Bitchin' Blog Posts
Twilight-izin Yur Bookcovers: The Entries
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | September 16, 2009 | Wednesday at 1:59 pm | 78 CommentsOne person said they feared the upcoming mockery when the Twilight fonts were discovered on her computer. Another lamented that it was so easy to work with images against a black background. But everyone who entered BROUGHT GAME like DAMN and MON DIEU. Are you ready for the entries? Pick your favorite in the poll below. This entry will expire in 24 hours.
Filed: General Bitching, Go Ahead, Win Some Shit
Tagged: wtfery, twilight, stephenie meyer, stephen king, nora roberts, lisa kleypas, laura kinsale, cover makeovers, cover copycats, awesomesauce
Inez Kelley said on 09.16.09 at 02:22 PM • [link]
OMG the peen flowers! *faint*
I want to vote for several.
I love the Holy Bible! Or Goodnight Moon. Oh decisions decisions
SB Sarah said on 09.16.09 at 02:28 PM • [link]
I am totally torn between Goodnight Moon, Everyone Poops (a total house favorite en mi casa), and The Playboy Sheikh’s Virgin Stable Girl - because ... LIZARD!
The competition, it is FIERCE.
JJ said on 09.16.09 at 02:34 PM • [link]
They’re all so amazing, but I think I laughed the hardest at THE HOLY BIBLE. Although whoever did the Photoshop work on CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC is a genius!
Midknyt said on 09.16.09 at 02:34 PM • [link]
Ah, nicely done, one and all.
And yes, I just know the fonts will be discovered on my computer one of these days, and then I’ll have to try to justify. While I did read the books, this site is making me seem like such a rabid Twilight fan.
I mean really, I know that I can get an Edward life size cutout for my wall on Etsy, a sparkly cold dildo should you want an Edward experience (sans bruising), and that the twilight font is called Zephyr.
That sure sounds like someone who stays up long hours in Twilight chat boards, writing fan fiction and has “I like my men sparkly” tattooed on her ass.
I sure as hell wouldn’t believe my arguments that I’m not one of those people and actually hated the last book. -sigh-
library addict said on 09.16.09 at 02:35 PM • [link]
I laughed hardest at the Northanger Abbey one (as really, what would Jane Austen have to say about Twilight). But the dictionary and baby names ones were also LOL, as was the tag line for the Duke and I/Julia Quinn one.
A gold star for everyone!
for65 (yes I would like to vote for 6 or 5 of them)
Edie said on 09.16.09 at 02:42 PM • [link]
I seriously can not pick!
S. W. Vaughn said on 09.16.09 at 02:46 PM • [link]
What Edie said.
OMG, these are just totally made of WIN. How am I supposed to pick JUST ONE?!?!
Sooooo hilarious! Thanks for running this contest, and thanks to everyone who entered for totally making my day.
I’m going to have to come back later and vote. I really, really can’t pick just one…
RStewie said on 09.16.09 at 02:55 PM • [link]
Wow! I thought my peen flower was good, but Chris’ on Forbidden Fruit was ... I don’t even know. Is that even a real flower? Or did someone make a flower out of a peen?
Some people have mad Photoshop skillz here.
Lisa said on 09.16.09 at 02:56 PM • [link]
I just had to vote for Chris’s entry with the fungus in the middle. Hey, I knew all those mycology courses would be good for recognizing something.
Elaine said on 09.16.09 at 03:03 PM • [link]
Loved almost all of them, but had to pick Northanger Abbey because of Jane Austen and yellow flowers.
Sewicked said on 09.16.09 at 03:03 PM • [link]
Oh ow, I think I bruised a rib. I don’t need the funny(ier) looks that breaking out into gales of laughter would currently draw so I stifled. *pant, pant, wheeze, giggle* There is just so much win.
special74 indeed, I’d vote for them all if I could. How to pick just one.
Kwana said on 09.16.09 at 03:12 PM • [link]
Haaa! Loving The Bible and Goodnight Moon. Too funny.
Heather said on 09.16.09 at 03:14 PM • [link]
Will there be different rewards? Like most beautiful? Funniest? All around champ? Because the Scarlet Letter cover, IMHO, would be a great for an actual cover (at least with the twilight quote removed.) It’s gorgeous. I laughed hardest at Dark Lover. (Yay! More boning!)
But the dictionary is the best!
Madd said on 09.16.09 at 03:29 PM • [link]
What to choose?! Forbidden Fruit, The Bible, Good Night Moon? All awesome!
Brooks*belle said on 09.16.09 at 03:50 PM • [link]
I hated having to just pick ONE!
The shaft-of-love flowers had me snorting out loud! Also had to give honorable mention to “Everyone Poops,” “Persuasion,” and “Baby Names.”
Good job Bonny members of the Bitchery!
Darlene Marshall said on 09.16.09 at 04:00 PM • [link]
My brain is exploding with the choices! Too much wonderfulness!
Chris@bookarama said on 09.16.09 at 04:01 PM • [link]
Do I have to pick just one? They are all so funny but I’m torn between The Dictionary and Everyone Poops.
Babs said on 09.16.09 at 04:08 PM • [link]
Soooo unfair we can only pick one. Props to everyone ‘cause they are all great!
Wendy said on 09.16.09 at 04:11 PM • [link]
AGH!! Can’t. Choose one.
Good Night Moon!
The Bible!
Confessions of a Shopaholic!
...and really, I think The Scarlet Letter cover is very pretty. I would happily own that book.
Cat Marsters said on 09.16.09 at 04:29 PM • [link]
Oh boo, did I miss the deadline? I Twilighted King Lear.
hollygee said on 09.16.09 at 04:33 PM • [link]
Only one? Couldn’t we vote for our top 3?
Sandy Martins said on 09.16.09 at 04:55 PM • [link]
I do love the Holy Bible cover but The Playboy Sheik was hilarious!!!!!! “little lizard”
gypsydani said on 09.16.09 at 05:12 PM • [link]
chortling silently hurts like hell.
Julia Rios said on 09.16.09 at 05:20 PM • [link]
This was so hard to vote on! I just want to say awesome job to everyone. I wish I could have voted several times.
Kiersten said on 09.16.09 at 05:22 PM • [link]
the covers, they are awesome! I can’t choose. I love The Bible and The Book of Mormon with special introduction by Stephanie Meyers. Also, Shadow and the Star, LIZARD! HA!, and the Shopaholic one is gorgeous. I’m in awe. But just one? No, I can hardly pick - though I’ll vote.
Diatryma said on 09.16.09 at 05:36 PM • [link]
The baby name book, that was wonderful, and I wish I could have voted for it too.
Bella said on 09.16.09 at 05:42 PM • [link]
Oh. My. Gawd. You people are hee-larious! And photoshop stars! Seriously, please, couldn’t we vote for more than one?
Bible, Goodnight Moon, Book of Mormon, Shopaholic—how to choose, how to choose?
Thank goodness I closed my ofc door b4 reading ;-)
Lenee said on 09.16.09 at 06:05 PM • [link]
These are works of genius. The phallic flower was funny all on it’s own. I am torn between Northanger Abbey and Fires of Winter. Totally linking this to some of my facebook friends.
CEmerson said on 09.16.09 at 06:06 PM • [link]
Oh, man. It started off strong with Glitter Baby and just kept going!
It was really hard to pass up the Bible, but I had to go with the Baby Name book. Thanks for reminding me about “Renesmee” (grinds teeth). You don’t know how hard I worked to put that name out of my mind.
And I agree that Lyra, who did The Scarlet Letter, should be designing book covers for real.
S. W. Vaughn said on 09.16.09 at 06:07 PM • [link]
Well, I finally decided to cast my vote for The Shining, because “Stephen King once acknowledged Twilight’s existence” is just TOO funny.
But these are all fantastic!!!!!!! Verification each73: each of you photoshop wizards deserve to win 73 internets!
hazel said on 09.16.09 at 07:02 PM • [link]
So difficult and all so funny. My favorites were Goodnight moon, The dictionary, the Book of Mormon, the Shining, Northanger Abby and the Fires of Winter, which one to choose.
um…
ArkansasCyndi said on 09.16.09 at 07:04 PM • [link]
I’m sitting in Starbucks laughing (and getting strange looks from the others around me)
This will be a difficult vote. There are just too many spew-worthy covers!
mingqi said on 09.16.09 at 07:20 PM • [link]
I’m undecided between the Glitter Baby one, the holy Bible one, the fires of winter one, and the JR Ward one.
elysabeth williams said on 09.16.09 at 07:36 PM • [link]
I’m DYIN here! lmao
Calila said on 09.16.09 at 07:39 PM • [link]
LOL great job everyone!! these are priceless.
Shiloh Walker said on 09.16.09 at 07:40 PM • [link]
Oh, man… I love the one with the Bible-this line, “Because the apple thing came from us first”. *G*
Marie said on 09.16.09 at 07:51 PM • [link]
The Dictionary Cover is HIGH-larious! :D
Lita said on 09.16.09 at 08:09 PM • [link]
They are all hysterical - evidence of the massive intelligence of the Bitchery readers.
Stephanie Julian said on 09.16.09 at 08:11 PM • [link]
thanks for the laugh, I can’t choose, they’re all brilliant. but that persuasion cover is genius. won’t be surprised if someone actually uses that for a reprint.
Anony Miss said on 09.16.09 at 08:18 PM • [link]
I was ALSO working on a ‘Goodnight Moon’ but couldn’t easily find a red cow graphic…
Casse said on 09.16.09 at 08:22 PM • [link]
Oh Em Gee! seriously holy shit balls I almost peed my freaking pants!!! Glitter baby! I’m dead. That killed me luckily the holy bible one ressurected me! But then I remembered the forced sex one and I died all over again. How can we choice! They made it completely too hard!
Anony Miss said on 09.16.09 at 08:23 PM • [link]
Okay, the ‘Shopaholic’ one is SO well done I think the publisher will be calling soon…
Anony Miss said on 09.16.09 at 08:26 PM • [link]
And agreed, ‘Scarlett Letter’ is shmagorgeous.
Liz W said on 09.16.09 at 08:29 PM • [link]
Reading this in my dorm’s quiet common room = very bad idea.
DICTIONARY. BAHAHAHA.
Little lizard! Goodnight Moon! Anne and Frederick think Edward and Bella are shockingly ill-behaved! It’s all too funny.
Casse said on 09.16.09 at 08:33 PM • [link]
The shopaholic one is GORGEOUS! It was stunning!
Casse said on 09.16.09 at 08:41 PM • [link]
The book of Mormon one is HILARIOUS! Forward by Stephanie Meyer haha. Isn’t she in fact Mormon? I love these all sooo much. The king lear one… I can’t. I just can’t look at these anymore I have a deadline people! Not helping. lol I have to say good job to everyone! They all rocked!
Mandi said on 09.16.09 at 08:43 PM • [link]
The dictionary by Juliet did it for me..still laughing.
Nina Pierce said on 09.16.09 at 08:56 PM • [link]
OMG! Those are hilarious! I can only vote for one? Waaa ... because there were several that just cracked me up!
Ms Avery said on 09.16.09 at 09:07 PM • [link]
Love ‘em all!
Melissa Walker said on 09.16.09 at 09:46 PM • [link]
So hard to choose! Loved all the phallic ones. But it came down to a toss up between the dictionary and baby names. Both I could totally see happening. But baby names won because you *know* there are babies being conceived on couches in basements right now that are going to end up named Renesmee. Poor kids.
Silver James said on 09.16.09 at 10:17 PM • [link]
So. Hard. To. Choose. But I’m smelling ozone! It was a real toss-up between the Bible and the Book of Mormon.
best96 - I’m not sure there were 96 but these are the best! Without a doubt! Kudos to a ginormously talented group!
LG said on 09.16.09 at 10:26 PM • [link]
The Baby Names one reminded me of my horror over Bella’s baby’s name. Smooshing names together is always such a good idea. ::shudder::
Laura's Reviews said on 09.16.09 at 10:41 PM • [link]
Hilarious! I laughed out loud at a lot of these covers. Does there have to be only one winner? Great job everyone - such creative covers!
Inez Kelley said on 09.16.09 at 10:51 PM • [link]
Okay, Somehow I missed the awesomeness that is King Lear. Brilliant!
Ariel Cooke said on 09.16.09 at 11:18 PM • [link]
I vote for the Holy Bible and the dictionary. But it’s hard to pick!
Heidi said on 09.17.09 at 12:26 AM • [link]
Now I wish I could change my vote to King Lear. That one is hilarious.
Cat Marsters said on 09.17.09 at 12:44 AM • [link]
It was a late addition. But Wm Shagsper and I thank you. (yes, I’m also Kate and I make bad photoshop pictures). Saw the king chess piece and couldn’t resist.
I also wanted to do Jenny Crusie’s Crazy For You. Also features a creepy stalker!
Shayera said on 09.17.09 at 12:53 AM • [link]
This entry and the comments totally win the internets.
How can I possibly be expected to choose?
lunarocket said on 09.17.09 at 01:02 AM • [link]
By the time I got to the Dictionary photo I was laughing so hard I spit dinner onto my laptop keyboard! DH thinks I’ve gone nuts!
La Reine Noire said on 09.17.09 at 01:04 AM • [link]
It was a close call between the Bible, Northanger Abbey, and King Lear, but the third won the day. Fantstic entries all!
SusannaG said on 09.17.09 at 01:26 AM • [link]
I really liked a lot of them, but voted for Lolita - I spit my tea when I saw that one.
Jinap said on 09.17.09 at 02:28 AM • [link]
The dictionary literally had me LOL - I had to explain why to my co-workers. I also loved the Holy Bible and the Stephen King one. The Scarlett letter and Shopaholic look like actual covers, nice work!
Katherine C. said on 09.17.09 at 04:54 AM • [link]
If we use multiple computers, can we vote more than once? Because seriously, I think it’s both impossible and immoral to choose just one.
turn95—maybe by the time I’ve turned 95 I’ll have decided which one I like best :)
Jackie said on 09.17.09 at 05:38 AM • [link]
I really like all of them. It was hard to pick. I especially love the comment about going “Eve Dallas on them.” But I think the title should have been Twilight in Death!
Catherine Karp (Suburban Vampire) said on 09.17.09 at 06:48 AM • [link]
This is HILARIOUS! It was so hard to pick just onw. I thought I was sold at Goodnight Moon, but the laughter continued as I scrolled down.
Chris said on 09.17.09 at 07:50 AM • [link]
Thanks for all the nice comments on the Forbidden Fruit redo :)
Just so you all know, the flower pretty much looks like that. I just made the stalk a little thicker (I feel like there’s a that’s-what-she-said joke here.)
Here’s the original http://botu07.bio.uu.nl/images/Kassen/Amorphophallus paeoniifolius 99GR006890 a.jpg
moonduster (Becky) said on 09.17.09 at 10:34 AM • [link]
ROFLMAO!!!!
RStewie said on 09.17.09 at 02:48 PM • [link]
Oh, I wish I could change my vote to King Lear, too!
That is hilarious!
Laurel said on 09.17.09 at 04:07 PM • [link]
I have to go with The Book of Mormon. Topical. Subtle. And friggin hilarious.
The baby names book? Oh. My. Gosh.
And I would frame that Scarlet Letter cover and hang it on my wall. Someone needs to buy that design five minutes ago and put it on the book, minus the Renesmee blurb.
LizC said on 09.17.09 at 04:09 PM • [link]
The Johanna Lindsey one is funny because it’s true.
moonduster (Becky) said on 09.17.09 at 06:12 PM • [link]
Too bad the contest is over. My dh just thought up a book cover. “Twiglet - Their love was like a tub of marmite. You either love it or you hate it!” LOL!
ghn said on 09.17.09 at 06:31 PM • [link]
The Merriam Webster Dictionary seems to be in the lead right now. And well-deserved IMO. WAY funnier than my entry!!
Ange said on 09.17.09 at 07:00 PM • [link]
*rams head against the wall*
I liked them until I noticed one used the “ACTIONEXCLAMATIONPOINTNAME” trope in the seal. I’m so sick of “Action!Name”. It wasn’t cute on TWOP where it originated from, it wasn’t cute on LiveJournal and it isn’t cute anywhere else, it just looks like a desperate and lame attempt at fangirling and I wish people would stop using it. LOLRANDOM is getting old.
tabithaspike said on 09.17.09 at 08:44 PM • [link]
*blushes* I can’t believe my dictionary is doing so well! Thanks guys!
There were a ton of great entries! The competition was fierce. (Pretend I said that like Christian from PR.)
votermom said on 09.17.09 at 08:48 PM • [link]
It’s so hard to pick just one. I had to go with Forbidden Fruit because the banana just completely cracked me up. Love them all, specially The Holy Bible & Goodnight Moon.
My face hurts now from grinning.
beggar1015 said on 09.17.09 at 09:25 PM • [link]
Like everyone else, I had a hard time chosing just one. I also wish you talented people would really get into the bookcover designing business (whatever it’s called) as some of these are very impressive, IMHO, and the current official book covers out there are starting to get so lame. I’m tired of pictures of people that stop right at their eyes. But I digress…
Again, great job everyone.
Bea said on 09.18.09 at 01:32 AM • [link]
It was hard to choose only one. There were some very good covers. :D Can we vote more than once?
Wendy said on 09.19.09 at 06:34 PM • [link]
HAHAHAHA!!! Holy phallic flowers! That was freakin’ hilarious. Can’t believe I was to late to vote! Oh well, they all made me laugh until my sides hurt! Great Job everyone!
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