Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Wait.

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You’re allowed to do this?  To put as the recommendation that sells the book the fact that it is the favorite of some fictional characters?

I’ve got that Kate Bush song in my head now!

That cover made an otherwise boring evening a whole lot more bearable.

You guys crack me up.

And I’m with @Elizabeth - I’m supposed to buy a book because fictional characters from another book entirely like it?  WTF?

See, I’d have been glad if Wuthering Heights had had those covers back when I’d bought it, instead of the standard Oxford Classics vaguely relevant looking portrait period cover. Something that says “this book is like Twilight” rather than “this book is like Jane Austen, and that Bronte you actually like”. I wouldn’t have bothered slogging through it then! Give me Villette any day.

It’s a mark of how ridiculous they are that I had to read this entry like three times before I realized that the top two were not faked.

And - sorry - but aren’t we pretty tired of the single flower? At this point no matter how gorgeous the photography-n-photoshopping is, all I hear is the publisher saying “Look at this flower. This flower has a single petal dying. Dying. DYING. It’s a CLEVER METAPHOR. THIS BOOK HAS GOT TEH DEADNESS.”

That being said, I am reluctantly amused by the red ribbon in book the first; it’s sort of a “THIS BOOK HAS GOT TEH DEADNESS OF GROOMSMAN BOUTONNIERES.”

Excuse me while I vomit. 

Also, the fact that this is apparently Bella and Edward’s favourite book?  Yet another reason never to try Wuthering Heights again.

Hehe, I could not help but join in on this. So I have made a Twilighted cover of Dark Lover

OMG Shae that was too funny!  I literally just spit my drink all over my monitor.  LOL

You could cross-sell the BeDazzler as a Twilight product: Make your BF sparkly just like Edward!

that is so ridiculous!! poor Emily Bronte must be rolling in her grave.

TypO- speaking of

Make your BF sparkly just like Edward

- a friend of mine sent me the link below….I nearly fell off my chair I laughed so much!! It is completely NOT WORK SAFE!!

http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP

Talk about cashing in on the sparkly vamp craze!!

“Bella and Edward’s favorite book”
Wow.  Because that’s not ridiculous on so very many levels.

Joanna said:

And - sorry - but aren’t we pretty tired of the single flower?

I was just thinking, “What the hell does a single flower have to do with Wuthering Heights?  And if you were going to have one, shouldn’t it be heather?”

@Shae:  That was excellent!

Yes, because nothing says romance like a necrophiliac puppy-killer.

Yet another reason not to read Twilight.

And Shae, that was brilliant.

I bet the cover blurb helps them sell more copies of Wuthering Heights.  I would think you could do the same thing by putting a sticker on existing copies, though.

Cheesy atempt to sell more books by redoing a cover.  Yep.  Will it work?  I bet it does…

Because of course all the die-hard Twi-fans are at a level to appreciate Wuthering Heights.  Naturally.

My 8 year old just got her 6th Twilight poster for her bedroom. Somehow I don’t see her reading Wuthering Heights though…

Not Twilight, but how about putting on the cover of Pride and Prejudice “The Book That Inspired Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”

The ridiculous is off the charts.  Shae: AMAZING.

Books that need the Twilight redo?  I think this needs a contest.  What do the Bitchery Leaders think?

Wait. Wait. Those WUTHERING HEIGHTS covers are REAL?

Are they really real?

Can I get a link to the home page for these editions, please?

If that’s true, I’m really disappointed. Both of those covers look ridiculous. It’s like the art department spent about three seconds on the covers and then outsourced the project to an eight-year-old child. A really bored, really busy eight-year-old child.

Can I get a link to the home page for these editions, please?

Never mind, found the links, and these are both Harper books. WOW.

P.S. SB Sarah, the UK link is off a little, FYI.

Love your new heaving cover.

Gosh, I guess I know what I want the cover of my next book to be!

Darlene- I know, right?  Forget painstakingly forwarding the art department pictures of Mayan ruins and hot guys (though I’d miss that part of the research- lol), I’ll just tell ‘em to stick a cacao flower on a black background, slap on a quote from the heroine saying how much her roommate’s-sister’s-friend’s-second-cousin loved Twilight, and move on.  (rollseyes)

I love, love Wutherine Heights, but I think it’s hilarious that Stephanie Meyers says that it’s Bella’s favorite book.  I mean, Heathcliff IS Edward, people - an abusive, obsessive psycho with anger management issues?  Check!  What I don’t see is the Bella = Catherine connection; Catherine at least had a smidgen of spine and aggressiveness, whereas Bella was as passive as a damp dish towel.

Those covers are awful, btw.  Like a 12 y/o Twi-hard got into MS Paint for a book cover contest on a fan forum.

The best I could come up with foggy brain this morning.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v309/nicolesphotos/Outlander_edited-1.jpg

(Crossing fingers and seeing if the link works)

Kudos on the bonsai Bosoms cover.  Unlike those appalling Wuthering Heights covers, I can see that yours actually bears some relevance to the book—oh look, it’s a bosom-shaped bonsai with a pretty flower demurely tucked into its decolletage.

@Anna/ocelott

Because of course all the die-hard Twi-fans are at a level to appreciate Wuthering Heights.  Naturally.

Totally!  They’d find it unbearable—especially since I can’t recall Heathcliff or any of his family being sparkling in any way.

Jessica—Heck, I told my agent he could rename my next book “Gone with the Wind” if he thought it would sell 10 million more copies.  I’m not above making an extra dollar or two.[g]

Shae, that cover was brilliant. Still wiping the coffee off my screen.

And for all the little Twilight pyschos we know…

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vt_related_1&listing_id=29652662

Too creepy.

well, it’s nice to know stalker books seek each other out…
it’s like they made a baby…

Err….you guys are aware there’s a whole series of those ‘revamped classics’ available for sale on Amazon? Even a ‘twilighted’ version of Pride & Prejudice?

This lotion co out of Minneapolis—which I totally respect and adore—made a lotion which I believe is meant to piggy-back on Twilight as well. 
http://www.thymes.com/Thymes/Collection.aspx?nodeid=65374

If the “Glimmer of Twilight” tagline doesn’t do it for you…it leaves you glittery. 

I put it on ‘cause the scent was lovely. Then I left the store into the bright, happy summer sun and realized I was all vampirically glowing in the light.  My brain did one of those terrible slow connections: “Wait…twilight.  MOONflower….sparkling…Twilight…oh CRAP.” 
The worst part is, I may actually have to go buy the damn stuff ‘cause I like the fragrance so much.

Knew I’d find them.

Romeo and Juliet:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061965499?ie=UTF8&tag=stepmedi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0061965499

Pride and Prejudice:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061964360?ie=UTF8&tag=stepmedi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0061964360

I’m just imagining the poor child who picks up Wuthering Heights expecting it to be a read like Twilight. And instead has to slog through all that Bronte.

From what I remember of the last time I read it, Wuthering was not exactly a quick and easy read…

Hilarious!  I love your cover redo.

I have no problems with novels trying to reap the success of others.  If Twilight can get teenage girls (and their moms) to pick up the classics, I’m all for it.  I love Twilight, but I read and loved Wuthering Heights back when I was a teen.  Truthfully I think the references in Eclipse are of a whitewashed version of Wuthering Heights.  Heathcliff is not a romantic hero and Catherine is not so nice herself.

I would need at least 5 minutes to redesign my favorite Laura Kinsale into a “Twilight” cover.

It would take me about 2 days, though, to figure out how to post it here, though.

Totally!  They’d find it unbearable—especially since I can’t recall Heathcliff or any of his family being sparkling in any way.

Cathy was a ghost - they’re sort of whispy and shiny - does that count?
Hmm, Edward and Heathcliff are both creepy as hell, controlling, angsty and involved in relationships that are destructive, involve the female dying and in my book group at least, most people wanting to take out an imaginary restraining order against both “heroes.’”
So sort of the same only Emily B has a lot less people photoshopping her characters together or creating “Heathcliff” cut outs to put on your wall so they can watch you while you sleep:
http://www.journalfen.net/community/sparklefield/

Oh my god.  Really?  Sigh.  Okay, I’m all for using any means necessary to get the newer generations reading all the ye olde stuff I so did not want to read either, when I was their age. 

Also, I love Twilight.  I am not ashamed to admit it; it’s got good story and I loved the big hook of the last book, the wrapping of the romance plot device. 

AND I know marketing will use any means available and viable to sell more books.  I am counting on such when one day my words are out there on paper and can only hope they are behind such beautiful covers.  But I’m grinding my teeth at the idea that my contemporary women characters would be in ANY way relate-able to girls/women who want Edward to bite them.

Though frankly, I wouldn’t mind being bitten by Eric Northman.  I mean, damn, y’all.  That’s a REAL vampire.  umm-umm-umm.

Go ahead and say it: I have no argument here.  I can take it.

I hated Wuthering Heights. I’ve read it twice, maybe three times. I keep trying to figure out what’s so great and hot about the psycho a$$hat and the obnoxious dead chick he was obsessed with. I just can’t.

So yeah, another reason not to read Twilight. Besides the vampire burnout.

I loved Jane Eyre when I was about 10, though. *sigh* Not so sure what I saw in it now, but at least the characters aren’t all a$$hats *all* the time.

Given that the authors are dead and their copyright has long, long lapsed, I think these revampings are going to net bucks.  Seriously…

I didn’t think Shakespeare needed pimping, however.

Sarah: yes, yes, yes, please make this a contest! I agree with RStewie - I’d like two days, if possible.

I’m fine with people deciding to read something because some fictional characters like it, or because it was brought up in another book.  I know I’ve read a lot of stuff for this reason, especially when I was a teenager.  I do think it’s kind of…lame that publishers are using this as a selling point on book covers.  Stylish cover art, yes, seals of approval from people who don’t exist and who not everyone actually cares about, no.

So much is wrong here, I can’t believe I’m making this particular objection, but -

Am I the only one to whom it came as news that WH was Bella’s & Edward’s favorite book?  I can only remember a conversation where she was reading it and he said “I don’t know what you see in that book.”  And I don’t even remember her pointing to it as her favorite; just one among many books she liked.

No.

NO.

10000 times NO.

Like teaching the Brontes isn’t hard enough already.

I’m in the minority but I like the single flower cover, especially on the black background. It would at least call me to the bookstand. I wouldn’t have picked a white flower for Bronte but then I Hated Heathcliff with a passion.

Whenever people start talking about Wuthering Heights (which is on my list of great books I never ever want to read again), I can’t help thinking of Well of Lost Plots. This is the third book in the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde.

http://www.jasperfforde.com/subindex/tn3subindex.html

In Well of Lost Plots, Thursday Next visits Wuthering Heights and finds all the characters in group therapy (which is where I’m sure I would be if I had to live inside that book for long). You probably really need to start with the first book in the series, The Eyre Affair. (And bonus get to visit inside the book Jane Eyre). Really fun books.

Sorry for the side-track. I couldn’t help myself!

@melB totally creepy
@shae totally awesome
@christine - are those mums on P&P? how are mums hot, sexy, and tragically romantic?
@phyllis right there with you. I hate Wuthering Heights; suffered through it once and wrote a blistering paper on it because I hated it so much.

What kills me is that the tripe Meyers is writing is being used to sell Bronte. I may hate WH, but the legacy can’t be ignored. Without it, we wouldn’t have Monty Pythons’ versions of Heathcliff and Catherine on the moors with semaphore flags, and that would

be tragic.

I don’t hate Wuthering Heights, but I don’t see what a staircase that looks like it came off the set of Hitchcock’s Notorious is doing on the cover of a book by a Romantic set on the English moors. It’s bizarre.

I would shun these editions because of these covers.

But then again it pissed me off to buy the Harlequin trade editions of some Heyer novels recently only to discover the typesetter failed to use any ligatures whatsoever. I had to return them because I found them unreadable. So, maybe it’s just me, thinking classic books should be held to a higher standard.

can’t believe this exists!  I thought it was photoshop fake at first!  I wonder if it will really sell….

Dear universe, especially moonstruck teens:

Wuthering Heights is not about love. It is not even about romance. It is about obsessive, crazypants, soul-destroying desire and/or stalking which, after being thwarted, reasserts itself a generation later as desire for the woman’s DAUGHTER. Ew.

Granted, I read this book ten years ago, and maybe I missed something. But people calling that book OMGROMANTIC rubs me the wrong way.

In other news, it makes me want to cry that those covers are real.

Any fan would recognize the cover style, but the fact that they slapped “Bella and Edward’s Favorite Book” on there disgusts me. I enjoyed Wuthering Heights, rank it up there as one of my favorite books ever along with Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice, and Romeo & Juliet, and feel that Twilight is just a poor regurgitation of those classics. I actually would have bought the US version as well as P&P and Romeo & Juliet, just to have a matching set but NOT with that “seal of approval.”

LoL check this shiz out…

http://cloudb.stores.yahoo.net/ongo1.html

they are trying to brainwash our babies people!

Pride and Prejudice:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061964360?ie=UTF8&tag=stepmedi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0061964360

Did you notice that all of the “related items” just happen to be about Twilight?

Why not put a drooping rose on a Terminator DVD set while we’re at it? Those covers don’t fit Wuthering Heights at all. Isn’t the whole point of Wuthering Heights (one of the points anyway) that Heathcliff is exactly what Cathy would be like if she weren’t forced to be a lady? And their love story is about as pleasant as a dislocated joint.

http://cloudb.stores.yahoo.net/ongo1.html

they are trying to brainwash our babies people!

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the twilight turtle and his buddies were around before the Twilight book mania craze.

I think is may just be an unfortunate name’s-the-same situation.  It’s not like they’re calling the stuffed animals Edward.  And as far as I know, none of them are bats - LOL.

Maybe somebody in the art department got their Brontes mixed up and thought they were doing Jane Eyre? That’s the only reason I can come up with for the staircase in the UK version.

Not a big fan of Wuthering Heights, but this still makes me want to curl into a ball and cry.

Just in case having a wall decal of stalker-Edward on your wall isn’t creepy enough…  (Work & kids safe)

http://twilightdolls.wordpress.com/

I have never wanted to read Wuthering Heights less.

Yay Simon and Schuster!

Books I’d like to see re-covered in the Twilight style:

The Stars, My Destination - this is how you do “unappealing hero” and still make him completely readable and awesome.
Lolita - this is how you do “older guy has unsettling obsession with much younger girl”.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? Please excuse me while I go off and literally weep for humanity.

And it’s not just in English, here are some Twighlighted Spanish titles.

Anne Rice, Armand El Vampiro, Cronicas Vampiricas VI
http://www.amazon.com/vampiro-Cronicas-vampiricas-Vampiricas-Chronicles/dp/8498722179/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253112189&sr=1-1

and

Anne Rice, Merrick, Cronicas Vampiricas VII
http://www.amazon.com/Merrick-Cronicas-Vampiricas-Vampire-Chronicles/dp/8498722233/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253112290&sr=1-1

We wouldn’t know they were about hot, hot vampires without the rose and the red moon.

That is unbelievable, but sad, sick, money grabbing genius!!