Bitchin' Blog Posts
Vintage Category Art
by SB Sarah | October 27, 2008 | Monday at 10:29 pm | 29 CommentsFrom Karen D come some fine, fine specimens of old-skool Silhouette cover art. We give thanks to Karen, and to the used book store romance pile from which she rescued these cultural icons.
Sarah: Wow. She’s almost logically proportioned (though what’s with the papoose looking thing on the right?) but poor DeSalvo. Not only does he have Ridiculous Hair, but his chest is 400% wider than the rest of him, and his leg is coming out of his… wait a minute. Is he a hero with no legs sitting on some dude’s lap?!
Candy: A man with a chest as wide as the Texas sky and a torso as short as Rhode Island. Hot!
Sarah: Of course they are still married. Could you ever leave that mullet alone? It’s all stringy and greasy - rwor!
Candy: Matching mullets, matching mom jeans—that’s how you know it’s true love, baby.
And from Danielle F comes this homage to yet another 80’s fad:
Sarah: When a man you’ve never met before suddenly tries to slurp your bleached blonde brains, it’s probably time you reconsidered your habit of getting shitfaced wearing a Flashdance-esque tiger-print nightie.
Candy: She thinks he wants to nibble on her ear, but little does she know that he’s that rarest of paranormal creatures: the Cheerful Zombie. Your tiger print will avail you nothing, now.
Filed: Covers Gone Wild! (Non-Snoop Dogg Edition)
Tagged: store, silhouette, legs, cover snark, art, armpits
Michele said on 10.27.08 at 10:56 PM
In that first cover, John DeSalvo has the hair of a woman, meaning his hair style is distinctly female.
At least that was my first impression of that lovely cover.
Chrissy said on 10.27.08 at 10:57 PM
See the first guy, to me, with that button nose… Tony Curtis with a wig.
JenTurner said on 10.27.08 at 11:27 PM
The guy in cover one looks like Conway Twitty with long hair! LOL!
Don’t believe me? Check it out: Conway Twitty
“You want a man with a slooooow hand…”
:D
Charlene said on 10.28.08 at 12:16 AM
That leg cannot be attached to that body.
Mary Beth Miller said on 10.28.08 at 12:17 AM
Cover 2: that is so totally Rick Springfield on the cover.
ev said on 10.28.08 at 12:17 AM
Now I know where Janet got the idea for Lulu’s wardrobe from. Or maybe that is the dress she has worn!!
Jennifer Armintrout said on 10.28.08 at 12:23 AM
Holy cow, #2! I didn’t know Patti Lupone posed for Harlequin covers.
amy lane said on 10.28.08 at 01:17 AM
OMG—I used to LURVE those mullets! And you bitches brought all that shame just-a-hurtling back—thanks a LOT!
Julia said on 10.28.08 at 02:03 AM
The third one made me laugh so hard. xD “Hi hunny, let me slurp your brains from your ear!”
Shae said on 10.28.08 at 02:14 AM
I don’t think my day is complete without seeing a terrible mullet.
I have a love/hate/zomg!! relationship with mullets. <3
Tina M. said on 10.28.08 at 02:19 AM
Book Cover #2 Still Married: Are you serious? HE would be interested in her? Good grief, like, how old is he to her? Oh, she must remind him of his mom…I get it!
Eunice said on 10.28.08 at 02:25 AM
Okay the papoose bothered me also, so I turned to my Google-fu!
Mother To Be is the third book of the Navajo Family Blessings series:
“WAS COYOTE, EARTH’S MISCHIEF MAKER, MEDDLING IN MATTERS OF THE HEART?
Knee-deep in her forties, attorney Lillian Singer long ago left her Navajo ways behind. And tribal lawman Johnny Becenti despised her for it. So why had their People selected her to cajole Johnny out of his sudden self-exile? All she could do was bother him senseless! But aggravation soon sparked passion. And the lifelong warriors made love. But could they make peace? For they’d already made a baby.”
Man, those last three sentences just solidifies the awfulness of this blurb.
Deb Kinnard said on 10.28.08 at 02:44 AM
I don’t really believe that mullet is greasy. Just wet. They’ve obviously just crawled out of that rapids in back of them, having had a very hot time in very cold water.
Er…maybe not.
ev said on 10.28.08 at 03:18 AM
This year at the State Fair,one of the radio station booths kept a running total of mullets. By day 2 they had over 40. It runs 12 days. I wonder how many they had???
Chicklet said on 10.28.08 at 03:50 AM
It’s the sheer, manic JOY!!! emanating from Couple #3 that creeps one out. And by “one,” I mean “me.”
smartmensab-tch said on 10.28.08 at 03:59 AM
Can there be any doubt that “Coyote meddles in matters of the heart?”
Thanks all for a badly need laugh after day no. Infinity (about 10 months) of working in the World’s Most Absurd accounts payable department. Really.
Cat Grant said on 10.28.08 at 04:57 AM
I’m embarrassed to admit I used to own all three of those books. Ah, the ‘90’s!
SonomaLass said on 10.28.08 at 06:12 AM
Cover #1: I wondered from his hair and the papoose board if there was a Native American thing happening. At least he doesn’t have a mullet. Nor do they have matching hairstyles, although his is easily long enough to do that French roll or whatever she’s got going on.
Cover #2: Sontag vs. Sontag? WTF?
laurad said on 10.28.08 at 06:47 AM
Couple #1 named their son Sebastien. He works for Airborne Cold Remedy now.
eaeaea said on 10.28.08 at 11:54 AM
All the guys are wearing skinny jeans… did metrosexuals emerge in the 80’s !?!
Wendy said on 10.28.08 at 02:27 PM
Braaaaaaaaaainsss…..
lolz. Cover snark makes me into cheerful zombie.
Elizabeth Wadsworth said on 10.28.08 at 02:42 PM
That first woman totally looks like she’s about to make out with her mom.
Sharon Cullen said on 10.28.08 at 03:41 PM
Is it just me or does the chick in #3 look like Madonna from the 80s? My first thought was holy cow! I didn’t know Madonna posed for covers!
Sharon Buchbinder said on 10.28.08 at 05:35 PM
Doesn’t MOTHER TO BE look like Marie Osmond? Sans bling, of course…Utah…Native Americans…Polyandry?
She’s not forty-ish—she’s merely39!
Sharon Buchbinder said on 10.28.08 at 05:43 PM
And Mr Happy Face in #3, is a DEVIL ZOMBIE, a rarely sighted creature. Check out the POINTED ear. C’mon. Who wouldn’t be happy with him slurping your brains out?
DEVIL ZOMBIE: “When I’m done eating your brains, I’ll take you right to HELL.”
TIGER LADY: “Does this dress make my ass look fat?”
DEVIL ZOMBIE: “Too late. She has NO brains!”
Anj said on 10.28.08 at 05:53 PM
That. Is. Amazing. Between the cover and the blurb I need to own this book for sheer giggles.
But poor Navajo man. It must be hard to have the hairstyle of a woman and the legs of a ... backwards man? No wonder he went into self-imposed exile.
Chrissy said on 10.28.08 at 06:41 PM
Those blurbs… umm… I swear, I have read stuff on writing groups that was bad. But those writers are owed apologies for their rejections. Seriously.
THAT got published?
mirain said on 10.28.08 at 08:29 PM
#3 makes me think the cover models were laughing too hard to hold their poses.
Rene S. said on 10.28.08 at 09:16 PM
laurad, this killed me. Tea came out my nose. (ow! ow! ow!)
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