he offers, a promise of sensual pleasure even more profound than pixie powder?
iokijo said on 09.11.12 at 01:38 PM • [link]
Hahaha ... piggy pink LOL
To look at him, you would never think Kermit would create handprints on Miss Piggy’s ass in 50 Shades of Piggy Pink ..
LadyRhian said on 09.11.12 at 01:38 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Beaver
It’s about an orgy. One man, fifty different women. Will he ever be able to go all the way… with all of them?
megsan said on 09.11.12 at 01:40 PM • [link]
w00t - thanks for another fun contest! Though why is it that writing for this is so much easier than writing the paper I’m supposed to be working on…
Fifty Shades of Mauvelous*
In the mauvelous town of Mauvelous where everything was mauve, Jenny, on the eve of her wedding, finds herself yearning for something not quite so…well…purple. Unsure of what was missing, but certain that her marvelous life in Mauvelous was somewhat lacking, Jenny ditches her fiance, mauvelicious as he was, at the alter and makes her way out into the unknown Other world.
There in the Other world, Jenny meets Colour. Colour, with his ocean blues, deep crimson reds, sunflower yellows and spring bean greens, Colour with his something OTHER than mauve, intrigues Jenny in a way that no man has ever intrigued her before. He was all that was quite marvelous really, what with him being not so mauvelous. However settling into the Other world with Colour is not so black-and-white making Jenny miss the simplicity of mauve. So when Jenny’s mauvelicious ex-fiance turns up in the Other world, pleading with her to come home to Mauvelous before the Purple People Elders exiled her to a life in the Other world forever, Jenny is torn between choosing a simple mauve life with her safe mauvelicious ex-fiance or committing herself to the colourful and complicated Other world with Colour.
*So the button actually says “Marvelous” and as I was writing “Fifty shades of Marvelous” I got curious as to what colour “Marvelous” represented. According to wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L… I think the colour should actually be “Mauvelous” (no doubt spell check was trying to help) which is why my story is now mauve.
Also I haven’t seen it come up yet (and I’ve been clicking the button a few times) but I hope someone gets “mixed vegies”.
PamG said on 09.11.12 at 01:41 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Maroon : In Which a Certain Wascelly Wabbit Finawwy Wearns That There Are Consequences to Dwessing in Dwag by E. L.(Wuvverboy) Fudd
At last, a tail of passion and punishment where only the wabbit is gwey! 24 cawwot entertainment!
Ashlea H said on 09.11.12 at 01:44 PM • [link]
50 shades of frost bite:
So what if the Antarctica cruise ended in shipwreck and the loss of a few toes? Sunny was rescued by billionaire Balthazar Freze, who wrapped her in the skin of a polar bear he just slaughtered, spirited her off to his yacht, and warmed her up with his potent body heat. But can she live with his dangerous combination of wicked heat, emotional freeze, and obsession with proving himself against unforgiving ice?
J.N. Duncan said on 09.11.12 at 01:51 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Princess Perfume
Penelope Perfume lived a life of torrid luxury. Blessed with the magical ability to make her own special body odor match any man’s olfactory sweet spot, Penelope could have any man she wanted. And she did. The world was her oyster, with every eligible man in town craving to be the one to win her hand, and doing anything in their power to bury their nose in her heavenly odour.
But the man she wanted did not care for such things. Census Dull, could do many things, from being gifted with a blade to enrapturing all with his melodious, mournful voice. He did not need what Penelope had to offer, for Census Dull had been born without the ability to smell anything at all. Without her sensory charms, she would have to lure the man by other means. It would not be a simple matter of enticing him to her bed, but a far more difficult task of finding a way to his heart.
Will she be able to overcome this tragic twist of fate? Will she be able to get her man to do more than to just stop and smell the roses? Read to find out!
Sarah Schroeder said on 09.11.12 at 02:04 PM • [link]
fifty shades of pixie dust (original color was pixie powder)
Ten years after leaving Neverland, an adult Peter Pan is cornered in a night club by a tall leggy blonde in a slinky green dress claiming to be Tinkerbell. He must come with her immediately, cause he has been a very naughty lost boy.
Lizabeth S. Tucker said on 09.11.12 at 02:10 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Wisteria
The Colonel had always been attracted to Viola La Fleur since the night he had to rescue her from the encroaching wisteria vines. The way the purple flowers wrapped around his arms as he pulled her free sent an electric shock scorching through his body. He’d never felt such a loss of control before.
Viola never realized seeing those strong green vines around Colonel Beauregard Bourgeois’ manly wrists would send such a delightful shiver of wanting through her. The thought of him helpless was divine ecstasy. It had taken all her willpower not to whip the narrow string tie off his neck.
Southern virgins and masterful honorary military men were supposed to stay in their respective boxes. But what happens with the roles are reversed?
Sibyl said on 09.11.12 at 02:13 PM • [link]
“Fifty Big Dips o’ Ruby”
Wide-eyed ingenue Ruby wanted nothing more than to take Christian Timerberwolf’s Raw Umber into her Razzle Dazzle Rose. Alas, it took only one brief erotic voyage into his Dingy Dungeon for her to discover that his famed Sea Serpent was no more than a Shrimp Cocktail. Would they ever achieve Blast-Off Bronze together, or would Ruby’s Tropical Rain Forest remain as dry as Tumbleweed?
Read the startling conclusion to the series in the upcoming sequel, “Who Violet Blue”.
We out. /mike drop.
Anna P said on 09.11.12 at 02:16 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Florida Sunshine
Gladys Ecklebaum missed her chance at true love over fifty years ago…or so she thinks. That all changes when she moves to a Miami condo and finds herself next-door neighbors with her childhood sweetheart, Clifford Van Darkness. But this septuagenarian romance is no fairy tale—a life of heartbreak and trauma has left Clifford cynical and scarred, nothing like the charming child Gladys used to know. As she begins to break down Clifford’s barriers under the shining Florida Sun, Gladys discovers a darkness that will shock, disgust, and maybe even thrill her…
kelly said on 09.11.12 at 02:32 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of: booger buster
Introducing Harlequin Jr, romances for the elementary set! Little Johnny has a secret crush on Jane. She’s smart and uses ALL the colors of the crayon box. He could hold her hand, too, if it wasn’t for one shameful secret… he picks his nose. And she knows it. She’s even told the teacher about it. None of her friends will even talk to Johnny. Then, one scandalous day, Johnny finds out that Jane isn’t so different from him after all. Can he get her to overcome her aversion, or will he be shunned in class forever?
Miss Grumpy said on 09.11.12 at 02:49 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Raw Sienna
Dissatisfied with her virginal status, 20-year old Sienna is tired of taking matters into her own hands. Gifted with a way of words, she uses her pent-up frustrations as an inspiration to write the next Great American Novel.
Damien, Sienna’s hot 40-year old neighbour, has always had a thing for Sienna. When he accidentally stumbles upon her manuscript he gets the opportunity he’s been waiting for…spanking Sienna raw.
**based on the true life of E. L. James – who is the woman behind the Fifty Shades franchise?**
Stephanie Scott said on 09.11.12 at 03:40 PM • [link]
OMG this is fabulous. Huntrr’gathrr cracked me right up.
hapax said on 09.11.12 at 04:03 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Madame Razz
Shy, innocent college student Andrew Irons is mortified when, in order to help his room-mate out of a jam, he finds himself interviewing Christina Silver, the wildly successful owner of “Raspberry Shades”, an exclusive “pleasure hotel”, where the positions of window curtains, blinds, and shades indicate the delights served within. But the virginal Andrew is even more disturbed that he is unable to put the delectable, lush, and well-preserved Christina out of his mind.
Christina thought she had overcome her tragic past in the fruit-packing industry by creating the alter-ego of “Madame Razz”, the glistening dominatrix who could reduce men to quivering jelly. But to her own shock, she’s stuck on the sweet and delectable Andrew; and she’s determined that he’s ripe for the picking. And pulping. And simmering. And spreading….
Will Christina be able to re-strain herself for Andrew? Or will he slip away?
And will he ever be able to accept the bitter tang of the Ma’am he laid?
satilanna said on 09.11.12 at 04:16 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Asparagus
Of all the book stores in the world, he had to wander into mine….
Book shop proprietor Lemon is tired of all the same boring men she’s been going out with: jocks, geeks, freaks, drummers, your average joe, they’re all the same after a while. She wants someone different, something different….
Asparagus, or Gus as he’s known, wants a woman, but not just any woman. She has to be smart and funny and kind, but more than that, she has blend well with him. Finding someone like that is a near insurmountable feat for him. It’s not easy being green after all. Or a six-foot tall walking, talking vegetable. Trying to get someone to look past his appearance to the person he is inside has been impossible. It doesn’t help that after Gus’ buds open, his shoot quickly become woody. Talk about embarrassing!
On a miserably rainy evening, feeling down in the dumps after a date that ended before it ever began, Gus wanders into Lemon’s bookstore in the hopes of finding a book to take his mind off his troubles. What he finds instead is the zesty morsel he’s been dreaming of all his life. Although he mills between the bookshelves, he can’t keep his mind off the lady of his dreams and wonders what he can do to make her his. Luckily for Gus, he has nothing to worry about, he doesn’t have to do a thing. Yet. When Lemon catches sight of her lone customer, she doesn’t believe what she’s seeing! Her secret fantasy has come to life! She’ll stop at nothing to have….
Fifty Shades of Asparagus
Lizabeth S. Tucker said on 09.11.12 at 05:15 PM • [link]
1970s. Brightly colored cover. Lots of peculiar and painful looking positions for the hero and heroine. Yep, I can see this.
Zohar said on 09.11.12 at 05:56 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Bubble Gum
Sabrina Rose may have have grown up in a circus, but she has yet to walk a tight rope as hazardous as love!
The former rubber-girl isn’t sure what to expect when she is hired by bubble gum mogul Drake Garret to be the new face of Garret Gum, and it isn’t until she signs on that she realizes she will have to become a Garret!
Forced to marry Drake or lose the money she needs to save the circus Sabrina must learn to blow - bubbles of love!
She has caught his eye long ago, but Drake never thought it will be this hard to bend a rubber-girl to his will!
Drake built his chewable empire by relying on his instinct and determination. When he takes his niece to the circus, the delicious looking Sabrina sparks a new vision for a line of revolutionary adult bubble gum, and for a chance at a new life for Drake!
But will Sabrina ever be able to let go of the circus? and is she ready for what Drake wants of her? Can Drake be brave enough to show her his soft pink core beneath his cool mint shell?
Is love too much of a stretch?!
Clbevill said on 09.11.12 at 06:18 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Razzmic Berry.
Anita Dick knew that Howie Feltersnatch was the man for her. Not only was he hot, a Ph.D., a leftie, had a horse sized willie, a billionaire, a lover of Razzmic Berry Bubble Yum Bubble Gum, AND a closet transvestite but he liked her, too.
kittyfraz said on 09.11.12 at 06:27 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Timberwolf:
Ulfric had become alpha male werewolf of the White Fang Pack—but at the price of the only woman he had ever loved running off with his younger brother, Woodman.
Zerlina was running away from her taxidermist ex-boyfriend, Leo. Everything had been going well, until the guy found out that when Zerlina changed, her form had the most luxurious pelt.
Will Ulfric find love again? Will he and Zerlina defeat Leo and his ring of poaching henchment? Will Zerlina let Ulfric run his hands through her luxurious fur coat with its fifty shades . . . of timberwolf.
DivineKittyCat said on 09.11.12 at 06:47 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Sasquach Socks
When Jenny joined the search for Bigfoot she never imagined that laundry would play such an important part. Once sasquach is found, though, it’s discovered that he’s been hiding from society solely because of his smelly socks. Can Jenny overcome her revulsion and return the socks to a bright white or will she turn and run from the funk and true love?
Vivian Arend said on 09.11.12 at 07:37 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Lumber
Skylar Larch believes the local forest is important enough to save, even if it means handcuffing herself between the tender saplings and the yawing approach of the tractors. No matter how dangerous, the trees are worth it. The buzz of excitement she’s getting from the cuffs is just a bonus.
Richard Pine is determined to keep the family timber business producing so he doesn’t have to drop to being merely a millionaire, but with the rise of ebook popularity, the pulp paper mill is now a thing of the past. The future is to be found in the necessities of life found inside the screens of a book. Important objects like bats. And paddles, and nicely turned canes. Flexible and yet firm enough to impart just the right…
Ahem, where was I?
When Richard discovers production has been halted by one slight, most likely virginal, woman, he moves to directly confront the invader in his woods. (I hope you see the coming puns…) Even the forecast of an impending tornado can’t stop him from using his billionaire feet to find the nubile Skylar and convince her to turn over a new leaf.
Around them, the whipping wind whips the whip-like saplings in the most delightful way, and soon the wood isn’t the only thing growing hard and less flexible. It’s a knotty situation to be sure, and only through lots and lots of shrubbery jokes will the final outcome be a happy ever after.
Allairegifford said on 09.11.12 at 08:44 PM • [link]
Christian Grey marries Ana. She has twins. She stops working and sleeping as both babies are colicy and prone to ear infections. She never wants to have sex because she is exhausted, her nipples are sore from breast feeding, and all she wants is 8, no make that 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Her inner godess has packed up and moved to a woman without infants. Christian is sad. He is 50 shades of blue, Grey.
jordan said on 09.11.12 at 09:08 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Cyber Grape: An Extraterrestrial Tale of a Lack of Space…Ejection
Thlwamwareen, prince of a warlike alien race, accidentally beams up Francesca, an 19th century noblewoman on her way to join a convent. Thlwamwareen knows instantly that Francesca is his true bloodmate because of the instantaneous change in his body chemistry - one effect of which is a case of vividly purple twig and berries until their mating is complete. But Francesca is not so sure about this whole alien-amorous-congress thing and refuses his advances while demanding to be sent back to the Sisters of Chastity. What follows is a tale of culture, romance, adventure, and violent, violet urges!
Erin M said on 09.11.12 at 09:24 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Absolute Zero
The Cool Cat…
Post-doctoral student Ben Kolder is determined to record the “impossible temperature:” zero degrees kelvin. He’s never had trouble concentrating on his work. But when he sees his new lab assistant, “physical chemistry” takes on a whole new meaning…
The Ice Queen…
Ima Friezen doesn’t have time for distractions. If the lab achieves success while she’s there, she’s guaranteed acceptance to virtually any graduate program. Sure, her research partner is cute, but he’d never be interested in a zero like her…
Their research may be ice-cold, but will the tension between Ben and Ima become too hot to handle?
Find out this Fall, in Fifty Shades of Absolute Zero!
Nadia said on 09.11.12 at 09:54 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Salmon
He was a were-bear, she was a were-fish. Their love knew no boundaries of species, but could they both survive their first bout of oral sex?
Leslie said on 09.11.12 at 10:06 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Very Cherry
It was every romance - the experienced man with the young, hotter than hot, ingenue. She’s savy, spunky, sweet. But she’s got a very cherry and there’s only one man in this world who can pop it.
ECSpurlock said on 09.11.12 at 10:13 PM • [link]
They met in war-torn Bosnia, two people who should have been enemies, but instead became passionate lovers. Their romance was a fragile flower blooming in the bomb-battered streets; tender moments stolen in bunkers and abandoned buildings. They wished it could last forever; but the certain knowledge that they must someday part - perhaps forever - made their love FIFTY SHADES OF BITTERSWEET.
A Lifetime original movie, written by Nicholas Sparks and sponsored by Hallmark…
Shal said on 09.11.12 at 10:18 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Jasper
Jasper Stone was the CEO of Stones Foundation; the family business dedicated to making the finest jewellery with the most precious stones. Making women swoon and men go bankrupt since 1985.
But Jasper doesn’t believe in love and pities the fools who think jewellery can buy them love…that is until he meets Jade Zircon.
Jade, with her flaming wavy red hair and cold blue eyes that would do Medusa proud. He must have her! All Jasper wants to do is make sweet hot love with her wearing nothing but his best stones….but would Jade give him the time of the day?
Jade Zircon was wedding photographer who was burnt one too many times by love. But her attraction to the dynamic black-haired green eyed Sex God Jasper could be her undoing. All she wants was to scratch the itch until Jasper makes her go up in flames…but can she trust her heart not to get involved?
Caitlin said on 09.11.12 at 10:27 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Cedar Chest
He kidnapped her on her wedding day. Drunken but dominating he stole the young Miss Regina Mayfirst out her bedroom window, in the only way a scoundrel of an Earl could. She might have escaped too, if she hadn’t hit her head on the window frame.
When the Earl of Cedarfield woke up beside the debutante he was sure was engaged to his cousin, he didn’t know what to think. Last night did not seem to be just another night of drunken reverie any longer.
The Earl’s drunken philandering brought them together, but would Regina be able to see beyond his silky cedar colored chest, to the man of depth who hid behind a drunken but powerful facade?
Ladysnarky said on 09.11.12 at 11:42 PM • [link]
50 Shades of the Winter Wizard…
The story of a silly woman, and the wizard who wanted to rule her.
Princess Perfume just knew that Prince Charming would come to rescue her soon. He had to. She just wasn’t strong enough to last in this dingy dungeon. The smell of ogre’s odor and gargoyle gas was getting to her. The last time the Winter Wizard came to see her she nearly (almost) agreed to every one of his demands, just to escape the smell. But how could she become his consort? She was in love with her Prince Charming. Wasn’t she?
Lois Lane said on 09.11.12 at 11:56 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Screamin’ Green
Violet and Amber had been frenemies since the age of six. Everything has always been a competition between them, through middle school it was all innocent fun – whose colouring was most between the lines, who could tie their shoes first. As they got older things began to get more serious – who got the best mark on their Maths test, whose abstract crayon installations won more praise in Art. When they parted ways and went to separate colleges they lost touch and the thrill of the competition.
Ten years on and Violet and Amber reunite at their high school reunion. Things get heated when Amber boasts she could get any man before Violet could, even former high school quarterback turned doctor (and volunteer fireman (YES REALLY !)) Connor ‘Smokey’ Topaz.
It’s going to be a heat wave when these ladies fight for Topaz’s touch.
Who is going to end up screamin’ with bliss?
Who is going to end up green with envy?
Kelly Thurman said on 09.12.12 at 12:14 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Piggy Pink
After Darlene Smith graduates from an agricultural program at her university, she starts an internship at a small farm. In terribly predictable fashion, the farmer’s son (Thom, the super-sexy stud) falls madly in lust with her.
Like, crazy-pants, must-screw-on-sacks-of-feed lust, which started right after Thom pulled Darlene out of the pig pen just before one of the boars would have eaten her face.
But does Darlene love him? Is she just scratching an itch that none of the men on campus could ever quite reach? Is she simply grateful that Thom’s sucking her face instead of trying to eat it?
Jimthered said on 09.12.12 at 12:25 AM • [link]
BTW, the webcomic PvP www.pvponline.com has a main character named Brent Sienna. And the strip’s creator freely admits that his name was inspired by the classic crayon color Burnt Sienna.
Megs said on 09.12.12 at 02:21 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Denim
A BILLIONAIRE IN A TEXAS TUXEDO?
Journalist Indigo Skye wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she was assigned to write a feature about oil tycoon Stone Wash, but it certainly wasn’t the tall, dark, enigmatic man in mismatched acid wash standing before her. The commanding demeanor, the faint aroma of chewing tobacco and stale Budweiser, the air of emotional detachment, the flowing mullet… combined, they should have been repulsive, but Indigo found herself drawn to him in a way she couldn’t explain. And there was certainly no explanation for how she reacted when he made her a shocking proposition.
A DAMSEL IN DISTRESSED DUNGAREES
Stone knew from the moment he laid eyes on Indigo that he had to possess her. Not a man to give up control, he soon found a way to get her begging for him to unzip her perfectly-faded Levis. As the pair found themselves tumbling headlong into a passionate affair, breaking taboo after taboo, two questions remained: could Stone keep himself from falling in love with the woman who fit him like she’d been tailor-made? And how far would Indigo go to please the man who was so skilled at making her squeal like a pig?
Clunkerbelle said on 09.12.12 at 02:31 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Inchworm
He was a man with a secret that he was determined to keep at all costs. Nobody laying eyes on Cody Frost would ever guess how it haunted his every waking moment. Now, with a rival in town the stakes begin to climb. Would he succumb to the temptation to up the ante and go for an adjustment that would enable him to steal the woman he worshiped from afar from his rival’s grasp?
Mira Shadrick would have told him the prize was hollow, but, newly dumped by her fiancé, and decidedly cynical about men in general, she has more fun watching the eligible portion of Twisted Hill’s population make fools of themselves competing for the ultimate bragging rights, than in consoling someone with a fixation about what’s in his underwear.
When Frost faces the ultimate betrayal it is up to Mira to teach him that big doesn’t necessarily mean adept, and he might just have had a lucky escape.
Shiny said on 09.12.12 at 06:05 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Bubble Gum
She was a happy-go-lucky owner of a candy store in a small town in sunny California.
He was a dentist with a secret sweet tooth who had just moved to town. He popped into her store one morning on the way to the office for his daily chewing gum fix. The attraction was instant and mutual. But will he be able to overcome the knowledge that she spends her life seducing youngsters into a life of tooth decay and cavities? Will she be able to ignore the fact that he preaches against her products to whoever will stand still long enough? Especially since he can’t control his own addiction?
Perhaps they’ll both change their ways and take over the town in an endless cycle of candy -dental work - more candy that will ensure a perpetual stream of customers and financial success to the both of them.
Or maybe they will join forces and start a new-line of sugar-free candy and gum for all.
Gigi said on 09.12.12 at 08:31 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Cosmic Cobalt
(WARNING: hot and steamy male/male sex)
Cobalt was a Fuzzy, from planet Fuzzy Wuzzy. The Fuzzy’s were cat shifters with fur if many different colors: Bubblegum, Inchworm, Piggy pink, Screamin’ Green, Jasper and Booger Buster being a few. His family had been hunted for their prized blue fur and he was the last blue Fuzzy left in the universe. Cobalt was a Cosmic Cat, one of an elite group of space defenders on planet Fuzzy Wuzzy. His 7’ 6” height and super cat strength had made him the leader of his squad in a very short time.
Razz Berry was a human from the colony on Mars. He was a slave in the household of Asparagus. Asparagus was the worst kid of hunter there was. He not only killed animals for their fur but also captured some of them and tried to get them to mate with different animals and produce hybrids that he could then sell as rarities. One of Razz’ many duties was to look after the captured animals. Since Razz was small, only 5’5” and 100 lbs soaking wet, Asparagus did not think he would be able to free the animals and help them escape.
One morning Razz saw a beautiful cobalt cat in the dungeon. He had been badly hurt with cuts and bruises all over his huge body and was shoved into a small cage where he couldn’t move. Razz had to help.
Discover what happens when Razz finds out that Cobalt is not just a color…...
The_Book_Queen said on 09.12.12 at 11:38 AM • [link]
Oh, this is going to be terrible, but I can’t help but join the fun! :)
Fifty Shades of Macaroni and Cheese
Bob Dinky has always had a fondness for food; he blames his mother as she used to reward him with food as a child. Now, at 45 and still living in his mother’s house, Bob begins to look at his food with a new passion…if only he had someone to share it with!
Izzy Mac wishes to break out of her boring mold of a life. She’s tired of sitting at home with her 12 cats, wishing that the men in her romance novels were real. When she sees a personal add that declares “PlayfulFood is looking for his own EasyMac” and wishes “..to dive into her cheesiness..”, Izzy thinks it must be fate—Easy, Izzy, almost the same, right? Off to find her true love, Izzy is a bit surprised when she meets Bob, a portly man who lusts for food as much as most men lust for women. But can she show him that women can be just as satisfying as food? And will Bob be able to convince her that playing with your food can be oh so delightful? After all, what could be more exciting than licking cheese sauce off of random body parts?
WARNING: This title contains an excessive amount of cheesey-ness (“It’s the cheesiest!” raves fans), food fights, and delicious food being placed in some not so delicious places…May cause food cravings, nausea, uncontrollable laughter, yeast infections, gas, FoodED (inability to sustain an erection without food in sight), and even death by eating. Proceed with caution, enjoy at your own risk, and never read while drinking—unless you wish to start a drinking game with “Cheese” as the key word.
*snickers* Well, that was fun. But not nearly as fun as reading everyone elses! :)
Enjoy!
TBQ
Elyssa Patrick said on 09.12.12 at 12:40 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Sepia
Nora Langley has it all. Money. Power. Looks. As CEO of the successful, lucrative, and very expensive makeup company, Mad Women, she has climbed to the top . . . and will soon be marketing her line in stores like Target. She has no time for love, but when a new, hot, and much younger photographer is brought in to shoot the campaign, love might not be out of the question.
Jack Temple has a red room. He’s a photographer, after all. Getting to shoot the Mad Women ads will jettison his career into the prime-time. But he never expects for the cool, leggy brunette from the coffee shop to be his boss. She may be ten years older than him, but he always liked a woman in charge and one who knows her way in and out of the bedroom. But convincing her that his intentions are true isn’t so easy.
Christine said on 09.12.12 at 01:40 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Dingy Dungeon
HE WAS MEAN…
Alone in his mansion on the cliffs outside of town, former Marine and playboy Dirk Beaston terrorized all those who would discover what went on behind the locked basement door. Dirk had come so close to finding the last member of the smuggling ring that killed his beloved father and his plans are almost complete: lure his enemy to the remote location for a holiday and force his full confession. His ruse of being caretaker of the estate was going so well, until she arrived…
AND SHE JUST WANTED TO CLEAN…
Ada Bumbleshoot never met a dust bunny she couldn’t banish or a house she couldn’t manage. Driven by her calling to eradicate lime stains from the earth, Ada proves determined in showing her unknown employer that she can turn even the most neglected mansion in New England into a showplace. Though the presence of a darkly handsome “caretaker” causes more than her nose to itch - she’d love to run her white gloves all over him and not the mantlepiece!
TOGETHER, THEY WOULD UNCOVER A LOVE FREE FROM CRIME AND GRIME
Dirk doesn’t want to see pristine Ada soiled with his dirty hands, even while his interrogation room fills his head for possibilities between them. Ada longs for one night of passion to wrinkle her starched sheets, innocent of exactly how down and dirty Dirk can be. With danger headed in their direction and Ada desperate to scrub the floors of locked rooms she assumes are clogged with fifty shades of dirt, can Dirk succeed in his mission and open his heart to love again?
Find out in… Fifty Shades of Dingy Dungeon!
Maggie Robinson said on 09.12.12 at 02:27 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Lamps
Megan Mulligan has finally hit the bigtime at her international interior design firm. She’s been tapped to redecorate the exclusive private Swiss ski resort Clusters under the discerning eye of Jack Cluster-Falk himself.
If the altitude doesn’t kill her, the Continental charm of the world’s most reclusive bilionaire hotel magnate might. Swatches and paint chips cannot protect Megan from Jack’s intense desire to bend her to his will and unleash her secret yodeler.
Global warming has nothing on Jack. The nights may be sub-arctic, but he could melt the Alps, polar icecaps and the most frozen of hearts with one crook of his long, tapered, manicured finger. Can Megan survive being tied in curtain cords and mummified in 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets as Jack tests each and every mattress in the hotel? Or will Jack realize his room key to happiness is giving Megan a free hand and down-filled duvets?
Sahara said on 09.12.12 at 05:51 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Puce
The puce and eggshell hospital corridors echo with the moist sound of promise. That promise whispers humidily in nursing assistant Sophie Jenkins’ ear as he brushes past her in the corridors of Midtown Central Hospital. It saturates her work shifts with his shiny shamrock gaze; it tempts her with the warmth of his mahogany fauxhawk. Sophie’s will is eroding under Dr. Royal Carbine’s fifty shades of seduction.
Dr. Royal Carbine has never found that certain je ne sais quoi he needs, he demands, he prays for in his partners. The new nursing assistant Sophie has caught more than his eye; her reserved mulberry gaze taunts him with the scent of her capitulation. He knows beneath those unholy eucalyptus colored scrubs waits a woman chaffing to yeild her tender self to his special brand of doctoring.
Royal knows Sophie can’t blend with the puce colored hospital walls forever, the lure of their crystalline attraction resonates with all the colors of a crayon box. Which of the 50 shades inherit in their magnetism for each other will triumph? Royal only hopes it will be reflected in the gleaming leather of his whip soon…
Kate said on 09.13.12 at 11:35 AM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Goldenrod
When Alexander Golden—billionaire, philanthropist, Olympic swimmer, and American Envoy to the Togolese Republic—meets Genevieve Browning, it’s lust at first sight. She’s everything he’s ever looked for in a woman. But, when he confesses to her the only was that he can achieve sexual satisfaction is by copulating in the plain view of barnyard animals, their relationship hits a snag. Genevieve is terribly allergic to grass, trees, and weed pollen. Will Allegra D be enough to save their relationship or will Alexander have to choose between the woman he wants and the sexual satisfaction he deserves?
Christina Auret said on 09.13.12 at 02:16 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of blue green
When Mark gets out of rehab, Senna decides it’s time he knows he has a two year old son. She left when she got pregnant because she knew from bitter experience that addicts can never change for others. They have to chose change for themselves. Now that Mark has made that choice other choices loom. Will he be able to forgive and accept Senna’s choices and does love stand a chance against the odds?
There is very little blue or green in this story. Both protagonists have brown eyes. BDSM, even very mangled BDSM, plays no part whatsoever. In fact, the author really wanted to call it THE ROCK STAR’S SECRET BABY, but her publisher decided to jump on a different trend.
Muzic freak said on 09.13.12 at 11:06 PM • [link]
61
bubbly charmer :) said on 09.13.12 at 11:20 PM • [link]
61
erinmuses said on 09.14.12 at 12:04 AM • [link]
It was a haven…
Beautiful Gypsy street dancer La Esmerelda has taken sanctuary in the Notre Dame de Paris after an altercation with Archdeacon Claude Frollo led to a conviction on exaggerated charges and a near execution. It was only through the kindness of bell-ringer Quasimodo that she escapes after he swings down to free her from the noose and bring her to his home in the bell tower.
It was a prison…
He has spent his lifetime tied to the cathedral by the evil Frollo, and until La Esmerelda takes pity on him after he is tortured, he has never known the kindness of human touch. As the days wear on and their friendship deepens, he realizes that she is all he has ever wanted.
It could not be home forever…
Just as Quasimodo begins to believe that he has earned La Esmerelda’s love, a jealous Frollo returns, kidnaps La Esmerelda, hides her in one of the crypts below the cathedral, and uses the dark magic that in his lust for her he has cultivated to turn the cathedral herself into a chamber of execution. Will Quasimodo’s strength be enough to find La Esmerelda and carry her to safety, or is it already too late to get through the…
Fifty Shades of Gargoyle Gas
L K said on 09.14.12 at 12:42 AM • [link]
You had me at “the flowing mullet,” LOL.
Shal said on 09.14.12 at 12:55 AM • [link]
thank u for liking my book synopsis! it means sooo much to me!!!...umm i think you you have to hit the like button under my comment for it to count as a like. Thank you again…and can you please hit the button..thank you again :)
Shal said on 09.14.12 at 12:59 AM • [link]
Thank you 2 for liking my book synopsis :) im actually thinking about writing the book now..lol…umm as i’ve told Muzic freak i think you have to hit the like button under my comment for it 2 count as a like. Thank you again…and can you please hit the like button…this means alot to me :)
notoyaa said on 09.14.12 at 01:20 AM • [link]
vote for #61…its de only decent one out of all of these…everybody else is ripping off some other story, de ogre person is ripping off shrek and somebody else is ripping off de iliad and odessey…i mean serious
PurpleInk said on 09.14.12 at 01:36 AM • [link]
Oh, why not.
50 Shades of Banana Mania:
Banana Mania is known for stocking lots of delicious banana-based deserts—chocolate-covered bananas, banana splits, banana creme pies—but it also is run by two delicious-looking best friends, Elroy and James. When Elroy, the fun and playful face of the shop, challenges James, the more serious bookkeeper and general manager, to a banana licking contest, things quickly get out of hand as they give in to the temptation to taste each other’s bananas! Soon, they are discovering the true meaning of the phrase “food porn” as they come up with new, creative uses for food products.
But this results in a waste of food that sends the shop into a terrible debt. Soon, the diabolical businessman L. Shades is making an offer to take over the shop and turn it into a zucchini business—and James is serious considering selling!
Can Elroy convince James to try again with his banana bliss, or will he fail and James try L. Shades’s fabulous zucchini?
Shal said on 09.14.12 at 01:44 AM • [link]
Thank you 4 liking my synopsis..I think I really have to start writing this book…
I think everyone put a lot of thought, humour and dedication into their stories and i enjoyed reading them…they had me giggling a lot…thanks for the entertainment ladies :)
Sveta said on 09.14.12 at 01:09 PM • [link]
@notoyaa thanks for the insult.
http://sveta-randomblog.blogsp…
Kelly said on 09.14.12 at 02:16 PM • [link]
50 Shades of Lapis Lazuli
Infiniti, a 20-year-old college student at the University of Transcendental Geology, longs to trade in her ingénue status for life experience. She finally gets her chance when she meets Visiting Professor Charlemagne Rockwell and signs up to attend his lecture series on Lapis Lazuli and ancient sacred art. Charlemagne is consumed by a brooding passion for stones, but he soon discovers, through their exciting question and answer exchanges following his lectures, that Infiniti has the power to draw his desires like no other. Infiniti cannot help her attraction to the brilliant and handsome lecturer; his passion is compelling, but there is a darkness about him that is terrifying. When danger strikes from an unlikely source, Infiniti must choose her destiny, but will her choice lead Charlemagne to sacrifice all in order to save her from herself? Find out in 50 Shades of Lapis Lazuli.
Jess Granger said on 09.14.12 at 03:18 PM • [link]
Fifty Shades of Smashed Pumpkin
After surviving a bitter betrayal that left mysterious CEO Linus as cold and dead inside as a dark Halloween night. The enigmatic tycoon of Wide Stripes Enterprises wants nothing more than to be left alone.
But precocious blonde-haired Sally Brown believes she can reach the heart of the man who turned away from the innocence of childhood so long ago. If only he would see her as something more than the sister of his best friend. She knows she can win his love if he’d ever see her as something more than an annoying little girl.
When he proposes a contract to allow him to restrain her with a blue blanket, it both excites and terrifies Sally, she’ll have to face the darkest despair of his soul to reach the disillusioned boy inside. She’s determined to love him, with or with or without the promise of candy.
Kris said on 09.14.12 at 04:13 PM • [link]
I dont think this site is functioning properly. I have tried to like a few stories here but NONE are going through. Initially i thought it would have registered at some final count at the deadline because of back up of data but low and behold this is two days later and i havent seen my likes registered! If the Owner of the site would like this to be a fair competition please have the site checked.
SB Sarah said on 09.14.12 at 04:27 PM • [link]
@Kris: I’m sorry that your likes weren’t going through. I’m not sure what happened, as I’m not seeing any activity at all on my end for your email address. I’m not sure what the problem was.
Perhaps this is not the best way to decide a contest. My apologies, y’all.
Care to comment?
Comments are now closed for this post.
Subscribe to These Comments