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by SB Sarah | November 22, 2011 | Tuesday at 5:14 pm | 29 Comments

Link the First!

Heads up, everyone! The Bad Sex Shortlist (hur hur) has been released. It includes a Jean Auel book, The Land of the Painted Caves.

I think, no matter what it is, nothing shall top "The Weeping Furnace of Her Sheath."

But I would love to do a 2011 edition of Bad Sex in Romance, as we did for 2010. Any suggestions? Perhaps I'll rename it the "Weeping Furnace Award for Bad Sex." Nominations, passages (hur hur) and suggestions of questionably bizarre sex scenes are most welcome. It'll be epic. You, and your furnace, will weep.

And Link the Second!

The Guardian did a pretty intense profile of Nora Roberts, which partially retold anecdotes many of us have heard already, but this one section literally blew my mind:

...she has won 19 Rita awards from the Romance Writers of America, the association's highest accolade, as well as being inducted into its hall of fame; and she's spent more than 893 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list – roughly 16 years.

SIXTEEN. YEARS.

Holy freaking crap.

Graceful Curtsey to Aly for the links!

Filed: General Bitching, Random Musings, The Link-O-Lator

Tagged: wtfery, weeping furnace, sex, romance, nora roberts, make the burning stop, bad sex, awesomesauce, art

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Any porn in it? if not, don't see any point. I'll look it over on my iPhone later...
Posted by save_me_from_iphone_porn on 2011-12-06 09:43:33 @ SB Sarah- Does SBTB have a list of the best sex scenes in romance? After the love juice and the sloshing, I feel like I need it....
Posted by Amateur Historian on 2011-11-25 16:38:49 THE ABSOLUTE WORST SEX EVER WRITTEN OR EVEN THOUGHT EM PETROVA TREFOIL: my review with an except: http://fangswandsandfairydust....
Posted by Steph on 2011-11-25 10:03:05 Unless there are zombies involved, there should never be any gnawing of parts.
Posted by MaddBookish on 2011-11-25 02:05:44 I just found this one and thought, "Oh yeah, must nominate." From 'Roped In,' by Crystal Green - "Tingles whirred up and down her body, settling to a vibrating gnaw between her legs."

Gnaw? Really? Please, just no.
Posted by AnnB on 2011-11-24 17:22:24 I thought the King sex was sweet too. Both characters sound excited and really into it, which is pretty much the definition of good sex writing if you ask me.
Posted by eggs on 2011-11-24 02:35:05 >>>there is a line that has haunted me literally for years now, from one of the first romances I read: "Oh, Logan, you're completely inside me at last. How wonderful." WHO SAYS THAT?!

Maybe she's the Black Widow spider?
Posted by redcrow on 2011-11-23 14:07:24 That interview with La Nora is delightful. :D
Posted by snarkhunter on 2011-11-23 14:00:48 @Lillie - I hope Donnie kept his boots on for that one, sounds like he needed them.
Posted by ECSpurlock on 2011-11-23 13:24:29 From what snippets I've read of the Stephen King piece, and granted I haven't read the book in its entirety, I don't quite understand what put it on the list. It sounds like awkward, fumbling, first-time sex. In other words rather normal, and dare I say even a bit ...charming. But that's just me I suppose.

As for the "sloshing" mentioned in an earlier comment, now that's BAD! I have a hard time understanding how an author typed that, re-read it, and thought "Yeah, let's go with sloshing." Water in a bucket sloshes when you carry it, lady parts don't. But if they do you may want to see a doctor, and maybe invest in some adult diapers.
Posted by Jenny Lyn on 2011-11-23 12:57:20 Wonderful list! Thanks for the updated link :)
Posted by Leeann on 2011-11-23 12:42:51 Luv it! What? Was he stuck at her maidenhead?
Posted by Leeann on 2011-11-23 12:41:47 When I was in a local RWA group and we would be critiquing each other, one line was frequently used: You shouldn't do that unless you are Nora Roberts making six figures a year, in which case you can do any damn thing you want. She may break all the rules but she is a great story-teller.

I have decided that the way to save the world from any bad sex scenes that I might possibly write is to stop writing them. I fear it may have limited my chances of ever being published but truth is, I generally find most sex scenes to be boring anyway.
Posted by delphia2000 on 2011-11-23 12:16:22 I don't have a bad sex nomination yet, but not for lack of trying. So far my searching has been a complete time suck as I flip through books I bought this year looking for sex scenes and get distracted and end up re-reading big chunks of misc favorite and not so favorite books.
Posted by cleo on 2011-11-23 10:33:57 Hilarity. An excellent compendium of "Things Not To Do" for romance authors.

Also. Do you accept nominations? Bc there is a line that has haunted me literally for years now, from one of the first romances I read: "Oh, Logan, you're completely inside me at last. How wonderful." WHO SAYS THAT?!
Posted by Lily White LeFevre on 2011-11-23 09:59:50 That is a very special collection. Thank you.
Posted by sarah mayberry on 2011-11-23 05:38:15 Whoops, my bad, that's teh 2008 list. I think this link has the relevant lines from the right year: http://www.firstpost.com/livin...
Posted by Amateur Historian on 2011-11-23 04:55:44 Here's a link to the sex scenes that landed the authors on the nomination list: http://www.literaryreview.co.u...
Posted by Amateur Historian on 2011-11-23 04:53:18 There should never, ever be sloshing during sex, unless you're doing it in water or some other viscous substance.
Posted by DreadPirateRachel on 2011-11-23 01:13:47 I keep a tumblr of bad sex in romance. I update sporadically as I come across stuff. Thankfully there's not enough material for me to update daily. That would be depressing.

http://twatspert.tumblr.com/
Posted by Ridley on 2011-11-23 01:04:44 Sloshing is an orgasm sound?! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Posted by Olivia Waite on 2011-11-22 22:23:15 Holy moly - that is awesome!
Posted by Robin Ray Coll on 2011-11-22 21:50:38 I have to nominate SWAT Team One and the Social Worker by Dixie Lynn Dwyer for the word sloshing. The heroine "sloshed" when she orgasmed.

"She came all over Donny's fingers, and the sloshing sound echoed through the SUV's interior."

"He gave one mound a squeeze then felt Sam tighten before she came. The sloshing sound echoed through the room as Sam increased her speed, riding Trey faster."

Why does she have echoing sloshing??? And those aren't the only times it is used. According to search, "sloshing" is there six times.
Posted by Lillie on 2011-11-22 21:06:39 And where are the quotes from the Bad Sex books that brought them to the notice of the committee (although I get the feeling this is the kind of committee that meets in bars, not conference rooms) -- did I miss them? It's too much to ask us to slog through all of these books (not that all of them would be a slog) just to get to the good (or bad, as the case may be) parts.
Posted by Susan/DC on 2011-11-22 21:04:14 I feel like putting Jean M. Auel's name on the Bad Sex List is a bit like nominating Susan Lucci for an Emmy.
Posted by Olivia Waite on 2011-11-22 20:23:16 Yeah, on the Nifty Fifties tumblr :)
Posted by Elle on 2011-11-22 19:30:28 The Ladies are on Tumblr? Awesome! And sorry about the link - all fixed!
Posted by SB Sarah on 2011-11-22 19:08:36 I just had to let you know - I just reblogged the ladies on Tumblr. They just randomly turned up on my dashboard!
Posted by Elle on 2011-11-22 19:00:37 No link for the Nora Roberts article. Here is the website: http://www.guardian.co.uk/book....
Also, reading through the article, I keep laughing at "aeroplane." I am pretty used to seeing the British "ou" instead of just the "o" (colour v color), and the "s" and "z" switch (realised and realized). However, "aeroplane" makes me think of the Monty Pyton skit "Flying Lessons," a classic example of the Pythons playing with class. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
Posted by R.J. on 2011-11-22 18:37:08

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