Bitchin' Blog Posts

This Week’s Personal Ad: Incest Ahoy!

by Candy | April 28, 2006 | Friday at 9:49 pm | 29 Comments

All right, kidlets, it’s Friday, and you know what that means! No, no, put that tub of lube away, or at least save it for later, when you’ll REALLY need it—it’s personal ad contest time here at Smart Bitch Headquarters! Remember:

Book Title + Author’s Name + Heroine’s Name = AWESOMENESS GALORE IN FORM OF NUMBER ONE ICHI BAN TOTALLY UNIQUE SMART BITCH ARISTOCRATIC TITLE

He ain’t heavy, he’s my…brother?
Confused chick seeks long-lost fugitive brother. Not being able to recognize him is OK; that tingly feeling I feel in my groinal region? So not OK. Please don’t let a bitch commit incest.

Filed: Guess That Lonely Heart!

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  1. Maili said on 04.28.06 at 10:20 PM • [comment link]

    Since I lost mine, I’ll give it a try to win another. May I state the answer here? Purty please?

  2. Candy said on 04.28.06 at 10:27 PM • [comment link]

    You didn’t lose it, silly person. Here it is again:

    So: No. :-P

  3. Maili said on 04.28.06 at 10:30 PM • [comment link]

    Ha! Mine! Thank you. I want another, though, because you know them posh people? Each has more than one title. So if no one answers within 10 minutes

    hours, I’m giving my answer.

    Sincerely,
    Maili The Ruthless Title Collector

  4. Candy said on 04.28.06 at 10:36 PM • [comment link]

    Tsk. You’re already an Empress! Greedy, greedy.

    I can’t believe this one hasn’t been answered yet. C’mon, party people!

  5. Robin said on 04.28.06 at 11:04 PM • [comment link]

    I’m pretty sure I know this one, too, and I hardly ever know them; it must have something to do with already having a title.  You know, it’s that ‘the rich get richer’ logic.  So maybe if I don’t give a crap about my finals I’ll ace ‘em all.  Right.  Well, it was a nice moment while it lasted.

  6. Danielle said on 04.28.06 at 11:08 PM • [comment link]

    I know, I know!

    It’s Scandalous by Karen Robards, and the heroine is Gabriella Banning.

    Please let me end the reign of the Empresses of S…

  7. Danielle said on 04.28.06 at 11:16 PM • [comment link]

    Crap. After re-reading the question, I don’t think I got it after all. Gabriella isn’t a particularly confused heroine. ::sigh:: I shall have to wait another week (at least) for my nobility to be recognized.

  8. miss kitten said on 04.28.06 at 11:48 PM • [comment link]

    Alright let’s give it a try, maybe it is “Tangeled Lies” by Anne Stuart, heroine is Rachel Chandler. And boy was she ever disturbed.

  9. Darlene Marshall said on 04.29.06 at 12:17 AM • [comment link]

    Cripes, Maili, you’re already the frickin’ Empress!  And you even have a title you can say out loud in public!

    But it’s a temptation, I know.

    Darlene, Duchess Twitterpants

  10. Candy said on 04.29.06 at 01:53 AM • [comment link]

    YES! Miss Kitten got it right. Woohoo!

    Coronation ceremony to follow. NEWS AT 11!

  11. Maili said on 04.29.06 at 02:41 AM • [comment link]

    Pout. May I point out that Miss Kitten didn’t get the title *exactly* right? Her title is mine and you know it.

    And, Darlene, although I agree with you, should you - a mere duchess - speak to me? Get thee behind me, you rude wrench.

    Sincerely,
    The Empress With Her Head Up Where the Sun Doesn’t Shine

  12. Candy said on 04.29.06 at 02:50 AM • [comment link]

    I can only hope that the comfort you derive from the knowledge that you would’ve spelled “tangled” properly will sustain you through the dark months ahead as you languish on your throne with your single title, Your Majesty.

    In other words: NYAH NYAH!

  13. Maili said on 04.29.06 at 03:21 AM • [comment link]

    Pfft. If I still had my country, I’d have my people to chop your head off, you ungrateful hoor.

  14. Sara Walker Howe said on 04.29.06 at 03:45 AM • [comment link]

    Gee, Maili, I don’t the Bitches have a world-dominating title. Yet. What kind of contest would that be??

  15. Sara said on 04.29.06 at 04:37 AM • [comment link]

    Surely that contest would involve man titty. Perhaps locating it, or judging it, or applying self-tanner to it.

    Sara, Countess Nutte-Saxton, who is quite content with her single title ... for now.

  16. celeste said on 04.29.06 at 05:43 AM • [comment link]

    We should construct our own Debrett’s of the SmartBitch Universe. I’m sure there’s inbreeding somewhere. ;-)

    Celeste, Countess Titte-Münche

  17. Tam said on 04.29.06 at 10:37 PM • [comment link]

    Wait, she really sleeps with her brother?!  Or is it one of those ‘thank God, we’re not related after all’ things?

  18. fiveandfour said on 04.30.06 at 12:27 AM • [comment link]

    I’m with Tam, what’s up with that story?  I’ve never heard of it and now I’m dying of curiosity about the potential incest thing.

  19. Maili said on 04.30.06 at 12:50 AM • [comment link]

    Tam, no, it’s a case of “mistaken identity”. To explain any further than that would spoil the story. :>

  20. Darlene Marshall said on 04.30.06 at 02:06 AM • [comment link]

    >>And, Darlene, although I agree with you, should you - a mere duchess - speak to me? Get thee behind me, you rude wrench.<

    <

    Bring it, beeyotch! I'll show you a new definition of "going medieval--duchess style"!

    Honestly, it's no

    wonder the peasants threw you out.

    Cordially,

    Darlene, Duchess Twitterpants

  21. Tam said on 04.30.06 at 02:35 PM • [comment link]

    Okay, was just wondering!  Have just read my first ever Regency romance where the hero was a virgin on the wedding night, has premature ejaculation issues (lasts five minutes), and doesn’t know about foreplay (having failed to attend the mandatory Regency hero four-pages-of-foreplay class, I guess).

    After that shock, ANYTHING seems possible…

  22. Darlene Marshall said on 04.30.06 at 05:46 PM • [comment link]

    Tam!  What was the name of the novel!  You can’t just tease us like that!

    Twitterpants

  23. Darlene Marshall said on 04.30.06 at 05:47 PM • [comment link]

    Wait a minute, let me take a guess—Carla Kelly’s Miss Chartley’s Guided Tour?

  24. CindyS said on 04.30.06 at 08:42 PM • [comment link]

    SONOFABITCH!!!

    Why can I never remember to stop in here on Friday!!  I knew this one!

    Off to sob with the peasant people.

    Oh and since I’m an Anne Stuart fangirl, I loved this book.  I think I’ll have to re-read this one.

    CindyS

  25. bam said on 05.01.06 at 11:58 PM • [comment link]

    Tam, do tell. What book is that? I wanna read it!

  26. Darlene Marshall said on 05.02.06 at 12:13 AM • [comment link]

    Yeah, I want to read it too.  I realized it wasn’t the Carla Kelly book—that one had a hero who’d been traumatized and thought he was impotent, though he may have been a virgin on his wedding night also.  I’d have to go back and double check.

    But once he finally got his mojo working, going off half cocked wasn’t an issue.

  27. bam said on 05.02.06 at 12:15 AM • [comment link]

    Tam, if you don’t tell us the title of that book… I’ll do something bad. And I won’t be blamed for the consequences of my actions.

    TELL US!

  28. Lady Voldything said on 05.04.06 at 01:55 AM • [comment link]

    Wow, Tam, that book you read sounds so… anticlimactic.

    Huh huh huh huh. I said “climactic.” Huh huh huh.

    I mean, no throbbing members or gentle palming of pale, round globes? Aww.  :down:

  29. Robin D. Owens said on 05.05.06 at 03:54 PM • [comment link]

    Ok, I don’t know the book Tam read, and I didn’t recognize Tangled Lies (and, like, I’m a week late anyway), but I DO remember being impressed with how Anne Stuart led me down a certain path…I, too, will have to unearth Tangled Lies, though I recall the plot pretty well.

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