Bitchin' Blog Posts
The Plight of the Romance Cover Man
by SB Sarah | December 13, 2006 | Wednesday at 4:48 pm | 22 CommentsDarlene was kind enough to forward a link to The Onion’s hi-larious man-titty lament, as she called it.
My favorite part? “Can’t a brawny, brooding man ride his stallion slowly through the fresh-smelling air of a misty forest at dawn and think ruefully back to his tender childhood that seems to him now to exist in another world entirely—without having to constantly look over his perfectly sculpted shoulders?”
Perhaps we Smart Bitches are too harsh on the manful cover models. Poor, poor man-titty.
Filed: The Link-O-Lator
Bernita said on 12.13.06 at 05:30 PM • [comment link]
Enjoyed that.
Thank you.
Need a new office chair though.
Rosemary said on 12.13.06 at 05:44 PM • [comment link]
Oh, shit! I haven’t laughed that hard in a good long time.
I seriously snorted I was laughing so hard.
Rosemary said on 12.13.06 at 05:48 PM • [comment link]
The part where I lost it?
SB Sarah said on 12.13.06 at 05:51 PM • [comment link]
Nothing like a little early morning turgid manhood, eh?
Ann Aguirre said on 12.13.06 at 05:51 PM • [comment link]
That made me LOL.
Colleen Gleason said on 12.13.06 at 06:13 PM • [comment link]
*spewww*
There goeth my morning cuppa tea.
That was great. Thank you for sharing.
Anna the Piper said on 12.13.06 at 06:25 PM • [comment link]
That bastard must have been hiding with a sketchbook in the bushes.
Bwahahaha! I think that part made me laugh the hardest. ;) Well done!
Darlene Marshall said on 12.13.06 at 06:26 PM • [comment link]
Believe me, this was too good to keep to myself.
fiveandfour said on 12.13.06 at 07:06 PM • [comment link]
That was made of awesome. Thanks for the linky goodness.
Kalen Hughes said on 12.13.06 at 07:16 PM • [comment link]
Oh-my-sweet-fucking-god . . .
emdee said on 12.13.06 at 07:41 PM • [comment link]
Gawd, that was brilliant!
Jennifer said on 12.13.06 at 07:47 PM • [comment link]
“I just hope no one I know sees it. The other blacksmiths would never let me live this down.”
“Had I known I would be fronting a bestseller, I would have taken a shower and put on my nice red shirt, and maybe a tie.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Robin said on 12.13.06 at 08:11 PM • [comment link]
Best last paragraph EVER:
“No, this is no way for a free and unfettered man with a small fortune inherited from a distant noble relative to live. Therefore, I have decided to weigh anchor and set sail with my crew of strapping young seamen aboard my sloop, The Moonlight Arrow, toward destinations exotic and unknown. Once at sea, as the suzerain’s daughter I have shanghaied from our last port-of-call clings hungrily to my abdomen, her honeyed breath playing about my breast, I will gaze stoically at the horizon from the prow of my ship, where none of those frauds at Harlequin/Silhouette would ever care to find me.”
Derek Larksthrush, OMG.
I so love The Onion.
Robin said on 12.13.06 at 08:13 PM • [comment link]
Oops, DUNCAN Larksthrush—how could I get that name wrong?!
Becky said on 12.13.06 at 08:15 PM • [comment link]
That’s OK. Derek is his twin brother.
Nathalie said on 12.13.06 at 08:16 PM • [comment link]
What a riot!
More! More!
Robin said on 12.13.06 at 08:58 PM • [comment link]
That’s OK. Derek is his twin brother.
That’s right—how could I have forgotten the raven-haired twin, separated at birth from his other half, torn from a “tender childhood” in the Italian Scottish Anglo-American countryside and thrust into a portable prison cell in a digital dungeon, sold to various circus owners, vampire dominatrixes, jealous stepmothers who secretly want to be spanked, sadistic smallpox scarred stepfathers with temptress stepdaughters, and surrogate daddy pirate plunderers. It’s only a matter of time before Duncan rips himself away from that “busty field nurse” to discover, quite by overplotted accident, that his only brother lives just next door to that Tuscan-style log cabin nestled in the Ozarks, from which he walks every day—barefoot and clad only in too-tight hand-me-down cashmere overalls—the 20 miles to the local grocery store, where he has lovingly hand-packed that very mutton upon which his brother intends to feast. What a reunion that will be.
CantateForever said on 12.13.06 at 09:50 PM • [comment link]
Don’t forget their lovely and feisty long-lost younger sister who was never mistreated by the sketchy parents because she was so perfect. The third novel in the trilogy will be about her finding a turgid member to call her own.
kate r said on 12.13.06 at 09:53 PM • [comment link]
Oh, THANK YOU.
RandomRanter said on 12.13.06 at 10:09 PM • [comment link]
Well, and just when I thought it was safe to read silently at work.
(My word is woman27, which is just…)
EvilAuntiePeril said on 12.13.06 at 10:34 PM • [comment link]
Perhaps Derek, the evil twin, is in league with the sinister lady author, Stephanie Blackmoore (who wants Duncan for her own nefarious purposes), and is therefore posing on romance novel covers in a cunning plot to destroy Duncan’s reputation and not-quite-yet-new-found love with a handsome, steely-eyed, desert sheikh.
Imagine the sheikh’s surprise when he pops into his local supermarket for a packet of falafel and a tin of chocolate wafers only to see his beloved blacksmith’s body splashed all over these books. There may be a misunderstanding of titanic proportions.
If Stephanie (who probably bleaches her hair, wears too much make-up and has long red fingernails like talons) has manipulated and lied to Derek to make him evil, he can be redeemed in the sequel by the sweet innocence, secret baby and magic hoo-hoo of a fairy-like lass who loves kittens.
Robin said on 12.13.06 at 10:59 PM • [comment link]
If Stephanie (who probably bleaches her hair, wears too much make-up and has long red fingernails like talons) has manipulated and lied to Derek to make him evil, he can be redeemed in the sequel by the sweet innocence, secret baby and magic hoo-hoo of a fairy-like lass who loves kittens.
And don’t forget the underground operation she oversees in which she rescues the feisty young daughters of noblemen from lives of domestic normalcy by impoverishing them and training them for fake governess-mistress positions and secret-baby production.
Hmm, I’m not sure that should be the villainess or the heroine.
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