Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

What a nice giveaway - and a fun looking book, too!

On our wedding night, we had just said goodbye to the last guest and uttered the words “alone, at last…” when the hotel room phone rang.  My new husband answered and immediately assumed a very grave expression.  The conversation was short and he uttered only, “I see.  Right.  Well, keep us posted.”  After he hung up, he turned to me and said, “Your mom says you’re not to worry but…”.

Turns out that not long after the reception, my father was taken to a nearby hospital for unspecified pain.  “Unspecified” because my mom refused to tell us any more and forbade us from joining the waiting party (which also included my sisters).  There were three possible hospitals and she wouldn’t even confirm which one was the right one.  Her instructions to us were to that we were to pretend that none of this was happening, relax and enjoy a lovely night together.  Er, right.  What actually happened is that I fretted and stewed waiting for word and my husband flipped channels between football and Ryder Cup coverage.  In the end, my father’s ailment was “just” kidney stones and nothing at all like the dire events my mind had invented.  Ebola? The Plague? 

While we waited the phone kept ringing, not with dad updates, but rather with news of our friends who had accidentally gone to Canada after the reception (intending to visit Niagara Falls) and had their car impounded at the border, the *other* friends who accidentally gone to Canada and drove the long way around the lake and running out of gas in the middle of nowhere in another country, and the friends who accidentally stole a van on their way to go buy some chicken wings.  So, you know, things happen, right?

Oh wah, why only married couples with wedding night stories? What about us singletons? Well, singletons in a long-term committed relationships of five years? I have a funny “getting together” story! And I want a Tempurpedic bed!

P.S. My captcha is “provided22”. I would like to be “provided” a chance (twenty) too!

P.P.S. Okay, for that horrible pun, you can officially exclude me from your contest.

My wedding night was . . . disappointing.

We got back from the reception to our new apartment about ten, which was good, since we were leaving for Stratford, Ontario (from southern Ohio) at 8am the next day.  We thought we’d do a little consumatin’, get some sleep, and be on our way.  But first, I wanted to get the #&&%*  outta my dress, which I’d been wearing for something like 7 hours.

Who was waiting for us?  My MIL, sister-in-law, and aunt-in-law, who insisted we open all our presents and list them in case “something happened” while we were away.  I couldn’t get out of my dress because they wanted to take pictures of me opening the gifts for some reason they never fully explained—-I have never seen those pictures. 

They finally left about 1am.  My husband and I looked at each other.  I yanked off my &*$%$ dress with his fumble-fingered help, we fell onto the mattress . . . and fell asleep by mutual agreement.

So the commsumatin’ was delayed until the next night.  On the other hand, we did survive the overtired, grumpy, ticked-off journey to our B&B and we’re still married after 17 years, so no permanent damage was done!

Our wedding night was not so thrilling ;) The hotel room my parents had gotten for us was unfortunately/had been a smoking room at one point.  Nothing like the smell of stale cigarettes covered by horrible air freshener to really set the mood huh?  But our tent at the beach on the honeymoon two days later was fantastico :)

Captcha is “going69”  goodness!

Well, on my mom’s side of the family, they started a tradition to seriously prank every new couple getting married.  Some of it was fairly innocent- spelling out HELP on the bottom of the groom’s shoes so the congregation could see it when the couple were knelling or filling the hotel room with balloons so that no one could get in without loud popping.  However, the wedding night pranks started to escalate as the victimized couples started getting involved in the planning. 

One uncle had his car filled to the brim with rice (instead of having it thrown at the couple) so that the getaway was ruined.  Seven years later, when he went to sell the car, rice still came blowing out of the vents when you turned the air on. 

Another aunt and uncle, the last of my mom’s siblings to get married, refused to disclose the location of their hotel after the reception and had their car chased around the Chicago suburbs, culminating in a crash in a ditch.

I’d like to say that ended the pranks, but they did continue on with the next generation, just back at the mild stage.  Mostly this has resulted in extreme paranoia with couples using decoy rooms, decoy hotels, or expressly telling the hotel that no one should have access to hotel room but the bride and groom and then hiding the car keys inside. 

Ironically enough, my captcha is hotel24…

I don’t think very many people get to actually consummate the marriage on their actual wedding night.

After our reception let out at 4 pm, we had a three hour drive to a small town in Amish country in eastern Ohio for our long weekend of a honeymoon before I had to start grad school the next week.  Except that we were delayed getting on the road until closer to to 7 because we had to go back to my sister in law’s place, get out of the wedding dress and into a sari, and do some kind of ceremony with flower garlands and a Hindu priest that we didn’t get to do the day before when we were at the temple (my husband’s family is Hindu and there was apparently an issue getting the specific flowers necessary across the border from Ontario in a relative’s car).  So after that, we drove the three hours to our honeymoon hotel along little back roads with nary a fast food joint in sight and arrived in Wilmot, OH at approximately 9:50 pm.  Neither of us had gotten anything to eat at our reception, what with all the being sociable and polite to the various and sundry relatives, and neither of us had eaten breakfast either (assuming that we’d get to eat at the noon reception).  So we asked at the desk if there was anyplace with food available and he directed us to the local pizza joint that closed at 10 pm.  So we called and begged for a pizza, which we got around 11 pm.  And then we scarfed down pizza and promptly fell asleep.  Consummating the marriage was postponed until the next morning when we were feeling less hungry and more rested.

And for a bonus story—apparently my parents also had an interesting wedding night.  I guess that after their reception, they went back to their tiny apartment, looking forward to some consummation of their own, only to be surprised by a few friends waiting for them with cards and beer.  So they all played cards until the wee hours, my dad got drunk, and Mom had to hold his head for the puking (and she couldn’t even drink, as she was pregnant with me at the time), so it was a miserable night all around.

And the only person I know who did actually get down to business on their wedding night/day is my cousin.  They left the party to have a time out at their house, and broke the bed.  When they came back, W (her husband) was apparently very proud of himself, and a little drunk, because he then proceeded to tell anyone who would listen about his manly, bed breaking prowess.

By the time we left the reception and went up to our hotel room, it was 2 am.  After an exhausting week of entertaining out of town guests, my new husband and I immediately fell asleep because we had to be up at 6 am to catch our flight to the Tropics.  Our official wedding night happened about 48 hours later!

My husband and I were married on a Thursday, but we weren’t leaving on our honeymoon until the day after that (Friday). Since we were already living together before our wedding, our wedding night consisted of us going home and packing for our trip the next day. My husband insisted on waiting to have our “marital relations” until the next night, so our first time together as a married couple would be somewhere special and romantic. It still makes my heart skip a beat when I think of that!

Oh this is a great giveaway!

My entry, without adornment:

A first cousin broke her husband’s ribs (yes, more than one) during their wedding night. What she says is that she turned around, asleep, and hit him in the perfectly wrong spot with her elbow.

He doesn’t say anything at all :grin:

My husband had a Z-28 Camaro at the time and it was his baby. He didn’t want anyone to mess with it so he hid it until after the ceremony. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted the whole “Just Married” thing written on the windows. So he stopped at a store on our way out of town, bought some shoe polish and wrote it across the back glass. I was a happy camper and we went on to our honeymoon destination.
The next morning when we were leaving the hotel we walked down to the parking lot and someone had written below “Just Married” with “and f__king”. I was mortified at the time. Now it’s just funny ‘cause it was true.

Dude, I want that bed.

Hubby and I got married at my parents’ gorgeous little farm. Because we were out in the country, we had lots of drunk people staying the night, including us. (We would leave for our honeymoon the next day.) Our bridal suite was a room my parents had set up in the basement, away from everyone. That’s also where we’d put the wedding gifts. So in the middle of the night, when the whole house was quiet and we had enjoyed an initial round of marital sexxorin, new hubby and I opened all our presents by ourselves. By candlelight. Nekkid.

After our evening wedding, we headed back to our house to finish packing to leave for our honeymoon.  My in-laws showed up to drop off some gifts.  My father-in-law realized I had a flat tire on my piece of crap car (which we weren’t even driving) and insisted that he and my new husband change it before we left.  So here it is 9:00 on my wedding night and we are entertaining my in-laws.  Fun times I tell you!

At my wedding reception, my father decided that everyone was having such a good time that he paid for an extra hour of drinking/dancing/general merriment.  While this was generous it resulted in not leaving for our hotel until about 1:30-2:00 in the morning.  I had been up since the wee hours of the previous morning, as had my new husband and we were both exhausted.  After fumbling my way out of my wedding dress, I proceeded to try and take my hair out of the updo it was in for the wedding.  I had fairly short hair at the time and my hairstylist had used a small hairpiece to create said updo.  When the multitude of pins and the hairpiece was removed, my own hair was sitcking straight up in the air as if I were the bride of Frankenstein, not the bride of Nick, held completely immobile due to the copiuos amounts of hairspray used to hold everything in place for 20+ hours.  I debated about showering for a brief moment, then decided it wasn’t going to happen - I was practically falling asleep on my feet - so after -an apology to my husband for my finger-in-the-light-socket look, we went to sleep.  I rectified the horrible hair the next morning, much to my husbands’ relief, I’m sure!

My story is about a cousin’s wedding night.

Let me start by satying my Mom is one of nine kids (can we say “Catholic”), three girls and six boys.  This leads to some interesting and fun times.

Anyway, back to the story…my cousin and his new bride held there wedding reception in a very small Minnesota town where they were living.  The town is so small when the bathrooms at the hall were too busy guests could walk the three blocks to the newlyweds’ apartment and use their bathroom.

Knowing the apartment was open, my uncles and a group of my cousins went to the apartment and “decorated”.  They put saran wrap across the toilet bowl, vaseline on the toilet seat, rice in the bed, they brought alarm clocks and set them to go off in different parts of the house every 20 minutes or so.

Needless to say, my cousin’s new bride was thrilled to be part of our family.

I didn’t have any major catastrophes on my wedding night, but a few funny things happened.
I wore one of those stick on bras underneath my wedding dress. My mom used eyeliner to trace where the bra should go before we pulled off the adhesive strips and stuck it on. When I was changing into my wedding night negligee, I could NOT get that eyeliner off for anything, so Hubby got a good laugh out of my boobs with black circles drawn around them.
Hubby and I were both virgins on our wedding night, and after we finished doing the deed, and were laying there panting, Hubby said “Holy cow! Now I know why people want to do this all the time!”
I woke up at about 2am sobbing hysterically and scared Hubby to death. He thought I was having second thoughts. In reality, it was just all the stress of the past few weeks catching up with me. I know he thought I was a complete lunatic. He kept asking me “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” and I kept saying “I don’t know. Just hold me!” Poor thing just cuddled up next to his brand-new hysterical wife and went back to sleep.
All in all my wedding night was fairly uneventful, but some sweet memories.

We got married on March 31st on Long Island and I, being a bit of a bridezilla, insisted that I was going to be married outside, on the water, in the gazebo.  My soon to be husband direly predicted that the weather would not be conducive.  I won on that score - the morning dawned beautifully, sun rose high in the sky and the pictures were gorgeous.  As it was a 2nd time a round for both of us, after the reception we took my teenage kids back to my mothers to stay with, and started our honeymoon journey. 

I had once dreamed of a fanciful romantic honeymoon, instead our journey from Long Island to Pennsylvania was detoured up to Albany to drop my stepson off because his mother insisted we couldn’t put him on a plane, train or in a car with my cousin who lives 15 minutes from him.  No, he had to be dropped off by his father.  Fine.  Throw in road construction and it took us 10 hours to get to our honeymoon destination.

My aunt has a friend who works at an inn away from the tourist area of the Poconos - advertised as a couples retreat - maybe because I’m a city girl but I felt like I’d stepped into a horror movie set.  See Texas Chain Saw Masacre?  Deliverance?  Yeah and as a special consideration to my aunt they gave us the remote Cabin in the Woods treatment.  Because it was now like 5 am we had no choice but to check in and of course immediately passed out from the exhaustion of a wedding followed by a marathon road trip.

We woke up in time for dinner - a special romantic dinner in the main house - alone… dining room from 100 people and no one there.  Entertainment Nightly?  Except in the off season and we were in the off season.  Cell phone service to check in on the kids?  Had to drive up a mountain.  Sex?  Ok I’m adventurous but the animal sounds coming from OUTSIDE our window kept interfering with my mood and of course his mood.

We waffled about checking out and seeking a real romantic hotel but stayed out of respect for my aunt.  A local liquor store provided us a few bottles of wine and some DVD’s and we settled in with our new wildlife friends on a rustic if not romantic honeymoon - totally alone in a horror movie inn.

Our wedding night was bittersweet. We had a lovely beach front room reserved and did get to stay in it. But the whole day was a bit of a blur because after a late night celebrating with out of state family of the groom, we received a call that my mother had passed away after a prolonged illness that stopped her from attending the wedding. She had visited with most of our family at the nursing home that day, and seemed no worse, so the news was a shock to me. After finding my family to share the bad news and long debate between my fiancee and I, we decided to go ahead with the wedding that evening. It was a long, sad, busy day but both our families and friends were there to help. Postponing the wedding would not have made the memory better, and most of the out of state families probably would not have been able to return at a later date. We did postpone our honeymoon trip. So our wedding day was a lot of “laughter through tears” as the quote from Steel Magnolias goes. We got married on a dinner boat so I threw my flower into the water in memory of Mama. She was not a boat lover, lol so we continue to put flowers on her grave each year.  And as the years passed the memory got sweeter. As my father told us the year before he passed, no more sad anniversaries for you two! We will celebrate our 15th anniversary next month. One big lesson we learned that day was make sure to tell people you love, I love you. And we do, every day.

Thanks for the contest! We really need a new mattress for my hubby’s bad back and temporpedic are out of our reach.

Mine is more of a morning after story.  When we left the reception we found that my husbands college buddies had kindly decorated our car with all sorts of facinating lewd messages- including the always tasteful “dirt the bagel” comment one friend was known for.  We arrived late in the dark at our hotel, exhausted and not paying much attention to our surroundings.  The next morning we came out and ground to an immediate halt as we discovered that the parking lot was snugged right up to a Cracker Barrel.  On Sunday morning.  Yes, picture that long porch and eveyr single one of those rockers filled with assorted curious folks who followed our every move as we repacked the car and slunk our way out of the parking lot.  We actually only had a quick getaway and for some odd reason decided to go to King’s Island (like Six Flags) and ended up finishing off our wedding cake in the King’s Island parking lot :)  Happily, that was 18 1/2 yrs ago!

and92 - and yes, it was actually in 1992!

A bed of sand, or the most uncomfortable honeymoon ever. While my now husband and I were getting married (more years ago than I want to remember), somebody removed my purse (and the honeymoon cash) from our car parked in front of the church. Of course we did not discover this until we left the reception. We did not want to return to the reception and bum money from relatives, we had no credit cards (both of us still students at Old Dominion University), the banks were closed (Saturday), this was before ATMs (it was that long ago), and between us we had 25 dollars and a full tank of gas.

We drove down the coast to Cape Hatteras and spent the night on the beach! (Memorable, but a tad uncomfortable)

Ah, my wedding night.  The first time I’d ever…

...drank champagne in a hot tub.  Big mistake.  I got dizzy from lack of food and zero tolerance of alcohol (boy, was I an innocent). 

My poor, brand-new DH, who’d waited TWO YEARS to sleep with me, had to wait a couple more hours while the world stopped pitching and I stopped heaving.  Lucky for me, he had lots of patience which came in handy when I lost the rest of my innocence.  Now after 17 years of marriage, I am nicely corrupted. ;)

One of my good friends had her zipper bust on her dress while she was getting ready.  The seamstress sewed her into it for the ceremony and reception.  Come the wedding night, the seamstress was gone.  Her husband had to cut her out of her dress.  I believe her exact quote was “The next thing I knew, we were both wearing nothing but our brand new wedding rings. And it was Awesome.” 

I always thought that was a very romance novel sort of wedding night, but alas, they did not live HAE.

When my Sister in Law and her Husband got married, someone pulled the fire alarm in the hotel, so at about midnight, all the guests including the happy couple had to troup out to the parking lot and wait for the fire department to clear the biulding. I can’t help but wonder if the person who pulled the alarm knew what they were interupting :)

Oh, Lord, me please.  I’m still sleeping on a $25 air mattress in my new grad school apartment while I save up for a bed.
Story?  Well, I’m not married, so how about my parents?  Their friends pooled resources to buy them a bed when they got married, and they even personally delivered it to the tiny two-room house my dad *built himself*.  And they short-sheeted it, and made sure the bed in their honeymoon suite was short-sheeted too.
Not the most scandalous story, but it’s true, and goddammit I need a mattress.  Hope this qualifies.

I don’t know if this counts…but here it goes anyway.

When my parents got married, my father, sweet man that he is, took over planning their honeymoon and would not let my mom even know where they were going (beyond that they would be in France for a week).  He wanted to surprise her.

Alright, fast forward five years.

For their anniversary my father surprised my mom by arranging for them to spend the weekend at the b&b the had their wedding night at.

They show up, and they don’t really remember the place, but its been five years and they got in late so they aren’t worried.  They immediately tell everyone at the dinner table their cute story and everyone ohhs and ahhs and asks questions, like which room did they stay in etc…

Anyway, in the middle of the night, they realize that they aren’t at the same b&b.  In fact, they aren’t even in the same state!  My dad had written down the names of b&b’s he had been considering five years ago and accidentally took them to the wrong one!

So the next morning they have to tell everyone at breakfast that they are in the wrong place, and the owner laughs and says to my sweet father, “You must have given her one hell of a wedding night that she didn’t even remember what *state* she was in!”

The night of our wedding my husband and I were spending in a little bed and breakfast near the town I grew up in.  We couldn’t afford a honeymoon, but we could do that.

After opening all of our envelopes (did I mention we were broke) and giggling a lot about having actual cash dollars, we started to ... canoodle ... when I heard voices, familiar voices, outside.  Voices that were doing that drunken thing where you think you are whispering but you are actually being louder than if you were talking in your normal voices.

I popped my head out of the window to see my two oldest friends (both guys), one of my bridesmaids, and one of the friends girlfriend all trying to figure out how to break into our car.  It seems that one of them had left a wallet in there, and they decided with all of the logic of drunken 20 year olds, that breaking in would be much smarter than 1.) trying to call us, 2.) waiting until the morning, or 3.) sleeping it off.  The one sober person in the group had apparently found the whole thing too hilarious to try and stop the rest of them.

I got rid of them just as lights started going on in the surrounding houses and police would have been called.

Sigh.

Well, the hotel we were booked to stay at gave away the wedding parties rooms due to local flooding in the area and let’s just say there ending up being 8 of us in the same Honeymoon Suite!

What an awesome contest! My sister & brother-in-law have a Tempurpedic, and she says he tells it he loves it every night.  Apparently it’s made a huge difference to his bad back.

Wedding night vignettes: The reception venue sent a big basket of food back with us to the hotel, but no silverware, so we ate with our hands & drank champagne out of the hotel glasses.

So, I had a fancy updo for my wedding. While we ate, I pulled bobbypins out of my hair, amassing quite a stack.  My hairdresser asked how long it took to get them out—it was about 45 minutes.  She said she always wanted to ask a bride that, but I was the first one she asked. I had to take a shower, because the pins and the product left me with a bride of frankenstein look, not just a bride.

My sister-in-law went to the same stylist before her wedding. Remembering about the bobby pins, she and her husband bet on how many pins she’d pull out of her hair, winner getting a forfeit. (She won!)

My sister

We got married in Vegas . . .don’t ask.  But the wedding night . . .WOW (just wait).  We ended the reception, such as it was, and decided “Hey why not go to The Strip and look around?” (Let me be clear here it was the new Darling Hubby who said this).  So we get a cab and tell him to take us to The Strip . . .which apparently to him was “Drop us off on the dark, scary, unused except for what is legal in Nevada part of The Strip”.  So we walk . . .and walk . . .and walk. DH sees a “neat” souvenir shop and proceeds to spend all but $5 on “WE JUST GOT MARRIED” stuff (ok so at this point maybe I helped but that’s not how I remember it now).  We then continue our walk until we see one of the many hotels with a ROLLER COASTER . . .so we decide “Why not we just got married.  Why not take another punge” DH again.  So we wait in line . . .and wait . . .and wait.  The ride was ok but quit and back onto The Strip.  (You see where this is going don’t you :) Walking and walking.  Caesars Palace.  Walking and walking.  I’ll try to make a LONG story short (TOO LATE) but we ended up at our hotel at 2 AM after finally decideding to stop walking (DH it’s so good I love you still).  Ate breakfast in the hotel and fell into bed without any of that fun wedding stuff to be had.

@JJ - I have to say I’m with you! I’m not in a relationship but I’d love to have a new mattress! But I guess sharing one’s bed with a 7 pound dog that is a total bed hog (seriously, it’s a queen size bed, she gets 3/4ths of it, I get 1/4) doesn’t count.

I asked my mom once about her wedding night. She was a divorcée with three boys, dad was a virgin who never even had a girlfriend before. She said after he was done he said, “That’s it? Why do people make such a big fuss about it?”

Yep, apparently dad wasn’t too impressed with sex. It’s surprising I was conceived at all.

Ahh.. our wedding night. lol
Hubbs and I had been together for 6 years before we got married and had been engaged for about 2. We keep putting off getting married (I couldn’t decide on ANYTHING). So time kept passing us by, but I guess fate decided to step in and take a hand of things. Because the next thing I knew, I was preggers!! My job at the time didn’t offer health insurance and I made to much to qualify for state care. Hubbs was about to go out of town for work for a week, so we went to the court house to get it married before he left. However, when we got to the court house, we had missed to cut off time to sign up for marriages that day and had to come back the next day!!! So we got married on our lunch break and hubbs was out of town before I even got of work.

We’ve now been married for 4 years and the date we got married on has became a big thing for us. We had planned on being married on the 3rd, but got married on the 4th. We now have two girls and both of them on born on 4ths!!

The Twilight wedding night story cannot be rivaled in terms of sheer horror. Who doesn’t love waking up covered in bruises with a broken headboard and a shower of feathers because your sparklepire husband made you pass out during sexytime? Obviously the man I marry must be willing to spackle himself in body glitter and recreate, hotel damage bills being of no consequence. I really hope he then withholds sex from me for the rest of our honeymoon. That’s a healthy relationship!

Ohhhh fabarooni comp! My hubby has an awful bad back with all the commuting he has to do these days. He’ll love me even more with this prize. Maybe with the runner up prize too. nothing like fab romance novels to spice up time spent between the sheets.

My wedding night story:
I waited twelve years for my wedding night. Am I a patient person? Definitely not!
I’d been living with the father of my gorgeous kids, with absolutely no intention of ever getting married. We didn’t need to. We loved each other. Had kids together. Had a house together. Traveled the world together. For all intense purposes, we were married.
But finally, the old piece of paper that confirms you love each other was needed for us to stay together. As Brits in a foreign country, on temporary visas, there are certain rules you have to abide by. Now, don’t get me wrong. I could have stayed single. But it would have meant me having to return to the UK As my now hubby had a longer visa as it was with his work that we are here. So, instead of departing, we chose to make our love legal.
When our friends from Australia came for a visit, I got the wedding day of my teenager dreams. Vegas, red dress, night of gambling!  Yeah. I never was a white wedding kinda girl. But I think you’ve already figured that out, right?
And as for what happened on my wedding night, well, that, consider the bedroom door closing. That sort of stuff is private, my dears. This isn’t a HQ novel ? for all to read.

Well, my wedding night could have been fodder for a talk show. We had just gotten to the hotel room after the reception, and were ready to relax and have some fun. Just in the midst of a, uh, sensitive moment, Hubby’s phone rings. He reaches over and hits ignore. Things come to their natural conclusion, and we laid around, and then the phone rang again. And Again, and Again. Finally, DH checked the voicemail to make sure everything was ok. Well, it turns out that my slightly intoxicated MIL and SIL had gotten into a fight and MIL want to drive home to VA that night. SIL took her keys away, so MIL called Hubby (insert eye roll here). So, then SIL tried to take her phone away and it turned into a Jerry Springer chick fight

.

Well, at least the night started on a good note ;)

My honeymoon was 1 night at a villa/hotel/thingee owned by Babyland General (I.e. Cabbage Patch Kids inventor Xavier Roberts.)  We couldn’t afford anything more/better.  The villa had a bedroom and living room with a fireplace.  It was June.  No fire.  After about an hour (heh) we ran out of things to do.  (We lived together for a year so this wasn’t our first time to town. So to speak.)

No TV.  It was raining so no walks. Nothing.  We stared at each other & talked about the wedding for half an hour before giving up, jumping in our car & driving to join our family for dessert.

My mama and daddy’s honeymoon was apparently just as boring.  They went to a lodge in the mountains.  She said there was nothing to do there.  The place was packed with senior citizens.  She spent her honeymoon sitting in the lobby playing gin with the 70 and over crowd.

My husband & I saved an entire year for a re-do honeymoon.  We went to Hawaii.  We had SO MUCH FUN!  We shopped, swam, strolled the beaches, hiked, went to luau’s, and spent some romantic evenings in our hotel room.  Wish we could have afforded that on our wedding night.

How do you not leave a comment on a contest for a bed?

Our wedding was blissful, despite the wrong flowers arriving, my paralyzing fear of speaking in public (ahem, all fixed now), and the broken cake knife. Some things you just can’t plan for.

Frankly, I don’t know how anyone has the energy to get busy on their wedding night!  Between the dancing and the socializing, by the time our reception shut down (and it was only somewhere between 11 and midnight), all I wanted to do was go home, unload the 20 pounds of dress, fall into bed and die. And that’s what we did.

But the first-day-married morning sex was awesome. ;)

To liven up my uncle’s Catholic wedding rehearsal, my uncle and his brother (who aren’t twins, but look very similar) switched sweaters and places partway through. Everybody in the wedding party immediately noticed, but the priest had no idea. (Presumably, he attributed the undercurrent of grins and furtive looks as general wedding excitement.)

The rehearsal went smoothly until the last line. The priest said, “You may kiss the bride,” and the bride turned around and declared, “I’m not kissing him, he’s married!” You should have seen the priest’s face!

Our wedding night started with a window-rattling clap of thunder as the pastor proclaimed “Husband and Wife”.  The guests dissolved into giggles, totally confusing my husband and me as we hadn’t noticed a thing!

Our wedding was very DIY, so after the guests left, we and the wedding party stayed and cleaned up.  While we cleaned and packed cars, someone crept into the YMCA and stole a computer from one of the offices!  We called the police, then jumped in cars and drove around campus hoping to spot the guy we’d seen lurking earlier.

No luck.

Hours later, we returned home to my by-then fairly drunk extended family and opened presents, since we were leaving for a cross country bike tour the next day. (“Where were you?”  Cleaning, chasing crooks…  The usual) Finally, we got to our hotel at around 1 in the morning.  Waiting in the lobby, me in my homemade dress and flower crown, my husband in his two dollar suit, I felt like we were two kids running around holding hands and playing dress up.

We were no strangers to each others’ beds and we had to get up at 7:30 the next morning to finish packing and catch a flight.  Even so, we still made some time for fun before crashing :)

My brother joined us on our wedding night.

He showed up at our hotel and begged the guy at reception to tell him our room number. The poor guy finally called us (fortunately we were asleep by this point) and I could hear Rob begging in the background. I asked him to put Rob on the phone, and my brother slurred, “Doooood, how much money you guys got? Mom and Dad left me, and I need to get a taxi.”

I gave him our room number and then hoisted up my strapless wedding gown - the only decent thing I could wear without unpacking my bags.

When Rob got to the room, he swayed in the doorway and said, “Dude” (we’re from San Diego, so this is a common greeting) “I can’t believe I’m interrupting your wedding night.”

“That makes three of us, Rob.”

Holding my dress up with one hand, I counted the bits of change my husband had randomly carried to the wedding (he’s British and had about $12 in change in his pockets for some reason. He’s not too good at identifying the values of American coins). All the while Rob rambled on about the perverted things he wanted to do to my maid of honor.

My husband finally gave Rob his ATM card and PIN and told him to go away.

We found out the next day that Rob took some money out and kept the party going. He ran into my maid of honor and her brother, and they dropped him at a friend’s house. A friend who wasn’t home. So Rob tried to walk ten miles to my parents’ house. He called Mom at 3am, saying, “Dude, Mom, can you come pick me up? Where am I? Uh, in a field somewhere.”

She left him there until morning.

He got married last year and hubbs and I debated what to do. In the end, we made Rob paranoid and decided that was enough. Basically, I wanted to prove to Rob - yet again - that I’m classier than he is, but it’s an act of kindness I’ve often regretted over the last year.

A new mattress would help me feel like I at least got something back.

My Mom’s best friend’s daughter (she’s 5 years older than me and my best and oldest friend) decided that she did not approve of my parent’s marriage and hid under their wedding bed.
She loves both my parents madly but for some reason didn’t think that they “should be sleeping in the same bed” at all.
Luckily, at 3, she wasn’t that great a hider and they saw he feet under the bed.
Apparently they had to promise her that she could sleep with them the next night to get her to leave.

We picked our wedding date based on when we had time off (dates chosen before we even met) and it was also the first day of spring break for my step-son. Guess who came on the honeymoon to Tahoe with us! We had rented a cabin with a group of people and that was our week there. The outgoing couple left us a bottle of champagne and a food basket. The next morning, we all woke up with the flu, spent the next two days fighting about whose turn it was to get out of bed and take care of our boy/food, etc. If it wasn’t for that food basket, we would have starved. Thanks, previous couple.

captcha but43 - but it has lasted, well, not 43 years yet, but we are closing in on that.

Before our marriage, I had read in some well-meaning marriage manual (probably from our church) that if a couple was exhausted from the wedding festivities, it was OK to postpone the consummation until the next night or morning or whenever you were properly rested.  My wedding day was busy, involving entertainment of out of town guests, alcohol consumption, and a lot of traveling across the metro area multiple times.  I had also acquired some kind of intestinal bug the day before and was holding it at bay with large doses of Imodium.  By the time we got to our home (our secret wedding night location; we left the following morning on the actual honeymoon), I was nervous and tired so I earnestly told my new husband that if he wanted to wait until tomorrow when we were well-rested that would be just fine by me.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clear “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SH*TTING ME” look before in my life.  We consummated our marriage that night.  Lesson learned, do not take these marriage guide books from church too seriously…the same is true for parenting books IME.

We totally need a new mattress.  We have been married for 15 years and so has our mattress.

I’m not married, but I have a story about my parents!

My mom and (step)dad got hitched when I was five, so they never really had “alone” time.

Yay honeymoon, right?  Except that on day three my dad’s ENTIRE family crashed the party (bringing me along, too).  As if that wasn’t bad enough, my mom had developed shin splints from hiking and was having a hard time walking.

You can imagine the fun everyone had with that.

My wedding night story is about my great grandparents. Apparently grandpa in his infinite wisdom thought it would be fun to go camping on his wedding night, camping with his aunt and uncle.
As you may have guessed, my grandpa was not the most romantic man, he was a mathematician and things tended to be practical rather than romantic or fun. As my grandma told it she was using the outhouse before going to the tent to “settle in” for the night when she heard Uncle Gene whistling in the mens half of the outhouse. The his/her outhouse shared a common hole so when Uncle Gene lit a match and dumped it in the hole to dispel the stench all of the flys came out the other side where she was sitting, and grandma came out of the outhouse with her skirts still tucked up.
I do believe having 50,000,000 flys head for her cooch killed the mood for grandma because that was the end of the camping trip and probably the last “romantic gesture” my grandfather made. Thankfully Grandma had a sense of humor, this story was told at every major family event to much laughter.

Well, I don’t really have my own wedding night story (being single and all). The best wedding night story I know is this couple gets married, but the woman doesn’t want to have sex. Instead she goes into the bathroom to eat a frog! Turns out she’s a frog clone who looks exactly like the guy’s lady love (the guy doesn’t find out until days later). Eventually the frog clone falls in love with the guy and dies saving his life. The lady love comes back and (third time’s the charm) the two finally marry.

So did anyone else watch Lois & Clark and love this Superman television show as much as I did?

I got married in a revamped Long Island speakeasy that my dad used to hang out at during Prohibition (he got a good deal for the reception from the owners because he had been a VERY good customer). He left my matron of honor and me in the car (in January) to run in for a minute and see how things were progressing inside, whether the groom had shown up, etc. After an eternity of shivering, she and I decided to get out and found my dad drinking at the bar. The day only got better from there. One of my husband’s fraternity brothers started to cry during the ceremony and the rest of them started laughing hysterically. There was quite a ruckus behind us but we soldiered on, repeating the vows the judge mumbled. My husband’s very Catholic mother kept saying she could not believe her only son was marrying a divorced woman to everyone within earshot, but that at least I wasn’t pregnant. My matron of honor “inadvertantly” put money in the jukebox to play Wedding Bell Blues, which featured the name of my ex-husband (I had been a very brief teen bride, with a much nicer but fundementally flawed first ceremony—-my ex-husband had had an affair with one of the officiating priests before he dropped out of seminary. Oy.This is why I write romance.). We got the hell out of there as quickly as possible and drove to a no-tell motel off the Connecticut Turnpike with a Magic Fingers bed, which we promptly put quarters into and giggled over the decidedly unmagic effect. I think we had sex but I honestly can’t remember. But the next morning the diner waitress came to our table singing “Mrs. Robinson”—-and my husband did not put her up to it—-so I knew it was all meant to be.

Wow, after reading all these stories, I feel so ...lucky.  I actually ended up having the wedding of my dreams: walking down in red to a minister who actually did a Princess Bride impersonation (you know the one) and dancing until midnight with my twin running interference on everything so I could relax. 

At the end of the evening, our hotel room had been delightfully decorated by some friends Hawaiian style (our honeymoon was going to be there) with candies strewn across the bed.  We were tired, I remember, but not THAT tired.  We had a great night!

Our wedding night was so much fun! For months beforehand, folks had been bugging us about “the afterparty,” to my complete befuddlement. (I just threw a huge party, I hafta throw an afterparty too?) So we looked into it and found a place to recommend people go if they wanted to keep the party going. When people arrived in town and learned of the plan, they objected. “It has karaoke, I hate karaoke.” “It’s too far away, I don’t wanna drive, I don’t have the number of a cab company.” And all I can think is, Why are we bothering the bride about this? Cabs were arranged and my cousins and our friends started to pester me and my DH about whether or not we were going (some would only go if we would). We didn’t really want to but didn’t want to be rude and just told everyone we were going back to the hotel first and would decide then.

When we got back to the room, my sister/MOH, (who had checked me and DH into our room for us since we were busy getting ready earlier), had decorated the room with confetti, tealights, and fake rose petals (HIGHLY recommended, real petals are messy and get dried and itchy and crumble). It was a complete surprise, which is impressive, as I am highly observant and difficult to surprise. We knew then we weren’t going anywhere.

After the consummatin’ we took advantage of the in-room hot tub, which we only had for one night before moving on to our honeymoon, sharing stories from the wedding, pulling bobby pins out of my hair, and regaining our strength with cookies and champagne (and sparkling juice for my non-drinking hubby) left by my sister. Our only mishap came when, while preparing the tub, we went to light the candles with the matches thoughtfully left on the nightstand. But the room was so humid that the matches were too soggy and wouldn’t light! My clever new hubby had the genius idea to dry them out with the in-room hairdryer and problem solved!

My husband and I got married one month after our first child turned 1.  I was 20 and he was 22 and we did all the wedding planning and paying for it on our own.  I guess we neglected one small detail!!!!  Who is going to watch our child on our wedding night????  MY husbands parents took over for the reception and planned it at a bar, obviously forgetting I was two months shy of my 21st.  OOPS, not only did the waitress keep taking my drinks from me that my family was ordering she also threatened to kick me out if she saw another one in my hand.  So, me being totally sober and only having one glass of champagne from our toasts, everyone else around me was smashed off their butt’s, including my mom, my sis, and my husbands whole family.  When it came time to leave and enjoy our wedding night, as we were walking to the hotel where we all had a block of rooms.  OOPS, who is going to take our one year old.  As I look around at everyone I realize, no way is anyone capable of walking a straight line, talking without slurring, and oh there is my sis puking in the bushes, but also no one is capable of putting my little man to bed or probably even remembering his name at that point.  So as my new husband and I settle in to our comfy bed on our wedding night, but two little eyes are peeking at us from the playpen at the foot of the bed.  My last thought before falling asleeep was “You’ve got to be kidding me!!!”  Woke up bright and early to cries of my one year old.  6 am and ready to eat, no sleeping in for the new married couple!!!  Our wonderful hot and heavy wedding night was spent in the morning the day after the wedding in the bathroom hiding from our one year old!!  Priceless :)

We spent our wedding night in a cheapie hotel in fantabulous rural Ohio. It was fine, but the sheets were terrible - we both ended up looking like we’d been gone over with sandpaper. :(

Sorry, not very wacky… But it sure does stick out in my mind.

I was in the Virgin Islands once. We ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters.

Okay, okay that was Phil Conner’s day BUT the sea otters part is true, especially as we were young and celibate, and as we had a morning ceremony, we ended up with a wedding afternoon as far as consummation went because we couldn’t wait. That was 21 years ago :)

My captcha word: between 99. Hmmmm…

The most memorable part of my wedding was not the wedding night but the end of the ceremony.  At the :you may now kiss the bride” point I stood up on my tip toes (I’m very short and my hubby is tall) and turned my head so he could kiss my cheek…. Everyone laughed, he grabbed my head and turned it back so he could kiss me right.  Not my fault!  We had a habit of him kissing me on the cheek and I was so relieved it was all over that I was on auto pilot. 

Like other I have a hair story too.  I had very long hair that had been all twisted and pinned up into a crown, wound into and around my headpiece, with pearls also in it.  My hairdresser did an amazing job as it didn’t budge an inch all day or night, but it did take forever to get out.  I think I fell asleep while my husband was still working out pins (there were at least 200 in there) and I know when we woke up the next morning there were still quite a few more to get out.  And thank goodness I had packed my special detangling condition as my hair was one giant mat with hair product and twists (and more pins…) and it took two washes to get it all out and combed.

My wedding night story is very boring. As so many others have said, we were exhausted between a long, sleepless week of preparation and then copious amounts of alcohol post rehearsal-dinner and at the reception. So we fell right into bed—and slept.

I don’t know where my parents slept on their actual wedding night, but they honeymooned in Vegas. This was 1968. I don’t think either one of them had ever been in a remotely nice hotel before. One of their wedding gifts was an old super 8 movie camera, and there are hilarious videos of my 21 year old Mom in a baby doll nightie jumping on the bed in the hotel room, followed by several (I kid you not) videos slowly pannign the view of the Vegas strip from their window. They were both so young and goofy and silly. My Dad passed away this year, but I’m so glad we have all those home movies.

And, Maggie P.—Your grandparents wedding story is by far the funniest wedding night story I have ever heard. I am very glad my coffee was safely on the table, or there would have been spewage.

My husband did not WANT a wedding and me and my ADHD did not want to PLAN a wedding, so we hotfooted it to Virginia where you can do the whole shebang inside an hour and a half or so.  I will say, I was NOT at all disappointed about that as the minister was amazing and the church was lovely and it was so sweet to say our vows before God in that setting, just the two of us.  I’m still kind of swoony about it.

Now then.  On the way back home, we stopped at an Omelet Shoppe (kinda like a Waffle House) for dinner (chili and grilled cheese) and then drove on in to where my folks had planned a wedding shower.  We spent a few hours opening gifts from every relative I have and being kissed over and over again.  We then took off alone to a dive bar and drank some beers and danced before showing up at midnight at my grandparents’ house where we were supposed to spend the night (because we were broke and my folks’s house was still bursting with other kids).  We were dumb enough to consummate all night long, getting about two hours sleep before we had to be up for a full day on Saturday.  Moving Day.  During which we packed all our stuff into a Uhaul, hooked my car onto the trailer, and then drove to HIS folks to do the same with all his stuff. 
The next morning we drove ten hours to Hilton Head Island where we would live, managing to drag one lonely mattress up three flights of stairs and FALL DOWN when we got there.  A few days later, once we were good and moved in and had a fully-made bed, we finally regained a little strength and began to live like newly weds.  That’s been, THIRTEEN YEARS ago this October.  I still love him despite his massive error in judgment in moving us to HILTON HEAD for the first year of our marriage.  If you are at all poor, I don’t recommend it.:)

I love all these stories!  I’m a wedding planner and I don’t ever get to hear what happens after. :) 

I got married to my husband 5 years ago.  His mother owns the wedding chapel in Kentucky where I work.  We had an outdoor, tented wedding and reception there that she presided over.  It was really special having her marry us and it went beautifully.  We did a lot of the work ourselves since we’re in the industry and ended up at the site until about 4:00 in the morning. The whole day and night went by in a blur for all of us, despite the fact that Sharon (my mother-in-law) and I do about 100 weddings a year. 

My husband and I got to the lovely Brown Hotel in Louisville, Ky at about 5:00 that morning.  We were wiped out, but my maid of honor had arranged for champagne and breakfast to be waiting on us, so we stayed up and enjoyed that as best we could.  We were just getting ready to go to bed and have our first married sex EVER.  We’d met in high school at the age of 15, but didn’t get married until we were both 34! I’d dated him for 6 years, we’d spent time living together, broken up, being friends, being lovers…he’s always been a huge part of my life. The moment felt huge, like spiking the football after the longest game in history.  He’s looking into my eyes, I’m trying to look appropriately awed and turned on and in love when it hits me.  We didn’t take the marriage license with us, it wasn’t signed by our witnesses, it wasn’t signed by our officiant.  It was absent. 

And here’s me, FINALLY landing the marriage-averse cynical man of my dreams!  Except it wasn’t legal!  Should I point it out?  Should I keep my mouth shut and get on with it?  I was seriously torn, like after all that we’d been through he might seriously consider this a get out of jail free card!  A testament to my compromised mental state, he would never have done that. :)

I did end up telling him and we ended up laughing about my hesitation in mentioning it.  We sorted it out with my mother-in-law the next day…but my husband will now occasionally joke about how we’re not REALLY married. :)

Love this idea!

My friend had the most amazing outdoor wedding.  I think as a woman it’s required that I say that about every wedding I’ve ever been to, it would be bad form to say anything to the contrary.  Fortunatly in this case it’s true. Surrounded by friends and family she walked through a lush yard to the spot where her husband to be and the preacher awaited her.  Even in tea length strapless dresses our maekup was gone and our hair, once coiffed to perfection, was flat within an hour because it was so hot outside.  The only salvation was the breeze that picked up later in the day.

I could see in her eyes when she rode off into the sunset that she was tired, but she was adamant that she would enjoy her wedding night.  Being slightly stubborn, not unlike myself, I figured she would pull it together.  However, when her and her husband returned from their honey moon she could help but tell me the truth.

When they finally arrived at their hotel they were so tired/excited from the day that they couldn’t even eat, so instead they decided to cut loose and have a little fun.  Her husband went to freshen up a little while she layed down on the bed to catch her breath. Within seconds the toll of the day sunk it’s claws in and she was passed out!  Her husband came out of the bathroom to snuggle up to her and found her so soundly asleep that she was drooling on the pillow.  Nothing says “I Love you” like drool.  As the best of husbands would do, instead of being dissapointmed he curled up next to her and was also out within seconds. 

The rest of the honeymoon though…let’s just say it more than made up for it.  Well rested and resfreshed this husband and wife enjoyed every minute of the next few days.

Hubby and I decided (for some reason that I don’t remember) to stop having sex for a couple of months before the wedding. I don’t recall what we were hoping to accomplish, but the result was that we were cranky and horny.

The night before the wedding, I stayed with my sister since her apartment was close to the venue. Our suitcases were there waiting for us to pick them up after our great escape from the reception. Unfortunately, I forgot the marriage license in the front pocket of one of them, so we pretended to get married at the church, had our reception, and then rushed back to the apartment with the minister, the photographer, and the witnesses. It took forever!

When all the papers were finally signed and everybody had at last gone home, I went upstairs to change into something a little less… puffy. Hubby followed me, of course. He unzipped the dress, and his eyes sort of glazed over.

At this point, we both decided we couldn’t wait any longer, so he picked me up and dropped me onto the bed. My SISTER’S bed! It was pretty quick, but the trip to our honeymoon destination was much nicer than it would have been otherwise!

I’m not married (yet! 9 more months!!), but I know no one in my family has had a really good honeymoon. My parents never got theirs, but Dad made up for it on their 25th Anniversary. A midnight cruise in Chicago. Had my youngest sister not long after. In the space of 20 years, they’ve had 6 daughters. I guess you could say that instead of having one big honeymoon they’ve had one too many?!? :D

And might I add that I would love this mattress for my honeymoon? Not for those tender moments, but for a blissful night of sleep! Hey, we all have to make concessions hubby-to-be.

My caption will be YouCanWaitUntilMorning9. (Since I’m waiting those 9 months for marriage!) I thought it was rather clever. :P

Because I had gotten a terrible medical diagnosis while working as a barely insured substitute teacher, my husband and I got married on short notice so I could get his much more comprehensive insurance.

Rather than just do the courthouse thing, I threw together a smallish wedding with 60 guests at a restaurant the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The wedding started and ended early, and we and our guests wanted something a bit more than just dinner and drinks. So, we filed into this old dive bar in downtown Lowell, MA and got down to business. As soon as I walked in the door, friends put bottles of High Life in each of my hands, and made sure neither hand wanted for refreshment. My favorite picture of me in my wedding finery is with my head tipped back downing a mug of beer - a mug of beer I grabbed from my cousin after calling him a pussy when he said he couldn’t possibly drink any more.

By the time we got to our hotel room at 2am or so, I was trashed. While taking my stockings off I lost my balance,  fell over and absolutely could not get back up. My husband had to pick me up and put me in bed. I then fell fast asleep, determined to meet oblivion before the spins set in. Needless to say, there was no nookie that night, or if there was, only he remembers it.

Mercifully, I did not have a hangover the next morning. I shot awake at 7am refreshed and ready to meet the day. Husband, not so much. C’est la vie.

Our wedding was the wonderful beautiful day/evening I’d planned for so long.  It was fabulous.  Unfortunately, all I really planned was the wedding… I didn’t plan anything for the honeymoon, except my friend worked for the Hampton Inn and she got me half price rates at the Outer Banks.  So we decided to sleep at home then drive to the outer banks.  I hadn’t googled it or even looked at a map, but the place we thought was maybe 3-4 hours away turned out to be well over 6 hours away.  We spent our day driving and driving.  My new husband entertained me the whole drive—I never laughed so hard, but we both were exhausted from the unexpectedly long drive.  The hotel turned out to be a regular strip hotel across the street from the beach… no view, no honeymoon suite.  We checked in and took a nap.  My new husband who’d promised to quit smoking when we got married lit up.  We then had our very first fight.  I’m thinking we need a second honeymoon.

I’m not married yet, but it’s just a matter of time.

When my mom had her second wedding, I was about 13 and my brother and I both got very ill with the flu that day, so my sister was the only one able to attend. My mom and her new husband stayed at a hotel for the weekend, and I can only imagine that she didn’t have the best time, knowing two of her kids were both so sick!

Hubby and I honeymooned in Barbados and were pretty shocked when we arrived to find out our “honeymoon” suite had 2 twin beds.

We ended up tying them together with a pair of long tube socks, which we then forgot about after we checked out. I have often wondered what the maids thought when they went to put the room back to normal after we were gone! lol!

My husband and I left our reception and drove into the big city to spend out wedding night.  We arrived at the hotel close to midnight and spent the next couple of hours doing what newly married couples do.  Around 2am there was a knock on the door - my new husband got up and answered it, only to find that the best man and his girlfriend were standing there with a bottle of champagne.  They had gotten extrememly toasted and decided to come to the city and share the final bottle with us.  They pushed their way into the room and stayed and stayed and stayed.  I was in bed, wearing nothing, with no graceful way to get up and put on a robe or anything, so spent the next several hours cowering in bed, trying to make sure nothing inappropriate was uncovered, dodging questions of a questionable nature and trying to reason with two very drunk people and explain to them why they should leave. 

We (and by we, I mean my husband, who at least had pants on!) finally ended up getting them a room (they were too drunk to drive) and putting them to bed. 

To this day - they laugh about it; us, not so much.  My husband and I vowed revenge on the best man’s honeymoon night - but in the end, I liked his bride too much to do that to her.

My wedding night story’s more of a wedding day story—I’d already been living with my hubby for a while at the time. We had a tiny little wedding (~25 people total!) in one of those tents they attach to hotels to make extra space. After the recessional we came out and, as newlyweds are wont to do, shared another, rather warmer kiss.

And then looked up, startled by the enthusiastic applause from everyone having lunch at the hotel cafe across the lobby!

Alas, though it started wonderfully, it ended years ago. But it still makes a fun story. ;)

In December it will be nine years that DH and I have been married.  He is a teacher and at the time I was working in an emergency room, so we decided to get married during his Christmas break.  The ceremony was at a local hotel that a friend owned, and was short and sweet.  There was dancing and laughing, even though our DJ didn’t show up, and then there was the police.  Being an EMT in a small town, you get to know the police and fire fighters really well.  The entire police department showed up at our reception, and handcuffed DH and I.  The photographer caught the shot as I was trying to get away and my sweet husband looks terrified.  That was the wedding photo we sent to every single relative we have (hehe).  The wedding night was interesting.  We get up to our room and it has been thoroughly sabotaged.  I mentioned we got married in December, right?  The room’s thermostat had been turned all the way down and the ceiling fan was on high, and someone had been kind enough to bring in another floor fan.  There was ice on the windows.  On the inside.  We finally get in bed only to find that the space between the mattress and box springs has been filled up with the industrial packing bubbles.  I’m not talking bubble wrap.  I’m talking the fist sized air pockets.  It sounded like gunshots.  We finally quit laughing and fell asleep.  I got out of bed the next morning and slipped in the pile of bubbles and bruised my butt.  Our getaway car had been saran wrapped and there was vaseline in the door handles.  Four years later when he sold the car, the handles still felt greasy to me.  Everytime I walk in our bedroom and see the wedding picture of us handcuffed together though, I smile and remember how much it was all worth it.

My best friend had the most gorgeous wedding I’d ever seen.  A beautiful winter ceremony out past town borders.  They timed it so the moon and the sun would be in the sky and they could take their photographs in the sunset.  That night though, after everything got picked up cleaned out and cleared away?  Her husband propositions having anal sex for the first time.  On their wedding night.  I believe the phrase “pooper shooter” was used in the proposition.  It was the funniest thing I ever heard.

I have a Now and Later wedding story.

We had our wedding in Berea, Ohio. I’ve never lived in Ohio, but my parents moved there to live with my sister after my Dad’s illness. He couldn’t travel, so the wedding had to be there. I was in school, so my Mom and my sister planned the whole thing. My sister even drafted a colleague to marry us. It turns out he was a Roman Catholic priest in addition to teaching business administration. He had left active ministry after chaining himself to the Pentagon protesting the Vietnam War, but could still perform weddings. Other than attributing “The Wedding Song” to Paul Simon instead of Paul Stookey in his homily, he did well.

Fifteen years later we decided to start a family. We were fallen away Catholics, so we joined our local congregation. When we met with the priest to discuss our situation, he told us we needed to bless the marriage because we were married outside the Church. (Marriage Blessing = Another Ceremony, leading to many Dukes of Hazzard jokes from friends, as I was six months pregnant.)  When he asked about the first ceremony, I was prepared for some confusion, but I needn’t have worried. They went to the same seminary, and he knew the man!

(The second ceremony was lovely too, btw, and my sister still fields the occasional question from the first priest about how we’re doing—still married 26 years later.)

Ah the wedding weekend. It all started on a Friday night. During the wedding rehearsal my FIL told my husband that he still had time to run. I did not think this was funny at all and proceeded to take off and walk furiously around the block for 15 minutes with my maid of honor. Post rehearsal my husband and I went to our hotel and a early consummation and he went to a local bar with the wedding party and out of town guests. My aunt who had brought her book group to help with the wedding got completely blitzed, conga lined out of the bar and passed out in the tub at her hotel with it filled with water. She had the keys to the wedding venue and I could not find her the next morning and when I finally did her friends were still trying to get her out of the tub. Thank goodness we weren’t getting married until 7:00 PM. Those book club ladies are crazy.

The ceremony started a few minutes early as the start time was dictated as to when the 7:00 PM Amtrak went through town. Where we got married is a downtown historical building a block from the train tracks. The ceremony was 7 minutes start to finish, my husband looked hot in his kilt, we partied until 11:00 pm and took off. Once we reached the hotel I needed out of my dress and not for any fun reason. The weather and had conspired against me and decided to grace us with the most muggy hot stick day mid-May the PNW had ever had in a upstairs room with no air conditioning. In short I was disgusting. My new husband actually had to peel my dress, petty coat and industrial stint long line bra from my body. I jumped in the shower and sent him on a walk to get find us some food because I was starving. I passed out immediately after eating the hamburger. You don’t even want to know about the honeymoon it was one disaster after another. People still talk about the night before the wedding five years later. I wasn’t there so I just get to hear about how much fun they all had over and over and over :-)

So my wedding night was great - and I was actually surprised by how late we were able to stay up even after all the drama and stress of the wedding ;-) However, I still crack up when I remember that the morning after we lay in bed and watched Robocop, which perhaps is one of the more unromantic things to do, but it seemed very sweet and calm to me at the time.

Our wedding night started late.  We were supposed to do the pick-up at the end of the night, despite renting a place with staff.  So, we, along with parents, two coordinators, and a friend or two spent a couple of hours packing everything up.  The staff got dismissed early, I guess.

We left darned late, and had a early start the next day, but we we did get some Jacuzzi time in with some champagne which went straight to our heads!  We were loopy the next couple of days, not enough sleep….

I’d love a new bed, and the books!

I don’t really remember much about our wedding night.  I’m not sure who that reflects more badly on—me or my husband.

Dang. I’m older than dirt and it’s been 27 years. I’m not sure I can remember that far back. We married in the morning in my parent’s backyard (lovely place with a gazebo, but it was August in Oklahoma!) We had lunch at a Wendy’s on our way to Colorado. Our first night was spent in the Silver Spur Motel in Ruidoso, New Mexico. It’s not there any more. :-(

On our way into the room, Lawyer Guy insisted on carrying me over the threshold. At the time, my size 3 wedding dress had already been taken in twice so it’s not like my soon-to-be Army officer husband couldn’t pick me up and carry me. However, he misjudged the width of the door. I had a black eye the next day when we checked into our suite at the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs. The desk clerk checked our reservation, raised one brow and simply said, “Ah, newlyweds.”

And my spam word is power74! I am totally not going there!

My husband and I were married at a Renaissance Festival north of Houston, TX. It was wonderful. There was a whole fair to entertain the guests for our reception and I had two strapping barbarian warriors guarding the chapel entrance. It even rained a bit for good luck.

The problem came later when heading to the cars to go back to the hotel for some newlywed fun and games. Husband was driving his family back to the hotel as they’re from WV and didn’t know the roads. I drove with my mother and grandmother back to the hotel. We’re all set to go when my mom’s alarm fob doesn’t deactivate the alarm.

So we open the car door with the key and the alarm promptly goes off. We stood there for 15 minutes with incessant wailing (the car, not me) trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing off. We eventually did and as a result I was late for my own wedding night!!

However, once we were settled into our own room, our wedding night was one to remember. I was so exhausted by being in my first trimester, I got out of my dress and fell sound asleep. Not to be outdone, he fell asleep as well. :)

The honeymoon at Walt Disney World though…... *le sigh*. Let’s just say those beds are remarkably well made, but we put them through their paces. That was 13 happy years ago and we’re still going strong.

We got married in Lake Tahoe in 2007. We were so dead tired after a whirlwind weekend, dinner, and then the casino’s with our wedding party that we came back to our very romantically decorated, rose-petal strewn suite…and we literally fell into bed and passed out. Not so romantic. Fast forward to 3.5 years later and we just became home owners a month ago! We are currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor. No box spring, no bedframe, just a mattress. But what’s romantic about that you ask? It’s OUR floor!

But we could REALLY use a new bed… ;-p

My story starts out when I was very young.  My dad would have me fetch him water, but I could only reach one source of water.  You got it, the toilet.  Of course, when the figured it out, they told every relative.

Now, during my wedding I locked my knees during some of the photos.  I ended up sitting down because I was feeling sort of weak.  Well, my uncle brought me a water.  And his parting words were to the affect that he’d just swished it out of the bowl for me.  The picture of my hubby and I sitting on the stairs in the church laughing is still one of my favorite pictures of that day.

Sam

My husband and I had been living together for five years and we had our reception at our house.  A lot of his family were staying in our spare bedrooms and sleeping on the floor.

They all decided that they’d get a hotel room on the night of our wedding so we could have some time alone.  EXCEPT for his mother.  She stayed with us and sat up with us while we opened presents and finally I went to bed angry.

My husband and I are still married after 22 years, BUT I still tell everyone he spent our wedding night with his mommy.  Needless to say, he gets a little pissed off when I tell it that way.

Hopefully he’ll be happy if we win the bed.  And I might forgive her after all these years if something good comes out of it!

Wedding night.  Mine was… interesting.

We got to our hotel and both of us had this really strange (bad) feeling about the place once we checked in. After some discussion, we decided to leave and ended up spending the night back in the dorms.  (Two bunk bed mattresses pushed together on the floor - mmmm comfy… NOT). 

My husband seems to recall that there was a shooting near our motel reported the next day.  (I don’t recall one way or another.)

Our wedding night we drank with our friends in a hotel room for a few hours after the reception ended at midnight :)  My husband and some friends smoked cigars and my cousins boyfriend went walkabout and wandered into the hotel kitchens, eventually finding (and wearing) a strange cape.  It was a fun night :)

I’m not married either but I really need a new bed.

Here are my contributions:
- When my sister’s then boyfriend asked my parents for permission to marry her, both of my parents tried to talk him out of it (they liked him).
- My cousin got married in Las Vegas by an Elvis impersonator and it was way sweeter a ceremony than I’d thought it wold be.  Too bad the next day, on the way home, I was in a car accident and the car was totalled (at least no one was killed).
- A friend of mine went on a cruise for her honeymoon. She returned feeling really upset at her new hubby; it seemed he had been sneaking out every night, after she went to sleep, in order to gamble in the casino.  They’re still together so she must have forgiven him.
- Another friend decided to forgo all possible wedding night weirdness by getting married in Kauai, with just the couple and the officiate in attendance.  They did have a huge wedding reception a couple of months later.

My parents were married in 1959 in the fall here in Idaho. They had waited to have sex until after they were married. After the reception they drove to a small ski town that had a nice hotel and arrived late (there was issues with the wedding ring fitting and my mom way too embarrassed to be seen checking into a hotel with a man if it wasn’t obvious they were married, she wasn’t going without the ring) and the hotel had booked them wrong and had them down as two guys staying in the ski bunks. Three high bunk beds, nine to twelve people to a room. Kinda of like the sleeping porch style fraternities and sororities use. Well obviously that wouldn’t work for my dad (he’d had experience from before mom) so he pulled the hotel owner aside and explained the situation. The owner and his wife gave up their room for the night to my parents. It was a feather tick mattress. The following day a private room opened up and they were able to enjoy the rest of their weekend.

This isn’t about our wedding night, but the night before our wedding.

My then-fiance had gotten a job in Wales for a year, so off we went. Except the British government decided that because we weren’t married, I couldn’t stay. Hence our decision to elope properly in Gretna Green, Scotland. (As you do.)

The night before our wedding, the newly married couple in another room in our B&B had a fight. He was drunk, so she locked him out of the B&B. He managed to wake up the proprietress to let him in, whereupon he stood outside his new bride’s door and proceeded to (a) wheele, (b) sing to her in a nearly unintelligible drunken Scottish accent (something along the lines of “Janie, I love you, Janie, you’re my new wife, Janie, you’re my bride…”, and then (c) shout, swear, and pound angrily on the door.

Their room was between our and the stairs. We finally managed to get ahold of the proprietress on the phone. She was terrified because it as the very first time since they’d started running the B&B that her husband and son were out of town. She’d called the police, but the Gretna Green police had already closed for the night (typical small British town!) and so they were coming from the next town over, which would take longer.

So my fiance went to our doorway and did everything he could to distract Janie’s new husband, who was bleeding from a head would from pounding his head on the door. He’d also kicked a hole in the bottom of the door. My fiance is a very mild-mannered, anti-violence man unless there’s an emergency, and he told me later that he was just going to keep the guy talking until the police came—unless the guy managed to get into Janie’s room, in which case, the guy was going down. (I don’t doubt this for a second.)

Thankfully, the police arrived soon thereafter. The first one up the stairs? A wee blonde lass. I suppose I shouldn’t've doubted her abilities, but I was truly relieved when her partner, larger and maler, appeared behind her.

So Janie’s new husband was carted off to spend his wedding night in jail. The next morning we asked the B&B proprietress if there was anything we could do to help Janie out (train fair home?) and she said no, the worst part was that Janie was too embarrassed to call her family and tell them what happened. Seems she and the guy had been dating for seven years (what, and she never got a hint that he was a rotten drunk?) and they’d snuck off to elope without telling anyone.

I’m happy to report that this ended up having no negative effect on my marriage (just passed the 12-year mark), and on the plus side it gives us a great story to tell!

Man, we could use a new bed-

My girlfriend’s new husband drank a lil’ too much and ended up puking upon arriving at the hotel room. Let’s just say that was the most action that occurred that night. Poor thing..lol

My wedding night was 29 years ago and I can’t remember much about it to tell the truth.  We eloped in Las Vegas, drove to Park City, Utah (before it was resort town.) The thing I remember most was that every person, adult and child, we saw on the streets had blond hair.  We couldn’t find a brunette anywhere, not to mention someone of a different ethnic background. It was actually spooky after a while. I though we were in The Twilight Zone or something.

Since that 29 year marriage crashed and burned this spring, I sure could use a new bed.  Would love a “huggy bed”.

I’ll play…

My story involves two weddings. My mom is ten years older than her younger sister, and so was a teenager at my mom’s wedding. At the reception, my great-uncles (all seven of them) took my auntie’s brand-spankin’ new boyfriend aside, pulled a knife on him, and gave him the, “now, you’re not going to do anything to hurt our little girl, are you?” speech.

Years later, when my aunt got married (to that same young man), the uncles all got together again, and gave him the knife as a wedding present.

Gotta love those old-fashioned weddings, no? :)

My husband and I eloped while we were still in college—at different colleges. I had gone up to his school for homecoming weekend and we decided then to get married. What with the blood test and all, we had to wait until the following Tuesday to get married at the courthouse.

I had midterms coming up, so had to hop a plane and get back to school almost as soon as the ceremony was over. I spent my wedding night in my bed at the sorority house where my roommate kept saying “I can’t believe it’s your wedding night.” Neither could I.

Another thing that’s hard to believe is that it happened 40 years ago and we are still together.

When we walked out of the church we discovered his co-workers had wrote on the car with white shoe polish! When we arrived back at my mom’s to get my car we discovered one of my future brother n law’s had put stink bait in it. We rolled down the windows and took his car to the car wash and spent over an hour trying to get shoe polish off. We were finally on the road to Sea Side, Fl., we stopped for the night in AL the hotel had one room left and it was right by the coke and ice machine.  All night we heard the ice dropping and people getting cokes. I’ve told him I’ll kill him before I divorce him because I won’t go thru that again! I won’t even go into him stepping in a hole on the beach the 2nd day and hurting his back ugh!

When I was married over twenty years ago I was quite zaftig (picture Christine Hendricks) and none of the dresses I tried on were flattering. Instead of fooling around with alterations, I had mine made so I could incorporate all the details I wanted and leave out the ones that were popular at the time that were just so not me.  Given that “the girls” were one of my better attributes, the dress was cut so that my decolletage was respectably but attractively displayed.

Of course every bride knows that the dress is only as good as the undergarment (from this point on, read in large, dramatic voice) and the one I selected was, of course, industrial strength control throughout the midsection and provided an impressive foundation for my cantilevered chest!  It sucked in, lifted and smoothed and trimmed just perfectly!  I was READY!

Fast forward to the morning of the wedding.  Sexy hose.  Check.  Undergarment. Check.  Dress….....over the head, the sighing of silk as it flows down over my shoulders, skimming my newly trim hips, down in a swirl of spun sugar and just a tiny dusting of diamond-like beading.  Ohhhhhhh…..beautif…......

WHAT????  The bra portion of the UNDERGARMENT is showing at the corners of the top of the dress!  Pull.  Tug.  YANK.  Yank down, dress up.  Yank out, dress in.  Nothing.  Three inch wide “flesh” colored elastic, peeking out at the edge just enough to look RIDICULOUS.  What to do, what to DO????

Dressmaker to the rescue!  A couple of scraps of extra lace, a quick baste, little wings of lovely lace sewn onto the corners of the neckline, sewn as if by fairies with tiny, invisibly dainty stitches!  No one can tell!  It looks PERFECT!  Nothing is moving, the bra doesn’t reappear!  Hurray! 

Off to the church, to the country club, all is well!  No one knows!  Hurray!

Get to the hotel.  Sexy time!  Take off the thigh high hose. New HUBBY unbuttons all the tiny buttons.  I begin to slide the dress of my shoulders.  Sexy, a little shy - we are MARRIED now, after all - coyly getting ready to slide one shoulder down…..........

Dress.  Won’t. Move.  Huh?  Try again, keeping smile and expression of anticipation on face.  Sliiiii.

What is…......  OH!  The DRESS IS SEWN TO THE UNDERGARMENT.  All the way through.  I can’t take off one without the other and I can’t take of both at the same time!  Am I really and truly STUCK in my wedding dress until the morning?

Hubby proves he is useful at least in one regard and pulls out his version of the fancy shmancy Swiss Army Knives that were the groomsman’s gifts.  Pulls out the scissors and proceeds to snip each tiny stitch - remember, the fairies? - attaching the dress to the undergarment.  Over forty minutes later, I am free!

Twenty years later, he relishes the tale of how he had to “cut me out of my dress” on our wedding night.

Not my own wedding story, but when my sister got married back in the mid ‘70s, my Mom, a control freak at the best of times, was a total and complete wreck. To heap punishment on her own head, she decided to do the reception at our house, in our backyard. Which involved months of cleaning and grooming and in those days, lots of prayer for good weather since we didn’t have giant tents.

The weather was great and everything went smoothly until the caterer who was supposed to be making a non alcoholic punch and a lightly alcoholic punch ... got drunk. He forgot the whole concept of fruit juice or non-alcoholic. Everyone got completely trashed. That wedding is still a legend in our small town (in a dry county in KY). The photographer lost the film from all the pictures at the reception. My Mom walked smack into a sliding glass door, broke her nose, then kept insisting it was FINE as her face puffed up like a balloon. 

One of the groomsmen, owner of a local bait shop, dumped an entire box of crickets into the getaway car, and my sister and new BIL had to drive to Florida with crickets chirping every time they turned on the AC.

And somehow we ended up with something like 40 cases of sauterne that were supposed to go into one of the punch bowls in lieu of champagne, while all of the expensive champagne was completely gone.

But more than 30 years later, they’re still married!

After all of the stress of planning a wedding, the wedding night was really fun. Right after the wedding we headed to Bar Harbor, Maine for our honeymoon and it was awesome.

Well, we haven’t had our wedding night yet, but we’re inviting a half dozen of our closest friends to come and spend the weekend partying with us in Las Vegas.

On the special day, we’re going to dress in our finest Rat Pack era fashions and have a martini reception, before getting married by Elvis.  Neither of us is a particularly huge Elvis fan, but it just seems appropriate, you know? 

As we’re both movie buffs, and both of our favorite films were originally planned to end with pie fights, (mine is Dr. Strangelove, his is Wings of Desire) the wedding will end with a pie fight. 

We’re considering just asking forgiveness from the place that’s hosting our wedding, as permission seems a bit hard to come by, but even if we can’t make it happen though, we’re not going to feel so bad, because after all, neither Wings of Desire nor Dr Strangelove *actually* ended with a pie fight…

After that it’s complimentary dry cleaning for our guests, and a night of casual gaming and maybe even a show!

Damn. Didn’t read the rules. I’m not a U.S. resident, so you get my wedding night story for free.

Best friend spent two hours in the wedding hall on the floor of the bride’s room, nauseous and weak and having ripped off her dress to get in pajamas. Finally they left, limo to the hotel - and at 1 AM, call me and my dad (who’s a doc) to ask if they should go to the ER. She did, got two bags of fluids, went back to the hotel in time to check out - and the hotel wouldn’t even give them a refund!

Limo + hotel + ER bill = very, very expensive, non-consummated wedding night (and they had been waiting until after the wedding too!)

I’ve never actually had a wedding night of my own, but I have been invited to join one. At the time, I laughed it off as a joke and the couple is still married today, so there you go. I do try to avoid being alone with the husband though. Just in case.

Due to some technicalities of Jewish marital purity laws (a whole separate long post!), wedding night consisting of going upstairs to our posh hotel room - and my parents room adjoining it. DH and I weren’t allowed to be, ahem, “together,” so he passed out while my mother was undoing my billion buttons and taking out the equal number of hair pins.

Real “wedding night” came later, after a trip to the mikvah (google it). With $200 in traveler’s checks in hand, we’re sent off with my mother’s teary “you won’t be my little girl anymore” (retch) to drive somewhere (NJ?) to find a hotel. It must have been conference season, because the only thing we can find is a room in the Holiday Inn with the caveat that the hotel is undergoing renovations. We stayed until noon the next day, having been awoken at 7 AM by jackhammers in the next room (!).

And the consummation? We didn’t achieve it, but not for lack of trying! Both of us had no experience, and I was so - um - um - well, tight - that every time we came close to, um, consummation, I was whimpering in pain. It took four more nights of ‘trying’ - but boy oh boy, did we have fun trying!

(And it wasn’t comfortable for about two more months, but sigh, happily married still 11 years later!)

Our wedding was held at an old resturant and they had a time limit on the entire thing. It was unfortunate because everyone, including us, were having a blast when the night came to an end.

My husband and I booked a room at the Brown Palace in Denver, CO for the wedding night. When we checked in, we were informed that we were upgraded to the Eisenhower Suite. This room was HUGE! It had a sitting room, a full size dining room, a bedroom and two bathrooms. We called some friends from the room and invited them all up to party some more. We ordered room service and had some drinks. The husband and I did manage to get in sexy times as well.

It was pretty great!

I think Erin L. wins so far.

One of my bridesmaids didn’t show up, so we had to pull one of the groomsmen. They fought for the honor of being pulled out of the wedding. At the reception my cousin’s fiance (now her ex-husband) landed on and crashed a table trying to catch the garter.

It snowed as we made out getaway but that wasn’t so bad. We learned we made a big mistake soon after—neither one of us had reserved a room for the night. We could have gone to our new house but there was no furniture and no heat and it was November. We learned something else—don’t get married when there’s a horse show in town, because there are no available hotel rooms.

We did manage to find a room at one hotel and things seemed to be going well. Until my new husband turned on the TV and we ended up watching Vanna White in “Goddess of Love” at the same time we were supposed to be consummating our wedding night. It’s been 22 years so far.

In an effort to save some money, my then-fiance arranged for us to take the earliest possible flight to our honeymoon destination of St. Thomas - at 6 a.m. from an airport that was an hour away! So after our wedding reception when ended somewhere around midnight, I changed out of my dress into jeans and a tee shirt, and my new hubby and I drove to the gas station to fill up the car in preparation for the trip we’d be taking at 4:00 am. Unfortunately my hair had been hairsprayed into a solid mass of pure, gigantic mall hair, so I looked fabulous pumping gas, no doubt with the bits of birdseed and rice adding that nice lice-infested touch. We stopped by Pizza Express which had been our favorite haunt back in our college days (we got married in our college town), grabbed an order of breadsticks and went back to our hotel room and had a picnic.

The next day, by the time we finally got to St. Thomas, we were both so exhausted we could barely see. Our rental car had manual transmission and my husband couldn’t drive stick shift. So I was driving - on the left side of the road, no less - we couldn’t figure out how to get to our condo which we could see at the top of this mountain, and we couldn’t understand any of the directions from the locals because their accents were so thick. So the first day of our honeymoon we’re driving in circles, I’m crying and saying “I want to go home!”

It turned out pretty great in the end, though.

Not my wedding night story, but still:

A good friend of my husband and I (the best man at OUR wedding, in fact) was getting married. He and his new bride were in a not-so-great financial situation and weren’t going to have a honeymoon, so hubby and I got them three nights at a nice hotel and some restaurant gift cards.

They told us, rather shamefacedly, after their honeymoon was over, that they would make sure we weren’t charged for the broken headboard.

In the hours leading up to my wedding, my husband took it upon himself to hide our car 30 minutes away in the parking lot of a local hospital, to minimize the chances of it getting, ahem, decorated. Unfortunately, he needed someone to drive him back after dropping it off, and the groomsmen got to him. He squealed with minimal persuading, and if I had been paying any attention to that sort of thing, I would have seen him slip into the wedding ceremony a few minutes late—because he was promptly sent out to decorate the car for us, and was a little late making it back.

After our reception, we took the limo back to the beach house we’d been staying at, changed clothes, and then took a decoy car out to where our own car was parked. When we got there, we discovered not only had the car been decorated, but the entire bridal party had beat us there. They were all sitting in a couple of empty parking spaces outside of the hospital, still in tuxes and dresses, waiting for us to arrive. Apparently they got quite a few odd looks from passersby—one of the groomsmen decided to have a bit of fun, and solemnly told anyone who looked at them oddly that they were just waiting for the bride to get out of delivery.

Incidentally, that particular groomsman is now an OB/GYN, :)